The Foster Dad

by Christopher X Sullivan

  “No,” she mused. “It won’t.” She wiped her nose. “I’ll call you first thing when we get news either way. Either the dad didn’t pan out, or he’s looking for the kid.” Her voice was low and husky—her serious work-voice. “So it’ll be by phone. Then the next day or so I’ll drive over and pick him up with help from our department. But I’ll be with him every step of the process. He won’t be with a stranger.”

  Alex and Mark walked out of the bathroom.

  “Thank you,” I murmured.

  “It’s only right.”

  “Yeah,” I agreed. But secretly, I didn’t want to understand and I probably shouldn’t have asked. I wanted her to say she would fight to keep the kid with me, or that she knew me and Mark well enough now where she could recommend a different outcome. I don’t know what I wanted her to say or why I brought it up.

  Sometimes it would just hit me that once the time came, it would all change fast.

  “Where’s my ice cream?” Alex asked.

  “You ate it.”

  “No. My green ice cream.”

  “You didn’t like it,” I said. “It melted into a puddle.”

  “Chris,” he said, then balanced his hands on his hips. “I know you ate my ice cream and I just want you to know... I’m disappointed.”

  “Are you?”

  “Yeah.”

  Mark egged him on, “What do you think the punishment should be?”

  Alex grinned mischievously. “Uhhhh.” He smiled.

  “No more ice cream,” I said right away.

  “I don’t want ice cream.” He looked up at Mark.

  “Tell him what you want,” Mark prodded.

  “I think Chris has been a bad boy and he needs to make up for it and I think we should go shopping.”

  “Shopping,” I said, unimpressed.

  “Uh-huuuuuhhhhh.” Alex nodded emphatically.

  “And is this your idea?”

  “Uhhhh—” He made eyes at Mark, who nodded encouragingly. “—Huuuhhh.”

  “So where do you want to go shopping?”

  You could tell by his face that he didn’t expect to get this far in his argument. “Wellllll.” He tried to distract me with a hug.

  “I think you ate too much sugar and now it’s time for a nap.”

  “No, no, no, no.” He jumped out of my arms and shook his head. “I think, I think, I think—” He touched his glasses.

  “Why don’t we just play frisbee in the park?”

  “Otay!”

  “Will Miss Val join us?” I asked.

  “I need to be going,” she said wistfully. “I’m not fast on me feet.”

  “Pleeeaseeee,” Alex begged. “Please, Missval, please?”

  She caved. The kid was just too cute, especially with those green glasses. We had a frisbee in the car, so Alex and Mark jogged to get it. Valerie ended up throwing it with us for about ten minutes.

  Alex couldn’t catch a damn thing, even with the glasses.

  LATER THAT AFTERNOON, we were settled in for the day and deciding what to watch. Alex didn’t have any opinions, which was unusual, so we put on Paw Patrol.

  He had his own miniature lounge chair from the birthday gifts, but he didn’t sit in it. Instead, he wedged his way between me and Mark and silently lay his head against Mark’s arm.

  Mark and I shared a concerned look.

  “You okay?” I asked.

  He wiped his nose and nodded.

  “Tummy hurt?”

  “Yeah.”

  Of course it does. “It was all that ice cream. You know you shouldn’t eat so much. Sometimes it’s hard to stop when it tastes so good.”

  He closed his eyes.

  “You want to wash your face? Then we’ll lay down for a nap?”

  He nodded.

  “Come on.” I offered my hand and he took it as we walked to the bathroom. I got a clean wash rag and turned on the coldest water possible just like how my grandmother on my mom’s side used to do when I got sick and had to spend the day with her. Her water came from an old farmhouse cistern, so it was much colder than city water. Plus it had iron and all kinds of pollutants in it, so you weren’t allowed to drink it, but the water got the wash rag so cold and it felt amazing to have your face taken care of by another person.

  I did the same thing to Alex. He stood by the sink and I wiped his hands, wrists, then his face. He dried himself with one of our big fluffy towels.

  “Go sit with Mark.”

  He left me. I hung up everything nice and orderly then retreated to the bedrooms to get Alex’s comfort blanket and pillow. That ratty old tee shirt was gone. I looked through all of his drawers, but we must have left it at my mom’s house or something.

  I walked out to the main room and wrapped Alex in a blanket and tucked the pillow between his head and Mark’s body.

  “Tomorrow you’ll feel better,” Mark promised. “And you can dress up like Green Lantern. And I’ll be Superman.”

  “And Chris can be Batman?”

  “If he wants.” Mark smiled at me. He flipped to the Cubs game. The season was already a loser so there wasn’t much of a point in watching the games, but it wasn’t quite basketball season, so there wasn’t anything else to do.

  Alex fell asleep like that. I read on my Kindle. Mark alternated between watching the game, watching me read and watching Alex sleep.

  “Is everything okay?” I asked at one point. It was hard to read when he was staring at me. He knew not to bother me during my reading time. I suspect people have gotten divorced for less aggravating things. I trained him not to speak during my reading time, but the staring thing has never gone away.

  “I love my guys,” he said simply. He smiled, squeezed my leg with the hand that was around Alex, then went back to the TV. “Do you want to be Batman for Halloween?”

  “Are we talking or am I allowed to read?”

  “I’m bored.”

  Sigh. “Halloween is over a month away. It’s not even October yet. Since when does my mom decide our costumes?” Shit, just like when I was a kid...

  “He loves his Green Lantern. Don’t be so hard on your mom.”

  “She only picked Green Lantern because he’s black. It makes me uncomfortable.”

  “I thought he was white? Ryan Reynolds played him in the movie.”

  I frowned. “Why do I think he’s black? And I thought that was a stoner movie.”

  “Nah. It was a blockbuster. It just sucked.”

  “Yeah. That’s why Nick loved it. He got high and said it was ten times better.”

  “Nick says everything is ten times better when he smokes.” Mark’s tone changed. “Why are we talking about Nick?”

  “Why should we talk about Halloween? I thought we settled on Buzz Lightyear. He loved Toy Story.”

  “You just wanna be Woody.”

  “And you’ll make a perfect Rex.” I gave him a brief kiss to cheer him up. “Quit being a grouch.”

  “You won’t even talk to me!”

  “I’m trying to read. My God, is this a crime? It’s a really good part.”

  “I thought we were going as Timon and Pumbaa. What happened to that?”

  “You just want him to dress up like Simba. Toy Story is better.”

  “He loves The Lion King. You two call me Pumbaa all the time now.”

  “I’ll start calling you Rex.” I turned my Kindle back on.

  Mark scrolled through his phone. “It says here that the original Green Lantern started like a hundred years ago in the comics and he was white. Apparently there’s a lot of Green Lanterns. Anyone who gets a ring can become one, even aliens. There’s, like, a society of them. And one of the first black superheroes was a black Green Lantern based on Sidney Poitier.”

  “Thank you, Wikipedia,” I said sarcastically.

  “You probably watched Justice League on Cartoon Network. They had a black Green Lantern. It ran during the 2000’s.”

  “That’s where I know it from. Thank yo
u. That was going to bug me all night.” I wasn’t being sarcastic—it would’ve bubbled up as a question until I finally settled where I had seen the black Green Lantern. “So why don’t all three of us be Green Lanterns?”

  “Lame.” Mark rolled his eyes. “Why not let him be Buzz Lightyear, then we can be Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head.”

  I gave him The Look.

  “I’ll carry the damn purse,” he offered.

  “You’d have too much fun with it.” I tried to go back to my reading.

  “Seriously, though. Don’t bring it up to your mom. She gets a lot of joy from taking Alex places and I don’t want you being nasty to her.”

  I pursed my lips, raised my brow, and kept my gaze firmly planted on the Kindle.

  “You’re too tough on her about Alex. You have all these rules... like she’s never raised a kid before—”

  “I’m reading,” I said, stopping his strange broadside in its tracks. After a few moments of stiff silence, I relented, “And I’ll be more relaxed around my mom.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Still reading.”

  THE NEXT AFTERNOON was particularly painful. One of the reasons we were so indulgent the day before was because Mark had an out-of-state conference and would be gone for a few days. We were supposed to be grabbing a bite to eat, then heading for the airport.

  Alex wasn’t having any of it.

  I walked in on the two of them horsing around in the main room. Alex was wearing his Green Lantern outfit, with his sneakers and black mask. Mark was egging him on to jump from ottoman to couch and then the kid would leap through the air so that Mark would catch him.

  Dangerous.

  “No jumping,” I said.

  “No fun,” Mark answered immediately. They didn’t stop the horseplay. Alex was worked up something fierce.

  “Mark needs to change,” I said as I walked near them. “Let’s calm down and watch TV while Mark gets ready.”

  “Catch me!” Alex jumped at my arms and landed with an oomph.

  I wanted to call him a little monkey, because he was jumping around like you might imagine a primate leaping from tree to tree, but I was ashamed of myself for that thought. Was it because he was black? I couldn’t decide, so I mumbled something about being careful or he’d break his head.

  “No fun, no fun, no fun!” With that, Alex let go of me, hopped on the ottoman then jumped to the couch, then back, then leaped into Mark’s arms.

  “We have to get ready,” I reminded the adult child. “You have a flight to catch.”

  “I know,” he complained. “My bag is packed, mom. I’m ready to go.”

  “You’re going to wear a tee shirt and jeans? You?”

  He grinned.

  “Let’s play in my room first,” Alex declared. He jumped up and down on the ottoman. “Please, Mark?”

  “A’ight.” Mark gave his best head nod. Alex hopped off the ottoman and split for the bedrooms. Two seconds later we heard the bag of blocks get overturned, which kind of sounded like when a bowling ball struck the pins.

  I shared a look with Mark.

  “Humor him,” he suggested.

  “You’ve got to go through security. Traffic is hell. We need to go.”

  “I’ll eat in the lounge.”

  “We’ll be fine for a few days. Stop worrying.” I kissed him on the lips.

  “I miss my guys.” Mark was so gloomy, it was infectious.

  “You’ll be back in no time. We’ll Skype every night.” I kissed him again. “Are you going to play with him or not? It’s your fault for getting him worked up.”

  Alex chose that moment to ricochet into the hall. He had removed his black mask and was wearing his green glasses. “Hey! Are you coming, Mart?”

  “Yep.”

  “Otay.” Alex disappeared with a breathless whisper.

  “He doesn’t want you to go,” I said. “He’s trying to trick you into missing your flight.”

  “I know.” Mark looked at me in the most serious way, pausing just long enough to draw out the tension. “Maybe I should stay,” he whispered.

  In that moment, if I caved to the weakness, I think he would have stayed. He had requested a pause on his traveling duties, but sometimes emergencies crop up and you don’t have that choice. If I told him it was okay to stay, he would’ve done it, consequences be damned.

  I took a breath, felt the weight of the decision on my shoulders, stiffened my spine, and looked him evenly in the eyes. “We’ll make it through,” I promised. “You have to go to work. What else are you gonna do? Bum around the house all day?”

  He bit his lower lip, then ran his fingers through his hair. “I guess I could—”

  “Hey!” Alex was in the hallway again with his hands on his hips. “Mart!”

  “Yeah, bud?”

  “Are you coming?” He said it like come-eeeeeen.

  “Yep.”

  “Mark. Are you coming for real this time?”

  Mark snapped his head towards the kid and gave a fake growl. Then he chased Alex into the bedroom. Their laughter leaked back to me and brought a sad smile to my face—Alex wasn’t the only one who was going to miss the big kid.

  I made sure all our stuff was ready for the car. Then Alex popped back into the hall.

  “Chris! Chris, will you come here for a minute!”

  “What’s going on?”

  “Chris. Will you just come here right now, please?”

  I walked into the center of the kitchen so I could see the kid. Alex had his face pointed to his bedroom and Mark must have been giving him instructions because his shoulders slumped dramatically and he said, “This is ridiculous!” As if he was incredibly put upon or something.

  Alex ran to me, then tried to stop himself but the momentum and his slippery costume toppled him end over end.

  “Ow!” he said.

  “What happened?” Mark yelled.

  “We’re fine,” I yelled back.

  “I’m not fine,” Alex whispered. He was on his knees and his glasses had fallen to the ground in his tumble.

  “Yes you are.” I helped him to his feet. “This is why you have to wear your shoes with the Green Lantern outfit because your feet are slippery. You shouldn’t have taken them off.”

  “I know. I’m not fine.”

  I grumbled about him needing to toughen up. Then I caught myself mid-complaint because that sounded so like my father that it actually terrified me for a moment. But you couldn’t coddle him, right? It was his own fault. He knew to wear his shoes with the slippery costume or he’d fall. Or else no running.

  “Come on, bud. Are you too hurt to play blocks?” I helped him to his feet.

  “No.” He held my hand and pulled on me so that I followed back to his bedroom. “I got him!” he called when we got halfway down the hallway. Then he started laughing and getting excited and he couldn’t stop himself so he let go of my hand and ran a few steps to the bedroom.

  He slid on the floors. Mark never should have showed him that.

  Alex looked through the door for approval, then he frowned dramatically. “Hey!” He pointed into the room. “Mart. That’s not how you build a train.” He said it like tra-eeeeeen. Then he grinned at something Mark must have been doing and stomped into the bedroom.

  I followed a moment later. Mark had built a wall and Alex was getting ready to use his ‘Green Lantern powers’ to knock it over.

  I leaned on the doorframe and watched. Mark had his back to me and Alex was a terror as he pushed the blocks around and jumped onto Mark.

  My soul was satisfied.

  It felt like I had a true understanding of my place in the world. It can’t be explained any better than that.

  There was my old book shelf on the left wall with my favorite books that were too advanced for Alex, sitting there like a promise for moments to come. His ball glove was on his dresser because the drawer of his favorite things was too full to accommodate it. Mark was rolling around on the ground
playing with the blocks my mother’s father had made for my sister.

  I had many cousins on the Sullivan side of the family, but none on my mom’s side. My mom’s siblings had re-married in their later years into families with teenage children.

  My mom’s lineage ended with me.

  Yet here were those blocks. And some of Caleb’s old stuff. And books from the library.

  It all combined so that I felt it very keenly in that moment as we prepared to take Mark to the airport. This was my home, my family. I was reminded of the picture that Alex had drawn one day when my mom was watching him. It had me and Mark with Alex in the middle and a black squiggly person in the back who was labeled ‘Miss Val’. And over those four people was the word ‘family’ outlined by Alex’s crayons but clearly in my mother’s hand. In fact, the drawing had my mother’s stick-figure fingerprints all over it.

  I put up a stink about that drawing. Mark probably would’ve frowned upon my reaction, but I didn’t want Alex calling us his family. We were temporary. But as I stood in the doorway and watched my two guys horsing around, it struck me just how much of a family we had become—and how I was connected to the families who had come before me—my parents and grandparents especially.

  “Chris,” Alex complained in the middle of being tickled, “are you going to save me or not?”

  The bubble popped and I rescued my charge from the tickle monster. Then we built a domino train which gave Mark enough time to quickly change into his ‘casual travel attire’. He never wore a tee shirt if he was going for business casual, so the fact that he almost made that choice said something about his reluctant state of mind.

  We piled into the car and took off for the airport. Alex was asleep by the time we pulled into the departures drop off. Mark woke up the kid and got a hug and a kiss while I emptied the trunk like a chauffeur.

  “I’ll be back before you know it,” Mark promised. He was on his knees in front of Alex, who was still sleepy.

  “I miss you already,” Alex said.

  “I miss you already, too.” Mark stole another hug. Then he stood up and took his bag from me. He gave me a hug and a brief kiss. Then he sighed and I told him to behave himself.