“I was wondering if you knew how Danielle met Raven?” I look away as I ask.
“Yeah. I was with her. He wouldn’t leave her alone.”
I think about the guy on the beach who wouldn’t leave even when Danielle completely ignored him.
Beth continues. “We were outside Chino Latino waiting for a table. Him and his gutter punk friends were walking by and when he saw Danielle he stopped. He put out his hands so everyone with him would stop, too, and he just stared at her.”
I swallow. I’ve seen Danielle have this effect on guys before.
“Danielle just looked down her nose at him like he was a piece of trash or something but then he did this sort of bow and said, ‘Milady’ or something and took her hand and kissed it. I thought it was gross. He was dirty. Homeless. Who knows where his mouth had been.”
At her words, I feel a little bit sorry for Raven. I mean, he seems really clean every time I see him. And he is nicer than how Beth is describing him – a piece of trash? But I can see how Beth and Danielle might look at him — at first. He’s totally not their normal type.
“He was holding her hand and looking up at her when they called our name. She just pulled her hand free and we all went inside.”
I’m disappointed. “That was it?”
“Oooooh no. Not even close,” Beth said, her voice rising.
“After we ate — two hours later — we walk outside and he’s standing there. All alone. His disgusting friends are gone. He has on this like black suit jacket and his hair is all slicked back and he’s holding this giant bunch of flowers in front of him. And then, he does this little bow again and holds out his hand and she just puts her hand in his like that and walks away! With him! She just left.”
“Whoa.” I scoot the bowl of salsa over to me and scrape the sides for more with my chip.
“I was speechless,” Beth said, nodding, eyes wide. “I called her name but she just ignored me. Didn’t even look back. Just walks away with this guy. I thought for sure I’d never see her again and she’d end up dead — “
Beth gasps when she realizes what she’s just said. She dabs at her eyes with her shirt sleeve.
“You didn’t know,” I say, my hand frozen in mid air reaching for her before I put it down on the table between us. “Nobody knew. Nobody knows what happened.”
Beth pushes back her chair and grabs her bag.
“There was nothing you could’ve done, Beth. I swear. Nothing.”
She doesn’t answer, only fumbles for her keys.
“I better go,” she says.
I nod and she gives me a small smile.
Later, in bed, I have so many different feelings fighting inside me — sadness and some weird feeling hearing how Raven and Danielle met. This emotion that floats to the surface and makes my stomach twist — jealousy. White hot, pounding jealousy.
He told me they just “hung out” and it wasn’t serious on his end. I’m a total fool. I’m sick with it, imagining Raven wooing Danielle in this way, doing everything in his power to get her attention. Doing anything to make her his own.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
“Then Flip decided he was going to—”
The door of the café slams open cutting Raven’s words off. We are eating rice and beans at the Hard Times Café. Raven sits facing the door and his face turns to stone at something he sees. He looks down and becomes very intent on scraping the last of his rice and beans onto his spoon.
I turn to look behind me and quickly turn back around. A group of older oogles. They look tougher and meaner than Raven and his friends. And dirtier. Out of the corner of my eye, I see them go to the counter to order.
I study Raven as he tries to avoid looking up. His Adam’s apple bobs on his throat. He’s afraid. I sense the guy beside me before I see him.
“Raven, Wes Craven, Mr. Maven,” a voice with a slight lisp says. I dart a glance to my side. A dirty jean leg is so close it nearly touches my shoulder.
Raven looks up. “Hey Dax.” His voice is different. It makes my mouth dry and I swallow before I look up. When I do, I nearly jump. The guy is staring down at me with yellow tinged eyes. His breath is foul when he parts his thin lips in a smile that seems more like a grimace.
He has a goatee that extends into a long, pointed beard that is black even though his hair looks bleached blond. He has heavy eyebrows that hood his eyes and piercings poke out of his eyebrows, his nose and his lip. I can see now why he has a slight lisp. I draw back when I see what he’s done — split his tongue in half. He sticks it out at me like a snake and wiggles the two halves and I nearly slam back my chair and run away. Under the table, Raven’s boot nudges me, so I look down and swallow my revulsion.
He has a forked tongue. I’ve heard of people with tongue piercings doing this, but had no idea how disgusting it really is.
He leans down by my head and I actually close my eyes. I feel his breath near my ear. “You’d grow to love it. Chicks dig it, if you know what I mean.”
He pulls back and I breathe again, opening my eyes.
“Who’s your friend?” He asks Raven, but stares at me.
“Bought me lunch, didn’t you?” Raven says in this rough voice I’ve never heard before. “She’s a good kid, helping out a hungry guy, aren’t you, baby doll?”
For a second, my forehead creases in confusion until I feel Raven’s boot pressing against my leg again.
“Isn’t that the Christian thing to do?” I say, sweetly.
Dax pulls up a chair and sits on it backward. “I’m feeling sort of hungry myself,” he says, winking at Raven.
But Raven is already pushing back his chair and standing.
“She’s got to catch the bus back home to Minnetonka but promised to buy me a carton of smokes before it came, so we gotta bail.”
I’m out the door on his heels before Dax says anything. We walk by the front window with me five paces behind Raven, who hisses, “Stay back behind me for a minute.” I sneak a glance at the window and see Dax watching us for a second before his friends join him and he looks away.
“Who was that?” I ask, realizing I’m short of breath from the encounter.
“Bad fucking news,” Raven says, grabbing my hand as soon as we round a corner. “If you ever see that dude alone anywhere, I mean, anywhere, you run.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Just do what I say. If he ever comes near you, you fucking run away to a place as crowded as you can find and don’t leave until you call me.”
He’s yanking me down the street by the arm, casting glances back behind us and then pulling me through an alley until finally I stop.
“Did he meet Danielle?” I fold my arms across my chest. He won’t look me in the eyes. “Tell me damn it. Did Danielle and him ever meet?”
Raven nods.
I take a few seconds to think about that. “Do you think he might have had something to do with her death?”
Raven sighs. “I don’t know. They were hanging out at the beach earlier on the night she died.”
I gasp and pull away. “Why the fuck didn’t you tell the cops this?”
He frowns. “I did. But they didn’t seem to take it very seriously. I mean I don’t know where Dax lives or hangs out or squats. I don’t even know his last name. I mean, I could tell the cops he hangs out at the Hard Times Café, but what good would that do? If they asked around, he’d go underground. And at the time they asked me, I just figured Danielle flat out drowned and they were just harassing us because we’re oogles.”
“What happened that night when they were at the beach?” I get right in front of him until he has to look at me.
“It was fine. He was flirting with Danielle a little and she was flirting back, which is totally fucked. But like I said already — she was drunk that night and mad at me.”
“Do you think he came back and she left with him?”
Raven’s brow creases. “I don’t know. You mean like after I fell asleep? I don
’t know. Maybe. I don’t know whether he had anything to do with Danielle’s death, but it doesn’t matter. What I do know is you need to stay away from that guy. I’ve seen him take off with girls and then those girls end up on missing person’s posters. That’s what I fucking know. Is that enough for you?”
My face feels icy. Holy shit. Girls end up missing.
“What do you mean it doesn’t matter?” I grab his chin and gently guide it so he can’t avoid my eyes.
“If he killed Danielle, there’s nothing we can do about it.” His voice is firm. I don’t understand what he means.
“Sure, there is. We go to the cops.”
“If we do, I’m dead.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“Oogles have their own justice. We’re gypsies, transients. We reject what society wants us to do — go to college, get a job, buy a house, go to church — we reject society and its laws.”
Laws? I can feel my forehead crease in confusion.
“You don’t follow laws? Like what?”
“The rules and laws that apply to the rest of society don’t apply to us,” he says, his eyes bright with passion. “We have our own laws.”
“What does that mean?”
He digs his hands into his pockets and blows his bangs out of his eyes.
“Listen,” he says with a big sigh. “It’s like this. If someone did something in the oogle world, say fucked up, or something, we handle it ourselves.”
A chill races through me.
“Like what?”
“Say maybe there was a couple, you know a girl and a boy...”
“Yes, that’s a couple.” I know I’m being sarcastic, but his reluctance is frustrating.
“Maybe another guy, maybe he rapes the girl. So, then the other guy, he won’t call the cops or anything. He’ll take care of it himself.”
“How?”
“Maybe get rid of that guy.” He looks over my shoulder as he says it and closes his eyes for a second longer than a blink.
“Just say it. Don’t beat around the bush. He kills him, right?”
Raven looks at his feet now.
“Right?” I grab Raven’s arm and shake it a little.
“Yes! Yes! Is that what you want to hear? Are you happy now? I told you. You don’t want to know some things.”
“But you’re not like that. I know you’re not.” Even as I say the words I can hear the doubt creeping into my voice. “Tell me you’re not.”
He doesn’t answer. “If I report him to the cops, I’m breaking oogle laws, going outside the circle. I do that, I’m dead. That’s all you need to know.”
I think about what he is saying.
“If you can’t tell the cops, then what about the other oogles? Would they do something about him murdering some innocent girl?”
Raven sighs. I can tell he’s frustrated. He paces.
“It doesn’t work that way. He’s not hurting another oogle. The women he hurts, I’m sorry to say this, but in our world, they don’t count.”
“What?” I jerk away.
“It’s not what I think,” he said glaring at me. “It’s what the community thinks.”
“That’s totally and utterly crazy,” I say, my voice rising to a high pitch. “How can you even be part of something so insane? Are you saying I don’t count? That’s what you’re saying isn’t it.”
He doesn’t answer.
I’m furious so I take off down the sidewalk without him. I hear his footsteps right behind me, but I don’t care. Right now, I wish I’d never met him.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Back at Raven’s place, he takes my face in his hands.
“You count.” He kisses me so long I forget why I was ever angry.
We fall to the futon and before I know it, I’ve unbuttoned my own shirt, full of this need and desire I didn’t know I had within me.
A rap on the door has me scrambling to sit up. A few seconds later, Flip and Jazz poke their heads in.
Flip eyes me buttoning up my shirt. My face feels hot as his eyes take in my movements. For a second, he looks at me with something I’ve never seen before, a flicker of desire. It makes me uncomfortable. It’s happening more and more with guys. I’m not used to it yet. Ever since I’ve started dating Raven, it’s like I’m exuding some magical scent or something where guys notice me for the first time in my life. It happens a lot now. On the bus. In the mall. At work. I even had a guy from the pool ask me out this week. I was so embarrassed I didn’t get it at first and then mumbled something about having a boyfriend.
But the new attention is odd. I don’t get it. It makes me feel really awkward. And having Flip look at me that way makes me feel guilty for some reason because I’m friends with Jazz. But I get it. Even guys with girlfriends can admire another girl’s looks without it meaning anything, right?
Flip loves Jazz. I know that. Everyone knows that. It’s obvious.
My unease quickly disappears as Flip grabs Jazz from behind and scoops her up, kissing her neck, making her squeal. She frees herself and rushes over to me.
“Lookie, lookie,” she holds out her arm. It’s a new tattoo. “We got matching ones. Me and Flip.”
I grab her wrist. On her forearm is an elaborate and beautiful musical note. Inside of it I can make out the name, Flip. “His is the same, except it says Jazz.”
“Wow,” I say smiling at them both. “That’s really romantic.”
I eye Raven as I say it.
NOT LONG AFTER FLIP and Jazz come in, they huddle on the other end of the futon and fall asleep. I guess none of them had slept much the night before. Some big party or something. While the rest of them sleep, I spend the time studying Raven’s sleeping face.
The sun is setting when people begin to stir.
I lay still and spy on Flip stretching and sitting up with his back against the wall. He leans over and takes a book out of his bag. I sit up and he jumps.
“Sorry!” I say. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
He instantly sticks something back into the middle of the book and slams it shut. Like I caught him doing something bad. I laugh.
“You don’t want to get caught reading? Too cool to read?” I say with a lilt to my voice. He’s so easygoing, I know he won’t mind the teasing.
He laughs, but it sounds forced. “Yeah.”
“What are you reading?” I reach for the book but he doesn’t hand it to me just holds it up for me to see. Peace Like a River.
“I love that book!”
“It’s really good.” His face turns red as he stuffs it into his book bag. I can’t figure out why he’s so embarrassed. It makes me sad. Thank God Raven’s not like that.
Jazz, who is curled in a little ball against Flip’s leg, starts to stir. She sits up, yawning.
My phone pings. It’s a text from my mom. She’s going to stay the night at Sam’s house tonight and wants me to text her when I get home.
Raven raises an eyebrow when he sees me punching the buttons. I text her that I’m already home and reading a book.
I stop and meet his eyes.
“I don’t have to go home tonight.”
A slow grin spreads across his face and sends a ripple of something tingly down my center.
Not much later, people start strolling into the small apartment. People have brought bottles of booze and the crowd spills out from the small studio onto the parking lot, making that part of the party. Apparently, this is a nightly occurrence. Raven had told me he was the only one out of his group of friends who actually had a semi-permanent place to stay. Other oogles think paying rent is bullshit, he says. Most of them squat in abandoned buildings or sleep on the beach by the lake.
“It’s part of the oogle culture. Not being tied down to anything,” he looks at me, “ — or anyone.”
“What about Jazz and Flip?” I say defiantly.
“It’s different. They’re both oogles.” He changes the subject.
Later, I’m ta
lking to Jazz about Jack Kerouac when Raven comes up to me.
“I’m going to run and get something. Why don’t you wait here? Jazz will take care of you.” He eyes Scrap as he says this.
I dart a glance over at Scrap. Raven made him tie his dumb dog outside along the fence and I think he’s pissed at me about it. Every once in a while, he gives me a weird look.
Raven is waiting for my answer. I’ll stay here. This is my chance to show him I can fit into his world.
“Go on,” I say smiling. “I’ll be fine.”
Right answer. It’s as if he is relieved. A big smile spreads across his face and he gives me a small kiss and then he is gone.
I settle back on the futon listening to the music and sipping on a beer someone handed me. I’ve only had a few beers in my life. This one tastes good. But I don’t like the way it makes me feel. I feel sort of hazy and not totally in control. When someone hands me a second one, I take a few sips and then sneak into the tiny bathroom where I pour the rest out.
When I come out, Scrap is watching me. He stares at me until I sit back down and then he turns and continues his conversation. He knows I poured the beer out. He gives me the creeps.
Jazz is over standing behind Flip with her hands around his waist and her head resting against his back. Flip meets my eyes for a moment and then quickly looks away.
I flop on Raven’s futon and start thumbing through some skater magazine he has, sipping on my soda. Once, I look up and catch Flip giving me a weird look again. It makes me feel guilty. Am I doing something wrong? His look quickly turns into a smile and I relax.
After a few minutes, Jazz and Flip slip out the door. It takes me a few minutes to realize they are gone. My only allies are gone. I reassure myself it’s okay. They’re probably just having a smoke or private moment outside. It’s fine. I can take care of myself.
The music gets louder and bottles of booze are passed around.
The beer earlier made me feel bloated and gross. I pass the bottles by without taking any sips. Besides the thought of all those mouths on the bottle make me gag a little. When is Raven getting back and what is taking him so long?
Dead Wrong Page 12
