I’m alone again. I wish there was someone I could talk to about this newest revelation. I can’t speak to Mom, and I have no desire to talk to Carmen and Des. I consider calling Evan, but that’s a can of worms I’m not willing to open at the moment. I’m still suspicious of his true motives for returning to North Bay. There’s so much I’ve been keeping inside, wrestling with myself. All that does is tear me apart.
I pick up my phone, scrolling through my contacts. My thumb rests on Amelia’s name.
After the third ring, she answers.
“Marion?”
“I was wondering if you could talk?”
“Sure.” She sounds re-energized. “Should we meet at the pier again?”
“Ava is still sleeping. You could come by the condo, if it’s not too much trouble.”
“No trouble at all. I’ll be there within the hour.”
I boil a kettle of tea and set out cheese and crackers. Normally, I wouldn’t put in so much effort, but I feel an unspoken need to accommodate Amelia. To impress her, even. There’s still this awkward cloud hovering over us, a lot of pain lingering beneath our interactions. I want to make our time together as enjoyable as possible. Not only are we getting to know each other, it seems she’s one of the few people in my life I can actually trust.
When Amelia arrives, she’s impeccably dressed, as she was the last time I saw her. She’s wearing coral capris and a black V-neck with pearl studs in her ears. I lead her into the kitchen. She stops in front of the bureau, leaning down to look at the pictures on display of Ava and myself. She smiles. Then her hand lands on the security baton. She lifts it up.
“What’s this?”
I wince, rolling my eyes. “My lawyers left it here. They seem to think I should up my security in the wake of Eileen’s arrest.”
“You must have one heck of a lawyer,” she says, placing it back on the dresser. “They do have a point. The press and the people following the case can be relentless. Some are a bit nutty.”
“Better safe than sorry, right?” I force a smile. I resent being at the center of this case, which only a week ago I knew nothing about. Then again, I didn’t know Amelia a week ago either. I’m happy to see her again. Something about her presence brings me peace.
We sit at the table in front of the living room window.
“Beautiful view,” she says, looking ahead. The blinds are turned, otherwise the sun would envelop the entire room. “I could get used to waking up to this every morning.”
I wonder what she must really think of my place. I’ve always thought it was nice, but Amelia Boone Parker must have higher standards. Her family’s wealth makes Carmen and Michael look like middle-class.
“Tell me about your place in New Hutton.”
“I have a house outside the city. It’s far too big for just me, really. I spend most of my time outdoors in the garden.”
“I wasn’t blessed with a green thumb.”
“Not everyone takes to it. I didn’t at first. I guess you could say it’s my happy place, like you said the beach is yours.”
We lock eyes, both wondering where this conversation will take us. It’s clear how important our meetings with one another are to her. She hears everything I say and commits it to memory. After all these years of imagining who her daughter might be, she finally gets the chance to know.
“I hope I didn’t inconvenience you by calling.”
“Not at all, Marion. I’ve waited half my life to hear your voice.”
It’s a forward comment, but it’s honest. I flinch each time she says my name. It’s the only name I’ve ever known, but to Amelia, and the rest of the world, I’m Baby Caroline. It must be strange calling your daughter something other than the name you gave her.
“The way you sounded on the phone, I thought you might be upset,” Amelia says. “Is everything okay?”
I don’t know how far I can take this. We’ve discussed parts of the case, but we’ve left Eileen in the present—Mom—off the table until now. More than anything, I want to be honest with her about what’s happening, but the subject of Mom is a sore one. The hatred she must have felt for Sarah over the years contrasts with the woman I prefer to remember.
“Eileen was attacked in the jail not long after her arrest.”
“My lawyers told me.” Amelia takes a deep breath, flattening her hands against the table. “Despite what Eileen has done, I realize she’s the only parent you’ve known. Those feelings can’t dissipate overnight. I hope she pulls through, for your sake.”
“Thanks.”
“I’m also grateful she was able to provide you with a good life. If I couldn’t have you with me, that’s what I wanted. Someone to love you, care for you. My mind has considered so many ugly alternatives over the years.”
I understand completely. I worry about it all the time. All the dangers that exist. All the ways I could lose Ava. I don’t want to rub Amelia’s face in the fact that, despite the trauma of being kidnapped, I’ve lived a decent life. I can’t imagine anyone taking Ava from me, but if they did, I would hope she would be loved. I wouldn’t want her life to be hard.
“But she also lied to me,” I say, and it feels like a dam is breaking. “Everyone in my life wants me to stay strong for Eileen. They won’t allow me to express what I’m feeling. She gave me a good life, and I’m grateful, but it wasn’t my own. All of it was a lie. And now it’s like all these little comments and stories that didn’t make sense over the years are finally adding up.”
“Like what?”
“Why she didn’t want to take me on vacation. Or why there aren’t any pictures of us before we moved here. Why I don’t have any extended family, or a clear idea of what Eileen’s childhood was even like.”
Each lie plants a seed for a future one, sprouting another, then another. I’m caught in a wilderness of deception Mom created, and there’s no one able to fetch me out of it.
Amelia puts her hand over mine. “What Eileen did wasn’t fair. To either of us.”
“And she’s still lying to me. Her doctor told me she has been undergoing chemotherapy for months. She told our business partner, Des. She told my best friend. But she’s still lying to me!”
Amelia sits back and crosses her arms. She looks out the window. The sun is shining in, making each crevice and imperfection of her skin more apparent, but she looks kind. Beautiful.
“I’m sorry this is how it is between you. You deserve so much more.”
There’s more she wants to say but won’t. She must be considering the type of relationship she’d wished to have had with me, one built on honesty and respect.
“I don’t know why I’m telling you any of this. I’m upset with my friends right now and just needed to vent. I needed—”
“You needed a mother,” she says, her eyes back on me.
She finished the sentence more perfectly than I could. I still love Mom, but there’s a hardness in me now I’m not sure will ever go away. She lied to me—continues to lie. Not to mention all the other hurt she inflicted. At least Amelia is willing to hear my honesty. She’s what I need right now.
“It must be so hard for you being here. Having to relive all of this.”
“I’ve relived it every day from the moment you were taken. It’s hurtful, yes, thinking of Bruce and the way things could have been. The knowledge you’re okay makes up for a big part of that hurt. I understand your anxiety stems from knowing so little. I can tell you stories about my life, about what your life might have been, but I can’t give you any insight as to why Eileen took you from me. Only she can do that.”
“I know, which is what makes the idea of losing her now so difficult. All I want is a conversation. The opportunity to ask her why and how. And now that she’s in the hospital, the case against her is on hold. It’s like I’m stuck without answers and don’t know when I’ll get them.”
“We could always take things into our own hands.”
“What do you mean?”
&nb
sp; “This case is more than three decades in the making, but law enforcement’s only had the last week or so to start building their case. That means they’re going to take their time doing everything by the book. If you want confirmation, we could always do our own DNA test. No more sitting around waiting for answers.”
The suggestion releases an immediate jolt of endorphins, the idea that at least part of this could be proven. But I remember what Carmen said. Tests will come. Wait for them. A DNA test would seal Mom’s fate, at least on the kidnapping charges. As angry as I am with her, as bitter as I am, I still don’t want to deliberately hurt her cause. Not when my hand will be forced eventually.
“Carmen says not to do anything like that. The police will organize their own test.”
“My lawyers say the same thing. They want to do everything by the book. They don’t understand what it’s like to wait for answers. I wouldn’t be doing it for them. Not for the police. Just for us. So we can know, and can move on. All I need is a cheek swab and I can sort everything out.”
I open my mouth, then close it. I feel like a hypocrite, because as much as I’ve been begging for answers, a bigger part of me is afraid to know.
Amelia must read the unrest on my face. She holds up her hands. “It was only a suggestion. The last thing I want to do is put you under more pressure. You’ve got enough to deal with.”
“Thank you,” I say.
I can tell it goes against her desires, but at least she’s willing to wait for me. She’s putting my needs before her own, like all great mothers do.
22 Marion
Now
As much as I’d like to avoid Carmen, she’s still Mom’s lawyer. After I dodged countless phone calls, she finally sent a text:
Updates in the case. I’m coming over at 5. Be there.
I can’t stay mad at her forever, but it feels like every person in my life is lying to me. Everyone except Amelia, that is. Our visit this morning wasn’t very long because I wanted her to leave before Ava woke up. Selfishly, I don’t want to share Ava with her yet. And maybe I don’t want to share Amelia, either. Amelia is everything a person aspires to be. Educated, classy, witty. She comes from a privileged background, but she doesn’t use her upbringing as a crutch, like so many people in her position might. She’s tried to make the world a better place. It’s nice to be distracted from the world I know, to be transported to a completely different one, a life that could have been—should have been—mine.
Carmen arrives a little later. She’s alone, which already makes this meeting feel more intimate. There’s no Rick waiting in the corner, listening to our every word.
“What’s the update?” I ask. I’m seated in front of the high chair, spooning food into Ava’s mouth.
“We’ll get to that in a second,” she says, putting her satchel on the counter. “First, I need you to talk to me about the cancer diagnosis.”
Typical Carmen. There might not even be an update, but she’s determined to force a conversation. She doesn’t like being ignored. I put down the spoon, wipe my hands and turn to face her.
“Less than a week ago, I watched my mother get arrested. Since then, all I’ve heard is that the life I’ve been living is a lie. That the woman I love more than anyone, the person I thought was my best friend, stole me from my real parents when I was younger than Ava is now. That she’s been hiding me, lying to me, all this time. I don’t want to believe any of it is true. More than anything, I want the police to admit they’ve got it wrong and that Mom did not do the horrible things they’re saying she did—at least not all of it. But how am I supposed to have faith in her when she lied about her name? Her cancer? That you and Des—my other two best friends—knew about it and didn’t tell me?”
Carmen doesn’t break eye contact, but her bottom lip quivers, slightly.
“I hate that you’re going through this. I do. I’m doing everything I can to help you and Eileen. But you have to understand, when she found out about the cancer, she had no way of knowing an arrest was imminent. She simply wanted to wait until Ava’s party was over. I understand now it seems you’re being hit with one blow after another, but, at the time, she was doing what she thought was right.”
I know Carmen’s talking about the cancer diagnosis, but the same logic applies to all my mother’s poor decisions. She took me, hid me, raised me… because she thought it was right? Did she ever stop to think about what was wrong? No, she was more concerned with her own feelings. They were more important than mine. Or Amelia’s.
“You said there was an update,” I say, steering Carmen back toward the case.
“When they arrested Eileen, they took her fingerprints and ran them against what was found at the New Hutton crime scene. They also ran them against the fingerprints taken from Sarah Paxton when she was arrested. They all match, which means—”
“Which means Mom is definitely the person who attacked Bruce.” My body closes in on itself. Ever since Mom admitted she was Sarah Paxton, I’ve feared this, but having it confirmed is another type of torture.
“Not necessarily. It means she was there. It doesn’t mean she attacked anyone.”
“What are you trying to prove, Carmen? I’m not a juror. I’m your friend. You don’t have to try and spin this.”
She sighs. “It’s not good, that’s for sure,” she admits, painfully.
I lean over the table, propping my chin on my hand. “What else?”
“You know they’ve searched her apartment and the restaurant. They’re also trying to track down people who might have known your mom as Sarah Paxton, which will be difficult considering how much time has passed.”
“Okay.”
“All this means they’re getting closer to asking you for a DNA sample.” She tilts her head down and looks up, waiting.
“How long?”
“Possibly a week. Maybe more. I’ve been trying to stall them while Eileen’s in the hospital, but we knew this would happen eventually.”
“When it shows I’m not her biological daughter—”
“Then we’ll take it step by step.”
“But what will happen?”
“Well, she’s already been arrested. But obviously that will become the crux of their case. We’ll have to try and prove Eileen was somehow granted permission to take you, or that she had just cause for doing so.”
“Proving just cause for stealing an infant?” I look at Ava, who’s smiling, globs of pureed sweet potatoes dribbling from her lips. “That’s a stiff one, Carmen.”
“Like I said, we’ll take this one step at a time. If it comes to a conviction, our goal will be to get Eileen the lightest sentence possible.”
“But if they can prove I’m not her daughter—”
“We’ll show that she was still an adequate mother. That she supported you, loved you. You’re Eileen’s biggest defense.”
Mom gave me a good life. Because of that, she should have my unbending devotion. A week ago, she would have. But I won’t try to justify her crimes or help her avoid punishment. I won’t be made to feel like an accessory after the fact to my own abduction.
“What about the Parkers?”
Carmen whips her head in my direction. “What about them?”
“Will they run my DNA against theirs? Try to prove I’m Baby Caroline?”
“Eventually, yes. But I’m not saying any of this to scare you. I’m simply preparing you for the inevitable.”
“What if we just went ahead and volunteered a sample? We could get this over with.”
“Like I said, you are Eileen’s greatest defense. There’s no sense in volunteering information that could jeopardize the case.” Carmen’s phone starts ringing from inside her bag. She grabs it, glances at the screen and holds up a finger. “This is Rick. Give me a second.”
She walks down the hallway leading toward the bedrooms. I free Ava from her high chair and bring her into the living room. She begins contentedly playing with toys on the floor in her playpen.
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I look outside, watching as a trio of seagulls fly past my window. Amelia’s offer still lingers in my mind. How nice it would be to simply know the truth. Hard revelations are still to come, but I’d rather get this first one out of the way. Start recognizing who I really am. Start accepting the person I never got the chance to be.
“What the hell is this?”
Carmen’s yell startles me. She walks into the living room, but her eyes are still staring at her phone.
“What is it? Is it Mom? Is she okay?”
“Now I know why you’re asking questions about the Parkers,” she says, holding out her phone for me to see a picture. It was taken by the pier, only a few steps away from Crabby’s Coffee. “What the hell are you doing talking to Amelia Parker?”
23 Marion
Now
Carmen’s anger is building, threatening to spew. She shakes the phone in her hand, begging me to take it. I do.
The picture accompanies an article written by a national online news outlet. I’m sitting on the beach with Amelia. This was taken on the first day we met. I thought I’d been careful. I hadn’t spotted any press.
“Again,” Carmen says. “What the hell are you doing talking to Amelia Parker?”
“She came by the condo.”
“When?”
“Yesterday.”
“And you just let her right in? Made her a cup of tea? Let her change Ava’s diapers?”
“She hasn’t even met Ava,” I say, handing over the phone. I’m careful enough to keep Ava at a distance, and I don’t appreciate Carmen bringing her into this. “I’m not ready for that.”
Not My Mother Page 12
