Zoey Punches the Future in the Dick

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Zoey Punches the Future in the Dick Page 17

by David Wong


  Zoey shot a meaningful look at the Echo avatar, then remembered Echo probably couldn’t read the expression of the cow monster standing next to her. What she was trying to communicate was that their situation suddenly seemed much clearer, if not better. Out in the real world, someone like Chobb and his henchmen would have no reason to come within a thousand yards of a place like this, or talk to societal dropouts like these. In the Hub, though, all of the rungs on the ladder were rearranged, Andre’s vectors of power all redrawn. And it had all been invisible to them, because all of it occurred here, in this other world.

  Vikerness, whose smirk came through on his avatar perfectly, said, “What is so urgent?”

  “The cow came here to scare us into abandoning the quest for justice,” said The Blowback, “after she and her friends tied a man down, still alive, and had a chef make sushi out of his organs as he screamed. Making him watch his own mutilation.”

  Zoey threw up her hooves again. “You just keep adding things.”

  “Eating him, while he pled for mercy. Then came the orgy, afterward, around his corpse.”

  “Oh, my god.”

  Dirk Vikerness seemed mildly amused by this. “Is this true? That was very foolish.”

  “I just came here to talk, but I’m getting an education.” Zoey looked at The Blowback and said, “Let me guess—our Swedish friend here is the one who keeps turning up with brand-new scandalous information about me. And his boss has mountains of money and profits from this conspiracy theory. But none of you are smart enough to put two and two together?”

  Vikerness just smirked harder. “I come to socialize when I am off work. Do you ever let Wu go home to his family?”

  “We have a schedule worked out! But, see, it’s harder when I’m being bombarded by nonsensical death threats twenty-four hours a day.”

  “If you do not want a negative reputation among this community, perhaps you should stop eating its members, hmm?”

  “Tomorrow,” said The Blowback, “we will come for you, and we shall have a feast of our own.”

  “That is … not going to go well for you,” said Zoey. “I don’t mean that as a threat. Even now, I don’t want that outcome.”

  Vikerness stepped forward and said, “That sounded like a threat to me. Did it sound like a threat to you, boys?”

  Zoey shook her head. A cowbell softly jangled.

  “You’re such a tough guy. All your muscles. Your boss, too, his personal army … why do you have to fight this cowardly proxy war? You’re using these idiots as your foot soldiers; if you and Chobb have a problem with me, why not face me directly?”

  He moved even closer to Zoey and she felt the urge to back up, even though she wasn’t actually in any kind of danger. “We have more than twenty witnesses who can attest that you threatened the residents of this building.”

  Echo’s shimmering goddess avatar stepped forward, as if to get between Dirk and Zoey. “We know you knew Dexter Tilley. You were caught on camera together. Did you kill him just for this? To stir up a bunch of broke kids?”

  “How many people could have been hurt or killed in the fire at the inn today?” added Zoey. “Do you even care?”

  Vikerness was looming over her now. “Out there, you can threaten people, kill them, get them to do what you want. In here, we rule.”

  “Great, I’m happy for you. This is your last warning. If you show up at my gates—”

  The world was ripped away from her. Echo—the real one—was standing there, the goggles in her hand, looking frantic.

  “They’re locking us in.”

  The door to the storage unit had been closed and Wu was not in the room with them. There were muffled yells and clanging noises from outside.

  Zoey screamed, “Wu!”

  She reached for the latch on the door, then yanked her hand back. The handle had burned her. A shower of sparks poured through, the metal around the latch glowing orange. The room filled with acrid smoke.

  They were welding it shut.

  Zoey kicked at the door, then almost fell down when the entire room jolted, and then rumbled. Momentum threw her backward.

  They were moving.

  18

  It felt like they were going down. The building’s storage container mechanism had apparently been kicked to life, lowering them along the rails to ground level.

  Zoey spun to face Echo. “Don’t panic!”

  “I’m not panicking.”

  “You should be! What if we run out of air?!?”

  “That would take several days, even if the container were airtight, which it’s not. For now, sit down and hold onto something.”

  “Why?”

  “Because for all we know they’re going to tip this thing right off the side of the building.”

  Zoey sat on the floor and grabbed hold of a bed frame. The room rumbled and descended, then jolted to a stop. Shouts from outside. Zoey braced herself for whatever might come cutting its way through the sealed door. She’d worn her action shoes.

  Instead, there were more clunking and clinking sounds from outside, and then they were moving again.

  Echo said, “All right, that’s what I was afraid of. They’ve loaded us onto a truck.”

  “Where did they get a truck?!?”

  “They’re going to take us to another—”

  “Location, yes, oh my god. Will is going to have ‘I told you so’ etched onto my tombstone.”

  “Stay calm. There’s nowhere we can go that we can’t be tracked. We’ll arrive, we’ll figure out their intentions, and decide what to do next.”

  “This is my fault. If they kill you, it’ll be because of me. And Wu, he could already be dead. Oh my god.”

  “No, if they kill us, it’ll be their fault.”

  “What if they dump us in the lake? And this slowly fills with water? And we drown, trying to claw our way out?”

  “Then we will die knowing that we kept our cool right up until the end. Right?”

  The vehicle was turning, then driving again. They were now on a road to … somewhere.

  After a few minutes, Zoey started muttering, “I’m so stupid. I’m sorry I’m so stupid.”

  “Zoey, I wouldn’t be working here if I thought you were stupid.”

  “Why are you working here? Like, at all?”

  “Honestly? You’re asking now?”

  “No. I don’t know.”

  Clearly thinking the conversation would distract Zoey from her meltdown, Echo sighed and, speaking as rapidly as possible, said, “I got caught cheating at one of your father’s casinos. Blackjack. Me and my partner at the time. My partner told them I was the mastermind. They let her go, Arthur came in the room and offered me a job. See, because he thought I was the mastermind, which I wasn’t. My parents still live in Honolulu and think I’m a high-end concierge.”

  “Must have been awkward with the partner later.”

  “The relationship grew cold after that, yes. That, by the way, is the face I imagine on my punching bag.”

  The truck was humming along, but didn’t sound like they were doing highway speeds. Still somewhere within the industrial park. So far, at least.

  Zoey sighed. “Everyone has a cooler backstory than me. I can’t believe she sold you out. I wouldn’t do that.”

  “I know you wouldn’t.”

  “Great. Nice talk. We should hang out sometime. Why don’t we hang out?”

  “I invited you to go on a hike with me. Remember? You said you’d rather snort bees through a straw?”

  “I guess I meant something more … stationary. Wait, did you say you’re from Honolulu? I thought you were from the Philippines. Are the Philippines part of Hawaii?”

  “Parents came from there. And no.”

  “I don’t think I could find the Philippines on a map.”

  “Yes you could, the maps have all of the countries labeled. That’s literally what a map is for.”

  “I just mean, is it weird that I never asked—”r />
  Echo motioned for silence. The room was rolling to a stop. There were voices from outside the sealed door.

  Echo said, “Close your eyes.”

  Zoey didn’t understand the command until a piercing blue light flashed through the door frame, sizzling through the metal of the weld. The door was kicked open and men were yelling for her to lie flat. Zoey was thrown to the floor by rough, gloved hands and her wrists were bound behind her back. She was dragged out of the room and as she passed through the doorway, she could hear men inside talking to Echo, saying, “It’s okay, we’ve got you, we’ve got you. You’re free!”

  Zoey was dragged down a ramp to the ground. There were people everywhere outside, all of them wearing the yellow-and-black armor the Vanguard of Peace goons wore when they were expecting battle. They were all inside a vast, dark space that for a confusing moment Zoey thought was an ice cave—there were transparent lumps and misshapen pillars all around her. Then she was dragged past a glass stalactite with strips of green frozen inside it—leaves of a cannabis plant, encased as if trapped in amber. Zoey suddenly knew where she was. The huge building had been a hydroponic weed-growing greenhouse, but the overhead lighting system had caught fire a few months ago, melting the clear plastic walls and ceiling for several floors above it, trapping much of the crop below when the material cooled back to a solid. It turned the whole interior into a sprawling, weed-themed abstract art installation. Zoey had watched the fire and rescue operation live on Blink back when it had happened (Tabula Ra$a was also a prolific producer of Large Structure Fire streaming content).

  A set of headlights clicked on nearby, then another, revealing that multiple black VOP vehicles were parked around her inside the building, including an armored vehicle the size and shape of an RV. That’s where they were taking her. Outside the door of the RV was a stern-looking middle-aged woman, waiting with a tool that looked like a handheld vacuum cleaner. Zoey’s escorts stopped and let the woman run the machine up and down her body. It emitted a warning squeal and the woman nodded toward the RV. The door was opened and Zoey was tossed inside. She tumbled to the floor, unable to catch herself with her hands tied back. She was followed in by the stern woman. A monitor on the wall displayed the interior of the vehicle—the room had its own camera feed.

  Then, just behind the woman, came a familiar hulking figure with mussed hair and a ridiculous snake-beard: Dirk Vikerness, suddenly here in the flesh as if he’d crawled out of the VR headset and into the real world. Of course, he’d been actually lying in wait for this. All of them had.

  “Where’s Wu? Is he okay?”

  “You are harassing clients of the Vanguard of Peace,” said Vikerness. “They have the legal right to protect themselves and their property from aggressors and we have been employed to exercise that right on their behalf.”

  “You are making a huge mistake. My people can get to you. To Chobb, too. Any of you. You don’t want a war here.”

  “Let the record reflect that our scans detected that you have one or more lethal devices hidden on or in your body.”

  From the floor, Zoey said, “I do not, and you know it.”

  “As such, we are authorized to perform a thorough search of your person. I have brought a female staff member to conduct the search itself. I will be present to guarantee her safety.”

  Zoey tried to scoot her way backward, away from them, not that there was anywhere to go. She looked up to see herself doing it on the monitor.

  “You’re streaming this.”

  “The exam must be recorded on video to protect ourselves from liability,” said Vikerness. “We of course do everything possible to guarantee the privacy of all suspects, but cannot be held liable if security protocols are breached and the stream becomes public.” He smirked his way through the recitation of the disclaimer.

  The stern woman made a move toward Zoey. She kicked at her, warding her off with her feet.

  “Don’t.”

  Dirk Vikerness pulled out one of those electrified clubs and a little fist of blue lightning popped from the end.

  “If you continue to resist, I will be forced to stun you.”

  To the woman, Zoey said, “How can you not see what’s going on here? Even if Chobb and Dirk here are in on the setup, why can’t you see it? There are other jobs you can get.”

  The woman, sounding bored, said, “Miss, I’m going to untie your hands long enough for you to disrobe.”

  “She is too volatile to have the restraints removed,” interjected Dirk. “I am authorizing you to cut off her clothes.”

  The woman, still bored, pulled a pair of scissors from a pocket. “Miss, I am going to cut your clothing off of you. If you thrash around, you’re going to get cut. We’ll have a hospital gown for you to put on.”

  Vikerness smiled and said, “If she behaves. Good girls get gowns. Are you a good girl?”

  Zoey shoved her way backward along the floor with her feet, until she was pressed against a wall. The woman closed in. Zoey put her feet up again.

  Through gritted teeth, Zoey growled, “Don’t.”

  The woman grabbed Zoey’s left foot and yanked off the shoe and sock, tossing them aside.

  She grabbed the other shoe, and Zoey reached up with the other bare foot and pressed her toes into the heel.

  There was a soft sshink and a pale, orange blur whooshed out from the toe of the shoe. A blade the shape of a chevron was now embedded in the ceiling, glowing orange, tendrils of smoke wafting off it.

  The woman yanked her hands away and stood confused for a moment. Then she looked at her hand, then down at the floor, then at her hand again. Three of her fingers were now lying at her feet. There was a faint smell of cooked flesh, the projectile having seared its way right through tendon and bone. The woman started screaming and backed away, directly into the huge, muscular, thoroughly confused man behind her.

  Zoey quickly folded up her legs and pulled her bound hands over her feet, getting them in front of her. The binding was a thick black strap that looked like plastic but felt like steel. On the floor in front of her was the pair of scissors the woman had been about to cut off Zoey’s pants with, lying there among the fingers. They looked like they’d be useless against her restraints …

  Dirk Vikerness rolled the screaming woman aside and lunged at Zoey. She aimed her foot at him and he stopped cold, unsure if her Action Shoe had another shot in it.

  It didn’t.

  He then abruptly ducked and snatched at her foot. Zoey tried to pull away but he clamped a hand around her ankle and ripped the shoe off with the other. She kicked at him with her bare feet, having little effect. Vikerness grabbed the Thor club, the end crackling and sizzling the air as he brought it toward her—

  There was a blast from right outside the RV’s door and Vikerness whipped his head around to face it. Where the latch had been, there was now a smoking hole. Vikerness pushed away from Zoey to face the door just in time to see Echo Ling appear, her cheeks and shirt splattered with blood. The stern-looking woman was still screaming on the floor nearby, clutching her mutilated hand.

  Dirk Vikerness decided that of the three woman problems he was juggling, Echo was the most pressing. He stepped toward her, then swung the lightning club in a downward arc as if to simultaneously cave in Echo’s skull and electrocute her brain. She stepped aside, let the club’s own momentum carry it downward, then reached out and directed the club right into the man’s own foot.

  He growled and fell to his knees.

  Zoey scrambled to her feet, snatched up the scissors in her bound hands, and said, “HEY!”

  Dirk Vikerness turned and as he did so, received a pair of scissors in his right eye socket.

  He screamed and collapsed against the wall. He felt around his face, frantically trying to figure out what had just happened to him. Echo was yelling for Zoey to come with her, to get to the helicopter.

  Zoey started in that direction, then on the way she stopped, gathered herself, and kicked Di
rk Vikerness right in the stabbed eyeball with her bare foot, slamming the butt of the scissors, shoving the blades deep into the man’s skull.

  He slumped over. His hands went limp.

  Echo was pulling at Zoey’s sleeve. Zoey yanked away from her, then turned to look for the stern woman, and to see if there was another sharp object for her. The woman, however, was on her hands and knees trying to gather up her stray fingers. Echo was urging Zoey along and this time, she obeyed.

  Outside the RV was utter chaos. Someone said, “Are you all right?”

  It was Wu, holding his katana above three writhing men in VOP armor who were clutching various parts of their bleeding bodies. Two of them were missing their right hands, the hands themselves still wrapped around the grips of the guns that were lying on the molten-glass floor nearby.

  Wind howled through the open space and Zoey found the big open doors of the greenhouse. Outside was a typhoon that was whipping around dust and debris, generated by Zoey’s helicopter, which was now perched out there. A ring of blinding lights had kicked on from all sides of the aircraft and a booming electronic voice was telling everyone to stay back. Behind the helicopter, in the distance, were more headlights. Backup was coming down one of the industrial park roads, and presumably not from Zoey’s side. Wu whipped out a blade that quickly melted its way through Zoey’s restraints. The three of them ran for the exit, Zoey acutely aware that her bare feet were becoming sticky with other people’s blood.

  A VOP guard intercepted them on the way to the door, rifle raised. There was a buzz from above them, then a projectile zipped down through the air and hit the guy right in a patch of exposed neck between his helmet and shoulder pads. The projectile popped and crackled and the man screamed, clutching his neck, smoke wafting out of the wound.

  The shot had come from a drone hovering overhead. It followed as they ran to the door, escorting them to the aircraft. Wu was bringing up the rear, covering their retreat. Zoey tumbled into the helicopter after Echo. As Wu was closing the door, Zoey took one look back into the greenhouse, at the RV. A VOP guard was looking into the vehicle, trying to make sense of what he was seeing. He had pulled off his helmet and just before the helicopter’s door slammed shut, the guard turned and looked right at Zoey, an expression on his face that said, “My god, what did you do?”

 

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