by Lacey Heart
“I want you…” Colby whispers after what feels like an age of silence. “I’ll always want you, princess.” Colby says the word so fiercely and with so much passion that without our history I’d almost be fooled into believing they could possibly be true. His voice is so soft and gentle, something which is usually reserved for the select few important people in his life, and it leaves goosepimples all over my bare flesh.
Colby Carter is my weakness.
He’s my most hidden and forbidden deepest desire, and I’m sure he knows it too. But all of that means nothing when those feelings aren’t reciprocated. I know I really need to try harder this time. I need to push myself to fight harder to resist him and his devilish charms. Never have I ever let a man walk all over me, and there’s no way on God’s green earth that I’m about to start with the likes of Colby fucking Carter.
“Really?” I raise my brows in disbelief. “Because I’m sure that isn’t what you told Hadley.” I remind him and I’m pretty impressed with myself. I even feel like rewarding myself with a virtual high-five, but I manage to keep myself all calm and collected.
I know there’s a time and place to discuss what happened back at Sinner’s and I know that time and place isn’t right now, but a girl has to stand her ground. Colby seems to think he can just wind me up and reel me in whenever he feels like it, and without so much as a second thought for anyone else’s feelings.
Not mine.
Not Hadley’s.
And definitely not Tiffanies.
Colby lets out a heavy sigh next to me and for a brief moment, it kind of feels like and sounds like he’s carrying the weight of the world on his broad, muscular shoulders. “You seriously want to go there? Right now?” He asks and his voice sounds tired and completely void of any emotion. That shouldn’t surprise me all too much because everyone knows Colby and emotions have never gone hand in hand. Personally, I don’t think they ever will.
“I didn’t want to…” I confess quietly as I sit up and pull the black satin sheet up and around my body as I try to use them as a protective barrier between me and Colby. Not that they would help me because if Colby wanted them gone, they’d be gone. “But then as usual, you decided to take it upon yourself to invade my privacy as though you of all people have the right to do so.” Nerves consume me now I’m under the direct heat of his gray eyes and I fumble and push a stray strand of hair behind me ear, trying to distract myself from the raw hunger that I find there. “I mean nothing to you, Colby, and I never will. The sooner you start to act that way the better this will be for the both of us. We’re getting way too old for these stupid little games we keep playing. We’re not kids anymore.”
The words pain me as they slice my throat, but we both know it’s nothing but the truth. It doesn’t matter how much it hurts. How can we even try to carry on like this? Especially when far too many people will get hurt along the way? Myself included, and I’m wise enough to know I’ll be the one who takes the biggest hit emotionally. I only just about managed to survive him last time and I don’t think I’ll be as lucky this time around.
“Did you really want me to tell Hadley about us?” His eyes grow wide as he tries his best to figure me out. “If you did then I’ll go wake her now and come clean. Don’t think I’m not man enough to do it because I am. I guess I just wanted to protect her for a while longer. And you.”
I know he’s talking to me but all I really heard was Colby referring to me and him as an us—plural—two things together, and I really wish that could be a possibility. But I also know that life would never be that kind. One thing I’ve learned is it’s definitely no fairytale.
“Protect yourself, you mean?” I mutter instead, and I know he’s heard me loud and clear. “I can’t do this, Colby.” I finally admit out loud and my voice is firm and full of confidence that I don’t really feel. I know they’re nothing but empty words with not the tiniest amount of weight behind them. “We have way too much history for this to work. You have Tiffanie, and I have…”
“Me.” Colby finishes my sentence for me just before his soft, blissful lips press down hard against mine and my whole body betrays me from just one touch, and I can’t help but go lax from the heat of his body moving closer to mine. The feeling of him this close to me is something I have been craving for far too long, and I already know I don’t hold the energy or willpower within me to push him away.
Deep down in my foolish and reckless heart I know I don’t really want to push him away either. No. What I really want is to hold him tight, feel him close and never, ever have to let him go. Because when we are alone like this, it really feels like we’re two souls destined to be together, but something somewhere doesn’t agree and keeps getting in the way.
The small, yet rational part of my brain is telling me this is all kinds of wrong. I know that small part of my brain is right and crying out for me to listen to it, but I can’t. I should be doing everything in my power to stop this—to push him away, and my mixed emotions battle it out while Colby’s tongue slowly glides inside my mouth, and the rest is as they say, history. It’s fucking game over as my whole mind, body and soul succumb to him.
My body automatically responds to his touch, just as it’s always done, and I willingly allow his mouth to claim mine time and time again. And, it doesn’t matter how much I’ll suffer when this is over, because right now, nothing else matters except me and Colby, together in this moment.
CHAPTER FIVE
WILLOW
“You’ll always have me.”
Colby mouths the words around our kiss and once again I stupidly fall under his hypnotic spell. I already know that believing things Colby says in the heat of the moment is nothing but reckless and possibly one of my biggest downfalls. He knows just what to say to keep me right where he wants me, and I should be punished for being so naïve.
Colby has only ever been full of empty promises. He’s also never been capable of caring for anyone other than himself. Well, maybe Hadley at a stretch, but that’s about it.
Arching my back, losing myself in all things Colby, I shimmy across the bed and allow him some room to slide under the sheets beside me and he’s quick to growl out his appreciation as he bites down hard on my bottom lip before sucking the pain away and I stifle out my own moan.
I know he sees my scars. Slithers of silver dancing on my flesh but he doesn’t say anything. Instead, his hands roam around freely, accepting them for what they are; a piece of me. My body’s a whole lot different from how it used to be, but fortunately Colby hasn’t asked questions and made it into a big deal.
I try my best to stay quiet, but damn it’s almost impossible when he’s this close to me and doing things to my body that only Colby can. I won’t lie—it feels incredible to be connected like this. It feels like we’re two missing pieces of a jigsaw puzzle finally slotting together the way they we’re designed to be, and I wish it could be like this all the time. I know it’s crazy to think this could be anything more than just two desperately reckless souls who tear each other apart only to fuck and make up and tear each other apart some more. It’s fucking insane.
I know I’m stupid to think that this could ever lead to anything more but right here in these surreal moments between us, my mind has a tendency to wander. It’s wanders to places it has no right to go.
No. This needs to be our little secret.
No one else can ever find out about what we share within these walls when no one else is around. Not Tiffanie, and certainly not Hadley. Jeez, the consequences don’t even bear thinking about.
Sure, I feel terrible for lying to her. For betraying her in the worst way possible, but at the same time I’ve also forced myself to deny my desire for Colby for far too long. Plus, after the way Hadley treated me before, how quick she was to jump down my throat. How quick she was to accuse me of doing the dirty with her brother, I don’t even know why I’m so bothered.
She didn’t come to find me after I left Sinners. She didn’t go out of her way
to see if I was okay after she’d just accused me of being a home wrecking whore. Well, she didn’t say it in those exact words, but I knew what she was getting at. And, damn that hurt. Hadley instantly took her brothers side and left me to my own devices.
My best friend hung me out to dry.
Personally, I think that says a whole lot more about our friendship and how she values it. I also think of her brother laid in bed next to me and I know how two-faced that is. But given half the chance I would have told her everything. I would have told her the truth, and nothing but the whole truth. But that choice was taken right out of my hands when Hadley managed to make her own mind up in a nano-second. Without even hearing a word I had to say. I guess she probably already had her mind set before she even stepped foot inside the office.
Oh, this is so fucked up.
I want to scream until my lungs bleed. Why the hell did Colby have to come back to Redlake? All he’s done since he arrived here is mess everything up, not to mention opening a shit-ton of wounds. I know it’s double-standards at its best, but Hadley and me—we’re supposed to be best friends. Sisters we chose for life, and yet I got nothing from her. No support—fucking zilch.
“Colby,” I sigh heavily as goosepimples prickle my skin as his big, strong hands caress my shoulder.
“Don’t ruin it,” he purrs back at me.
I ignore him. “You know this is all kinds of wrong, don’t you?” I finally channel enough strength to pull away from his lips and I feel empty and cold from the loss of contact. “We shouldn’t be doing this.” I try to plead with him, but I know I’m really only trying to plead with myself.
Colby’s eyes narrow and I struggle to focus on him as the heat and passion he’s projecting seeps in and burns deep inside me, setting my soul alight. “It’s like you said, princess. We’re not kids anymore. We’re two grown-ass adults who are old enough to make our own decisions. So what if other people don’t like them. They don’t have to. Everyone’s full of opinions and you know they’d get over it eventually.”
Colby sound deadly serious and she’s so certain of his words and it makes me panic a little on the inside. “We can’t tell them. We can’t tell anyone.”
“But I thought that’s what you wanted. No more secrets.” Colby presses his head against mine and I hate feeling like this. Feeling torn. I don’t want to keep lying, but I know if the truth comes out, I’ll be the one who ends up with nothing. I finally breathe out the air I’ve been holding in and my stomach feels heavy. There’s no way I could have heard him right? Coming clean has to be the last thing on his mind too. My eyes frantically search his in the moonlight as it shines bright through the window, and I know mine must be filled with fear when he chuckles ever so slightly, and his muscular chest rumbles under my touch.
“Quit panicking, princess.” His lips press against my nose and I breathe him in. Not the best thing to do when I need to focus on regulating my breathing, but then that’s almost impossible to do when Colby’s around. “I’m not planning to out us. But never say never.”
I watch him some more, a little more satisfied that this little thing we have going on—whatever this is—will be staying between the two of us. For now, at least.
And just like that, I lean back and grant him full access to my body, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t feel euphoric.
CHAPTER SIX
WILLOW
I open my eyes and a sense of unease washes over me.
It’s still dark outside and I can tell from the heavy breathing beside me that I’m not alone.
What the hell?
My mind wanders back to last night. To Colby. To me and Colby. Oh, fuck. To me and Colby doing all the things we shouldn’t be doing.
Holy shit. Why is he still here? Is he trying to get us caught? What is he playing at? It sounds to me like this doesn’t phase him to much as he’s fast asleep sprawled across the bed. Well, I guess it’s still technically his bed, but that’s totally irrelevant right now.
This guy must be fucking crazy.
Wait, of course he is. No doubt the possibility of getting caught will only add to the thrill of it for him. The stupid son of a bitch and his twisted games.
Fear suddenly creeps in and consumes me—every single part of me. What am I supposed to do if the others are already awake and see him escaping my room in the early hours? Our cover will well and truly be blown. It will be game over.
There will be hell to pay, for sure. And I could really do with a rare drama-free day—just for once. My head needs a break from the erratic rollercoaster of emotions it’s currently riding.
But this is me we’re talking about and I know that’s never gonna happen. There’s more chance of Colby being perfect boyfriend material than me having an easy ride through life. My fate was set a hell of a long time ago.
That’s fine though. I’m at peace with what life has thrown at me. My problem right now s how I’m supposed to get out of this crazy-ass situation. I guess there’s really only one place to start, and man am I scared. I’m totally petrified of what I’ll find, of what’s to come. None of us can guess how this will play out.
Instead, I brace myself, give myself a little pep-talk and slowly roll over to see what awaits me, and I find Colby sleeping peacefully by my side. I won’t lie, it’s a surreal feeling. One I never thought I’d ever experience in this lifetime. I know I shouldn’t get a head of myself because even though it looks it, I know it’s not real. Colby and I will never be a thing and it’s crazy to even think that would ever be on the table.
In truth, we’re just two messed up souls who keep going back to each other. It doesn’t matter how much we try to stop it, or how much time has passed between us, nor how much we truly hate each other, one way or another we’ll always end up back in each other’s arms time and time again.
“Colby.” I whisper out on a hiss after failing to rouse him from his sleep. I’d love to shout down his ear, but I’m petrified of waking Hadley and Tiffanie. “Colby,” I hiss again, more urgent this time. “Colby, wake the fuck up.”
He doesn’t say anything as he slowly opens his eyes and when they finally focus, he smiles his wicked smile at me, and with just one look I could melt back into the sheets with him. I could quite happily shut out the rest of the world forever.
If only it were that easy.
He looks so different lay here next to me. Gone is the hard exterior of Colby Carter and in its place is the cute and vulnerable boy who stole my heart all those years ago. I like him so much more when he’s like this. But there’s no way I’d ever be able to confess that to him. He’d never let me live it down, and his ego is big enough for the two of us—and then some.
“Morning, princess.” He smirks, thoroughly enjoying my discomfort.
“Colby, now really isn’t the time for games.” My voice is firm, and he smiles some more. “You need to hurry up and get the hell out of my room before anyone sees you.” The panic is clear in my voice. Neither one of us can mistake it, and the longer he’s here without so much as a goddamn care in the world, the more it festers.
I hate all this sneaking around. It’s not for me, but even though it sucks, I also know it can’t be any other way. What we share here—between these satin sheets is ours. This is solely between the two of us.
It’s intense.
It’s passionate.
And it’s wrong on so many levels.
We’ve tried to fight it, this unbreakable connection that we share but it’s impossible. We’ve tried so hard to stay away from each other. Well, I know I have and no matter what I do, I always end up back in his arms.
He nuzzles closer to me, his eyes fixing on mine as he finally says, “I think you mean my room.”
“Oh, whatever.” I shrug. “You know what I mean so quit being a smart-ass. Now isn’t the time for specifics.” I scowl and his laidback composure does absolutely nothing to ease my spiking nerves. “And it’s definitely no time for games.” I try to warn
him in my best serious voice, but I know he isn’t taking this as serious as he should be doing. “Hadley will be up and moving around the house soon. She’s still an early riser.”
“She’s not the only one.” He laughs and pulls my hand and placing it over his cock. His warm, solid cock and a sigh escapes me.
“Colby, can’t you just quit it? I’m serious about this.”
“So am I.” He thrusts his hips, letting me know that he’s totally ready to go again, and as much as I’d love to lose myself in him again, I can’t. I need him out of here and to make that happen I need to stay strong and focused, and man, he doesn’t make that easy for me.
“Stop.” I demand, with zero conviction in my voice. “I need you out of here before anyone sees you.” Jeez, the consequences aren’t even worth thinking about. No sooner have the words left my lips a thought occurs to me and hits me hard in the chest. A pang of guilt knocks the air clean out of my lungs and it leaves me breathless when I’m reminded of what we’ve done. Sure, it was all well and good in the heat of the moment, but now we’re faced with the cold, harsh reality of what lies outside these four secluded walls. “What if Tiffanie’s already noticed you didn’t make it to bed last night?” I know that if it was me, I’d definitely notice he wasn’t there, and if he wasn’t there then I’d be wondering where the hell he was. “What if she’s already on the move looking for you?”
“Fuck Tiffanie.” He growls out. His gray eyes grow dark as he leans in closer to me, and as he gets closer, he tries to capture me under his spell, distracting me as he brings his lips down to mine. I surprise myself when I suddenly find enough strength to resist his advances. Instead, I press hard onto his solid chest and push him away. “Forget about her. I already told you, she’s nothing but irrelevant.”
“And so am I when it suits you.” I quickly retort, totally unable to stop myself.
“Feel this, princess?” Colby places his hand over mine, pushing down harder on his cock and the heat intensifies under my touch. “Does this feel like you’re irrelevant to me?” He questions. His eyes search mine again as he waits for my response, but I refuse to give him what he so eagerly wants.
