by Craig Weber
inspiring, in others, 139
and listening, 122
Learning partners, 227
Leaving the room, 195–196
Letting your brain wander, 63
Lieberman, Matthew, on brain and emotions, 44–46
Lifeson, Alex, on winning and failing, 91
Light-heartedness, 96–97
Lincoln, Abraham, 79–80, 105, 129
Listening, 121–122
active, 187
engaged, 122
mindful, 59–60, 121
when inquiring into others’ hypotheses, 176–178
LLZ (leadership and learning zone), 220–222
Locus of control, internal, 104
A Long Way Down (Hornby), 167–168
Loss, Lee, 131
Ma, Yo-Yo, on passion, 95
Mandela, Nelson, on changing the world, 203
Manes, Stephanie, on experiences, 43
Manning, Richard, 123
MAPs (see Mindfulness awareness practices)
Markman, Art, 192
Marshmallow tests, 3
Martin, Roger, 120, 131
on integrative thinking, 80–81
on models, 78, 79
Mathematically measurable evidence, 150
May, Rollo, on people convinced they are right, 159
Meadows, Donella, 192
Meaningful change, 2
Meditation, 57–58
Meetings, 68–69
Mental agility, 94–95, 120–121
Mental toughness, 93–95, 123
Mental workshop, 75–85
process of, 77–85
product of, 75–77
A Mind of Its Own (Fine), 195
The Mind & The Brain (Schwartz and Begley), 32
Mindful awareness, 27–32, 57–58
Mindful listening, 59–60, 121
Mindfulness awareness practices (MAPs), 57–70
beam, noticing your, 61
books on, 69–70
breathing breaks, 59
getting outside, 61–62
for increasing personal awareness, 64–67
for increasing situational awareness, 67–69
keeping up with, 64
letting your brain wander, 63
listening, mindful, 59–60
mundane activities, 58
new things, noticing, 61
single-point attention practice, 58
taking care of yourself, 63
yoga, 62–63
Mindless awareness, 31
Mindset, 73
Mindset forward, staying, 74, 115
Mindset strategies, 115–131
affirmative bias, cultivating an, 124
anti-confirmation bias, cultivating an, 120–121
asking questions, 118, 125, 129–130
baloney detection kit, sharpening your, 125
books on, 130–131
constructive orientation, cultivating a, 129
films, watching, 130
good, focusing on the, 125
goofing off, 127–128
humor, looking for, 128
“Indianapolis Journal,” 116–117
integrative thinking, employing, 119–120
listening, 121–122
mental toughness, building your, 123
mistakes, celebrating, 127
others, studying, 129
overall discipline, building your, 122–123
refocusing, 125
risk, rethinking, 128
self-talk, changing your, 126
SysQ, increasing your, 118–119
Mindsight, 36
Minimizing (min reactions), 16, 21, 37
and candor skills, 138
keeping a journal of, 64–65
and naming/taming, 44, 46, 138
triggers of, 42
Mipham, Sakyong, 70
Mirror, looking in the, 7
Mischel, Walter, 3
Mistakes:
celebrating, 127
keeping track of, 117
Misunderstanding, 138, 140
Molière, 116
Montaigne, Michel de, 29
Moreira, Airto, 49, 215
Morin, Amy, 130
Morton-Thiokol, 84–85
Moving forward, 203–216
alternatives to, 204
collaborative design for, 204–208
and conversational game plan, 208–211
and “heads-up display,” 214–216
and staying in the sweet spot, 211–214
See also Personal plan
Mullane, Mike, 37
Mundane activities, 58
Najaf, Iraq, 50–51
Naming and taming, 44–47, 65, 138, 211–212
Negativity, 124
Nesbett, Richard, 131
New things, noticing, 61
Newton, Isaac, 1
Nhat Hanh, Thich, 70
Nichols, Michael P., 131
Nohria, Nitin, on communication, 11
Nonverbal communication, 175–176
Nurturing, 109
Observable evidence, 150
“On the Reception and Detection of Pseudo-Profound Bullshit” (article), 83
On Writing Well (Zinsser), 141
Ongoing practice, 64
Open-mindedness, 100
Operationalized emotional intelligence, 38–39
Opinion-based reasoning, 157–158
Opportunities, identifying, 221–222
The Opposable Mind (Martin), 78, 80, 120
Organizations, 232–233
Othello (Shakespeare), 111
Others:
being attuned to behaviors of, 53–54
focusing on, 50
helping, to speak up, 182
inspiring learning in, 139
partnering with, 5–6, 99–100, 227
questions to ask about view of, 190–191
studying, 129
Out-of-control emotions, 33
Overall discipline, building your, 122–123
Overdoing it, avoiding, 154–155
Pacing yourself, 6
Partnering with others, 5–6, 99–100, 227
Passion, 95–96
Passive approach, active vs., 13
The Path of Least Resistance (Fritz), 7, 218
Patience, 6, 97
Patterns:
paying attention to, 67–68
and purpose, 34, 50, 54–55
Paying attention, 27
See also Disciplined awareness
Peck, M. Scott, 176–178, 217
Peripheral vision, 30
Persistence, 6–7, 97
Personal awareness, 33, 35–48
of bodily sensations, 41–42
and catching your reactions, 43–44, 46–47
of cognitive reactions, 40–41
defined, 36
of emotional reactions, 36–40
MAPs for increasing, 64–67
and naming/taming your reactions, 44–47
and situational awareness, 51–52
situational vs., 33–34
of triggers, 47
value of, 47–48
of your personality/behaviors, 42
Personal plan, 217–229
defined, 217
developing your, 186
identifying practices for your, 223–224
leadership and learning zone for creating a, 220–222
progress and accountability strategy for your, 224–228
structural tension for creating a, 218–220
Personality assessments, 67
Personality traits, 42
Perspectives:
holding your, 161–162
integrating, 80–82
pooling of, 77–78, 118
Pillay, Srini, on exercise, 63
Pinker, Steven, on language, 135
Planning the conversation, 209
Point of view, 53, 173–174
Pooling perspectives, 77–78, 118
Popper, Karl, 138
Position, stating your (see Stating your position)
Position practices, 186–189
Power:
and candor skills, 138
recognizing your, 232–233
The Power Paradox (Keltner), 138
Predictive Index® (PI) Behavioral Assessment, 67
Priming the conversation, 210–211
Proactive trigger scanning, 47
Problem(s):
seeing, 36
taking, to the team, 18–19
Procedural fairness, 86
Process, respect for and involvement in the, 86
Progress:
intentional, 232
making, 224–228
Purpose, and patterns, 34, 50, 54–55, 67–68
Putnam, George, vii
Qigong, 63
Questions:
asking, 118, 125, 129–130, 205
Ratey, John J., 123
Rational mind, 43
Reactions:
catching your, 43–44, 46–47
cognitive, 40–41
emotional, 36–40
naming/taming, 44–47
to someone’s point of view, 173–174
Real Leadership (Williams), 131
Realistic, being, 91–93
Reflecting back, 65
Refocusing, 74, 125, 212
Relaxing, 127–128
Rephrasing, 188
Respect for the process, 86
Responsibility orientation, 104–107
Responsible self-talk, 106–107
Review, scheduling your, 227
Riel, Jennifer, 120, 131
Risk, rethinking, 128
The Road Less Traveled (Peck), 176–178
Road map, showing your, 156
Robbins, Tom, 91, 171
Rogers Commission, 84–85
Rohn, Jim, 185
Role-playing, 209
Roosevelt, Franklin, 141, 142
Routine issues, 68
Russell, Bertrand:
on being certain, 163
on looking at the facts, 83
on wasting time, 127
Sacred cows, 2
Sagan, Carl, 84, 125, 131, 157, 192, 197
Schein, Edgar H., 172, 200
Schulz, Kathryn, 117, 130, 162–163, 197
Schwartz, Jeffrey, 32
The Science of Positivity (Breuning), 124
Scoring, of meetings, 68–69
Seeking agreement, 173
Self-awareness, 32, 42, 43, 55, 64
See also Personal awareness
Self-discipline, 3
Self-talk:
changing your, 126
constructive, 110
destructive, 112
responsible, 106–107
victim, 108
Senses, 40–41
Sensorial evidence, 150
Seppalla, Emma, on overwork, 128
Serious-mindedness, 96–97
Sharpening your skills, 185–200
inquiry practices for, 197–200
position practices for, 186–189
testing practices for, 192–197
thinking practices for, 189–192
and your personal plan, 186
Shaw, George Bernard, 82
Shorter, Wayne, on the self, 43
Siegel, Dan, 69, 70
on mindsight, 36
on sixth sense, 40–41
Sighing, 175–176
Simple, keeping things, 154–155
Single-point attention practice, 58
Sistani, Grand Ayatollah, 50
Sisu, 94
Situation, interpreting the, 41
Situational awareness, 34, 49–56
and cognitive empathy, 53–54
and contextual consciousness, 50
defined, 49
and focus on patterns/purpose, 54–55
importance of, 55–56
MAPs for increasing, 67–69
and personal awareness, 51–52
Six Thinking Hats (De Bono), 166
Sixth sense, 41
Skilled incompetence, 44
Skills:
concepts vs., 185
four foundational, 136–137
See also Candor skills; Curiosity skills; Sharpening your skills
Slavery, 104–106
Smalley, Susan L., 69
Smalls, Robert, 104–106
Smirking, 175–176
Social intelligence, 56
Soderquist, Chris, 69, 118, 119
Solutions, searching for, 19–20
Sounds, listening to, 60
South Carolina, 105
Space Shuttle Challenger disaster, 84–85
Space to choose, 37–38
Stanford University, 62
State legislatures, 81
Stating your position, 139–145
and avoiding unnecessary harshness, 143–144
and being compelling, 142–143
clarifying points when, 144–145
clarity when, 141
concision when, 142
cost of failure when, 140–141
topic sentences for, 139–140
Statistically measurable evidence, 150
Stock-and-flow diagrams, 191
Stockdale, James, 91–92
“Stockdale Paradox,” 91–92
Stress:
breathing breaks for reducing, 59
and mental toughness, 93
“The stronger, the better” rule, 167–169
Structural tension, 7, 218–220
Strunk, William, 142
Sweet spot, 89–101
and action-orientation, 97–98
and affirmative bias, 91–93
attributes of, 90–91
and mental toughness, 93–95
and open-mindedness, 100
and passion/compassion, 95–96
and persistence, 97
and serious-mindedness, 96–97
staying in the, 211–214
and working alone vs. partnering, 99–100
Systemic analysis, 151
Systemic intelligence (SysQ), 69, 118–119, 191
Systems thinking, 69, 191
Tai chi, 63
Taking care of yourself, 63
Taking the lead, 232
Taming your reactions, 44–47
Tan, Chade-Meng, 59, 70
Tavris, Carol, 131, 197
Team, taking the problem to the, 18–19
Testing practices, 192–197
Testing your hypothesis, 160–169
and being candid, 163
benefits of, 164
and cognitive bias, 162–163
examples of, 165–167
and holding your perspectives, 161–162
inquiring vs., 172
and “the stronger, the better” rule, 167–169
Thinking:
clear, 87
critical, 83–85, 100, 118–119
facets of, 147–149
helping others see your (see Helping others see your thinking)
integrative, 80–81, 118–120
systems, 69
Thinking practices, 189–192
Thorndike, Edward, on social intelligence, 56
Tierney, John, 131
Topic sentences, 139–140
Tracy, Brian, on people with internal locus of control, 104
Traits, personality, 42
Transformation, of experience, with mindful awareness, 31–32
Trigger journal, keeping a, 64–65
Triggers:
awareness of, 42
scanning for, 47
Triggers (Goldsmith), 226
Trust, 86–87
University of Chicago, 62
U.S. Air Force, 207–208
U.S. Coast Guard Training Manual, 49
Validated evidence, 150
Values, 73
Van Hecke, Madeleine, on discovering our blind spots, 120
>
Verbal aggressiveness, 174–175
Victim orientation, 107–108
Victim self-talk, 108
Vision, 7
creating your, 219–220
peripheral, 30
Wall Street Journal, 60
Weissbourd, Richard, 39
Welesa, Lech, 129
White, E. B., 142
Whitney, Diana, 200
Why Buddhism Is True (Wright), 66
“Why,” explaining, 180
Williams, Dean, 131
on avoiding excessive certainty, 121
on ideal partners, 99–100
on real leadership, 1
Willink, Jocko, on discipline, 122–123
Winning (win reactions), 2, 16, 21, 37
and feelings, 66
keeping a journal of, 64
and naming/taming, 44, 46
triggers of, 42
Winston, Diana, 69
Working alone, 99
Workplaces, engaged/healthy/adaptive, vii
Wright, Robert, 66, 70
Wrong, being, 193
“Yellow Hat” test, 166
Yes to the Mess (Barrett), 95, 131
Yoga, 62–63
Yousafzai, Malala, 129
Zinsser, William, 141, 154
“Zoom In, Zoom Out” technique, 39–40
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
CRAIG WEBER is the founder of The Weber Consulting Group, an alliance of experts committed to helping people build healthy, engaged, and adaptive organizations. He shows people and teams how to improve their performance by treating dialogue as a discipline. An award-winning consultant, advisor, and speaker, he has worked with leaders and teams from 40 different countries and from such diverse organizations as: Boeing, Kaiser Permanente, Royal Bank of Canada (RBC), Ingram Micro, Pfizer, SAP, Pancreatic Cancer Action Network (PanCAN), The Medical University of South Carolina, Clif Bar, PricewaterhouseCoopers (PwC), NASA, Los Alamos National Laboratory, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the U.S. Air Force, and Vistage International, among others. He is the author of Conversational Capacity: The Secret to Building Successful Teams That Perform When the Pressure Is On.
To learn more about Craig’s unique work, visit www.conversationalcapacity.com
