God, it had been years since she’d felt this way, like a giddy school girl. But as the sheets cooled and the night wore on, other thoughts had begun creeping in. Thoughts of other bikers, ones who didn’t share Connor’s views on the sanctity of life. Ones that likely knew her name. Did they know where she lived? About Emily? All remnants of bliss had fled, and she’d jumped from bed, dressing quickly. A thorough check of every door and window in the house had followed, ending in Emily’s room. There she’d sat for nearly an hour, simply staring at the face of her slumbering angel. She was so sweet, and still so tiny, curled up in the corner of her “big girl bed.” Emily had been so excited the day they’d bought it. It was white with pink heart accents, including a large heart cut into the woodwork of the headboard. Emily loved it and called it her princess bed, and sound asleep in the soft light of her nightlight, she looked exactly like that.
Finally, Ava had stood and walked back to the living room, but she couldn’t relax. She couldn’t let anything from that world touch Emily. Who was she kidding? She’d protect her daughter with her life, but it would be a quick fight. She was petite herself and had no training in anything whatsoever. She’d barely handled a gun, for God’s sake. Connor had promised to keep them both safe, and Ava believed with all her heart that he’d do just that, but would one man be enough? And how could she ask that of him without him knowing the truth?
It was time. No more putting it off, no more waiting for the right moment. There wouldn’t ever be a right moment for telling a man she’d kept a secret like this. But she had to tell him now, and then pray that he’d still keep Emily safe. If he walked away from her, then Ava wouldn’t blame him, but she hoped to God he’d still keep Emily under his protection. She’d beg, if she had to.
Her phone rang again as she was reaching out for it, almost causing her to snap her hand back when Connor’s name appeared on the screen. Doc. She’d programmed it in like that after she’d overheard the nickname. It suited him down to the ground. Maybe, if a miracle happened and he forgave her, she’d start calling him that. He seemed more comfortable with it somehow, and he’d definitely more than earned it. She sucked in a deep breath. First, she had to get through this. “Connor. I need you to come over. Please.”
Twenty minutes more of pacing across the living room, her doorbell rang, making her flinch. God, she was jumpy tonight. She’d alternated the pacing with sitting on the lounge biting her nails, a habit she thought she’d broken years ago. She almost sprinted to the door, remembering at the last moment to look through the peephole before opening it. Geez, if she was going to ask Connor to put literally everything on the line for her, the least she could do was not be a total idiot.
When the door swung open, revealing Connor standing there on her porch, Ava let out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding. His hair glinted in the porch light as she looked him over. Wherever he’d rushed off to in such a hurry several hours before, he didn’t look any worse for—wait. She frowned as her gaze fell to his hands. Shoved into his jeans pockets, it didn’t hide the bandana wrapped around his knuckles, or the abrasions on the skin on the back of his hand. Her heart raced at the sight of even a small amount of blood. That was Connor’s blood. She needed it to stay inside him, forever. She leaned forward, grabbing at his hand. “Everything okay?”
Connor ran his other hand through his hair, giving away his mood. He let her caress his hand for a few seconds more before withdrawing it, shoving it back in his pocket, minus the bandana. “Just got a bit frustrated, is all.”
Okay, so he’d punched a wall or something, not got into a fight with someone. That was . . . heartening? It eased her mind a little, at least, knowing he hadn’t been in immediate danger. Since they’d first seen each other again, it felt like they’d been thrown from one emergency to the next. They needed a break, just one night, where she could catch her breath and do what needed to be done. To tell Connor the truth. Ava ignored her thumping heart, which kicked up further at the thought of what she was about to do, and reached for Connor’s hand again, guiding him inside. This time, he let her. She kept walking, right to the couch and then sat down, pulling him with her.
Connor immediately went to draw her into his arms, but she pulled back. Her heart broke a little at the look on his face when she moved out of the hold of his arms, but there was no way she could do this with his arms wrapped around her. She needed to keep her head, and look him in the eye, when she told him. “Connor, Doc . . .” She didn’t miss the way his eyes lit up when she used the nickname, or the small quirk of a smile on his lips. Damn it. Why did he have to look so amazing when she was about to blow his world apart? Her hands trembled, and she sucked in a breath. Here went nothing. Maybe it was like a Band-Aid, rip it off quickly. A short moment of pain, but then it was all over. Who was she kidding? He was likely never going to get over this, never going to forgive her. Never going to . . .
“Ava? Talk to me, gorgeous. You’re starting to scare me.” He hadn’t touched her again, yet, but Connor’s injured hand hovered only inches away from hers.
“I have something to tell you.” Breathe in, breathe out . . . just don’t pass out. “Something about Emily.”
Confusion clouded his face but then quickly resolved. His mouth set in a firm line as fire blazed in his eyes. “Ava, honey, you don’t have to worry. When I promised to protect you, I meant both of you. She’ll be safe, I swear it.”
He reached for her again, and Ava had to resist the urge to jump up and start pacing again. “No!” His brow furrowed and she shuffled back. She had to get this out, now. “Connor, I found out after you’d left. I tried to find you, I promise you that. I looked everywhere, called everyone I could think of that you’d ever mentioned, even childhood friends. It was as if you’d dropped off the face of the earth.” A small, traitorous tear dripped out of one eye, but she kept going. “Eventually, I had to face facts. You were either dead, or you didn’t want to be found.”
At the time, she hadn’t known which was worse. During those long nights, her mind had tortured her with visions of Connor lying dead in some ditch somewhere, or comatose in an intensive care ward, no one knowing who he was. “I didn’t know what to do.” Her hands fell to her belly instinctively. “But someone wasn’t going to let me wait, let me wallow forever. I thought about giving her up for adoption at first, but the moment I felt her move inside me, that was it. I was her mama, and it was my job to give her the best life possible. Even if . . . ” her voice hitched. “Even if I couldn’t find her daddy.”
She looked over at Connor. He didn’t move. Ava leaned forward. She’d expected him to look slightly dazed, but his eyes were as sharp as ever. They weren’t looking at her, though. No, his gaze was focused to the left, somewhere over on the other side of the room. She followed where he was looking. Oh, God. His gaze was locked on Emily’s baby photo. The day Ava brought her home from the hospital, the photo framed and hanging over the mantle. She looked back to Connor. His body was held stiff.
“Connor? I’m so sorry. She’s yours. Emily is your daughter.”
19
Doc
At Ava’s words, Doc’s head snapped back. The room swam, still spinning lightly, and he shook his head to get rid of the last of the disorientation. He’d forgotten where he was for a moment. That was a bad move at any time, but something he couldn’t afford right now, even though his whole body felt like it was going into shock.
He wasn’t an idiot, he’d done the math, but it had been an inexact science. All he’d known was Emily’s age, not her birthday. Ava could just have easily fallen pregnant in the months after he’d left. He wouldn’t have blamed her one bit for that. Just because he hadn’t been able to move on, it didn’t mean he’d expected her to remain celibate. He’d left. It had all been his fault.
A rush of adrenaline pulsed through him. At the time, the wall that had built itself between them had seemed insurmountable. His grief, his anger, what he realized now had likely been
PTSD. But, God. If he’d known what—who—he was leaving behind. He would have found a way, damn it. He would have made it work. He searched her face, looking for a reason, any explanation at all, why.
“I tried calling.” Her voice was quiet, distant, as if she was half a world away. The way his head was still spinning, maybe she was. “But the phone kept going to voicemail. After a while it stopped going anywhere, just a robot voice telling me the number was disconnected. I tried searching for you, even hired a PI for a while, but there was no trace.” She sat on the edge of the couch, gingerly, as if she was expecting him to jump up at any moment, to fly into a rage. Instead, all he felt was shell shocked. His eyes went back to the photos over her mantle. Damn, he couldn’t take his eyes off them. Emily. She was so small, so perfect. Missing out on so much precious time. It hurt like a bullet to the gut. But it hadn’t been her fault.
“That’s because Connor Mills ceased to exist.” His fingers steepled in front of him, his elbows on his knees. He wanted to badly to draw her into his arms, to pretend that everything between them was happy and safe, but he couldn’t. The wall that had built up between them all those years ago was there again, invisible but surely growing sturdier. Could he let that happen again? Could he walk away? “I couldn’t think of another way out, but I needed it all to stop.” All the same emotions that he’d felt then threatened to swallow him whole all over again. “I wasn’t anyone for a good while, until Levi found me, brought me under his wing, and I became Doc.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I found a purpose again. But damn, all this time . . .”
“I’m sorry.” Ava’s head was dropped, her eyes fixed on the floor, with a look of sorrow and guilt on her face that made his heart ache. “Connor, if I could do it all again, I swear . . .”
He couldn’t bear it a moment longer. He’d been an idiot before, running. He wasn’t going to make that mistake again, no matter what the reason. They had some shit to work through, most definitely, but he was sticking around to do it. It was his duty, and his honor.
He dropped to his knees and captured her face in his hands. “I know,” he said, then captured her lips with his. Ava let out a small squeal of surprise, and he wrapped her in his arms, finally holding her as closely as he’d needed all along as he deepened the kiss. She groaned and softened beneath him, molding to his body as her lips gave way to his tongue, thrusting and tangling with hers. His cock grew hard in his pants, and his hips thrust forward, seeking contact. There would be many more nights to come where he made her scream with bliss. That much he knew, but first there was something he needed to do.
“Can I see her?”
20
Ava
Ava’s heart thudded in her chest, but she couldn’t wipe the smile off her face. Her hand trembled, but this time from relief. Connor had been confused, then mad, everything she’d expected. But then just as she’d expected him to storm out of her house, to leave her alone as she deserved, he’d shocked the hell out of her. He’d forgiven her, and then he’d kissed the living daylights out of her. His lips had been firm and full of promise—about that moment and whatever came tomorrow. He was the real deal. Whatever had happened between them in the past was just that, in the past. It was time to get over her own anger and grief and start anew with her little family. Her heart sang at the idea of her, Emily, and Connor being a real family. She didn’t care about him being in the club. It was a part of him, and it made him happy, made him who he was clearly meant to be. He had offered to lay down his life for their daughter, without hesitation. She trusted his judgement implicitly. If he said the other guys, the Steel Kings, were the good guys, then they were. It was as simple as that.
But then he’d asked if he could look in on Emily, to see his daughter with new eyes now he knew the truth. There was such simple hope in his eyes that there was no way she could deny the request, even if it meant waking up a sleeping toddler. Ava normally tiptoed around the house after she’d put Emily to bed, in a probably vain attempt not to disturb her, but in that moment, she couldn’t bring herself to care if Emily was up for the rest of the night. The three of them had a lot of time to make up for. “I’ll go check in on her. If she’s awake, I’ll bring her out, otherwise you can come sit with her awhile.”
Connor nodded and her smile broadened. Could this be real? Had he really forgiven her so easily, and was he ready to move forward? It all seemed like a dream. She stood, pausing to drop one last slow kiss on his lips and then ambled down the hall. Despite the urgency she’d felt just before she’d told Connor the truth, she wanted to take her time now. This was a special moment, one she wanted to enjoy fully. She just had to get her head back down from the clouds first. Ava opened Emily’s door, leaving the hall light off. The soft glow of the nightlight was usually enough for her to see across the room, just enough to see if Emily was asleep or awake. But all that greeted her when she opened the door was a rumpled bed sheet.
She frowned, tightening her grip on the doorknob. Usually, she’d see Emily’s face clearly from the door. But the only thing she could see right now was the giant teddy bear her daughter insisted on sleeping with. Bought as a farewell gift from her colleagues at her last job, the thing was bigger than Emily, but she couldn’t get enough of it. Ava could relate. Cuddling up to something big and warm was a fabulous way to fall asleep. A smile played on the corners of her mouth as she reached over to switch on the hall light. She must have shuffled down to the foot of the bed. Emily had done that often in her crib, before she’d swapped to her new bed when they’d moved here, nearly giving Ava a heart attack more than once. Coupled with the giant bear, it would be easy to miss her tiny daughter in among the tangle of the sheets. But now, with the room lit further, there was still no sign of her.
She stepped forward quickly, not caring if her footsteps disturbed Emily. That just meant she could meet Connor now, maybe even have a sleepy cuddle or two until she dropped off again. That would be a sight Ava would treasure forever. But first she had to find her. “Emily?” She called, shivering at the quake in her own voice. She pulled the sheet back. Nothing. “Emily?” Louder this time.
Ava dropped to her knees, looking under the bed. Nothing. In the closet. Nothing. “Emily!”
Connor skidded in at her scream, swinging through the door, his hand gripping the door jamb to steady himself as he flew into the room. “Ava? What’s the matter?” His gaze moved quickly through the room, eyes narrowed as he assessed the space.
She ignored him, rising back to her feet as quickly as she could and checked the bed again, then under it, even behind the door. With every second her panic grew, until she could do nothing but stand in the middle of the room. She had nowhere else to look, nowhere else in the room a three year old could hide. Should she start searching the house? Could Emily have made it outside to the yard without her noticing? She took a step toward Emily’s open bedroom door when a cool breeze stopped her in her tracks. Where was that coming from? Ava spun around, her eyes widening as she spotted the sheer curtains covering Emily’s open window ruffling in the breeze. Why was the window open? She’d made sure it was closed when she’d put Emily to bed a few hours ago. Her stomach felt like lead as dread grew in her bones. There was no way Emily could have opened the window. It was too high for a small child to reach, and definitely too heavy.
Ava sprinted to the window, catching herself with an “ooof” on the frame as she stuck her head out, blinking to try to adjust to the darkness after the light inside. Nothing. The yard was quiet. Too quiet. Quiet enough for the faint rev of a motorbike engine to reach Ava’s ears. She clapped a hand over her mouth, stifling a scream. Seconds later, she was tugged backward. She braced herself for a fall but ended up pulled up against Connor’s chest. He held her, unmoving, his face unreadable. She twisted in his grasp. “Connor? What the hell is going on?”
Without a word, he let her go and stepped quickly back to her living room. She could hear him speak, asking for someone called Vlad, but his word
s quickly became background noise. All she could hear was the pounding of her heart and the blood rushing through her ears. She fell to her knees, clutching Emily’s blanket to her chest. Emily was just three years old, and was out there somewhere without her. She had to be so damn scared. What the hell did she do now? Ava stood, wiping away tears, her gaze hardening. There was only one answer to that. She got her daughter back. By any means necessary.
21
Doc
Doc tried to force himself to calm down, preferably before he put a fist through the wall of Ava’s living room. That wasn’t going to help anyone. Fuck! He’d only just found them both. First Ava and then Emily, and now she was gone. Snatched from right underneath his god dammed nose. Why hadn’t he heard anything? Ava’s revelation about Emily had shocked him, but they’d been right in the next room!
His jaw tensed. He was a failure, to both Ava and Emily. He’d promised to keep them safe, and now Emily was anything but. God, if they hurt a single hair on her head, then every single member of the Jokers was a dead man walking. There was no way any of them were seeing another sunrise after this. What the hell was talking Vlad so long to get to the phone? He paced the room, his muscles jangling. He needed to be out there, bike roaring down the highway in chase. Instead, he was waiting for Levi to answer the damned phone. He’d told Seth, who’d answered, that it was an emergency, and if not his words then the tone of his voice must have made it obvious, as his brother hadn’t questioned him. Just told him to hang on and dropped the phone on the desk.
“Doc. Talk to me.”
Vengeance (Steel Kings MC Book 3) Page 11
