by Ann Aguirre
The woman knows how to motivate.
Friday night, my phone vibrated, but I didn’t look at it right away; I killed ten more fluffy bunnies with pointy monster teeth before pausing my game. 1 message. When I swiped the screen and tapped it, the text read:
Rob: im not ok, can you come over?
Omw, I sent back.
My first thought was that he was sick—and that it might be serious. Otherwise, what would keep him on radio silence for so long? Maybe I’d worried for bullshit, self-involved reasons, asking all the wrong questions. I jammed my feet in the first shoes I found and ran down the stairs. My mom was out with Stuart, so her car was parked in the drive. After scrawling a note for her, I snatched my coat and keys.
The trip lasted at least a thousand hours, though the clock insisted it was more like fourteen minutes. I raced to the steps and knocked with more impatience than care. Rob must’ve been watching for me because he opened the door right away. His face was...indescribable, eyes gleaming with tears and mouth compressed into a white line, probably to hold in the pain.
“What’s wrong? What happened?”
Without speaking, he drew me into his arms and put his face in my hair. His arms were so tight, it almost hurt, but I wrapped my own around his waist, holding him just as fiercely. I could barely breathe against his chest, but that didn’t matter, either, given how he was shaking.
We stood like that for countless minutes before he calmed enough to take my hand and lead me upstairs. I understood we were going to talk, and it seemed better to let him tell me in his own time, though fear was silently chewing through my stomach lining and starting on my spleen. Rob settled in one of the chairs and pulled me onto his lap; it was like he couldn’t deal unless he was touching me. I threaded my hand through his hair, stroking lightly.
“Just tell me. We’ll figure it out, okay? I promise.”
“Okay, so...for the last two weeks, I’ve been going with my dad t-to the doctor. I didn’t know, but...he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s last year. My mom couldn’t get the time off work to drive him this time, so they had to tell me.” From his bleak, taut expression, that stung, like he was a last resort.
I suspected they’d done it not to upset him or to spare him pain, but for Rob, it had to feel like a vote of no confidence. “Oh, God, I’m sorry.”
Shit. Oh, shit. I wonder if Nadia knows. I hope she’s okay.
“He’s been trying different treatments to control it. But it looks like he probably won’t be on the job too much longer. The worst part is, I saw him every day at work this summer. And I never noticed anything was wrong. A better son, a smarter one, would have. And my mom wouldn’t be so fucking scared and exhausted if she could rely on me.”
“They did come to you.” I kissed his forehead, realizing nothing I said would get through right now.
“Only when there was no other choice. I’m surprised they didn’t fucking call Nadia and ask her to transfer.”
“If your dad loses his job, they won’t be able to afford her tuition.”
“Trust me, I know. And if I earned more money, I could help her. Help them. But in the last ten days, it’s been made painfully clear how little they expect of me.”
“Is that what’s bothering you?”
“Everything is. I think about how long my dad will suffer. From what I’ve been able to figure out, there’s no telling how bad it will get, and there are so many potential problems. I’m fucking terrified of losing him, even if I hate him sometimes for thinking I’m a stupid, worthless jackass, no good at anything that matters. And I can’t stand that I was just whining to you about him, like a sack of shit, when he and my mom w-were...” He put his face in my throat, so I couldn’t see when he broke down, but I felt the tears hot and damp against my skin.
The words clotted in the back of my throat. Really, what the hell could I say? And maybe it was more important to listen. He shook in my arms for over half an hour, according to the changing programs on the flickering TV. I held him and stroked his back until his breathing steadied. This was deep, uncharted territory; I’d never been the person a guy called when he was drowning and desperately needed someone to pull him back to shore. Rob’s vulnerability made me feel stronger, like I could tread water as long as he needed me to, because there was no way I’d let him go under.
I’m the jackass. I should’ve known there was a reason he didn’t call. It wasn’t sex. It wasn’t the dumb joke I made. It was serious.
Though I’d tried to have faith in him, my dad did screw me up. In the back of my mind, I knew this about men—when shit gets tough, they bail. Most of me fought that conditioning, and I honestly wanted to give Rob a chance. He might not be perfect, but from what I’d seen, he was honest and he didn’t run.
I hope.
“Why didn’t you tell me before?” I asked eventually. “Before you disappeared.”
He raised his face to meet my gaze, a touch of regret lingering there. His lashes were tangled and wet, eyes bruised from sleepless nights. This was the face of someone who wanted to save his family but didn’t know how. “My parents asked me not to mention it. They’re afraid if word gets back to the company, my dad will be fired as a safety risk.”
“It’s a reasonable concern,” I admitted.
My tone must’ve revealed my ambivalence because he added, “I’m so sorry. But I couldn’t see you without you realizing something was really wrong.”
“Would that’ve been so bad? I’d never repeat anything if you asked me not to.”
“Not even to Nadia?”
Tough call. I hesitated, torn between my loyalty to her and the desperate appeal in his eyes. She’d been my best friend since we were seven...but in the end, I said, “Fine. The news should come from your mom and dad anyway, not me. That would just hurt her more. When are they planning to tell her?”
“Closer to the end of the semester,” Rob answered. “Dad was hoping he’d be able to work longer, but he’s not even driving these days.”
“Maybe he could train for some other kind of work.”
“My mom said that, but he’s pretty pissed off at the world right now. I would be, too.”
Damn. Rob losing coordination, tremors, physical weakness...it would be devastating because he felt like he didn’t have anything else to compensate. I clutched a handful of his hair, silently corralling my dread. If I let it, my messed-up brain would chase demons down a rabbit hole and fixate on Rob ending up with the same diagnosis, years from now.
“So you got their permission to explain things?”
Rob shook his head. “I just... I couldn’t carry it alone anymore.”
“You don’t have to. You know that, right? I won’t let on to your folks that you spilled.”
“I know. God, I missed you.” He pressed a tender kiss to my forehead, then he put his head down on my shoulder with an exhausted sigh.
A tiny corner of me wondered if he’d known about the impending doctor visits. Maybe that was preying on his mind when he’d dropped me off? But this wasn’t the time to grill him about my doubts and bruised feelings. In this situation, there was only one thing to do.
“I hope it’s okay if I stay over,” I said. “Because I’m not leaving you tonight.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
“I was hoping you’d say that.” Rob eased me to the floor and stood up. “There’s a spare toothbrush in the bathroom, and you can use it first if you want to get ready...or whatever.”
Though I wasn’t completely sure what he meant, I hoped he was talking about bed and not fooling around because that seemed like a bad idea, given everything he’d just unloaded on me. People made reckless decisions when they were upset, and I didn’t want to be a mistake that made Rob cringe down the line. I brushed by him to use the bathroom and when I got back, he gave me
a shirt to sleep in, one of his, obviously, so that was one teen fantasy fulfilled.
I crawled into bed and clicked the remote until I found an old movie. When Rob got back, I was propped up on his pillows, scowling at Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. This movie was my crack; I disapproved of so many things about it yet anytime it came on, I had to watch it.
“Overboard?” he asked.
“It’s so wrong that I can’t help but love it.”
“Yeah, it’s all wrong plus wrong equals true love.”
“You’ve seen it?”
“More than once,” he admitted.
I patted the bed. “Then hop in. He’s about to convince her that she’s his wife.”
Rob seemed better than he had when I first got there, less on the edge. As he got under the covers, he said, “Thanks for coming over. I’m surprised, though. I figured you’d be an anger ball, after what happened between us at your place and then silence.”
“I was. Then I was hurt. But none of that mattered as much as the fact that you needed me. It’s kind of nice that somebody does.”
Without replying, he wrapped his arms around me and settled me against his chest. I had never been a big snuggler, but maybe the wrong guys had been holding me. Up until this point, I didn’t care to stick around after sex; I was always the one making an excuse and tiptoeing out before the sweat dried. Yet here I was in Rob’s bed without the promise of an orgasm to keep me here. How about that.
Though it wasn’t that late, he fell asleep before the movie ended, freeing me to gaze at his face close up. His beauty was really remarkable, enough that it was startling when you compared him to the rest of his family. Nadia, my best friend, was striking, but not gorgeous, and his parents were both average. I ran my fingers down the line of his nose, traced his mouth lightly and then brushed the hair away from his forehead. He let out a little sigh and pulled me closer. There was no way I could sleep with my face smashed into his chest, though, so I wriggled until he let me roll. Spooning would be better, or at least I presumed so. I’d never slept with anyone before.
I stayed up late enough for Goldie and Kurt to unlock their happy ending and then I turned the TV off and tried to sleep, but I was wired, both from comforting Rob and being in the same bed with him. At home, I’d masturbate to relax, but that seemed dirty and wrong. Obviously, the fact that it was forbidden only made me want it more. His body was big and warm behind me; his arms felt heavy and possessive. That turned me on, too.
If I’m quiet, he’ll never know. Challenge accepted.
Feeling like a perv, I eased my fingers into my panties. Yeah, already wet. Around Rob, it didn’t take much to light me up, and it had been that way since before I was old enough to understand what I was feeling. It was important not to moan, no matter how good it felt. I couldn’t breathe loud or move around too much. Hell, I might not even be able to come under these conditions, but I had to try, or I’d lay here all night.
Tensing my thighs, I strummed my clit, working the juices around until it was so hard not to react. But the need for silence made it even hotter. Can’t believe I’m doing this. The fact that Rob was holding me added another layer of delicious tension. I rubbed harder, all but riding my hand, though the sideways angle hampered me somewhat. Not insurmountable, as the rising pleasure proved. So good. As I came in silent gasps, his arms tightened.
“You okay?” Sleepy voice.
“Mhm.” My muscles went lax, and sleep rushed in like the ocean at high tide.
In the morning, I woke to the sound of someone pounding on the door. Rob jolted up beside me, and I scrambled into my pants, then followed him down the stairs. He was wearing only a pair of boxer shorts, so I stopped him. “Get dressed. I’ll stall whoever it is.”
Fearing it was his parents with more bad news, I opened the door with some trepidation. Instead, my mom was waiting on the porch, wearing a sheepish look. “I need the car. Stuart stayed over last night, but he needs to get back to Edison, so...”
Though I wasn’t ordinarily the blushing type, heat washed my cheeks over the awkwardness of this moment. There was no telling what my mom suspected I’d been doing last night, and she was looking everywhere but at me. I rubbed a rueful hand against my cheek, but I didn’t clarify. I’d promised Rob I would keep his dad’s secret.
“Shit, sorry. What time is it?” I asked.
“Just past nine.”
Summoning some composure, I said, “Let me get the keys.”
“Rob can bring you home later?”
He appeared behind me in time to hear the question. “Definitely, it’s not a problem. I hope you weren’t worried?”
“No, she left a note.” Her half smile said she thought the evening had gone much different than it had, but clearing up her misconceptions wasn’t a big priority. “See you later, Lauren.”
I handed over the keys and waved at Stuart, who was parked in the drive. He lifted a hand, then blew a kiss to my mom, who hurried down the front steps to claim a real one before letting him back out. Then she took off with a wave for Rob and me. My breath showed in puffs of white, so I was shivering by the time I shut the door.
He wrapped his arms around me, anchoring me against his chest to warm me up. “That wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been.”
“She likes you. I admit, it’s hard not to. So what’s on the agenda today?”
“I’m working on the house for a while, then I have dinner with my mom and dad.” His expression said he wasn’t looking forward to it.
“Am I allowed to tag along?” The offer burst out before I could stop it.
“Do you want to?”
I pinned on a look of faux good cheer. “I can’t think of anything I’d like more.”
Rob laughed. “Too far. But if you could stand coming, it would take some of the pressure off me. That way, they can’t talk about certain things.”
“Because they think I don’t know.”
“Exactly.”
“So let’s do it. Do you mind swinging by my mom’s so I can change before we head to Casa Conrad? What I wore over here is crumpled from being on your floor all night.”
“Are you trying to be distracting?” he demanded.
“That depends. Is it working?”
“Only always. I woke up last night wanting you, and I still do. Since you came back, I’ve been hard so much that I’m thinking about seeing a doctor.”
“No need. It’s normal for a guy your age to have certain...urges.”
“All the damn time?” he grumbled, but there was a playful light in his eyes.
“I’m willing to take you on,” I answered. “It’ll be exhausting, but I can train up.”
“It’s too early for you to be this cute.” Rob kissed my forehead and went into the kitchen to make breakfast while I headed up to shower.
No clean underwear, so I went without. I considered mentioning this over breakfast in his room, but that would mean that nothing got done on the house. Yet maybe I should give him the choice. As we ate, I said, “So the way I see it, we can be good worker ants today. Or...we can go back to bed since you don’t have anywhere to be until tonight.”
His fork paused partway to his mouth. “What?”
“It’s just a question of priorities,” I teased. “Are you a hedonist or a pragmatist?”
“Explain.”
I realized I’d used a couple of words he didn’t know and not given enough context for him to figure it out. “A hedonist lives for pleasure. A pragmatist puts work first.”
“Hmm.” His expression didn’t reveal the shame I’d noticed before, however. Such a relief; it would kill me if I hurt his feelings all the time.
“So which is it?”
“Would you think it’s weird if I want to work on the house?”
I shook my head. “Though I’m wondering why.”
Rob chewed his lip for a few seconds before admitting, “I’m enjoying the anticipation. Once we have sex, all the questions will be answered, but right now, we can imagine anything. Everything. While waiting is making me nuts, I...like it, too.” His gaze captured mine, so darkly, beautifully blue, like a building storm.
We’d definitely have blue-eyed babies.
“Then I’m curious why you let me—”
“Jerk me off? I needed that, Lauren. You have no idea how much. But I want to take my time with the rest.”
I’ll make it good for you. I’ll just put it in a little. Come on, you know you want it. Lines I’d heard from other guys flashed into my head, and my cheeks heated as I imagined using them on Rob. How odd, fighting the impulse to pressure a guy for sex.
“Okay, remodeling it is.”
He hesitated, obviously concerned. “Are you disappointed?”
“Of course not. You’re not a stud horse. If we fuck, you should be ready emotionally and want it every bit as much as I do.”
“When,” Rob said softly. “Not if. But I need to get my head on straight first. I did just break up with Avery, and I was with her for all the wrong reasons. Now there’s this shit with my family, and I don’t want to use you as an escape hatch.”
I shivered a little as his knuckles grazed my cheek. “What if I’m okay with being used?”
“You shouldn’t be.”
Dammit, he was right, and it was so sweet, I couldn’t stand it. “Then let’s make some progress on the house.”
We worked for six hours, then Rob dropped me off at home to get ready for dinner. “I’ll be back in an hour. Is that long enough?”
I grinned. “If it’s not, you’ll have to wait.”
