by Ann Aguirre
Sunday morning, I got up and checked my email. There were some bullshit “jokes” from a guy in one of my classes. He was always sending me stuff like, “God, this assignment was a bitch. I wish I had boobs so I could get an A too, right? LOL.”
My classes were a mix of people my own age and guys coming back to school after being downsized or whatever. So I faced two different brands of discrimination: the usual internet kind from immature dudes who hadn’t learned better yet, and graven-in-stone prejudice from fifty-something men with a sincere belief that I was an intellectually inferior being.
Most of my professors were okay, but there was one weirdo who was constantly digressing to tell Vegas stories, most of which included strippers: his favorite anecdote involved a woman wearing nothing but Saran wrap. I could only wonder if the other two women in class with me were the same level of revolted. Another thing that pissed me off—group projects. Because the guys I was partnered with treated me like a personal assistant, demanding I handle PowerPoint presentations and the graphic portion while they did the “hard” stuff. I’d noticed, too, that the faculty didn’t seem to take me quite as seriously. They tried to steer me toward graphic design, like I was an artist who knew some HTML, not a real programmer.
But I ignored that crap and pushed on, coding as assigned. It was exhausting to fight about it, and since I had nothing to prove, I usually went with the flow. I’m not here to impress you idiots. Sighing, I checked forums and the cloud for my next project. Moving on.
It had been forever since I checked any of my favorite web comics or humor sites, so I took my laptop downstairs to surf while I ate my cereal. As usual, my mom wasn’t around. These days, she spent most days at Stuart’s, helping him improve the curb appeal of his house. I suspected that wasn’t all, but that was the last thing I wanted to think about.
Scrolling through my feed made my eyes glazed over. I’d missed all kinds of cuteness: baby owls, meerkats, regular cats, a dog that could dance...then a headline caught my eye from MaryJane, a site similar to Jezebel, only with more traffic and shares. At Home with Rob: His or Mine? For a few seconds, I just stared. No way. I clicked through, just in case it wasn’t a coincidence. Nope, my Rob was featured on the main page, his latest vlog embedded. My stomach churned as I read the “article”:
For pure handyman hotness, we’re crowning him the king of delts and lats. Ladies, he definitely knows what to do with his tools, and he can fix anything. We’re calling him the best thing on the internet this week. The best part is, you have weeks and weeks of delicious to glom. It might even be helpful to those who need actual help with home improvement. I can’t speak to that because every time he picks up a hammer, my ovaries melt. There’s just something about a guy with a tool belt...
It got worse from there, devolving to a complete dissection of his features, like he wasn’t a person. In comments, they approved of his shoulders and chest, claimed his ass needed work and that he had an odd brow ridge, but his eyes were just too sexy for words. I skimmed through, so mad I was practically shaking. Over a hundred already, some threaded so deep you couldn’t even read them. HotThing998 wrote: Oh, shit, yeah, I need some of that. I’ll just duct tape his mouth so he can’t bore me by talking. I pretty much wanted to burn down the whole internet; Rob would die if he saw this. But the post already had over 500 shares. When I checked his channel, the number of subscribers had quadrupled, and his views were through the roof.
As I stared at the screen, my phone rang. Rob. “Hey, you.”
“So it seems like I’m internet famous.” His voice was quiet. “If the guys on the crew see this, I will never live it down.”
“It might help your business,” I said faintly.
“Maybe.”
“Are you mad?”
“Not at you. At the world, a little. No matter what I try to do, it always comes back to one thing, huh?” He sounded so tired.
“Want me to come over?”
“I’m spending the day with my parents. My mom and dad are stressed, getting ready for Nadia’s visit later this week.”
“Right, she’s bringing Mr. Hot Ginger to meet the family.”
Happiness sparked through me when Rob laughed. “Is that what you call him?”
“Yeah. You’ll understand when you meet him.”
“The ginger part, maybe. You think he’s hot?”
He can’t possibly be jealous, given that the whole fucking interwebz would like to bang him wearing nothing but a tool belt and work boots. I’d read so many handyman porn scenarios while skimming the comments on both the MaryJane site and his YouTube channel. It appeared modern womanhood, as a collective, had a secret fetish for guys who worked with their hands.
“He’s good for Nadia,” I said, skirting the question.
“You’ll pay for that dodge, next time I see you.”
“And when will that be?” It was as close as I ever came in my life to begging a guy to spend some time with me.
Not that I suspected Rob of avoiding me. We both just had a lot of stuff going on this summer. He’d have more time when the weather cooled off again.
“July Fourth? You have the day off, right? I promised to show up for the family picnic, but I’d be a lot happier about it if you came with me.”
“Done. If you want, I could come over the night before, spend the night. I’m actually counting the weeks until the ground freezes again.”
His voice deepened. “I miss you, too, beautiful. But my parents need some help with the house. My mom wants to rearrange furniture, like the queen’s coming.”
“I’m sure Nadia will appreciate it. She’d better...since you’re busting ass for her instead of seeing your girlfriend.” Saying it out loud always gave me a secret thrill.
“This is more about making my mom happy,” he said. “Anyway, I have to go. I’ll see you later, okay?”
“Counting on it.”
I spent the rest of the day studying and working on a project that was due in two weeks. I’d never be able to talk about my work with Rob, but that was fine. I didn’t need that from him; there were plenty of people online who could hold that conversation with me. Nobody else could make me feel like he did. Safe. Precious. Important.
Later, I sat in front of my computer, wondering if I should buzz Nadia for a Skype chat. Part of me wanted to tell her about Rob and me before she got here, but the other half thought I should do it in person since I’d already waited this long. In the end, I shut my laptop and decided to be brave. After the holiday, I’d do a group chat with her and Angus, maybe Max, too, unless he preferred to pass. I’d understand, if so.
The dealership was busy with the pre-Fourth of July sale they were running, so work went fast. Soon, I was speeding over to Rob’s place. He pounced on me, not even letting me hop out before he kissed me so hard that I almost fainted like a damsel in a silent movie. Suddenly I didn’t care so much what they were saying about him on the internet. All of those women might think he was the hottest thing ever, but they didn’t get this.
“I have some bad news,” he said.
“Crap. What?” If he was canceling on me, I might cry.
“My mom wants me to come to dinner tonight. Apparently they’ll be back from the airport in an hour or so. She wants me there waiting, fuck if I know why.”
That sounded like Rob’s mom. She was always trying to foster a closer relationship between her kids, not realizing that her pushing only aggravated Rob and made Nadia feel awkward. “You’re not planning to ditch me?”
“Hell, no, I’m taking you with me. They know we’re together, the whole town does. Have you talked to Nadia about us?”
I shook my head. “It’s too deep for Skype, and we have other stuff to clear up, too. Plus, it feels weird to break the news that I’m doing her brother online.”
He groa
ned. “I wish you were doing me. How long’s it been? Ten years?”
“A week and a half.” I suppressed a smile.
“That’s ten years in no-sex time. Do you mind driving? I’d need to put gas in the truck, and my mom will bitch if we’re not there to give Nadia a big welcome when she rolls up.”
“No worries, I’ll save you from maternal scolding. Just let me change real quick. I still have jeans here, right?”
“Upstairs, bottom drawer of my dresser. You have two T-shirts and a hoodie, too.”
I tossed him my keys as I climbed out of the car. “Back in five.”
Rob was already in the car with the motor running. The flats I’d worn to work didn’t look bad with jeans, and I’d probably kick them off as soon as we got inside anyway. I was close enough to part of the Conrad clan that nobody would think it was weird for me go barefoot. He raced across town, and we pulled up to find we’d beaten them back.
“All clear.” He unlocked the door and let us in.
I could see evidence of Rob’s hard work in the changes to the living room—it was prettier and more inviting. He sighed in relief, gave me back my keys and collapsed on the sofa. A wicked urge whispered in my ear, and it was beyond me to resist.
“How much time do you think we have?” I asked.
“Hard to say. My mom’s driving, and she tends to be cautious.”
“So...we could fool around?” I licked my lips teasingly and put my hand on his thigh. His muscles jumped beneath my hand.
“You’re the devil in woman skin. Don’t tease me.”
“I’m not. Text your parents, ask how far away they are.”
For a few seconds, he stared at me, then he did. We watched his phone for two minutes in silence until his mom pinged back, Thirty miles, so a little over half an hour. See you soon!
“Get a towel,” I suggested.
Though I expected him to argue, he practically ran to the linen closet. Apparently Rob had a little bit of naughty in him. Once I had the old beach towel, I spread it out on the couch and then reached for the button on his jeans. Before I popped it, I cupped him, found him hard as hell. His breath hissed through parted lips.
“This will be fun.” Getting out my phone, I set the alarm for twenty minutes, allowing for cleanup time afterward.
Rob shook his head, watching me. I unfastened his jeans and shucked them down to his knees. As his cock jutted free, he sighed in relief. “Can’t believe we’re doing this.”
“Come on, don’t tell me you never thought about me sucking you off right here.”
“Once or twice,” he admitted on a groan.
“Sit back and enjoy it. But if we’re both getting off without getting caught, we have to be fast. No trying to control yourself, okay?”
“I couldn’t if I tried,” he mumbled, tugging my head down.
No time for teasing, so I got into position, stretching out perpendicular on the couch, then I licked him up and down to get his shaft good and wet. His fingers tightened in my hair; I sucked his cock into my mouth. Rob bucked upward, lunging into motion. There was no finesse about the way he took my mouth, just urgency.
That’s it. Go. Go for it.
His breathing escalated faster than I’d ever heard it. “Fucking shit, that’s good. Harder, Lauren. Teeth, just a little...”
In answer, I scraped lightly downward. Most guys didn’t like it, but I’d already figured out that Rob enjoyed a whisper of pain. With one hand, I raked my nails over his balls and he jerked, snarling out a sound I’d never heard from him. So I did it again. Then I licked a fingertip and touched him lower, lower. He shuddered and pushed all the way into my throat, thrusting until I could hardly handle him. I couldn’t ask if he liked it, but he moved his hips against my fingertip, silently encouraging me. The second I pressed inward, he came, flooding my mouth in hot, convulsive pumps.
He fixed his clothes with shaking hands and then he was completely purposeful about stripping my jeans down, as I’d done to him. “Spread,” he rasped.
My knees pretty much melted, dumping me on the towel. Rob dropped to a penitent position and eased his mouth onto me, gradual enough that I didn’t tense up, but once he was there, he went at it, licking until I couldn’t stop screaming. Then he added a couple of fingers, working me from the inside while he sipped at my clit. The idea that we could be caught actually turned me on more. I imagined people walking in, seeing us like this, and I lifted my hands, humping against his face. The pleasure spiked fast since I was already worked up from sucking him, and he knew just how to touch me.
“Come on, beautiful. No thinking.” His words, growled against my slick flesh, bumped it up a notch. “Just feel this, feel me.”
He hooked his fingers, pressing upward, and I arched up, astonished by the orgasm slamming through me. Rob licked until the shivers stopped, then we stumbled to the bathroom to wash up. We’d just hidden the towel in the bottom of the hamper, sprayed a little Febreze and settled on the couch when his family pulled into the driveway. I picked up my phone to make sure I’d turned the alarm off; that might be hard to explain.
“That was insane,” he whispered. “I don’t think I have the strength to stand up.”
“So they’ll think you’re tired from work.” I settled next to him, feeling just about as wrung-out. Maybe that was just as well, or I might be nervous about seeing Nadia, given the significant secret I was keeping from her.
The elder Conrads came in first, with Rob’s mom steadying Ned. Nadia and Mr. Hot Ginger followed. I had to admit, he was attractive, all aquiline nose and sharp, ascetic features. He was leaner than Rob and more austere, though his eyes were a warm brown, topped by the copper hair. Trailing behind, Ty’s son looked just like him, plus overexcited from the trip, so that should make for a fun night. I smiled at all of them, but I didn’t get up. Instead, I waited for Nadia to get settled. Seeing her again evoked a complex wash of emotions: nostalgia, vague anxiety, regret that I hadn’t been 100 percent honest with her before I left Michigan. Mostly, though, it was so good to see her, even if I was a little worried about how she’d react to finding out that I was now Rob’s girlfriend.
Eventually Nadia plopped down beside me while Mr. Hot Ginger showed his son around upstairs. I gave her a hug and she made small-talk noises.
“You’re in summer school?” she asked.
“Yep. Most of my credits transferred. I’m basically a sophomore, but I’m happier in computers. I can do something useful, something concrete. There are still problems, of course. I’m the only girl in a lot of my online classes and you wouldn’t believe how much crap I get.”
“And you dish it right back.”
I smiled. “Hells, yeah, I do. So tell me, is Courtney your new best friend?”
When I moved home, Courtney had taken over my half of the room I’d shared with Nadia; she’d bought my furniture, too. I hadn’t known her well, but I hoped she was dependable and didn’t argue with any of them. It was weird to imagine her wandering around the apartment in my place. Does she snuggle with Angus, play video games with Max and bake cookies when somebody’s down? A pang went through me; though it wasn’t the life I’d chosen, I missed everyone a lot.
“Friend,” Nadia said. “Not best. That’ll always be you.”
Soon after, her mom asked if they were hungry. I noticed she didn’t ask about Rob and me, though we’d both skipped dinner to get here on time, coming straight from work. He just got up and put the leaf in the table without being asked, quietly taking care of things like he always did. You absolutely do not get enough credit around here. The distance between Nadia and me had been building for a while, but thinking about it hurt. I couldn’t blame her for all of it, either. Like the fight I had with Rob, when I told him he couldn’t expect me to know things without being told? Nadia was in the same situation wi
th me, mostly because I couldn’t stand to admit how fucked up I was.
I’ll talk to her, I promised myself. We’d been friends too long for us to wither and die.
Over soup and sandwiches, Nadia and Mr. Hot Ginger dominated the conversation, but that was understandable. Her parents had known me for years; they were trying to figure out if he was a good guy or not. For the most part, Rob was quiet, but I could tell he was still super relaxed because nothing made any impact on his smile. Yeah, fooling around was the best idea ever. After dinner, Rob made an effort with the boyfriend, extending an olive branch about the construction business, though Ty worked on the office management side. Since he seemed to make Nadia happy, I was glad they were back together.
By nine, though, I was so ready to leave. Work, quickie sex, the strain of trying to decide when and how I should tell Nadia about us...damn. That was enough for one day.
I whispered to Rob, “I’m heading out.”
Louder, I said goodbye to everyone else and went out to the car to listen to the radio. Five minutes later, he joined me. “That wasn’t as horrible as expected.”
“Nope. And we have all day tomorrow, too. Can’t wait to watch the fireworks with you.”
“Don’t tell my family about the internet stuff, okay? I don’t think they’d get it.”
“Whatever you want.” I never meant anything more in my life.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Rob and I met his family at the fairgrounds the next day at three.
Nadia was really distracted by Mr. Hot Ginger and offspring, or I suspected she would’ve noticed the new vibe between her brother and me sooner than she did. As it was, we ate lunch together, napped in the sun—Rob’s head in my lap—played Frisbee and then put away the leftovers as the sun went down without her saying a word. Rob got a blanket out of his truck and we followed everyone else to get comfortable for the fireworks later.
Today, more than usual, I noticed the change in Ned Conrad. He held on to his wife’s arm, and I glanced up at Rob, checking his mood. His jaw was set, his eyes blazing with helpless pain. I slipped my hand into his and he squeezed tight, telling me wordlessly that he wanted so bad to fix it, and there was nothing he could do. Nadia and her boyfriend walked ahead, next to her parents, while the kid bolted off, until MHG called him back.
