“I can’t believe she slept with you,” Jens chimed in. “Jessie’s such a sweetheart. Why would you do that to her?”
Jack laughed bitterly. “I just said I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings. But don’t hold back or anything. Tell me what you really fucking think.”
“Sorry, man, but you have to know how goddamn stupid you are, right?” Sean said.
Jack shrugged and tipped his beer back, taking a long sip.
“You know it’s bad when even Sean thinks you’re an asshole,” Nick laughed.
“So how was it?” Kyle asked. “How was she in bed?”
Jack shrugged. “It was… I don’t feel right talking about it.”
“No, fuck that, man! We want details. Since when don’t you want to talk about it?” Kyle insisted.
“No fucking way. It’s Jessie, not some little slut.”
“Come on, Jack. Kyle’s right. You have to tell us at least something,” Jens probed.
Jack shook his head. “I don’t have to tell you shit.”
“Come on. We’ve been watching the two of you eye fuck each other for almost a year. We deserve at least some details,” Sean pushed. “Did she go down on you?”
“Fuck off.” Jack glared at him.
“Was she worth the wait at least?” Sean asked, downing a beer and popping open another one.
Jack hesitated and nodded slowly. “Yeah,” he spoke quietly. “Yeah, worth the wait but not worth the fact that she hates my fucking guts now.”
“Think she’ll ever speak to you again? I mean, she knows how you are. She couldn’t have been too surprised.” Jens dug a beer out of the cooler on the floor.
Jack shrugged as he flashed back to an image of Jessie’s face when she saw the girl in his room and a sharp stab of guilt ripped through him again. He couldn’t even remember the girl’s name, that’s how insignificant she had been to him. And he had lost his best friend over her. For a random piece of ass he couldn’t even remember.
Fuck.
A sharp knock saved him from having to say any more. He jumped up and headed to the front door to pay the man for the pizzas and wings.
He returned to the game room. He dumped the food on the table and grabbed a slice, then made his way to the poker table.
“We’re here to play cards, not sit around talking about our fucking feelings like a bunch of pussies. So either play or get the fuck out. I don’t want to talk about Jessie anymore. It’s done, so get over it.”
“SHE DRUNK?” CHRIS ASKED, PLANTING a kiss on Zoey’s lips.
“Oh, yeah,” Zoey answered, glancing at Jessie out on the dance floor with some hottie. The music was thumping and Jessie and the guy were all over each other, making out more than they were actually dancing.
“Hey.” Jack’s voice surprised Zoey and she spun around.
Jack stood there, a shot of whiskey that he’d ordered at the bar already in his hand.
“What are you doing here? I thought you were going away this weekend?” Zoey asked, a little panicked. She had promised Jessie a no-Jack night. It had only been a few weeks since Vegas and Jessie was still feeling pretty raw about things.
She glared at Chris, who had assured her that Jack was taking Kennedy to the beach house this weekend. It was the only way she had convinced Jessie to come out.
Jack’s expression didn’t change. “Kennedy has a dance thing tomorrow that I forgot about, so we’re not going.”
He glanced around and Zoey saw his gaze land on Jessie out on the dance floor. His eyes heated up and she could see him tense slightly.
“What the fuck is that all about?” Jack gestured toward Jessie, who was putting some of the dance moves she had learned in Vegas to good use. The guy she was hanging on certainly seemed appreciative.
“None of your business,” Zoey snapped.
Jessie and the guy started kissing, one of his hands planted firmly on her ass, the other making its way up her thigh.
Irrational anger set Jack off and he started toward them. “Oh, I don’t fucking think so.”
Zoey stood in front of him and pressed her hands against his chest. “No! You leave her alone, Jack! You’ve done enough!”
Chris grabbed Jack by his arm. “Dude, let it go.”
“You two are doing a great job watching out for her. Letting some fucking asshole treat her like a whore when she’s obviously too drunk to know what she’s doing.” Jack’s anger was rolling off of him.
“I’ve got this, Jack! I’m not going to let her go home with him, but this is what she needs right now. You don’t get a vote. Not after what you did!” Anger flashed in Zoey’s brown eyes as she raised her voice again.
“This is what she needs? To dance like a stripper and let some guy finger bang her in a bar with a hundred people watching? Fuck that!” He made another move to try to get away from Chris.
“Jack, seriously. Don’t. If you go over there it’s going to fuck with her head. It’s going to give her the wrong idea about how you feel. Don’t do that to her again. I won’t let you.” Chris’s voice was insistent. It was a voice he rarely used, but when he did, it stopped Jack in his tracks.
“How could you, Jack?” Zoey exploded on him. “She’s been such a good friend to you! She stood by you through everything with Kennedy. She’s so sweet and amazing and she adores you and you just ripped her apart! Why? What’s wrong with you?”
Zoey’s hand slapped hard against his chest, trying to push him, but she wasn’t strong enough to even make him flinch.
“I don’t know. I know I fucked up. I just…” Jack glanced back at Jessie one last time. “You know what? You’re right. Both of you. I should go.”
He took off through the crowd and pushed the door open, breathing heavily as he walked out into the cool night air.
Goddammit.
Every part of him wanted to turn around and beat the fuck out of that guy in the bar for touching what was his.
Except that Jessie wasn’t his. She could have been. She had wanted to be. She had given herself to him and he had taken the part of her he wanted and then thrown the rest back.
He walked around the corner to where his Jeep was parked before he realized that he was still holding the shot glass of whiskey. He had walked right out of the bar with it.
“Fuck!” He hurled the glass at the brick wall of the building, taking some small satisfaction in the sound of the glass shattering.
He had been right all along. Getting close to a girl was nothing but fucking trouble. He should have never let Jessie into his life. She was in his fucking head now, and worse, in his heart. How the fuck was he going to get her out now?
Chapter Nineteen
“JESSIE, WAIT UP,” JACK CALLED out as she walked across the parking garage toward her car at the end of the work day.
It had been a month since Vegas and Jack was determined to sort this out and get back to normal. He had to at least try.
She ignored him and kept walking.
He caught up with her as she was about to get into her car.
“Hey,” Jack said, his voice gruff, his expression hesitant but hopeful.
He looked down into her eyes, his rugged good looks taking her breath away, even after everything awful that had happened between them.
He was standing close enough that she could smell his clean scent and for just a moment she was back in that Vegas hotel room, pressed against him as he made love to her like she was the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen.
Yeah, right. Not even close. More like the dumbest girl.
She shook her head. She had been an idiot to go to bed with Jack. She knew that now, but in those moments, she had let her love for him overrule her good sense.
“What do you want, Jack?” Jessie sounded annoyed as she stood by the open driver’s side door.
“You got a minute? I just want to talk to you.” Jack looked uncharacteristically hesitant. Maybe even nervous.
Jessie sighed in resignation and nodded sligh
tly. She motioned for him to get in the car.
She had done a pretty good job avoiding Jack for the past few weeks. She couldn’t avoid him at work, of course, but luckily they had been given separate cases. She’d only seen him when they were both in the office, and their interactions had been limited.
She had avoided all social activities where he was going to be, staying home or only going to events that Chris had been able to assure her Jack wouldn’t be.
She had spoken to Sarah on the phone, who had called to check on her. Jack had filled her in on the things that had transpired between them in Vegas, but she wanted Jessie’s version. They had met for lunch and then picked up Beth and Kennedy at school and taken them to the movies.
Other than that, Jessie hadn’t seen Kennedy at all. That had actually been the hardest part. She missed the little girl so much it broke her heart. But Kennedy was Jack’s daughter, not hers.
“What’s up?” Jessie asked, her tone impatient and irritated.
Jack hesitated for a moment, then choked the words out. “I… I wanted to tell you that I’m… sorry.”
Jessie was silent, staring at the steering wheel. She turned her head to face him and he looked directly into her eyes.
“About what happened in Vegas. I know I fucked up.”
Jessie tried to harden her heart. He couldn’t make this go away just by saying he was sorry.
“Okay. So you’re sorry. You fucked up. Is that all? I have somewhere to be.” Jessie’s voice was flat.
“Jessie, please. I know I… hurt you. I want you to know that I never meant to. Hurting you was the last thing I ever wanted to do. That’s why for so long I tried to stay away. I want you to be happy. Want you to have everything you want… a husband, kids, the whole thing. You know how fucked up I am. I can’t have those things, Jessie. But you can. With someone else. Someone who deserves you. I’m so fucking sorry for hurting you. I’d do anything to take it back if I could.”
She felt herself weakening. She wasn’t an unforgiving person. Especially when someone was apologizing.
Not just someone. Jack. Her good friend. How could she not at least consider forgiving him? So he made a mistake. A horrible, cruel mistake that had hurt her terribly. But he was human, after all.
He sighed heavily. It was hard for him to apologize. The emotional words didn’t come easily to him.
“I hate that I did that to you. Of all people, I can’t believe I… you’ve been so goddamn amazing to me, to Kennedy. I’ll regret that night for the rest of my life. I hate that we’re not friends anymore. I want things to be like they were before. I miss you, Jessie.”
Jessie felt tears sting the back of her eyes. She had missed Jack, too.
She sighed, her resolve to keep hating him weakening.
“It was all my fault. I took advantage of you. That night I just wasn’t thinking clearly. I was just… I thought maybe I could, but…” Jack trailed off, not sure what else to say.
Jessie was quiet for a moment.
“I hate that you saw me like that, Jack. I just wish we could forget that it ever happened. All the things we did that night… I can barely look at you now.”
She looked down in her lap, ashamed, as she remembered that night. Jack’s face buried between her legs, licking her… everywhere. Her face burned with shame from the memory.
The fact that Jack had walked away from her like it was nothing to him, like she was nothing to him, was the worst part. That made everything they did seem dirty and wrong.
Jack shrugged. “I’ll do whatever you want, Jessie. I just want to be friends again. I want you back in my life.”
Jessie looked at him skeptically. “Will you promise that when you see me you won’t be thinking about… the things we did?”
He was silent for a moment while he considered her question. “Jessie, I can’t promise that it won’t ever cross my mind any more than you can, but I won’t talk about it. We can pretend it didn’t happen if that’s what you want.”
“You won’t tell any of the guys?” Jessie didn’t want them to all know what an idiot she had been.
Jack cleared his throat. “Well, I think most of them already know. It just came up. They asked why you haven’t been coming around. And Savannah told Nick so…”
“Who else knows?” Jessie sighed. Could her humiliation be any more unbearable?
“Just Sean, Kyle and Jens, that I know of.”
“What did you tell them? You didn’t tell them anything… personal about me, did you?” Jessie looked down at her hands in her lap.
Jack felt ashamed when he saw the look on her face. He knew she felt uncomfortable that he had seen her so intimately. She had done things with him that she had never done with anyone else. If she would have known that they weren’t going to be together afterward she never would have done any of it.
“I didn’t tell them anything personal, Jessie. I wouldn’t do that. Not about you.” Jack’s blue eyes looked into hers and for some crazy reason, she believed him.
“So what do they know?” Jessie asked.
“Just that we were together. And that I fucked it up.”
“That’s it?”
“Pretty much. I mean, they asked some standard questions, you know, how it was, typical guy stuff. But I didn’t give them any details.”
Jessie’s face burned red but she didn’t ask anything else.
“You’re one of my closest friends, Jessie. I shouldn’t have crossed that line with you, but I swear, I never intended to hurt you the way that I did.”
“I believe you, Jack. Let’s just forget it and not talk about it ever again.”
“So are we friends again?” Jack asked.
Jessie nodded and gave him a reluctant smile. “We can try, Jack.”
But deep inside she didn’t think they would ever be friends in quite the same way as they had been before.
JACK TOOK HIS TURN AT the pool table, missing his shot as Savannah walked into the game room and headed straight to Nick. She whispered something to him, and he nodded his head.
Jack looked away after a quick appreciative glance at Savannah. She might be his buddy’s girlfriend, but he could still appreciate the fact that she was smoking hot.
“Hey,” he greeted her.
She ignored him, as she had been doing since he had hooked up with Jessie in Vegas. She and Jessie were good friends, and she was clearly holding a grudge.
He knew he deserved it. Sex with Jessie had been incredible, but if he had thought that being with her one night would be enough to get her out of his system, he was wrong. If anything, he thought about her even more now. But he couldn’t have it both ways. Keeping Jessie as his friend had won out over fucking her into hating him forever.
Savannah walked over to his bar and helped herself to a vodka tonic. He joined her and poured himself another whiskey.
“You talk to Jessie this week?” Jack asked her.
She looked at him and rolled her pretty blue eyes. “Yes. I did.”
“Great. So you know we talked about things and we’re cool. It’s okay to speak to me again.”
“Just because she’s forgiven you doesn’t mean I have,” Savannah said, tapping her fingernails on the bar. “I don’t have that whole Catholic-girl forgiveness thing instilled in me like she does. If you ask me, it’s bullshit designed to turn women into doormats for men to wipe their boots on.”
Jack shook his head and smirked. “Jessie’s nobody’s doormat.”
“No, she’s not. She’s just a tad too sweet and forgiving for her own good, in my opinion.”
“Look, I know the whole thing was my fault and I told her that.” Jack sipped his drink.
Savannah nodded slightly. “I’m sure you’re sorry that she got hurt, Jack. But in the end you still got everything you wanted, didn’t you? You got to fuck Jessie, like you’ve always wanted to. You got to satisfy your curiosity without any strings and you still get to keep your best friend who’ll do anything for
you and your kid. And what did Jessie get? A little taste of something she doesn’t get to keep. A broken heart. Humiliated and used. That’s it.”
Jack sighed, a heavy feeling of guilt weighing him down. “I know you don’t think so, Savannah, but I really do care about her. A lot. You make it sound as if I fucked her like some whore. I didn’t. It wasn’t like that. It didn’t feel like I was using her.”
“If you knew her as well as you seem to think you do, you would know how hard it was for her to open herself up to you the way she did. Knowing your history and all the women you’ve been with made her really nervous about her inexperience. Not to mention how private she is about things like that. It took all of her confidence to show you that side of herself and you just wrecked her. So just because she’s forgiven you and agreed to be your friend again doesn’t mean her self-esteem isn’t still obliterated. And that’s still your fault.”
Jack stood quietly as she calmly laid into him. He knew she was right. About everything.
Savannah continued. “Look, I’m on her side. I know Nick thinks you fucked up by letting her go. But I’m of the opinion that you should have left her alone in the first place. I know guys like you, Jack. You take whatever you want and you worry about the consequences later. She deserves better and you know it.”
“Yeah, she does.” He didn’t even try to defend himself. There was no point. He knew she would never change her mind about him. And the sad fact was that she was right.
“Well, at least we agree on something.”
“JESSIE!” KENNEDY CALLED EXCITEDLY, SQUIRMING out of Jack’s lap and rushing across the room. She threw herself into Jessie’s arms and kissed her.
“Baby girl!” Jessie laughed, hugging her tightly and kissing the top of her head.
Tears burned her eyes and she quickly blinked them away.
“Why haven’t you come to see me?” Kennedy asked, pouting. “Don’t you like me anymore?”
“Oh sweetie, I do! I love you so much! I’ve just been so busy.”
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