“Were together,” Mom corrects. “They were only married about three months, and London broke it off.”
I stare at Mom from across the table, and I can see the wheels turning in her brain. She wants me to know that Wes and London are over, and it’s almost as if she’s trying to encourage me to not give up hope of getting London back. But the thing is, even if she somehow finds a spot in her heart that still loves me and is able to forgive me—us being together, it will crush Wes.
“I don’t understand why it had to be him. Of all the guys in the world, she had to marry Wes. The biggest question on my mind is why.”
Mom sighs. “The thing you have to understand, son, is that London was so in love with you that when you left it nearly broke her. She tried to be strong and pretend that she was coping with everything, but I could tell that she was lost without you. Now, Wes is my son, and I love him dearly, but he knew how London felt about you, and he pursued her anyway. I warned him to stop—that she was still stuck on you—but he refused to give up, and eventually that persistence wore London down. It’s hard not to feel something for the man who has been by your side constantly for the last five years while you went through a soul-crushing experience. Wes was that for her—there for her. He comforted her through the darkest times of her life. When she finally gave in and began to date him, I knew it would never last, even if my own son couldn’t see it. London was, and still is, too hung up on you to let someone else into her heart right now. Wes never had a chance with her.”
This was a new revelation. “You think she still loves me? Even after the hell I put her through—what I put all of you through?”
“I do,” she says simply. “Every time I talk to the girl, she asks if I’ve heard from you . . . even after all this time. It was hard to keep the fact that I was talking to you secret from her because I know how much she worries about you.”
I scrub my hand down my face. “This whole thing is so screwed up, Mom. How am I ever supposed to right so many wrongs?”
“Do you still love her?” Mom asks.
The answer to her question is an obvious yes. “Of course I do. Protecting her from the evil that was growing inside me is the whole reason I left. I tried to outrun myself and stay out of touch because I didn’t want to bring Wes or London down with me. It was selfish of me, but I did that because I loved her. I needed to get myself back under control before I could be good enough for her again.”
“Were you able to tell her how you feel when you saw her today?”
“No. We talked a bit, but Wes showed up pretty quickly after we started talking, and telling someone that you still have feelings for them after running out on them five years ago isn’t something you can just blurt out.”
I sigh. If I had been better prepared to face her, maybe I would’ve had a speech planned out to tell her exactly how I feel. I wish I had known the situation before walking into it. “How could you not have told me about London and Wes?”
Mom frowns and her blue eyes appear sad. “You would get angry with me and cut our call short any time I even mentioned her name. There was no way I could ever even entertain the idea of telling you that they got married, especially over the phone. I was afraid it would drive you even further away. I know you were dealing with a lot. Dad . . .” She trails off, and I can tell it’s still pretty tough for her to talk about him. “Him dying, that was so unexpected. We all had to deal with it in our own way, and I just knew you weren’t in the right frame of mind to handle any more heartbreaking news, so I kept it from you. I apologize for that. I just did what I thought was best for you. Please don’t be upset with me. I can’t take losing you over this.”
I still have a hard time dealing with the loss of Dad myself, but keeping in contact with Mom and paying tribute to him through the love of music we shared helped me to heal. I’m still not over Dad’s death, but I can at least hear his name and think about him without falling completely apart.
She’s right. As much as I hate to admit it, she’s right. If I had found out that London and Wes had gotten married, there would be no way in hell I would’ve even considered coming back here. The thought of the two of them together, touching, kissing, and having sex . . . Goddamn, that one stings like fire. To know that he’s held her in his arms and made love to her . . . the thought alone is almost more than I can take.
I am such a fucking idiot. How could I have done this? Driven a wedge between us like this? Running away caused all this, and the only way I can make things better between me and my family is to make sure that I don’t disappear again.
“I’m not going anywhere.” I reach over and squeeze Mom’s hand to reassure her a bit.
The moment London opened the door and my eyes fell upon her, my heart stopped beating for a moment. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was still in love with this woman. Seeing her in person reignited every ounce of love I ever had for her.
As if Mom is reading my thoughts, she says, “If you still feel something for her, you must tell her. The girl has been miserable without you, and if she doesn’t get some type of closure with you, I’m not sure if she’ll ever be able to truly move on.”
I take in her words, and I know deep down that she’s right. London needs to know how I feel. I need to at least attempt to right the wrongs I’ve caused and give London the closure that she needs from me if being with Wes is what truly makes her happy now. It will kill me knowing she’s with my brother, but Wes and London deserve to be happy.
THEN
LONDON
Sam waves the bag of doughnuts around in my face. “You know you want one.”
I groan and pull the covers back over my face. “Go away with your evil, fatty goodness.”
“No way. Don’t even try that. You, missy, are all skin and bones. A doughnut or ten will not kill you. Now, sit your pretty ass up and eat.”
I hate when she gets like this, but it’s also what makes me love her even more. She’s persistent and pushy in the best kind of loving way, and there’s no getting out of whatever it is that she’s asking of you when she’s in full-on mother hen mode.
“Don’t make me call Wes over here,” Sam threatens. “Seems like he’s the only one who can convince you to do anything lately, which is odd, considering that his brother is the reason you live like a hermit.”
I sit up and grab the bag. “Please don’t call him. I don’t think I can take him right now.”
“Lovers’ quarrel?” Sam teases, and I roll my eyes.
“It’s not like that between us. You know that. He’s just been my rock over the past few years since Jared left.”
“I’ll bet he has. You would think since you were his brother’s fiancée that you’d be off limits to him, but the boy doesn’t seem to respect that boundary at all. He’s got it bad for you.”
I shake my head. “No, he doesn’t.”
Sam plops down beside me and tosses her blond hair over one shoulder. “I love you, London, but sometimes you really are blind. Wes obviously loves you, and who knows, maybe it would be good for you to try dating him, since he’s the only member of the male species besides your dad that you’ll speak with. It might pull you out of this funk.”
“I don’t think about him that way. He’s just a really good friend.”
“A really hot good friend,” she teases, and when I don’t laugh or roll my eyes at her joke so that she knows I’m not amused, she throws her arm around me. “Okay, so you don’t have feelings for him that way. I get it. But I want you to be aware that he does feel like that toward you, and I don’t want you to string him along forever if you have no intentions of dating him. Put the poor guy out of his misery.”
I completely hear what she’s saying. I don’t want to be one of those girls who leads a guy on, but I also don’t want to lose Wes either.
This isn’t something I want to think about right now. It scares me to know that there’s a possibility that Wes won’t be in my life at some point. I need to cha
nge the subject.
“Speaking of misery, so I have to go on this blind date with you tonight?” I whine.
“Yes! I don’t do first dates with a guy I met at a party alone. You know that. I need my wing woman, and you have to go out with what I’m sure is Josh’s delectable friend to help me out.”
I laugh. “If he’s not delectable, then you’re going to owe me big time.”
She smiles. “I’ll just keep bribing you with doughnuts.”
Later that night we pull up in front of this local pool hall we hang out in from time to time called The Station, there to meet Josh and this mystery date. The parking lot is packed, and the same goes for inside the smoke-filled bar. Bodies fill every inch of the place just like any other Saturday night, and I begin searching faces in the crowd in order to locate Josh.
“Oh, there they are,” Sam says as she points toward the back of the bar.
My eyes zero in on the direction her finger motioned to, and, finally, I spot Josh standing there with a pool stick in his hand, leaning against the wall. Curiosity as to what my date looks like fills my mind, and my eyes instantly flit over to the guy Josh is standing next to. The moment my eyes land on a familiar face, my mouth falls agape.
I grab Sam’s arm, halting her from going any farther. “Hold up. My date is Wes? Are you kidding me? I could strangle you right now for not warning me about this. You know I’m not ready for this.”
Sam twists her pouty pink lips. “He loves you, London, and he’s a nice guy. Give him a shot.”
I fold my arms over my chest, silently stewing and debating turning around and walking right back out the door.
Sam’s shoulders slump when she sees I’m not pleased about this. “Look, London, I didn’t mean to piss you off. You’re my best friend, and my heart breaks every time I watch you cry over Jared. Think of this as a lovin’ push toward possible happiness.”
I sigh. How can I be pissed at her when it’s obvious that her sneaking around and plotting behind my back came from a good place? While my love for Wes isn’t anything romantic, maybe someday it could be if I figure out a way to let go. I owe it to him and myself to see if being with him can help me find happiness again.
I glance back in Josh’s direction, and he elbows Wes and then points to where Sam and I are standing. A bashful smile fills Wes’s face, and he slowly lifts his hand and mouths the word “hi” to me.
I hook my arm through Sam’s and decide that now is the time to open myself up to taking a chance on a new direction in my life. “Okay.”
Sam smiles at me, and I can tell she’s pleased that I’m giving in. “Let’s go have some fun.”
Six months after the night Sam and Josh set me up on the blind date with Wes, I find myself standing on the stage in a church. I watch the door in the back of the room just as anxiously as Josh, waiting for a girl who means so much to each of us. When the “Wedding March” finally plays, everyone in the room stands up, and the door finally opens, revealing Sam, who looks more beautiful than ever.
With her arm tucked tightly under her dad’s, Sam makes her way down the aisle, taking care to not trip over her dress and fall. Most people in this room don’t know it, but Sam is working on her fourth month of pregnancy, and with the war still in full swing, Josh thought enlisting in active duty would be a good way to support his little family. He ships out in two weeks, and Sam and he planned this wedding on the fly to ensure they get the full benefits package that the army provides.
Sam’s dad hands her off to Josh, and the pastor informs everyone that they may be seated. I stand next to my best friend on the most important day of her life as she marries the man that she loves wholeheartedly.
It’s times like these that make me think of Jared, since our plan was to get married someday.
It makes me wonder if this would have been us, standing in a church, professing our love for all to see. I’ve noticed with all the time I’ve spent helping Sam plan her wedding that I’ve been thinking more and more crazy things like this lately.
I stare down at Wes, who sits on a pew next to my dad, and when he catches me looking at him, he smiles. Wes and I have been together nearly every day since Sam forced me to open my eyes that night at the pool hall and see that Wes really cares about me. Other than Sam, he is my closest friend, and I don’t know what I would’ve done without him over the past couple of years. He’s really helped me hold everything together. I think in large part it’s just the fact that he knows what I’ve been through, and why I’m not ready to date again, that has helped a lot. He knows how much I loved his brother and knows that I struggle each and every day to forget about him and just move on, without much success.
Since it’s obvious to me now that Wes wants more than friendship with me, I’ve tried to be more conscious about not leading him on. I tried to distance myself from him and not depend on him so much, but he makes it pretty damn easy to lean on him when I need support.
“You may now kiss your bride,” the pastor says, causing a huge smile to erupt on Josh’s face, and he leans in and cups Sam’s face before planting a kiss square on her lips. We all cheer as they turn and face the congregation. “May I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Joshua Clayborn.”
Music plays and they walk out, and I follow them, wondering if this will ever be me someday. I know Wes is in love with me, but I’m still hesitant to take things to the next level . . . but maybe someday. The best I can hope for is that I will find a man who loves me enough to want to make me his forever at some point—one who will love me as much as I do him. I thought I found that once with Jared. I was wrong, but I’m still determined to not give up on love, and I pray that one day it finds me again.
NOW
LONDON
A loud chirp sounds as a text hits my cell while I sit at a red light. I glance at my phone and am surprised to see it’s from Julie, and she wants me to come over to her place to talk. Ever since Wes and I have separated, I have purposefully stayed away from her. It’s too hard to look at her and know that I’m hurting her Wes, and I’ve not been ready to face her just yet.
Almost as if she can sense my reservation, a second text comes through: Please.
I sigh, knowing that it’s time to sit down and talk to the woman who’s been like a second mother to me ever since I lost my own.
A horn blares behind me, and I head to Dad’s house, since he’s right down the street. When I pull up against the curb out front of Dad’s and get out of the car, I glance toward the Kraft house and notice Jared out front mowing his mother’s lawn.
I can’t take my eyes off Jared as he works. It’s like we’re magnets, and I’m drawn to him whether I want to be or not. I twirl my car keys in my fingers and then walk down the sidewalk toward him.
Sun shines down on his shirtless back, and I watch his muscles work beneath his skin as he pushes the machine over the green blades of grass. His blue jeans hug his backside perfectly.
I forgot how unbelievably sexy he is without his shirt on. When he rounds the corner, he notices me standing on the sidewalk watching him, so he cuts the engine on the mower.
He squints one eye like he’s trying to block out the sun. “London?”
I glance nervously to the driveway and notice Julie’s car isn’t there.
I raise my hand up in greeting. “Hey. Do you know that time your mom will be home from the shop? She asked me to stop by so we could talk about something, but now I can’t reach her because the battery on my cell died.”
He pulls a shirt from his back pocket and wipes his face but doesn’t bother putting it back on. “No idea. Do you want to come in and try her cell?”
I nod, standing there ogling the perfectly toned, tattooed male body in front of me. “Yeah. That would be great.”
He motions me toward the house and then follows me up the stoop. I can feel his blue eyes boring into my backside. Knowing that he’s checking me out makes me feel desired.
“Phone is on the counter.” Jared walks i
nto the kitchen and washes his hands. “Do you want something to drink? I bought some beer last night.”
“Yeah, that would—” I quickly stop myself. I don’t need to sit and casually drink with the man that I lust after most. I need to keep a clear head around him so I don’t do something stupid. “Just some water would be fine.”
The cabinet doors creak open and then slam shut as he grabs a glass and goes to the refrigerator to use the ice maker. “So what’s going on?”
I bite the inside of my cheek. “I’m not sure. She just texted me and asked me to stop by and chat.”
He chews his bottom lip. “That’s odd, considering she just left here about thirty minutes ago and told me she was meeting the ladies from her book club for dinner. The way she talked, she’ll be gone for quite a while.”
He hands me the glass of ice water. “Thank you.” I take a small sip. “Do you know how long you’ll be sticking around?”
Jared pops the top off a beer and then leans back against the counter. “I’m not sure. I guess I’m off until our lead singer decides to come out of hiding, which I’m hoping is soon, considering that we don’t get paid if we don’t play any gigs. Record sales barely make any money these days. It’s all about touring.”
“Makes sense, I guess, but that sucks for you.”
He smiles. “Tell me about it. My job as a musician is so uncertain. It’s not like we have a retirement plan, but it’s nice that I’m able to invest a lot while the money is rolling in.”
“You sound a lot like your dad when you say stuff like that,” I tell him, but grimace because I’m sure that’s still a very sore subject for him.
He gives me a closed-mouth smile. “Thanks. I wish he was here now. There are so many things I want to talk to him about.”
“That’s how I feel about my mom. There are days—like today—that I miss her so bad. It would be so much easier if I could just pick up the phone and call her—ask for her advice.”
Wicked Reunion Page 15
