2005
Ava had lent Lena a pair of high heels that she’d been coveting for ages. They had the same size feet, only Lena’s were wider, and the shoes pinched at the sides. ‘Sod this,’ she said, and put her trainers on, slipping the party shoes into a plastic bag. ‘I’ll change once we get there.’ Excitement mixed with the buzz of the alcohol made her fizz like a sparkler. ‘Let’s stop off in the park for a cigarette,’ she added. ‘Calm my nerves.’
Ava was giddy at the thought of the night ahead too, until she thought about Gareth, and then her mood dipped.
Danny’s house backed onto the park, and they could hear the music from the bench they were sitting on. Lena blew out smoke and hummed along. ‘I knew Danny would have some good tunes,’ she said.
Ava’s phone buzzed in her pocket, and she took it out and read the text.
‘Who is it?’
She pulled a face.
‘Gareth,’ Lena said, and they both laughed, though Ava’s giggle was followed by a surge of dread.
Lena pulled the fur jacket around her shoulders. She’d borrowed that from Ava too; it looked good over her short leather skirt and bright pink top. Ava looked at her friend and couldn’t help feeling envious of the curves she was developing. She herself was like a pole, straight up, straight down. The red dress she was wearing looked better on the hanger.
‘At least I know for sure what I have to do,’ she said. ‘I’m going to tell Gareth we’re over as soon as I get there.’ She tried to ignore the sinking feeling that she might have to leave the country before he’d forget about her.
‘After a stiff drink, that is. You haven’t had half as much as I have.’
‘I’m not used to it, that’s why.’
Lena didn’t say out loud that she’d watched her father often enough. She pulled a bottle of martini out of the carrier bag. ‘Here.’ She unscrewed the cap. ‘It’s better with lemonade, but it’ll do the trick for now.’
Ava took a sip and shuddered. ‘It tastes sickly on its own,’ she said. ‘You know, my parents would actually kill me if they could see me now. What if there was an emergency and they came back and didn’t know where I was?’
‘That is so not going to happen. Why do you worry about everything? You don’t know what real worry is.’ Lena took a swig from the bottle, savouring the sting.
Ava was watching Danny’s house. The music had got louder, and laughter pealed out, voices shouting. What if the neighbours reported them and she got caught by the police? Her imagination always ran away across fields and over stiles, envisaging the worst. One of her parents being taken ill and having to rush home, or a broken-down car, an accident.
Lena clicked her fingers. ‘You’re doing it again. What catastrophic scenario are you conjuring up this time?’ She was always able to read her best friend’s mind.
Ava laughed. ‘You know me so well. Seriously, though, you must think I’m a right princess. Your life is way harder and you never go on about it.’
Lena shrugged.
‘You can, you know. Talk to me, I mean. About your mum and stuff.’
Both girls were staring at the house, where some boys had come out into the garden and started play-fighting.
‘Boys are such kids,’ Lena said. ‘My brother’s like that.’
A silence grew between them. Ava waited for her to say more. Lena never talked much about her brother. At last she cleared her throat.
‘He’s twenty-three, can’t stop getting into trouble. That’s how come he’s in prison. He stole a car and took it for a joyride. Then he did it again, and again. Got caught every time. Idiot. You’d think he’d have learned his lesson the first time. Now I’m stuck with Dad. You’re lucky having parents who would go mad knowing you were out tonight. My dad couldn’t care less, as long as I’m home to cook his dinner. As soon as I’m sixteen, I’ll be off. Let them sort themselves out. I’ve had enough.’
At her friend’s words Ava resolved to have a chat with her mother, try to get her to change her mind about Lena. She must know about Lena’s brother; that had to be the reason she wasn’t keen on her. Ava’s family were always exchanging knowing looks, excluding her, when it came to Lena. But if her mum knew how hard her home life was, she’d have more compassion. Mum was a caring person. Too caring. Ava shuddered, thinking again about how much trouble she would be in if her parents found out about tonight.
She shoved aside her worries and hugged her friend. The glitter on her chest shimmered, and when they pulled apart, Lena’s dress was glittery too.
‘You’ve got me,’ Ava said. ‘I’ll stick by you. Forever.’ No boy was important enough to come between them.
Nine
Ava
‘Put it out of sight,’ I tell Lena. Thirteen is unlucky; how could she not know that?
She slams the fridge door.
‘What does it mean?’ I ask.
‘I don’t know. I mean, thirteen can only refer to one thing, but I have no idea who sent it.’ Her dark eyes are anxious. ‘Look, it’s going to be hard to forget about it, but there’s nothing we can do now. I promise you we’ll talk about it later, but for now, I just want you to have a good time. Will you try?’
I nod, because I have no choice, and she hugs me. We go back into the lounge. The raucous sound of laughter is heard from the street, and footsteps head down the front path. Panic is whirling inside me. I pick up my drink. Voices filter in from the entrance hall, and the work crowd troop in shouting, ‘Surprise!’ each of them carrying a silver balloon. There are a few people with them I don’t recognise; their partners presumably. They release the shiny helium balloons, which drift up to the ceiling, and Steph gives me a wave. You can do this.
‘Drinks over here!’ Lena says. She hands out bottles, ladles punch into glasses. Steph opts for orange juice. The chatter gives me time to compose myself. A couple of the guys are carrying boxes, which Lena tells them to leave by the back door. I go over to the group and am hugged by everyone. Introductions are made, conversation continues and the atmosphere in the room gets even livelier. Someone turns the volume up on the music.
Steph is in a vintage fifties dress and looks fabulous. Her boyfriend Felix is wearing a tweed cap and a checked jacket with blue trousers and loafers. They both come over as soon as they’ve got their drinks. Steph gives me a hug. ‘You look beautiful,’ she says in my ear, and I squeeze her tight. ‘So classy, with your swan-like neck. And your dress is amazing. Is this the one Ben sent you?’
I nod. Would she think I was classy if she could see the ugly scar I’m hiding? My guilt is gouged in deep; no amount of rubbing my shoulder gets rid of it, but I can’t help trying.
‘Hi, Felix. What’s with all the boxes?’
‘A little present from the office. They wanted to celebrate your leaving in style, seeing as how you wouldn’t let them organise a do at work.’
‘I can’t bear any more suspense. What is it?’
‘I’m not sure I’m allowed to say yet.’ He looks around the room. ‘Hey, Lena, can I tell her what’s in the boxes yet?’
Lena is fussing around at the food table, putting glasses on a tray. ‘I suppose so …’
Felix grins. ‘It’s fireworks.’
‘I’ll never forget your reaction that time we went to see them at Ally Pally,’ Steph says. ‘I’ve told Felix all about it.’
He nods. ‘I’m the same, love ’em.’
‘You were like a little kid looking on in wonder. And because it’s Bonfire Night, we thought we’d have a mini display here.’
Excitement whirls in my stomach and I clap my hands. ‘Amazing,’ I say. I remember watching the colours exploding into the cold air filled with the visible puffs of breath from the eager crowd, heads leaning back as they gazed up at the November sky – it was magical. This must be the surprise Lena referred to earlier. ‘But won’t it be dangerous?’ I ask, thinking of what could go wrong, what accidents could happen.
‘Of course not,’ Felix says. �
��I’m in charge, so you don’t need to worry. If you can’t trust a fireman to do it, then who can you trust?’ We all laugh. ‘We’ll set it up a bit later and let everyone know when it’s happening.’ He takes a glass of punch from the tray that Lena is carrying around, and winces as he takes a sip. ‘God, that’s strong.’
‘You didn’t bring the car, did you?’ I ask.
‘Unfortunately I lost the toss, so I’m driving,’ Steph says. ‘So, did you guess about the party?’
‘I’ve known for ages. Lena is rubbish at hiding stuff from me – I don’t think she’s ever managed to keep a secret. But I only told her I knew yesterday.’
‘I bet she was gutted you’d found out.’
‘She was more relieved, to be honest. That way I could help her with all the preparations today. It will be sad to leave this place.’
‘When are you moving out?’
‘Tomorrow, though Lena hasn’t done any packing. She’s left it all to the last minute, as usual.’
‘She’s not your responsibility, I’ve told you that before. Just relax and enjoy yourself. The house looks lovely, by the way.’
‘It’s a great place,’ Felix says. ‘I’m surprised Lena wants to leave. Can’t she get someone else to move in? I would have thought she’d get loads of interest.’
‘I know, that’s exactly what I said. But she says she doesn’t want to stay without me.’
‘Well of course not, who would?’ says Felix, and we all laugh. He drains his glass. ‘Time for another drink. Can I get either of you anything?’
‘No thanks,’ we both say.
As Felix moves away, Steph gives me a knowing look. ‘That’s not the main reason why Lena doesn’t want to get anyone in, is it?’ she asks.
Steph and I have grown close since she joined the charity two years ago as a fellow fund-raiser, and I’ve opened up to her a lot over the course of our friendship. She thinks Lena’s too dependent on me – that’s what she’s getting at. That Lena would refuse to share with anyone else but she doesn’t understand the complicated dynamics of our relationship, all the history. And how could she, when I can never explain?
‘It’s going to be hard for me too,’ I say. ‘She’s been fabulous these past few weeks, looking after me when I wasn’t feeling great, with all the stuff going on at work. And she makes me laugh so much. We’ve lived together since we were sixteen.’ We’re both watching Lena as we chat, the way she’s so at ease with people as she moves in and out of the groups that are forming, checking to see if everyone has enough to drink, complimenting guests on their outfits. The doorbell rings again, and she disappears out of the room.
The girls from work come across, and I sip at a glass of punch and try to relax. The beat of the music is insistent and loud, and we’re almost shouting at each other over it. Sophie is telling me about a funny incident that happened in the office this week. It’s weird to think I won’t be going back there. I push aside the thought and enjoy the delicious ripple of excitement that shimmies through me whenever I think about New York.
Felix comes back and slings his arm around Steph. ‘Great music,’ he says. ‘Are you sure I can’t get you ladies anything else before I go and chat football with my buddies?’
Steph laughs. ‘You go. I want Ava all to myself. We’ve got my Christmas shopping trip to New York to discuss.’
A smile spreads over my face. ‘I still can’t believe it’s real. Ben’s been asking me to go over for so long.’
‘I’d have jumped at the chance ages ago. Though you know we’re going to be lost without you in the office, don’t you? Who’s going to organise all the social events, the collections, everything basically?’
‘You’ll manage. I’m going to miss you all too.’ Her words warm me inside. ‘Who else from work is coming?’ I ask.
‘Pretty much everyone.’
‘Not everyone, I hope?’
Steph gives me a look. ’Yes, I’m afraid so. Lena issued a general invitation.’
‘Surely not Pete?’
She nods, her cheeks glowing. ‘I tried to tell the others the invitation wasn’t meant for him, that you wouldn’t want him there, but it was too late, someone had already emailed it around. Maybe he wants to apologise.’
My heart drums inside me, in time with the pounding music. The last person I want to see is Pete. It’s bad enough that Gareth will be here. His devotion is another thing I most definitely will not miss. I wish I could transport myself into next week and be strolling through Central Park with Ben, marvelling at the vast space filled with lush greenery tucked away amongst so much concrete. But the mention of Pete erases the excitement that has been flickering on and off all day. The one good thing about leaving work is getting away from him. I never want to see him again. The last few months have been hard, but he made it easier for me to make a decision, finally giving in to Ben’s pleas.
‘You don’t have to speak to him,’ Steph says. ‘And anyway, he might not even come.’
‘He will come.’ We both know Pete. Any excuse for a free drink, a bit of banter with his team. ‘Team building,’ we say in unison. It’s an in-joke, but it isn’t really funny; nothing about Pete is funny any more.
‘Look,’ she says. ‘It’s your party, everyone is here for you. Nobody will let him do or say anything inappropriate.’
It’s sweet of her to say it, but I know it’s meaningless. They all still have to work with him. He’s the boss; nobody is going to stand up to him. But I don’t say this out loud, sipping at my drink instead and savouring the burn.
Ten
Lena
More people have arrived and Felix has gone outside with a couple of friends to light a bonfire. A fireworks display has started somewhere nearby and the dark sky is lit up with vibrant bursts of colour and loud popping noises. I wander around with a bottle of wine, filling up people’s glasses.
Ava follows me into the kitchen.
‘Come outside,’ she says, leading me into the garden. ‘That way we can talk privately. You won’t believe it – they’ve invited Pete. Did you know?’
‘No way. I sent the invitation to the office, but I thought it was obvious they weren’t to invite him. It was Steph I sent the invitation to. Do you want me to speak to her?’
‘No! Pete’s an irritation, but that’s not what I want to talk about. I’m still wondering about that cake.’
The bonfire is lit, illuminating the shadows of the garden. I smile over at Felix, one hand on Ava’s back as we cross over to the bench at the end of the garden. The fire crackles and spits and the noise covers our conversation.
‘It’s shaken me up,’ she says, taking a hasty swig of her drink.
‘You’re doing great,’ I say. ‘Nobody would know what just happened back there.’
‘What did happen? What does it mean?’
I shrug. ‘I don’t know. Have you any idea who might have sent it? Has anything else happened?’
She shakes her head, watching the fire, and I can see the reflection of the flames flickering in her eyes. Her jaw moves, and I sense she’s not telling me everything.
‘Talk to me. What’s going on?’
‘I don’t know.’ Now she looks at me, determination in her gaze. ‘I’m leaving the country in two days, so I’m not going to let receiving a cake from some freak bother me. Like you said earlier, this is my party and I’m going to enjoy myself. Everyone from work has been so supportive, and I’m not going to let the threat of Pete coming spoil things either.’
‘That’s more like it. But I don’t expect him to show up. He wasn’t meant to be invited.’
‘I’ll just avoid him if he does. Steph doesn’t think it will be a problem.’ She smiles wryly, watching the dancing flames, smoke filling the air. ‘I didn’t realise until I took a step back and had a good look at myself how much I did at that place. I’m confident I’ll be able to find a similar job in the States.’
‘It makes it so real when you say things like tha
t. Are you sure you don’t want to wait until you’ve secured a job? You know I don’t want you to go.’
‘Getting away from here is probably the best thing I can do right now,’ she says.
A stray spark jumps from the fire and lands on my leg.
‘Ouch.’ I jump to my feet. But it’s a fleeting moment of pain, and anyway, that’s not what’s really hurting me.
‘Ava,’ Felix calls, and she gets up and walks over to the bonfire. The metallic blue of her dress flashes in the glow of the firelight, and a stitch-like pain digs into my side. Does she realise how much her leaving pains me? My hand wanders to the strip of plaster that covers my tattoo. It’s been healed for a while now, but I’m waiting for the right moment to reveal it. The day Ava told me she’d finally made up her mind that she was going to live with Ben was the day I came up with the design. It’s a special one. And Ava will be the first to see it. It’s for her, after all.
The wind blows across the garden, causing the fire to whoosh and leap, and I feel cold all over. I walk quickly back into the house and pour myself a large glass of gin, no mixer, noting the chip in the glass, another flaw at this party that I wanted so desperately to be perfect.
‘Doorbell!’ a man says, and I’m relieved to have something to do. I leave my glass on the side and go back to the hall, adjusting the volume on the music as I pass. There’s too much talking; nobody’s dancing yet. I open the door, but I don’t recognise the man who stands in front of me. He holds out a bag containing some bottles that clink against one another. A quick glance tells me it’s craft beer, vibrant-coloured labels on fancy bottles.
‘Nice,’ I say. ‘I’m Lena, by the way. I take it I’ve invited you and you’re not just some random guy walking past the hottest party in town.’
He’s big, but muscly, like he works out, the kind of guy who has a high bar to do pull-ups on in the doorway of his bedroom. The kind of guy I go for. His hair is dark and curly and his chestnut-brown eyes appear to be laughing at me.
The Leaving Party: An absolutely gripping and addictive psychological thriller Page 5
