‘You’re worrying me more now, Lila.’ Ethan was gnawing at a cuticle, his eyes wide with concern.
‘I’m so sorry, Ethan. I was just thinking about how to explain myself, but I guess it’s just better to get it all out as quickly as possible.’
‘Please do.’
‘Have you seen Milly yet?’
‘Who’s Milly?’
‘The woman who came to the door with Fletcher.’
He shook his head. ‘Roxie said she’s in the garden.’
At that moment, Roxie came in with a glass of water and a plate of biscuits. She looked from Lila to Ethan and back again.
‘I’ll leave you to it.’
‘Stay.’ Lila held out a hand. ‘Please. I want you to hear this too.’
‘Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude.’
‘How could you be intruding, Roxie? You’re my best friend.’
Roxie nodded and perched on the coffee table, eyes wide, hands clasped in her lap. ‘Okay then.’
Lila sucked in a deep breath. ‘Milly’s my sister.’
‘She’s your spitting image,’ Roxie said.
‘She’s my identical twin.’
‘You have a twin?’ Ethan half rose from the couch then sank back down again. ‘A twin sister?’
‘Yes. Milly. She’s my twin.’ She repeated it as if to try to get it to sink in and because she was buying time to tell them the rest.
‘A twin.’ Roxie was blinking rapidly and she was scratching at her head. ‘Wow.’
‘I’m so sorry I didn’t tell either of you. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to, or intend not to, more that I thought I’d left that part of my life behind. You both know what my parents were like, how they weren’t bothered about me at all and it was the same with Milly.’ She sipped the water Roxie had brought her, remembering how awful her childhood had been making her mouth dry, making her feel queasy.
‘When did you last see her?’ Ethan asked.
Lila frowned. ‘Years ago. It was in the early days of my relationship with Ben … and so it must be around eight … maybe nine years ago. The years have passed so quickly that I find it hard to keep track.’
‘That’s a long time,’ Roxie said.
‘I know.’
‘Didn’t she try to contact you before?’ Ethan shifted his position slightly.
‘We had a furious argument about our parents. She wanted to give them another chance, but I didn’t. I said that they weren’t bothered about knowing either of us, that they didn’t care if we were happy and healthy or even alive half the time, and that we should put it all behind us. Milly struggled badly with their rejection and neglect more than I did, I guess. Or perhaps it was because I was so besotted with Ben by that point that I felt they didn’t matter anymore. I had someone to love me.’ She glanced at Ethan. ‘Sorry. It doesn’t change how I feel about him.’
‘Ben is an utter bastard!’ Roxie tutted. ‘A complete and utter waster.’
Ethan smiled briefly. ‘I know how you feel about him.’ He nodded. ‘I don’t feel threatened.’
‘Good.’ Lila squeezed his hand. ‘I never loved him like I love you.’
‘Did he know about her?’ Ethan peered up at her from behind his lashes and Lila’s heart squeezed.
‘No. I kept her a secret because I was going to surprise him by turning up for a date with her tagging along, but then we argued, and I was so angry with her because I felt like she was taking our parents’ side that I just didn’t. And time went on and it seemed ridiculous to tell him. I thought he’d think I was mad or weird for not saying anything up to that point. Plus, I had such a bad taste in my mouth from how my parents behaved that her rejection on top of theirs made me feel like I was damaged and the last thing you want a new lover to see you as is damaged. I mean, what does it say about someone when even their closest family members don’t give a damn about them? It’s hurtful, embarrassing and humiliating. It makes it very difficult to value yourself and I was worried it might make other people … like Ben … see me as worthless too.’
‘I can understand that.’ Ethan bobbed his head. ‘But you are a wonderful person and it breaks my heart to think of you feeling that way.’
‘Mine too,’ Roxie said, nodding.
‘Milly became a secret part of my past. I didn’t want to resurrect the pain, so I buried her deep in my mind and forgot about her, or at least I thought I had. She sometimes resurfaced in my dreams but that was all. Only … since I became pregnant, she has come into my mind again. I guess I’ve wondered what she’s doing and how she is, thought about how I’d answer if our child ever asks if I have any siblings.’
‘How did she find you though?’ Ethan was gazing into the cold fireplace now, as if he could find the answer there.
‘I think I might know.’ Lila sighed. ‘When I found out I was pregnant, I had this overwhelming urge to find out more about my ancestry. I couldn’t ask my parents, obviously, so I ordered one of those DNA kits.’
‘Those things are fascinating.’ Roxie was leaning forwards with her hands on her knees.
‘I’m assuming that Milly must have done one recently and was therefore able to track me down.’
‘But how would she have found out where you lived?’ Ethan asked. ‘Surely you didn’t post your contact details on there as public?’
‘Not exactly, but I did put my location on there. I think she’s been in the village for a few weeks so she must have checked things like phone listings and more, put two and two together then possibly asked around. It’s even possible she saw me in the village but didn’t like to approach me until she felt sure she’d seen me. Or she could have been finding out about my life.’
‘It’s a bit creepy sounding.’ Roxie gave a dramatic shudder.
‘In some ways I guess it does sound a bit creepy but I suspect she was just keen to find me.’
‘Could it have been that twin thing that led you both to do a DNA ancestry test?’ Ethan’s eyes were wide.
Lila shrugged. ‘We had that twin communication link you read about when we were younger but it seemed to wear off as we grew up. However, perhaps the pregnancy kick started it again or something. I’m not sure.’
‘Some things just can’t be explained.’ Roxie cleared her throat. ‘I’ve watched some documentaries on things like this and even though, as a species, we’d like to explain everything, we simply can’t. It could have been a twin thing, it could have been fate, it could have been coincidence. However, what matters now is whether or not you’re strong enough to deal with this. We can always tell her to go away.’
Lila smiled at Roxie then at Ethan.
‘No, don’t do that. This is like the final piece of my puzzle and it’s high time I spoke to Milly and addressed our issues. Whether we can work things out or have to go our separate ways for good, at least I’ll have tried. I owe her that much, but I also owe it to myself.’
‘Do you want to speak to her now or leave it until tomorrow?’ There was a tiny line between Ethan’s brows that seemed to be getting deeper by the minute.
‘I’ll do it now. Outside though because I need some air. Is that all right, Roxie? I don’t want to take over your garden.’
‘Don’t be silly, Lila. My garden is your garden. I’ll make a pot of tea and take it out for you.’
Roxie left them alone and Lila looked at Ethan.
‘I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you before.’
‘You don’t need to be. This was clearly a difficult thing for you to deal with and I know how hard it can be to resurrect things from your past. Life can be painful when people you love don’t feel the same or when you lose them, whether to disease and death or just to their stubborn mindedness. I’m sure Milly struggled too but the fact that she’s come here now shows that she wants to see you.’
‘It does.’
‘Do you … want to speak to her alone or do you want me with you?’
Lila swallowed. She didn’t want to hurt Ethan but
she also didn’t know what Milly was thinking or feeling.
‘If it’s okay with you, I’ll speak to her alone first. Only because she doesn’t know you and because I don’t want her to feel we’re ganging up on her. Then, once we’ve spoken, I can introduce you properly.’
‘Sounds good to me.’
‘I love you so much, Ethan.’
‘And I love you.’
They kissed then got up and went out to the kitchen. Ethan took a seat at the breakfast bar next to Fletcher but Lila felt his eyes on her as she went to the back door and knew that if he could protect her just by looking at her, he would do. She lifted her chin, pushed her shoulders back and headed outside into the beautiful evening to speak to the twin she’d once shared a womb with, the sister who’d once been her closest friend and the woman who she hadn’t seen in years.
18
Lila
In the garden, Milly was sitting at one of the tables. Her hair was loose and shiny, her profile achingly familiar, with the same straight nose, slightly rounded forehead and small chin as Lila. She was slouched forwards, her hands holding a glass of water on the table in front of her, gazing into space.
Lila went to the table and sat opposite her sister then summoned her courage and met Milly’s eyes.
They stared at each other. As children, they’d done this for hours, mirroring each other’s gestures, repeating each other’s words. It had irritated their mother and she’d often told them to stop, but when she left them alone again they’d return to their game. Back then, they’d had a deep bond, one that Lila realised she had missed and yet forced herself to surrender so she could get on with her life.
Their eyes roamed the features that were identical and it was like looking into a mirror. The only difference between them had been a small mole on Milly’s left shoulder. Now, of course, there was a big difference – Lila was pregnant.
‘Hello Milly.’ Lila decided to break the silence, needed to break it.
‘Lila.’ Milly nodded.
‘You’re here.’ It wasn’t a question, more acceptance of the inevitable because Lila suspected that she’d always known deep down that Milly would turn up one day.
‘I’ve been searching for you for a while. A few months ago, I had an overwhelming urge to take one of those DNA tests that trace your ancestry.’
Lila nodded. ‘Me too.’
Milly raised her eyebrows. ‘You think it was because of the pregnancy?’
‘I wanted to know if I had any relatives out there and to find out more about our ancestors because I couldn’t ask … them about it.’
‘So you haven’t seen our parents recently?’
‘Not for years.’ Lila pressed her lips together. ‘Have you?’
Milly shook her head. ‘Same.’
‘They wouldn’t want to know if I did try to contact them.’
‘About the baby?’
Lila shrugged.
‘They might, Lila.’
‘And what would be the point? Nothing would ever be what they expected or hoped or wished for, and I won’t have my child being another disappointment for them. I can’t bear it. We were … an inconvenience … and I don’t want that seeping back into my life now.’
‘Are things good for you?’
‘Yes.’
Milly smiled. ‘I’m glad.’
‘Are you?’
‘Of course, I am. I know we argued back then but I never hated you. I’ve missed you desperately, but I honestly thought you wouldn’t want to see me.’
‘For a while I didn’t. Then I tried not to care.’
‘Are you angry I came searching?’
‘I’m … really happy you’re here, Milly.’ And then, a lump rose in Lila’s throat and she was unable to say more.
‘Oh Lila, don’t cry.’ Milly jumped up and came round the table to Lila then crouched at her side. ‘I’m so sorry I didn’t try to find you sooner.’
Lila covered her eyes with her hands.
‘I should have, I know. What I said back then was cruel and I didn’t mean it. I was just angry, and I took it out on you.’
Milly touched Lila’s arm and it was like an electric shock, as if her skin recognised Milly’s. She lowered her hands and looked down into her twin’s face.
‘Thank you for coming.’
Milly smiled. ‘I know we’ve got a lot to talk about and I also know that it will take time for us to become … friends again … but I do love you. I always loved you. And now you’re having a baby. It’s amazing, Lila.’
She reached out as if to touch Lila’s bump then paused, her hand in mid-air.
‘It’s okay.’ Lila nodded and Milly rested her hand gently on Lila’s belly. Beneath her touch, the baby responded making them both giggle.
‘Hello baby. I’m your aunt and I can’t wait to meet you.’
Lila and Milly sat in the garden and talked for over an hour. Roxie popped out with water for them and Ethan waved from the kitchen just to let Lila know he was there if she needed him. She was grateful for their support but also glad to have the time to spend alone with Milly. She’d heard stories about family estrangement, read websites that advised people on how to deal with it, and yet she’d thought she was doing quite well. She had believed that she was managing not seeing her family, and to a certain extent she was. She was sad that her parents weren’t different and that they had never cared, but her deep grief had lain with the gap in her life left by Milly’s absence. It was why she’d tried so desperately to push Milly from her mind, so far from her conscious thoughts that she emerged only in dreams.
And here they were, together again, and the walls of ice that had risen up between them the last time they’d spoken were melting. It was like they’d never been apart, never felt such anger towards each other. Of course, Lila knew it would take time to rebuild their relationship, and part of her was somewhat hesitant to fully commit to it after so long, especially when she was pregnant and had a better life now, but at the same time, she knew Milly and wanted to give this a chance. Surely their relationship deserved that chance?
‘I’m getting married next Saturday,’ Lila said.
‘That soon? I knew about the wedding because Fletcher told me that the men were holding Ethan’s stag party when I saw them outside the pub. But he didn’t tell me when it was. A baby and a wedding though. Goodness, Lila, you’ve so much going on.’
‘I know.’ Lila smiled. ‘Will you come?’
‘Oh no … I wouldn’t want to intrude.’
‘You’re my twin and I’d like you there. But … I do understand if it’s too much too soon.’
‘I’d like to come. As long as you’re sure?’
‘I am.’
‘I have to go away for a few days first because of my job, but I can come back for Saturday.’
Lila nodded. Milly was a travel writer and she’d been all over the world since they last spoke. It was an exciting career and Milly enjoyed it, but she’d also confessed that keeping moving was her way of trying to deal with her pain. She’d tracked Lila down via the ancestry website and visited Wisteria Hollow several times over recent weeks, hoping she’d catch sight of Lila. Then she had done but she’d been hit by nerves and unable to speak to Lila when she’d seen her with Ethan and spotted her bump, worried that if she spoke to her, Lila would panic. It had taken her a few visits to pluck up the courage to do anything, and then seeing Ethan and his friends outside the pub that afternoon had made her realise that it was now or never. When it had looked like Fletcher was leaving, Milly seized the chance to speak to him alone.
On seeing Milly, Fletcher had been struck dumb. She’d asked him not to introduce her to Ethan until she’d spoken to Lila because she didn’t know if her sister’s fiancé even knew of her existence. That was why Fletcher had brought her straight to Lila, leaving Ethan and the others behind.
They exchanged phone numbers and Lila gave Milly details about the wedding venue.
‘I’d better
be going. I have a flight to Cyprus later and I need to pack.’
‘Where are you staying?’
Milly gave a sad smile. ‘I have a small flat in Slough that I use as a base because it allows me easy access to Heathrow but I’m rarely there. As I said, I keep moving.’
‘I’d love to see some photos of the places you’ve been sometime.’
‘It would be fabulous to show you because I have so many. I’ve been to some fantastic destinations as well as some awful ones.’
‘Do you have a blog?’
‘Yes. And I’m freelance so I write for several different magazines. It’s really exciting. I’ll send you a link to the blog so you can have a look.’
Lila walked with Milly to the house and in the kitchen she introduced her sister to Ethan and Roxie. She could see Ethan’s eyes widen as he saw that Lila and Milly really were identical. It must be strange for him to see his fiancée’s double and she tried to put herself in his place, wondering how she’d feel if things had been the other way around.
At the front door, she paused, not sure how to act, but Milly took her hand.
‘You take care and ring me anytime.’
‘And you’ll be there next week?’
‘I will. I’m looking forward to it.’ Milly smiled then leant forwards and kissed Lila’s cheek before walking down the driveway and disappearing behind the hedge.
Lila turned around and Ethan was right there, arms open, eyes watchful, as he waited to see how she was feeling. She stepped into his embrace and held him tight, needing his love and support more than ever and feeling grateful that he was there.
19
Roxie
‘I can’t find my shoes!’ Roxie bounded up the stairs, one hand on her heated rollers, the other holding her boobs in her strapless bra. ‘Fletcher! Have you seen my shoes?’
A Wedding on Sunflower Street: An uplifting story about friendship, love and marriage Page 8
