by Mary Monroe
“So you keep telling me,” I snapped.
Mama sucked on her teeth and gave me a dismissive wave. “He got slaphappy when we told him about you. I bet he been beating the women off with a stick all his life.”
Mama’s taste in potential husbands for me was just as pathetic as Daddy’s. But her last comment really got my attention because it sounded like a contradiction. “Why would a ‘sporty and handsome’ man get ‘slaphappy’ about meeting a new woman—especially if he’s already beating them off with a stick?” I wanted to know.
Daddy gave me an annoyed look. “Don’t worry about a little detail like that. And don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. You ain’t been out on a date since last year, and I know that must be painful. Shoot. When I was young, and before I married your mama, I never went longer than a week without courting somebody. At the rate you going, you ain’t never going to get married.”
I’d celebrated my thirtieth birthday eight days ago, but I felt more like a woman three times my age. Most of the adult females I knew were already married. My twenty-five-year-old cousin Louise had been married and divorced twice and was already engaged again. “I guess marriage wasn’t meant for me,” I whined. I suddenly lost my appetite, so I pushed my plate to the side.
“You ain’t even touched them pinto beans on your plate, and you ate only half of your supper yesterday,” Mama complained. “How do you expect to get a man if you ain’t got enough meat on your bones? You already look like a lamppost, and you know colored men like thick women. Besides, a gal six feet tall like you need to eat twice as much as a shorter woman so there’s enough food to fill out all your places.”
“It ain’t about how much I weigh,” I said defensively. “Last year I weighed twenty pounds more than I do now, and it didn’t make a difference. But . . . I wish I could shrink down to a normal height.” I laughed, but I was serious. For a colored woman, being too tall was almost as bad as being too dark and homely. I wasn’t as dark or homely as some of the women I knew, but I was the tallest and the only one my age still single.
“Well, look at it this way, baby girl. You ain’t no Kewpie doll and you may be too lanky for anybody to want to marry you, but at least you got your health. A lot of women don’t even have that.” Daddy squeezed my hand and smiled. “And you real smart.”
I was thankful that I was healthy and smart, but those things didn’t do a damn thing for my overactive sex drive. If a man didn’t make love to me soon, I was going to go crazy. And the way I’d been fantasizing about going up to a stranger in a beer garden or on the street and asking him to go to bed with me, maybe I had already lost my mind. “Can I be excused? I have a headache,” I muttered, rubbing the back of my head.
“You said the same thing when we was having supper yesterday,” Mama reminded.
“I had a headache then, too,” I moaned. I rose up out of my chair so fast, I almost knocked it over. With my head hanging low, I shuffled around the corner and down the hall to my bedroom. I’d been born in the same room, and the way my life was going, I had a feeling I’d die in it too.
Branson was a typical small town in the southern part of Alabama. It was known for its cotton and sugarcane fields and beautiful scenery. Fruit and pecan trees, and flowers of every type and color decorated most of the residents’ front and back yards. But things were just as gloomy here as the rest of the South.
Our little city had only about twenty thousand people and most of them were white. Two of our four banks had crashed right after the Great Depression started almost five years ago. But a few people had been smart enough to pull their money out just in time. Our post office shared the same building with the police department across the street from our segregated cemetery.
Jim Crow, the rigid system that the white folks had created to establish a different set of rules for them and us, was strictly enforced. Basically, what it meant was that white people could do whatever they wanted, and we couldn’t eat where they ate, sleep or socialize with them, or even sass them. Anybody crazy enough to violate the rules could expect anything from a severe beating to dying at the hands of a lynch mob. A lot of our neighbors and friends worked for wealthy white folks in the best neighborhoods, but all of the colored residents lived on the south side. And it was segregated too. The poor people lived in the lower section near the swamps and the dirt roads. The ones with decent incomes, like my family, lived in the upper section.
The quiet, well-tended street we lived on was lined with magnolia and dogwood trees on both sides. Each house had a neat lawn, and some had picket fences. The brown-shingled house with tar paper roofing and a wraparound front porch we owned had three bedrooms. The walls were thin, so when Mama and Daddy started talking again after I’d bolted from the supper table, I could hear them. And, I didn’t like what they were saying.
“Poor Joyce. I just ball up inside when I think about how fast our baby is going to waste. I’m going to keep praying for her to find somebody before it’s too late,” Mama grumbled. “With her strong back she’d be a good workhorse and keep a clean house and do whatever else she’ll need to do to keep a husband happy. And I’d hate to see them breeding hips she got on her never turn out no babies.” Mama let out a loud, painful-sounding groan. “What’s even worse is, I would hate to leave this world knowing she was going to grow old alone.”
“I’m going to keep praying for her to get married too. But that might be asking for too much. I done almost put a notion like that out of my mind. This late in the game, the most we can expect is to fix her up with somebody who’ll court her for a while, so she can have a little fun before she get too much older,” Daddy grunted. “Maybe we ain’t been praying hard enough, huh?”
“We been praying hard enough, but that ain’t the problem,” Mama snapped.
“Oh? Then what is it?”
“The problem is this girl is too doggone picky!” Mama shouted.
“Sure enough,” Daddy agreed.
I couldn’t believe my ears! My parents were trying to fix me up with a stock boy, not a businessman, and they thought I was being too picky. I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. A lot of ridiculous things had been said to and about me. Being “too picky” was one of the worst because it couldn’t have been further from the truth.
I had no idea how my folks had come to such an off-the-wall conclusion. I couldn’t imagine what made them think I was too picky. I’d given up my virginity when I was fourteen to Marvin Galardy, the homeliest boy in the neighborhood. And that was only because he was the only one interested in having sex with me at the time.
I was so deep in thought, I didn’t hear Daddy knocking on my door, so he let himself in. “You done gone deaf, too?” he grumbled.
“I didn’t hear you,” I mumbled, sitting up on my bed.
“You going to the evening church service with us? We’ll be leaving in a few minutes.”
“Not this time, Daddy. My head is still aching, so I think I just need to lie here and take it easy.” I rubbed the side of my head.
“And it’s going to keep on hurting if you don’t take some pills.”
“I’ll take some before I go to sleep.”
Daddy turned to leave, and then he snapped his fingers. “I forgot the real reason I came in here. Mother’s going to Mobile tomorrow morning with Maxine Fisher to do some shopping and she’ll be gone most of the day. If you ain’t got no plans for lunch tomorrow and that headache is gone, I’ll swing by the school around noon to pick you up and we can go to Mosella’s. Monday is the only day peach cobbler is on the menu, and I been dying for some.”
“You don’t have to drive all the way from the store to pick me up. That’s out of your way. One of the other aides has an appointment with her doctor in the same block, so I can ride with her and have her drop me off at the store. I need to pick up a few items anyway.”
“That’ll work,” Daddy said, rubbing his chest. “I’ll see you around noon then?”
“Okay, Daddy.”<
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It was still light outside, but I went to bed anyway. Each day I slept more than I needed and wished I could sleep even more. At least then I wouldn’t have to talk to people and walk around with a fake smile on my face.
CHAPTER 2
ODELL
I WAS SO ANXIOUS TO GET BACK TO WORK, I COULDN’T WAIT FOR TOMORROW to come. I’d only been on my new job at MacPherson’s for a week. It was a dyed-in-the-wool country convenience store with benches inside for people to sit on when they needed to take a break from their shopping. Regular customers could expect a complimentary pig foot or some lip-smacking pork rinds on certain days. I could already tell that this was the best job I ever had. It was a nice family-friendly business, and I was really looking forward to the experience, especially since I’d be working for colored folks. Mr. MacPherson didn’t pay me that much to start, but as long as it covered my rent I didn’t care. I was a born hustler, so I knew I’d find ways to cover my other expenses once I got a toehold on my new situation. Stocking shelves was much better than dragging along on farms and other odd jobs I’d done all my life. The small building where MacPherson’s was located sat on a corner next to a bait shop. There was a sign printed in all capital letters in the front window that said: WE SELL EVERYTHING FROM APRONS TO MENS’ PINSTRIPE SUITS. But they never had more than six or seven of each item in stock at a time. When inventory got low, the MacPhersons immediately replenished everything and gave their customers discounts when they had to wait on a certain item. The customers were happy because this kind of service kept them from having to make the eight-mile trip to nearby Butler where there was a Piggly Wiggly market and much bigger department stores.
People kept complaining about the Great Depression we was going through, but it didn’t even faze me. Like almost every other colored person, I couldn’t tell the difference because we’d been going through a “depression” all our lives. Some of the white folks who used to have enough money to shop at the better stores started shopping at MacPherson’s. On my first day, me and Mr. MacPherson had to help a nervous blond woman haul a box of canned goods, some cleaning products, produce, toys, and even a few clothes to her car. The whole time she’d bellyached to him about what a disgrace it was to her family that they had to shop where all the colored people shopped, something she’d never done before. In the next breath, she complimented him on how “happy-go-lucky” he was for a colored man, and because of that he was “a credit to his race.”
One of the things I noticed right away was how loosey-goosey the MacPhersons ran their business. Like a lot of folks, they didn’t trust banks, especially since so many people had lost every cent and all the property they owned when the banks failed. One of the richest white families I used to pick cotton for had ended up flat broke and had to move to a tent city campground with other displaced families.
Preston “Mac” MacPherson and his wife, Millie, only kept enough in their checking account to cover their employees’ checks and to pay their business expenses. I’d found that out from Buddy Armstrong, the tubby, fish-eyed head cashier and the nosiest, grumpiest, and biggest blabbermouth elderly man I’d ever met. The other cashier, a pint-sized, plain-featured, widowed great-grandmother named Sadie Mae Glutz was almost as bad as Buddy.
On my first day, they’d started running off at the mouth before the first morning break, telling me all kinds of personal things about people I had never met. Buddy and Sadie was good entertainment, so I pretended to be interested in their gossip and even egged them on. The MacPhersons were their favorite target. Even though it was supposed to be a company “secret,” they wasted no time telling me that Mr. MacPherson kept most of his money locked up in his house. At the end of each day he’d pluck all the cash out of the two cash registers and stuff it into a brown paper bag.
“I hope that information don’t get to the wrong person. I’d hate to hear about some joker busting into that house robbing such a nice elderly couple,” I said.
“You ain’t got to worry about nothing like that. Mac keeps a shotgun in the house,” Buddy assured me.
“I hope he never has to use it,” I chuckled.
“He done already done that,” Sadie added. Before I could ask when and why, she continued. “A couple of years ago, some fool tried to steal Mac’s car out of his driveway. Mac ran out just in time to stop that jackass.”
“Did he kill him?” I asked, looking from Sadie to Buddy.
“Naw. He shot at him, but he missed,” Buddy answered. “And that sucker took off in such a hurry, he ran clean out of his shoes. Then he had the nerve to try to steal another man’s car in the same neighborhood. He wasn’t so lucky that time. I was one of the pallbearers at his funeral.”
“I’m glad Mr. MacPherson didn’t kill that thief. He is such a nice man, I’d hate for him to get involved with the law,” I stated.
“Thank you. Him and Millie got enough problems already. Especially trying to marry off that gal of theirs.” Sadie shook her head and clucked her thick tongue. “She grown and still living at home. And she look like the kind of woman no man in his right mind would tangle with. She a whole head taller than me and probably twice as strong. If I seen her fighting a bear, I’d help the bear. Wouldn’t you do the same thing, Buddy?”
“Sure enough.” Buddy chuckled for a few seconds, and then he started yip-yapping about Joyce some more. “And she got the nerve to flirt with me almost every time I see her, with her mugly self.”
“‘Mugly’? What’s that?” I asked.
“Oh, that’s just a nicer way of calling somebody ugly. Anyway, she been messing with me ever since I started working here last September, grinning and sashaying in front of me like a shake dancer. But I would never get involved with a woman with feet bigger than mine. First time I make her mad, she’d stomp a hole in me.”
This was the first time I’d heard about Joyce, and it wouldn’t be the last. Every time things got slow on my first day, Buddy and Sadie would wander over to where I was stacking or reorganizing merchandise and start conversating and laughing about the MacPhersons’ pitiful daughter.
“Y’all got me so curious now, I can’t wait to meet this beast,” I admitted, laughing along with them.
“You’ll see exactly what we mean when you do meet her,” Sadie told me.
“Why don’t y’all like her? Is she mean-spirited, too?”
Buddy and Sadie gasped at the same time. “No, she ain’t no mean person at all, and we do like her,” Sadie claimed. “We talk about all the folks we know like this. But Joyce is such an oddball; we talk about her a little more than we do everybody else.”
“I hope you’ll like her too,” Buddy threw in. “She ain’t got many friends, so she need all the ones she can get.”
By the end of the day, I had heard so many unflattering things about the MacPhersons’ big-boned “old maid” daughter, it seemed like I’d known her for years. I felt so sorry for her. The next day when Mr. MacPherson bragged about how smart and nice and caring his only child was and how much he loved her, I told him I couldn’t wait to meet her. I’d only said it to make him feel good, because I wanted to make sure I did everything possible for him to keep me on the payroll. I had heard that the stock boys before me had never lasted more than a few weeks. A couple had just up and quit, but the MacPhersons had fired all the others. I hoped that I’d get to stay a lot longer, or at least until I found a better job.
I had just enough money to last until I got my first paycheck. Mr. MacPherson had promised that if he was pleased with my work and I got to work on time, he’d eventually give me more responsibilities and more money. He really liked me and even told me I reminded him of himself when he was my age. I told him that if I looked half as good as he did when I got to be his age, I’d be happy. That made him blush and grin, and it made me realize that complimenting a man like him could win me a lot of points. It was true that I had a lot going for me in the looks department. But I never took it for granted. People had been telling me I
was cute since I was a baby. My curly black hair, smooth Brazil nut brown skin, slanted black eyes, and juicy lips got me a lot of attention. One of the main things the women liked about me and complimented me on all the time was my height, which was six feet four.
Some women believed that old wives’ tale that tall men had long sticks between their legs. I couldn’t speak for other tall men, but I had enough manly meat between my thighs to keep the women I went to bed with sure enough happy. I wasn’t just tall; I had a body like a prizefighter. Years of backbreaking farm labor had rewarded me with some muscles that wouldn’t quit. Women couldn’t keep their hands off me. When I was younger, I used to have to sneak out back doors in bars just to throw them off my trail. I was thirty-one now, so I still had a few good years left to find a wife and have children before my jism got too weak. I was between ladies now, and because my last two breakups had been so bad, I was in no hurry to get involved with another woman anytime soon. I changed my tune Monday afternoon when I met Mr. MacPherson’s daughter.
