Screaming, I raised the bat above my head with both hands. He would NEVER touch me again! I brought it down. I wanted it to end, wanted to kill the fear, to free myself from the cage that surrounded me. I just wanted to be… free…
The bat impacted with a sickening crunch and Lyndon Craw’s skull caved in. Nothing, nothing in this world had ever felt so good, so right. I heard a blood curdling scream but I didn’t stop. Somehow he was still moving, still alive. He was crawling away now, dragging his naked body out of my bedroom. I followed after him, eerily calm, as I pulled my bat back and prepared to swing again. I thought of how I’d picked it out. I thought of how many stores I’d gone to, how many different bats I’d tried until I found the perfect one.
I swung my bat again and again. I found myself screaming madly, I was like an animal, smashing and smashing. Blood splattered everywhere and he stopped moving but still I didn’t stop. I couldn’t stop. I wanted to turn him into mush, to dust. I wanted to destroy every piece of him until there was absolutely nothing left.
I...I don’t know how many swings I took, how long I continued to beat him after he was clearly dead. Eventually I swung and the bat slipped out of my sweaty hands. It hit the floor, bouncing, clinking. I looked down and there was nothing left, nothing recognizable.
I stumbled forward, stepping past the remains. I knew...I knew it was over. I knew it was done. I knew Lyndon Craw couldn’t possibly hurt me anymore. And yet I couldn’t stand to be in the same room as him. He still made me feel cold...so...so cold and sick. I went to my front door and stumbled out into the hall. I left the door wide open. I didn’t care.
I staggered to the elevator and got in. When I turned I saw one of my neighbors curiously come out of his apartment. He must have heard all the noises. I didn’t know his name, only that he had a cat he let out sometimes named Mr. Tinker. The man looked around and saw me in the elevator. His face twisted in shock. I must have looked horrific.
The elevator doors shut and I got a fuzzy glimpse of my reflection. I was covered in blood. I didn’t care, I didn’t care about anything. I felt numb, disoriented. I didn’t know what I was doing, where I was going. When the elevator doors opened I shot out the front doors of my apartment building and into the night.
I felt my body take me somewhere. I ran fast and hard. I lost count of the blocks as I ran longer than I ever had before. Part of me wondered if I would keep running forever but then I saw a blur in the distance. Someone was running to me. He moved so fast, almost like lightning. When we collided, I collapsed in his arms. He lowered me to the ground and held me in his arms.
He brushed the hair from my face as my heart pounded in my ears. I looked up at him and for once his ocean blue eyes looked down at me not in disdain, disgust, or hate, but with fear, anguish, and overwhelming concern. He looked me over frantically and called out, “Becca! Becca! Are you hurt? What happened? What happened?”
I barely heard him. My heartbeat now thundered in my ears. I felt feverish and dizzy. I nearly passed out but he shook me. I focused on him for a moment and mumbled, “I got him...I got him,”
He looked at me, confused. “Who? Who?”
I looked into his ocean blue eyes and began to lose focus. Everything turned fuzzy and then everything went dark.
Chapter Seven
I felt someone carrying me. For the first time in a long while I felt safe and warm. I felt like things were going to be okay, that I would be okay. And then, they put me down. I felt cold and alone, scared. I tossed and turned, struggling in my sleep, trying to make sense of everything. But it all felt like it was too much.
I heard muffled voices and felt a cold washcloth on my skin. Someone was cleaning my hands and then my arms and face. I opened my eyes thinking it was my mom. When I was little and had a fever, she used to run a cold washcloth over me. I called out to her, “Mom…”
“Shh,” someone soothed me.
I opened my eyes briefly and realized it wasn’t my mom. It was Kit. She was leaning over me, cleaning the blood splatter off my face. I looked at her confused, wondering how she’d gotten here and where here was. It started to come back to me. Lynn... the bat.
My heart quickened and my eyes shot open. I struggled to sit up, frantic, but then the most intoxicating scent filled my nostrils. I felt calm and relaxed. Everything that was bothering me didn’t seem so important anymore and soon I drifted back to sleep.
I had a pleasant dream. I was running through a meadow of flowers. The sky was blue. And in the distance there were lush green rolling hills. I felt like I was in a laundry commercial. Everything was so fresh and clean, so bright and happy. I skipped about and spun, light and free. I felt as if I had not a care in the world.
“I have to hand it to her; she did a real number on him. I just wish I could have been there to see it.”
“Would you be quiet?” said another voice.
“Sorry,”
I opened my eyes, hearing familiar voices. Was I dreaming? No, I was here. Wherever here was. I found myself on a bed, in a room I didn’t know, groggy and disoriented. It was hard to hold onto my thoughts. I couldn’t recall what had happened and just how I had gotten here. I sat up a bit too fast and was nearly sick, my head spinning. I closed my eyes and just tried to focus on the voices. I found I knew them.
“-able to get him out with no problems. We put him somewhere secure,” said Micheal.
“That’s good,” said Em.
“Yeah but, man, you really should see him. And that apartment...it’s fucking trashed.” said Richy.
“We get it,” said Kit.
Kit...she’d been here with me earlier. I could barely remember it. I got to my feet, wanting to hear them better. I opened my eyes and saw the door to the room was slightly ajar a few feet away. I stumbled to it and wondered if I was on something. Had they given me something?
“I’ll clean it,” said Em, “You just worry about him.”
“I can do it,” offered Kit. “I can clean it. I’ve been working on a few new things. It would let me try ‘em out,”
“I don’t know, Kit. It’s pretty fucking gruesome,” said Richy.
“I have to agree,” said Micheal.
“It’s not like I haven’t seen worse. Like we all haven't seen worse,” said Kit.
“Still…” said Em.
“You guys have to stop treating me like a kid, seriously. I can handle shit.”
They stopped talking. I bit my lip and moved closer to the door. I carefully looked out, squinting, finding I was sensitive to the light. The four of them were huddled together in the next room. I watched the guys nod to Kit and she smiled.
Em let out a heavy sigh and said, “Alright then, Kit will clean up,”
I struggled to focus, to think, and was beginning to get a headache.
Em turned to Richy and Micheal. “You two should keep an eye on him. Check in every so often. If he even twitches you call me.”
“Right,” said Micheal, “We’ll make sure. And once we are, I’ll dispose of him.”
“Can’t we just do it now?” said Richy, shrugging. “Set him on fire, bury him or some shit? I mean, if he was gonna wake up it would have happened by now, right? Doesn’t death always trigger it?”
“It doesn’t always,” said Micheal, “I didn’t die.”
“Maybe you did and you just didn’t know it.”
I was confused. What were they talking about, cleaning, dying? Pain surged through my head. I massaged my temple trying to feel better. What I wouldn’t do for some aspirin.
“Can we not do this right now?” said Em sternly. “I don’t like leaving him alone any longer than we have to,”
“Right,” said Micheal. “Let’s go,”
“Wait,” said Richy. “Just curious. How long do we have to...watch a dead dude?”
“As long as it takes,” said Micheal, annoyed.
“It should only take a few days.” said Em, sighing.
“A few days? Fuck!” whined
Richy, “And what... she’s gonna stay here?”
“For now,” said Em. “Until we know it’s safe,”
“Why can’t she crash at your place?” said Richy,
Micheal groaned, annoyed. “Are you serious? She can’t stay at his place. He’s followed him there, remember? If he does wake up he’d go there.”
“Still, I got a lot of sensitive… material... hanging around.” said Richy, giving Em and Micheal a look. He was trying to be subtle but clearly he was not.
“You mean your porn collection?” said Kit, shaking her head.
“Ahh...no?” said Richy. Even out of it, I could tell he was lying.
“Don’t worry,” said Em. “I cleaned up.”
“Everything?” said Richy as if he didn’t believe him “Even my-”
“Come on,” said Micheal. He grabbed onto Richy’ leather jacket and pulled him back. “Stop dragging your feet.” I watched Micheal practically drag Richy out of the apartment. I looked back at Em and Kit as they stood quietly in the room. After a moment Kit went up to Em after said, “I cleaned her up some. I can stay if you like.”
“Thanks,” said Em, “But it’s late you should get home.”
Kit sighed and then asked “You sure you’re gonna be okay Em?
Em stood for a long moment but eventually nodded and quietly said, “Yeah, I’ll manage.”
Kit looked concerned but nodded as well and said, “I’ll check on her before I go. I’ll make sure she gets some sleep.”
“She could use the rest.” said Em.
Kit started to move to the door. I panicked, rushing back to the bed. I quickly pretended to be asleep. I internally cringed, wondering what did it matter if I was awake or asleep? Then I wondered what did Kit mean she’d make me sleep a little longer? How-
I swallowed hard and heard the door slowly open. I heard footsteps and very lightly lifted my eyes, just enough so I could see but not enough to give myself away. Kit came over to the bed and crouched down next to me. She smiled and reached out her hand in front of my face. I wondered if I should move or do something. I didn’t know what she was going to do...I...I was concerned but I wasn’t scared. I had a feeling that she wouldn’t hurt me.
She whispered softly, “Sweet dreams,”
A small purple light began to glow. It was hard to make out where or what it was coming from. I saw something in Kits’ hand then. No, it was coming from her hand. It looked like leaves and then I watched as a beautiful flower blossomed and opened up before me. I nearly opened my eyes fully but breathed in, smelling something wonderful…
I was a butterfly. I spread my brightly colored wings and fluttered from flower to flower. I moved, swaying in the light breeze as the happy sun glistened upon me. Suddenly I was no longer the butterfly. I was looking at it. I was a child standing in a tall field of grass in a white dress. I smiled as I watched the butterfly and then dozens of them flew up from the grass around me. I giggled and danced about in them, losing myself for a moment.
Someone called out to me. They called me by a different name and yet it was my name. For a moment I became aware. I notice my hands were different. I only had three fingers and a thumb. It didn’t seem like a finger was missing, but naturally hadn’t grown. My hair and skin were a different color. I had spots… Someone called out to me again and I turned. I saw one of my friends and recalled we were playing hide and seek and I was it. I lost myself in the dream; I turned from the butterflies and looked out across the tall grass swaying in the wind. I heard several voices call out to me playfully.
Joyously, I rushed through the tall grass trying to find my friends. I knew in time I would...I always did. I could feel them, sense where they were. I laughed, rushing to my friend with golden hair. She giggled and started to run. I chased after her and a boy shot up, thinking I’d spotted him. I began to chase him as well. He tripped over his own tail and stumbled, falling to the ground. He was always a clumsy boy. Oddly, he reminded me of my little brother Tam. I slowed, pulling back a bit. I knew I could tag him easily but I wanted to give him a chance to get away, a head start.
Another boy came up behind me and blew on my hair. I turned and he smiled brightly at me. I notice his ocean blue eyes and that he was happy to see me. He teased and taunted me before turning to run away. I chased after him. He was fast but I caught him, I tagged him and quickly turned. I ran, laughing as he now chased after me.
Yet another boy in a strange hat suddenly popped up from within the field to my left. He teased the boy chasing me. He boasted he couldn’t be caught. I turned slightly and watched the boy chasing me go after the boy in the hat. I knew the boy in the hat didn’t stand a chance. I watched them run about and then looked across the field. I knew my other friends were also there, somewhere in the field, watching and waiting to be found.
The wind picked up and the sky began to darken. I turned away from my friends and the field and suddenly, the dream began to shift. I was no longer a child playing in a field with her friends. I was an adult and it was night. I had four fingers and a thumb again but my hair and skin were different once more. I felt I was someone else and yet still me.
I found I was standing on a black circular platform in a large open area. Looking down at the platform I could see golden circles within circles and strange symbols. The platform shifted and moved and I could hear gears moving and cranking.
I felt something was happened, that there was something greater going on, but I didn’t have time to dwell on it. The wind was blowing something fierce; it was telling me something was coming...no, someone. I had to get out of here, had to get away. I went to fly but only got a few feet off the ground before I fell back down. I was running out of time. He was coming to get me and he was going to hurt me.
I was scared. I started running. I felt a hand grasp hold of me and cried out. I woke slightly and struggled. Someone pulled me into them and I fell quiet as they soothed me, calmly whispering, “It’s okay. It’s okay.”
I felt safe and warm. I drifted back to sleep and, in the dream, a hole opened up in the night sky. A ray of light shined down on me. I flew up and away, breaking through some clouds. I saw a stunning sunrise and such beautiful fluffy clouds surrounded me. I felt like I was in a painting, it was all so perfect. I swirled and whirled, soaring through the sky, and flew higher than I ever had before, peacefully dreaming once more.
Chapter Eight
I woke to the sounds and smells of food cooking. I sat up slowly, groggily. I was confused for a second. I didn’t know where I was or what had happened. I looked around the room and it slowly came back to me, the bat...Lynn. I sat on the edge of the bed and ran my hands through my hair, thinking.
I’d...I’d killed him. I’d killed Lyndon. It was finally over...finally over. I closed my eyes and sat there for a moment, soberly taking it in. I knew I should probably feel something at taking someone’s life, some regret or sorrow, but in that moment I felt...relief, such relief. I trembled for a moment, accepted what I had done...what I’d had to do.
I heard the clatter of dishes and looked to the door. I found myself curious as to who and what was cooking. My stomach rumbled and I stood. I stumbled my way to the door. It was shut and for a moment I was concerned it might be locked but it wasn’t. I turned the knob and carefully opened the door. I could smell bacon, it smelled amazing.
I saw I was in an apartment. It wasn’t very big. The living room and the kitchen were connected. I saw the back of a man as he was cooking. It took me a second to realize it was Em. I watched him, vaguely remembering running into him and listening to the others talking.
I ran a hand over my face and looked around some more. When I spotted the bathroom I went in. I relieved myself and flushed. I considered splashing some cold water on my face to wake up more. However, when I went to wash my hands, I found there was no soap… or towels for that matter. I looked around, noticing dirty clothes on the floor. There was a slight smell and I realized the bathroom hadn’t been cleane
d in ages...if ever.
I scrunched my face up. Even though there wasn’t any soap I got my hands wet just the same. I dried them on my clothes and then realized these weren’t my clothes. I...I had been wearing a night gown and it...had been covered in blood, Lyndon’s blood, as had my arms and face. I looked into the mirror to see the blood was gone. This dress was clean and it wasn’t mine. I vaguely recalled Kit wiping me down with a wash cloth.
I stood there for a long moment. I knew...I knew it’d probably had to be done but… I couldn’t help but recall the last time I’d woken to find my clothes had been changed. I’d been in a car with Lyndon. I shivered and reminded myself he was dead...he was dead now. It was over. It was over and he couldn’t hurt me anymore. And yet I was still... afraid. I let out a bitter chuckle, thinking this was ridiculous.
When I had seen him naked and in my bedroom, I had been strong, calm, and capable. I had killed the bastard. Yet here I was still scared...of what? I should never be scared again, not when it came to Lyndon Craw. Yet I still shivered thinking of him. I groaned. It didn’t make any sense. I sighed. Maybe...maybe it just hadn’t fully sunk in yet. I held myself for a moment, nodding, thinking that was it. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, pushing my fear deep down inside me.
A few seconds later I heard some shuffling outside the door. I opened my eyes and turned my head slightly. A second later I heard a light tapping at the door. Em quietly asked, “You...okay in there?”
“Y...Yeah...” I said, though I knew I wasn’t okay. I hadn’t been okay in years.
“I made you some food, if you’re hungry,” said Em.
“Thanks...” I said. I heard some shuffling and looked into the mirror. I felt strange, uncertain, but I knew I couldn’t stay in this bathroom forever. I bit my lip and slowly exited the bathroom. I saw a single plate of food and a glass of water on the table. Em’s back was to me. I saw he had a rag and was cleaning up.
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