It feels strange to walk into the green hall of the facility again. It's strange because it feels so familiar and safe. I have learned the city is not the place of peace it appears to be at first glance. The turmoil is barely contained, like a caged lion. I wonder what will happen when it breaks out of its cage. I wonder who will suffer the most. I don't think it will be the council.
I pass Benny in the hall. His glare is familiar, manic and the familiar clench of dislike in my stomach is instantaneous. He's still wearing his sling. I want to ask him if it hurts; I want to see his glare turn to hate; I want him to attack me so I can fight back.
I want to prove I'm stronger.
The last three weeks of my life has been full of people telling me I'm weak. I want to prove them all wrong. Instead, I walk into my dorm room and make a beeline for Maria. She's still in bed. It's very early. I don't care if she's asleep. I need to know she's there.
I wrap my arms around her and hug her tightly. She jumps awake, fear on her face, and then relaxes when she feels me against her. Her arms slip around me and she hugs me for a solid minute. When she pulls away I realize I'm crying. She swears in Spanish and touches my face.
"Are you okay?" she asks.
"I'm not dead yet," I reply.
"Good," she says. She looks at me thoughtfully "I about died when I saw that lift coming for us, but I didn't think you would be stupid enough to save that man."
"I didn't think my way through it," I say.
"It was very brave," she tells me. She pulls me up and takes my hands. I love that her touch doesn't come with confusing emotions. There's just the sisterly feeling of someone who cares about me. "Tell me everything. Did you see more of the city? What did you do? The guards were saying that you were all over the city making speeches. Did you meet anyone interesting?"
I don't tell her about Ace or our conversations, but I tell her the things that have affected me. I mention meeting the councilor and her eyes widen as I etch out the details. She's afraid for me.
"I think you've made some enemies," she decides. "Powerful ones at that."
"I think I've made the kind of enemies that like to stab people in the back," I reply.
"I'm going to get you a mirror so you can always have one eye over you shoulder," she tells me.
"I appreciate it," I say with a small laugh.
I look at her again, then I collapse into her arms with a strangled sob. She hugs me tightly. I'm glad to have my friend back. I know the relief is temporary. Nothing has changed about our circumstances. The odds are against us, and I'm quickly learning to give in to the depression.
Lessons are the same. I find that my rank has slipped because of my missed days. They don't care I had to miss by government order. They don't believe in being fair. I work extra hard to answer all of the questions correctly. I don't care about rank, but I can't lose Maria now by being put into pink. I need her too much.
The dead-eyed man has a surprise for us when we get to the exercise room. The other colors are lined up at the glass door. He tells us that we will be fighting against each other. The winning team will get an extra hour in the city next week. I only have eyes for Nathan. He's standing with blue and staring at me in concern. He's searching my face for the changes the days have brought. I smile at him tentatively, and his expression of relief is telling.
We're given our gear and are let loose in the game. Maria and I immediately find each other and then pick a defensive spot. I realize with a jolt that I recognize the area. It's the immigrant section of the city. I wonder what messages they are sending. To fight each other? Not to resist our fate? The flickers in the game are too quick for me to pick out individual words. My thoughts make the game feel like more of a challenge. I'm determined to resist whatever subliminal messages they're sending. I won't let them take Max from me.
"Maria...What do you feel when you look at this section of the city?" I whisper to her as we wait for the fighters to come to us.
Maria frowns as she considers the question. "Comfortable."
"And what does fighting in this section make you think of?"
She looks confused as she replies. "Like I'm defending my home."
A boy steps out around a house. He's wearing blue. I shoot him absently. He swears and disappears.
"Why do I feel that way?" Maria asks me, her confusion still on her face.
I shrug.
"I shouldn't feel that way," Maria says. "My home was to the north of here. It's filthy and dangerous, but it was my home. This isn't where I belong. I don't like the city. I don't like the people..."
"I'm sorry I asked," I say awkwardly.
Maria doesn't reply. She looks around with wide eyes. I wonder if I have made a mistake in asking her. None of the others would think to even bring it up. They would continue fighting until the last person is gone. I don't have long to focus on it. A group of five has appeared at the end of the street. I brace both pistols against the stairs we're hiding behind and take aim. I take out three of them before the other two even know what's going on. The last two finally spot us. I push Maria back and away from them as they open fire. They take cover across the street and shoot at us wildly. I can't get a clear line of sight. I have to move.
"Wait here," I tell Maria.
I duck down and quickly work my way around them. I hear them firing at me, but their aim sucks. I'm faster and better. I reach a good vantage point and take them both out quickly. I smirk and then start to turn away. I hear a click. I turn back and raise my pistol instinctively.
It's Nathan.
He lowers his pistol immediately. I don't lower mine right away. I have spent too long feeling defensive and careful to trust him instantly. But the look in his eyes is something I haven't seen before. He's emotional. I think that my being away has bothered him a lot. He's glad to see me again.
"Are you okay?" I ask him.
He grabs my arm and pulls me into an alley. He kisses me before I figure out what he's up to. I'm surprised, for multiple reasons. We aren't supposed to kiss. We aren't supposed to even touch. He's taking a big risk. I'm also surprised at the emotion in the kiss. He really likes me. His passion is not fake. I freeze, then decide I'm tired of pretending like I'm not attracted to him. I don't feel his level of passion, but I do like him. His hands move to my waist. He pulls me in close as his lips dance over mine. My hands circle his neck. When he pulls away, he's breathing heavily. He brushes a strand of hair out of my face.
"I'm glad you're okay," he says. "I was worried."
"Thanks."
It's stupid, but it's the only thing I can think to say. His kiss has taken my wits.
"Sam's rank is slipping," Nathan adds. "I was helping him before. Now you have to. Don't let him leave green."
"I won't," I promise.
"I don't know if I'll ever get to kiss you again," he admits sadly.
"Then you had better make the next one count," I tell him.
He smiles and kisses me again. This kiss is longer. Our time is running out. I pull away from him and look at him sadly. He's right. Getting time away from the guards is impossible in our situation. But I know more than he does. We won't make it through training with our minds intact. The kiss is as close to a good-bye as I am going to get. I smile at him coyly, trying to look happier than I feel. I want whatever memories he has of me to be pleasant.
"I'll see you around," I tell him.
I raise my pistol and his eyes glitter with humor. He likes that I've trapped him. He likes that I'm not afraid to take the shot. His vest lights up and he disappears, his smile lingering in the air between us. I take a deep breath and realize I need to get back to Maria. I took her pistol with me. She's defenseless.
She's not been attacked. She's frowning at a building when I rejoin her. I look at the building and see it flicker with an image and a word. It's the government symbol. They're telling us to obey again. I touch her on the shoulder when I reach her and she jumps.
"What are you do
ing?" I ask.
"Nothing," she says. "What took you so long?"
"I..."
I think of Willem and his hypnosis. He can get any secret from her. I don't think he'll turn me in for kissing Nathan, but I don't know if he'll tell Ace. For some reason, I don't want him to know about the kiss. It's stupid and makes no sense as he's about to become engaged to the perfect girl.
"Ran into a little trouble," I say. "Come on, let's find a new spot."
She moves automatically at my words, a frown on her face. Green wins by three points thanks to me, though Maria gets all the credit. The others clap and cheer as Maria and I exit the glass room. They are happy to get the extra time in the city. Nathan smiles at me sadly, while Sam gives me a hug. When the applause is over, Maria and I stand off to the side and stare at the wall for two very different reasons.
As I walk out of the exercise room, I am met by Agent Crease and her bearded partner. I wonder when someone will name him. He's as nameless as the dead-eyed man. I guess I am not important enough to learn his name. Maybe he only tells it to his friends. Maybe he has no name. Maybe he's embarrassed that his name is so short when his beard is so long. I hate that Nathan's kiss has made me feel so bubbly and silly. I have to pull the emotion back. I can't let them take him from me as well.
"You have a speech to make," Agent Crease tells me.
I inwardly sigh and turn to follow them out of the building.
They take me to the Assembly building in a pod. The crowd has grown since my last visit. There are thousands of people waiting to hear me speak. Most people carry signs. They question the immigration system and the rights of the people in the city; they question why immigrants are kept separate and the cameras watch everything. People look angrier and wilder. I wonder if they are from a different part of town. They are not as sedate as the previous protestors. They ask why the immigrants are forced to be happy all the time. They're all questions I can't answer without getting killed.
Agent Crease attaches the device that amplifies my voice on my borrowed dress and confidently leaves me alone on the steps. They want it to look like my speech is not coached. They want the city to think the words are mine. Everyone in the city will see my speech. A lot of people are recording me and the recordings will trickle through the city. The citizens will talk about my speech, assess it, think about it, and come to their own conclusions. The pressure is enormous.
"I'm not very good at making speeches," I announce to the crowd. They laugh and smile at me pleasantly. Whatever they think of the government, they like me. I have no idea why. I don't feel very likable. "But I did want to come here today to tell you that going back to the facility is my choice. I want it. I want to become a citizen. The words self-sacrifice, discipline, and service are posted on our walls. It's a simple statement that says a lot about the city. We must give of ourselves in order for the city to function. We must be disciplined to..."
My words falter. I can't do it. I can't perpetuate the lie. Yes, I can. I can. I have to. It isn't my life that matters. It's Max's. I can't let him down. But how can I go on when I feel so much hatred in my heart for the government? What do I say? How do I keep them from looking at me as an example? I take a deep breath. I know exactly what I need to say.
"You all know me as Bree, but my full name is Ambria Carson. I've lived the majority of my life in a camp ten miles from the city walls. I've spent my life looking at the city, but I have never wanted to come here. I've never once thought of this place with joy. I know that you wonder why. You question my sanity when things here are so...perfect." I have a hard time keeping my contempt out of my voice at the word perfect. "It's because my parents were Jill and Ryan Carson." There is a stir at this announcement. They all know the names. They have all been told what horrible people they were. They fear the names more than they fear their government. "I'm not a hero or someone to be admired. I'm the daughter of rebels. Saving Mr. Humphrey doesn't make me brave or an example of anything. You should stop looking at me like I'm somebody to admire because of a decision I don't really remember making. Look to your friends and neighbors, if you need to admire somebody. Because I'm not your girl. My goals are simple. I want to go back to the facility, get through with my training, and see my brother again. I don't want anything to change about that plan. I don't need your help or your sympathy. I can manage on my own. I always have. And...Max, if you're listening, I love you. I'll see you soon."
The crowd has gone silent. No one expected my speech to be so honest and abrupt. Even I'm shocked. I know the words are dangerous, but it's too late to take them back now. The city has heard them. I can't pretend them away.
Agent Crease and her bearded friend look at me like I've grown a second head. Their anger is in their eyes. They don't know how to micromanage me now that I've gone off-script. I left them no openings. I look down at Crease with a neutral expression on my face. I'm not threatening nor am I weak. I'm something in between. I'm someone who's tired of being a plaything.
I turn away from her as her eyes widen in surprise and walk to a waiting pod. She follows me closely and barks out the facility's name in a harsh voice when we're inside. I lean back in my seat and see a large screen pop up with my face on it to the right of the Assembly. They're replaying my speech to the masses. I wonder how long it will be until the government shuts it down.
Agent Crease walks me all the way to the green level, then leaves without saying anything. I worry my speech will cause problems, but I can't see how the government can blame me for telling the people to leave me alone. They had wanted me to say I'm back at the facility of my own freewill and I did.
I know the truth won't matter to them. If they want me dead, I'll die.
"How'd it go?" Maria asks me.
"Depends on your definition of awful," I say.
She looks at me sternly. "What did you do?" she asks.
"I told the people who I am, that my parents were rebels, and to stop sympathizing with me," I say. "I told them to leave me alone."
Maria makes a face at me before rolling her eyes comically. "That can't be good."
I sigh. "Maybe."
"I guess if you're still alive in the morning we'll know the truth," she teases me.
Her worry is obvious. She thinks I've done something stupid. She's unwilling to let me see her fear, however. She can't see the point in adding to mine. I appreciate her bravery and consideration.
"Maybe I should stay awake just in case," I say.
I'm kidding. Only just.
"I'll stay up with you," she decides.
"Okay."
Nothing happens to me in the night. Our mutual exhaustion finally takes control of the situation, sending us both into the dream world, and dawn comes before either of us realize it. I wake up to the feeling that maybe my speech won't do as much harm as the look on Agent Crease's face suggested it will. Maria and I get ready, eat breakfast, where Nathan and I share secret smiles from across the tables, and then go to our first class of the day.
I'm about to walk into the classroom when an electric shock on my back sears my skin. The shock is not the quick prod I have come to expect. It lingers. I reach out and grab the doorframe to keep from falling and bite my lip to hold back my scream. Maria reaches out to help me. I growl at her to stay away. I know who's shocking me. She's better off taking her seat. She backs away with wide eyes at my harsh words and sits down at her desk. Her knuckles turn white with her fear and anger. She wants to help me. Benny is the reason she can't.
He finally pulls the shock stick away and kicks me in the back of the knee. I drop to the ground and pant out my pain. "I knew you were scum," Benny tells me, not bothering to keep his voice down as he circles me. "But a Carson!"
He spits on me. It lands on my face. I don't wipe it away. I'm still reeling from the electric shocks. He rears back and kicks me in the stomach. The ribs he cracked burn painfully. They want to fracture again. They have not forgiven me for the last fight I lost.
&nbs
p; Don't attack him. It'll just give him a reason to kill you. You can't let him win.
He kicks me in the back. It hurts twice as worse. He puts his foot on the bandage that covers my wound and presses down. Blood seeps around the edge of the bandage. The pain is white-hot. Is he going to kill me regardless if I fight back? Is he going to make me suffer for an eternity before he kills me? I can hear Maria. She's breathing heavily. It's like she's sobbing without any tears. She doesn't want me to die.
"What are you doing?" a voice interrupts my pain.
The voice is familiar. I recognize it with terror. Anger is in the voice as well as irritation. Councilor Feng is not happy. I don't know if her irritation is at me or Benny. It's not a good thing either way.
"I'm teaching this dreg a lesson about..." He stops talking as he realizes who is speaking to him. His mouth falls open and his hands start shaking. "Councilor. I...You...There...I mean."
"Please stop speaking," Councilor Feng commands in a weary voice. "At least until you can form a coherent sentence."
Benny clamps his mouth shut and looks at the ground in terror. It's an expression I know well. It's one I'm forced to wear whenever a guard looks at me. As he does, Honey appears in the hall behind him. Her eyes are wide. She looks astonished. I have a feeling it's the first time she has met the Councilor face-to-face. She wipes her hands on her pants to get rid of her sweat, then steps forward and holds out her hand.
"Councilor. It is an honor, a real pleasure, to have you at our facility," Honey says, adding a greeting in Cantonese.
Councilor Feng refuses to shake her hand. "You're the reason we've been having so much trouble here lately, correct?" the councilor asks stiffly.
"No. I mean to say...Um. We have everything under control here," Honey replies.
"A riot...your son getting stabbed by a fellow guard...test scores below average...and the Ellison boy having to step in to take charge of things, not once in the past year but five times. This facility is being run into the ground, and there is only one person to blame." She looks at Benny. "And I can see that your nepotism might be doing more harm than good."
"My son is a good boy," Honey says lamely.
"Mmmhhmm," the councilor says. "I didn't come here to discuss the facility, no matter how displeased I am with you. I will get to that in due time. I came here to have a discussion with the girl."
"Twenty-three?" Honey asks in disbelief.
"Get me a private room. Now," Councilor Feng says.
Honey jumps at the command and scurries down the hall. It's nice to see her scurry for a change, though I know I am not going to enjoy my conversation with the councilor. The councilor gestures for me to stand. I know better than to delay.
I groan as I push off the ground, but I don't fall. I finally wipe away Benny's spit. The hall is crowded. Everyone is staring at me. The councilor's guards push people out of the way without apology. No one protests. I follow the small woman to the end of the hall. Honey holds the door open with an expression close to abject terror on her face. When we are safely inside, she closes the door in a rush.
I take deep breaths to quiet the pain and try to gather my wits. I will need them to face the councilor. The silence is thick and oppressive. The tension is palpable. The councilor is trying to intimidate me by not speaking.
"That was quite a speech," she finally says, leaning back against a desk. She looks casual. She's smaller than anyone I've ever met. It's easy to think she's not intimidating. One look in her face suggests otherwise. She's predator, not prey. Her power is not in physical strength but in what she can get others to do for her.
I remain silent.
"I could kill you for it," she adds. "Some very influential people want you dead. They don't like the daughter of the rebels' leaders in the city, no less running around with our law makers and heads of state. It makes them uncomfortable."
I wonder if she will. I'm suddenly not afraid. At least they won't hurt Max. She continues to stare impassively.
"But the majority of the people, the citizens of this city, love your bravery and honesty. They look at your speech and think it is proof that the immigration system is functioning. You managed to convince them of its efficacy. If it can make you want to be a citizen, it can reform anyone. If I kill you now, the people will lose faith. They will demand accountability. They will learn what really goes on here."
"And they'll worry that you'll do the same to them," I say tightly. "Which will lead to rebellion."
"Right," she says.
"So...What now?" I ask.
"You finish your training," she says. "No more excursions outside, unless one of our agents is with you. When you are done, I will personally evaluate you and see if you should ever be allowed out again."
I understand her. She's afraid to turn me into a martyr. She's afraid to kill me. She is going to let the system do its job. She thinks the brainwashing will take care of her problem for her. In a few weeks time, I will not be the same person who defied her. I will truly be the government's puppet.
"But if you cause even so much as a hiccup here, I will personally end you," she adds.
I nod curtly to show I understand and she pushes away from the desk.
"Study hard," she says. "I wouldn't want your grades to reflect poorly on your brother."
She's the first person to actively threaten Max. My worst fears have officially been confirmed. She smiles at me sweetly and leaves the room, her guards trailing after her. I hear her tell Honey that nothing is to happen to me on pain of death. Then she threatens her with a replacement if she doesn't get the facility where it needs to be in a month. How strange is it that a woman who genuinely wants me dead is my protector? The taste of truth is bitter.
I rejoin Maria in our classroom. She's trembling and pale, but she relaxes when she sees me. Her relief is instantaneous. The teacher doesn't give us time to speak. He starts lecturing in his bored voice. I absorb every word he says, knowing now that Max's life depends on it.
Chapter 24
Controllers (Book 1) Page 24
