Ryan worked his jaw and narrowed his eyes. Clearly he wasn’t happy but he had to be relieved the worst hadn’t happened. “No wonder. The guy is what...thirty years older than you? And you were fifteen. Fifteen.”
“Yes, and as I got older I realized more and more how awful it was.”
“You never told your mother.”
“How do you know?”
“Just a hunch.”
Zoey lowered her gaze. “I can’t stand the thought of her marrying him without knowing.”
“Are you going to tell her?”
“I should.”
“Let me guess. You don’t think she’ll believe you.”
“Okay, how did you know that?”
He studied her from underneath his eyelashes. “Not my first rodeo.”
That brought up images she didn’t want in her head right now. Crime was much worse in a large Bay Area city like Oakland. After two tours in Iraq, she would have thought he’d seen enough. If he had to be in law enforcement, better that he be here in a small town where normally nothing horrible ever happened.
The job had at least brought him back. She couldn’t regret that even if the office was a political one. When someone else was elected to take his place, he’d be much more compatible with her. She could already tell. Like her, he seemed to like quiet evenings at home. He didn’t like all the attention either. They were so much alike.
They were bears. Mama Bear and Grizzly Bear. She should really tell him. Maybe if he asked her again.
Once they’d finished eating, Zoey took their plates to the sink. Since the ruined dinner had been intended to be the center dish, she hadn’t planned for a special dessert.
“I have ice cream.”
Suddenly Ryan was right behind her, strong arms around her waist, his head bent to her neck. Her entire body tingled in anticipation and she froze in place, afraid if she moved a muscle she’d ruin this. She’d miss something.
“I hate that happened to you, babe. Hate it,” he said softly and his warm breath fanned across her cheek.
He spoke so tenderly and with a deep and rich voice that sent tingles down her spine. His warm callused hands slid up and down her arms.
And she was lost.
“I should have slapped him. I could have stopped him.”
She didn’t feel the need to add, as well, that she refused to be a victim. It could have been much worse. Didn’t make it okay.
“Baby, don’t ever let me hear you say that again. It wasn’t your fault.”
“It was a long time ago.”
“Doesn’t matter. I’m going to make sure no one ever hurts you again.”
No one had ever said anything like that to her. If anything, some of the men she’d dated (and she used the term men loosely) she’d required protecting from. Just to know that Ryan wanted to protect her, even if she didn’t need him to...she didn’t have words.
“Ryan.” She turned in the circle of his arms.
He studied her with those deep green eyes. So serious. “Yeah.”
“Your kindred animal is a grizzly bear.” She touched the short dark-blond bristles along his jawline as the words came rushing out of her.
“Get out. I was afraid it was some kind of rodent. Why wouldn’t you tell me before?”
Her breath hitched. Okay. Not quite ready. Yet. “The timing had to be right.”
He grinned, seeming to accept her half-truth. “So what kind of pet is my best match?”
She went up on the balls of her feet and wrapped her hands around the nape of his neck. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while and it’s a German shepherd. They’re protective dogs and can be both fierce and gentle.”
“We had one in our unit. He failed out of aggression training courses. Too gentle to go on patrol but he was a great scout and bomb sniffer, and a great morale booster.” Ryan tugged on a lock of her hair and then threaded it between his fingers.
“Aw. What was his name?”
“Ajax.”
“Why don’t you ever talk about that time?” She asked this softly because she’d had the feeling for a long time that Ryan had never been quite the same after Iraq.
“Not many great memories there.”
“There’s Ajax.”
“True enough.”
“Do you really hate the medal?”
She was pushing a little, but she’d always been curious. Zoey had once considered looking it up on the Internet to learn all the details. But she’d been too afraid of what she might read. She’d never been one to focus on anything violent or tragic and some things could never be unseen. Jill had warned her not to discuss the medal in front of Ryan, or ask him about it. Her reasoning? It makes him sad.
So like everyone else, Zoey had tiptoed around the issue. To protect him. But she’d recently discovered that shielding people didn’t always work out the way one planned. Sometimes it led to strained relationships and pent-up anger. Distance and mistrust.
There was a flash of what looked like surprise in his green gaze as he studied her. He probably hadn’t expected that she, of all people, would bring this up.
“I don’t deserve it, for one.”
“Pretty sure they wouldn’t have given it to you if you didn’t.” She brought her hand down to his forearm and squeezed. “Why don’t you deserve it?”
This time his brow knotted in confusion. Had no one ever asked him, or was this a dumb question?
“I lost one of my men.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah, I...we were on patrol and came upon a very tense situation. We took on heavy fire and four of my men were badly injured. I was able to get us out of that situation, dragging them all to safety, but it was too late for one of my men. Lost him to massive trauma.” He pressed his forehead to hers.
“God, Ryan.” She gripped his arms tightly. “So you saved all the others?”
“I helped, yes.”
Of course he wouldn’t want to take all the credit but by now Zoey understood those medals weren’t handed out to just anyone. Ryan was the kind of man who wouldn’t abandon those he was sworn to protect, even under the worst of conditions. But he regretted the one he’d lost and in Ryan’s mind he’d been rewarded for failing him. She understood far better than he realized. It happened every time she considered that, for every animal she rescued and placed in a forever home, three or four of them would not be saved. Those were the odds.
“Thank you for telling me.”
He was so close that she could see a single brown speck in one of his shimmering irises. She concentrated on his full, sensual mouth, which suddenly tipped up in a half smile.
“Kiss me,” she ordered tentatively.
“Yes, ma’am.” He obliged by taking her mouth in a deep and searing kiss.
When he broke the kiss, it was to study her with sharp eyes, his hand firmly grasping the back of her head. “I’m not messing around here, Zoey. Believe that.”
She believed him.
Chapter 14
Everything moved quickly after Ryan’s sizzling hot kisses and tender words. He swooped her up in his arms and carried her in the direction of the bedroom. For a moment, he stopped moving.
“Hurry up. Why are we stopping?” She spoke into his warm neck.
“I’m counting. Yeah, three. They’re all accounted for.” He kicked the door to her bedroom open and closed it with his back, all without dropping Zoey. “Don’t want any interruptions tonight.”
Neither did she. Not when he looked at her like he was about to eat her alive. “No interruptions.”
He slid her down the long length of his body, and she stayed close, wanting to stay glued to him like a second skin. While he bent to kiss and lick her neck, and made his way to the tender spot behind her ear, she slowly tugged him toward her bed
. When the back of her knees hit the mattress, she fell onto it and he followed her, covering her body with heat. A warm surge of pure desire spiked through her and she pulled off his tee, trailing fingertips down the long and lean muscles of his chest to his abs. He groaned.
He was so gorgeous, a light smattering of golden chest hairs on his brawny chest. So perfect. Speechless for a moment at his male beauty, she finally found words. “I want you so much.”
“Want you too,” he said and pulled off her blouse.
She managed to wriggle out of her jeans with him braced above her and assisting, smiling as though he enjoyed the show.
“I love the way you move.” He stood to unbutton and slowly remove his jeans.
As he did so, he turned slightly and she got an eyeful of what she’d pictured for so long in her fantasies. It didn’t disappoint. He had strong muscular thighs and a steely butt. He was hard all over, too, which became obvious the moment he was down to his tight boxers, ready to spring out of them. It felt good that she’d done this. That she excited him that much. She did everything but lick her lips in appreciation.
Ryan quickly took the lead and reached behind her to unsnap her bra. Her breasts spilled out into his hands and he almost reverently grazed a thumb over a nipple, then drew one gently into his mouth. He sucked softly and tugged until she moaned, going from a light touch to something a little harder and wilder. When he stopped, her nipples were hard pink peaks and she was damp between her thighs. He continued kissing and licking his way down to her abs and her thighs. Then he kissed between them and she gasped in surprise. A man had never put his mouth and his tongue to her most sensitive folds, but Ryan continued to lick and tease mercilessly. She writhed beneath him and fisted the sheets, and when she was unable to hold back any longer, she bucked and cried out.
This might be why her girlfriends liked sex better than she did.
Zoey wanted to do the same for him. She didn’t know that she was any good at this, but she believed her instincts were there. She wanted her mouth and tongue on him licking him like a Popsicle. When she reached for his hard length to ready him, Ryan moved her hand away.
“Plenty of time for that later.”
He removed a shiny packet from his wallet and ripped it open with his teeth. She could have come again just watching him slip it onto his hard length, never breaking eye contact with her. He stroked himself once, and watching him, her body vibrated and hummed with heat. She didn’t think in all her life she’d ever needed anyone like this. Braced above her, Ryan entered her in one long and deep thrust that made her moan all over again. He moved inside her with slow and steady strokes that had waves of pleasure pulsating through her.
Oh, boy. She was going to come again. This never happened to her. He loved the way she moved? It was nothing compared to the way he gyrated his hips in a rhythm that was giving her more pleasure than she’d ever had. She was slick with sweat, both his and hers. Their bodies were sliding against each other, connecting, and strangely this felt even more intimate than what they were doing. She closed her eyes at the onslaught of intense pleasure as another wave built and crested. It was going to happen. She couldn’t stop it now, almost as if her body was no longer under her control at all.
“Look at me,” Ryan said. “I need you.”
She opened her eyes to see him finally lose his tight control. His eyes glazed over and he began to pump harder and faster as if he couldn’t hold back any longer. Couldn’t slow down. She didn’t want him to. She was ready for him. Gripping his shoulders, she met him thrust for thrust as he went even deeper. Her body tightened and shook as she came again, bucking against him with a fierceness that shocked her. Ryan followed her over, groaning and cursing.
Both of them out of breath and panting, Ryan rolled onto his back and tucked her in beside him.
He kissed her temple. “Wow.”
She hoped this was a good wow and that she hadn’t done something wrong. Because for her, it had been glorious. “What do you mean? It was good, right?”
“It wasn’t good, it was amazing.” He kissed her neck. “You’re a wild woman.”
Her? A wild woman? Probably not, but it was still nice to hear it from him. “Is it true? Do you need me?”
She was afraid he’d said that in the throes of passion, which she could understand. Still, she wanted to believe it because she needed him. Badly.
“Yeah, I do.” He tipped her chin to meet his eyes.
“I mean, it’s really okay if you said it just because you were feeling so good.”
Totally understandable.
“No, that wouldn’t be okay,” he corrected her. “I’m never going to tell you anything I don’t mean. Especially in bed.”
Her breath hitched. He always managed to say the right thing. “Same here.”
“Then we’re on the same page.”
A page she didn’t want to turn. They lay together for a few minutes, cuddling, and then Zoey propped herself up on one elbow.
“I want to do it again.”
“Look at that—you read my mind.”
How else would she learn to be good at this if she didn’t get a chance to practice? She pushed him back down and lowered her head to do what he hadn’t let her do before.
This time he didn’t stop her.
Chapter 15
Reluctantly, Ryan left Zoey in her bed around midnight. He had work in the morning, and not having expected this at all, he had to get home to actually get some sleep. Without a doubt, he’d get no sleep next to Zoey. He needed to change into his uniform, grab his holster and gun. If not for that, he was certain he would have stayed all night or until she kicked him out. He wasn’t one to stay the night the first time with a woman, ever, but apparently three times inside Zoey hadn’t been quite enough for him.
Her enthusiasm had him reeling since the degree of it was unexpected. She’d wanted badly to please him, waited for him to instruct her, and he had. She was sweet and soft and he’d honestly never been with a woman who made him feel like this. The intensity shocked him. He might have expected to feel a more controlled attraction to her, something easy. Simple. But she’d woken him up. Reminded him of all he’d been missing. All that he still wanted. Maybe he’d been doing this relationship thing wrong all along. The trick might be finding someone different from him. Opposites attract and all that crap. The important thing was that he’d just discovered they were hugely compatible in at least one significant way.
And he didn’t know how he’d missed something else about Zoey. She was as loyal a person as there could be. There were few who appreciated loyalty more than a former officer. Being with her was close to the equivalent of someone having his six all the time.
She also appreciated him for who he was.
And he’d talked about the medal for the first time in years. To Zoey. That had been completely unexpected. Both her question and the fact that he’d answered. It had something to do with the way she’d lowered her own defenses with him to share her own private pain. Fair was fair.
So he’d given her the whitewashed version. Tell someone, a counselor at the VA had told him shortly after he’d come home. Anyone. Believe me, it will help. But he hadn’t. Not for years. Even as he worked through all his trauma to be a whole person again. To function. Work. It stayed in the back of his mind behind a brick wall. If he didn’t talk about it, maybe it didn’t exist. Didn’t happen.
He slept lightly for a few more hours at home, then showered and dressed in his usual white button-down with khaki slacks. He holstered his gun and strapped it on. The drive to the station might be the easiest part of his day. In Oakland, he’d had to battle with traffic to the point that he was already pissed when he arrived to start his day. But the very worst part of his job had been the victims. Domestic violence, rape, murder. He’d met enough rape victims to know before she even told him that Zoey wasn�
��t one of them. A relief to have this confirmed, anyway. Zoey’s eyes weren’t vacant and empty like many of the victims he’d known.
Despite that, he still wanted to kill Jorge. Okay, kill might be an exaggeration. What he wanted to do, but wouldn’t, was scare the man spitless. He wanted to slap cuffs on him and haul him to the jail, book him, then admit he’d made a mistake and let him go. He’d bet the guy would wet his pants. Men like Jorge were all the same. They liked forcing their strength on the most vulnerable.
But Ryan wouldn’t use his office to press his advantage. However, if he happened to see Jorge some night when he was off duty, alone, well, who could say what might happen? Certainly a stern talk about boundaries. A talk about how men shouldn’t intimidate women in any setting, but especially not a child. And at fifteen, Zoey had been a child. Any teenage girl would have wanted to dress like a glamorous movie star for the evening. The way she’d dressed should have had nothing to do with it anyway.
Opening the door to the station, he could smell the coffee brewing.
“I finally figured out the new coffee maker,” Renata said. “Tell me what you think.”
He accepted the mug of coffee she gave him and took a swallow. “Yeah. That’ll do.”
At this point she could have served him liquid mud and this mood wouldn’t be ruined.
She handed him some phone messages—in their town if residents called the sheriff they spoke to a live person and not a machine. “Nothing urgent.”
When the first-shift deputies came in, Ryan had their usual meeting and distributed call-to-action items. No more developments on the suspected firebug in town and no more fires either. All good news. The cruisers left the station and Ryan settled behind his desk to check email. A few minutes later, he heard a familiar voice and looked up to see his sister standing in the doorframe.
“Hey, you.”
He stood. “Hey. What are you doing here?”
“I had to drop off some paperwork on permits so I thought I’d stop in and say hi.” Jill glanced at his empty desk. “Am I interrupting anything?”
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