by L. C. Mawson
“Regardless, the prison exists, but it is a tool of political power, not a real system to help people.”
“You could make that argument about most prisons, to be fair.”
“You could.”
“So, your argument is not to lock away Maria Brown because all prisons are bad?”
“In essence, I suppose. I accept that those who would cause harm need to be kept from those that they would harm, but Maria Brown seems to have exiled herself of her own volition.”
“Only after being caught nearly killing someone.”
“Nearly sacrificing someone.”
“There’s a difference?”
“To us, no. But in Maria’s time, sacrifices were common. Usually animals, but sometimes the worst criminals.”
“So, you don’t believe in prisons, but you do believe in the death sentence?”
“No.” Esme shook her head. “Amelia, you do not have to agree with someone to understand them. That was considered the price of strong magic in Maria’s day. Maria herself was the one who invented the strands of spellcraft we use today to avoid such things. But with her loved ones – her coven – on the line? She’s boxed herself in and left no room for the kind of creative thinking she needs right now.”
“So, that’s your take on the situation? That she was just desperate?”
“Do you disagree?”
“I... I don’t know that there is a point of desperation where I would make that call.”
Esme’s gaze went to my scars. “You almost killed yourself to lift a curse from your mother.”
“But I stopped once I realised that it was hurting someone else.”
“Which is why I’m not as worried about this connection as you seem to be. I do not fear Maria dragging you into the dark, Amelia. But I am hopeful that maybe you can drag her back into the light.”
I tightened my arms across my chest as I looked away. “You forget that she had me plant the device that’s hurting Mr Stiles.”
“She did, but that was not malicious intent on your part, just a lack of knowledge. If you have someone to balance her out, I don’t think that would happen again. I will act as Maria’s counter, if you think that you can trust me.”
I bit my lip as I thought over her words. “So, what? You want me to keep talking to Maria, allow this connection to continue, and then talk to you if I think she’s lying to me? Why? Why not just break the connection and let her stay in exile if that’s what you think she’ll do?”
Esme sighed. “Because I think we’re going to need Maria.” She looked over to the open door at the end of the corridor. There was a privacy spell over it, but that wasn’t what Esme was looking at.
No, she was looking past it, at Dana.
“One thing to always remember, Amelia, is that some evils are better at hiding themselves than others because they wear a mask of legitimacy. Maria was branded as evil because she countered the status quo, but what will they call the Amazons who are willing to lock you away to protect their own power?
“One life for many. How is their arithmetic better than hers?”
A chill went down my spine at that. She was right. No one would hold the Amazons to account.
Maybe Freya would, but at what cost?
And hadn’t Esme just said that Freya was no better?
“You’re in danger right now, Amelia. This task today was selected because Dana knew that it would hit your weak point. Many of the Amazons are eager for this all to be over, and that means having you fail as quickly as possible.
“If you still want me to find a way to break the connection, I can, but for now, Maria’s help might be your best shot at getting through these trials. Either way, tell me now and be sure. You’ll need the clarity to pass the test this afternoon.”
I only thought on it for a moment before nodding. “Okay, don’t break the connection for now. I still don’t think that I can do anything to change Maria, but... I don’t think she wants me locked up by the Amazons, and if her help will see me through these trials, I’ll take it.”
AFTER I RETURNED TO the others, Charlotte helped us to practice ‘Energy meditation’.
Which appeared to just be regular meditation, except with focusing on your magic instead of your breathing or whatever.
The thing was, meditation was boring.
Like, really boring.
Like, ‘I would rather claw my skin off than sit here a moment longer,’ kind of boring.
And it didn’t help that my magic was restless, too. The part of it tied to nature made it bouncy and volatile.
I suppressed a groan as we continued to sit, in silence, as I was supposed to be taking deep breaths to calm the flow of magic.
There was nothing ‘calm’ about the electric hum within me, and I knew if Lena or Willow had been there, they probably could have helped.
But no, neither Charlotte nor Natalie had elemental magic.
Or ADHD.
I opened my eyes to see both of them sitting still and serene.
I was fidgeting with the buckles on my armour, the rhythmic clicking of the buckle the only thing keeping me even vaguely sane.
With my eyes open, I was the first one to see Lauren approach, my already restless Energy crackling just under my skin.
I wanted to tell her to fuck off before she got anywhere close to my friends.
But I focused the last of my self-control on not doing that, knowing full-well that Dana would take Lauren’s side if it came to an argument.
Natalie hadn’t said as much the day before, but I knew that, in her shoes, that would have stung just as much, if not more, than Lauren’s words.
No, drawing attention was the last thing we needed.
But I didn’t know how else to get rid of Lauren.
If she had buttons to push, I’d focus on them, but she was so confident, I hadn’t sensed any weakness to zero in on.
Of course, even if I could, while this was a sound strategy, it also presumed that I could pull off a subtle game of jabs without just losing my patience and yelling.
Which was not my experience...
I’d never been good at dealing with bullies. I wore my heart on my sleeve, and it made it all too easy for them to realise that the way to beat me was to just wind me up until I snapped.
Something that didn’t take very long.
I could see that Lauren was doing the same thing to Natalie now, but... I’d only ever made things worse for myself by speaking up.
I didn’t want to do that to Natalie.
“Having fun?” Lauren asked as she approached, breaking both Charlotte and Natalie out of their concentration.
Charlotte glared at her, while Natalie had a slight crease in her brow.
“Meditation is not intended as a form of entertainment,” Charlotte said, her voice a little more formal than usual, making her sound like a professor. “It is intended to aid in channelling magical Energy.”
“Which is why I never bother, and why Amelia looks bored out of her mind.”
My cheeks flushed red in frustration. Yes, I had been bored, but that didn’t mean that the technique was bad. I was just bad at focusing like this.
Charlotte stood up to face Lauren properly, and Natalie and I followed.
Lauren smirked. “Why are you doing this, Charlotte? Strong, pure-blooded Witches like us and Amelia don’t need to bother. This kind of thing is for keeping the more... instinctually driven Witches in check.”
She sneered at Natalie, making it clear who she was referring to.
Natalie’s hands balled into fists as she moved to Lauren, faster than I could see, though she stopped seconds from her.
“Leave. Now.”
Natalie’s eyes glowed red as she spoke, her fangs in full view.
Lauren paled, though any break in her facade only lasted a moment before she stepped back and turned to Dana.
Who was watching us intently.
“Coven Head Dana, Natalie just bared her fangs a
t me.”
Dana approached, giving Natalie a disapproving look. “Yes, I saw.” She shook her head. “Such threatening behaviour is inappropriate, Natalie. I will warn you for now, but another infraction will lead to you being asked to leave this course.”
Natalie just glared at her, her eyes continuing to glow slightly.
Dana didn’t seem even slightly fazed. “If that is understood, I shall leave you to your training.”
As soon as she turned to leave, Natalie sped off again, towards the changing rooms.
I followed.
Thankfully, she was still there when I approached, tears welling in her eyes.
“Lauren’s a bitch,” I said as soon as the door closed behind me. “And so’s Dana.”
Natalie shook her head as she rubbed her eyes, catching the tears before they fell. “No, they’re right. Dana was right, I shouldn’t have borne my fangs like that. I’m so incapable of controlling myself...”
“That’s not true,” I said, stepping closer. “They’ve been testing our composure, trying to pick at me and my lack of focus and restraint, but you’ve passed all of their tests.”
“Barely. Amy, I am barely managing it, and I just...”
The next round of tears fell from her eyes before she could catch them, and I acted on pure instinct, closing the space between us and holding her tight.
Natalie relaxed into my embrace, her head resting on my shoulder.
I realised just how close her lips were to my neck only a moment before she pushed me away.
I stumbled but managed to stay upright as she brought her hand to her mouth.
Her fangs were out once more.
More tears fell down her cheeks as she shook with a silent sob.
“This is what I mean, Amy,” Natalie finally managed, her fangs giving her a slight lisp as they refused to retract. “You keep trying to assure me that I do have self-control, but if I did...”
She looked away. “I never told you why I came here, did I?”
I frowned, wondering what she meant.
“I had this friend, Kristen. She was my best friend, really. A Human girl. I don’t remember when I first started to have feelings for her that went beyond friendship, but... They were there. And then one day, when I was at a sleepover at her house... She kissed me.
“And then I bit her.”
She shuddered at the memory and I was gripped by the need to hold her once more, though I kept my distance, knowing that it wouldn’t be wanted.
“Vampires are not parasites, Amy. We don’t take without consent, and we don’t take without gifts in return. But I did. I did because I couldn’t control myself.
“My parents sent me here in the hopes that using my magic regularly would help to compensate for the excess of emotions that my Witch-half gives me. And I thought that it was working. I thought that I was fine. And then I went to that stupid party, and...”
My mouth went dry as I realised what she meant.
The party where we’d met for the first time.
Where she’d almost bitten me, though I hadn’t known that at the time.
“That’s why you’re so worried about biting me,” I said, realising why she’d reacted as she had the second time we’d kissed.
When she’d run away as quickly as she could.
She nodded. “Losing control isn’t a hypothetical for me, Amy. It is a very real possibility, and one that I cannot risk. Vampires are not monsters, and yet, I have behaved like one.”
“You’re not a monster,” I said, my voice firm as I risked taking a small step closer to her. “You’re not a monster and you can do this. Fuck Lauren and Dana, you can pass this trial and show them.”
Natalie looked me over as she wiped the tears from her eyes once more. “You really believe that, huh? Even after knowing that I’ve bitten someone?”
“It was one mistake. It doesn’t define you.”
She didn’t look as if she believed me fully, but she sniffed, and the tears seemed to have stopped.
“I look like I’ve been crying, don’t I?”
I shook my head. Her skin was just as pale as ever, and now that the tears had dried, she really looked no different from usual. “Not at all. You look fine.”
She gave me a small smile. “Then we should probably get back out there. They’ll be testing us soon.”
I nodded before heading back out to the training grounds with her.
Only to see both Lauren and Charlotte waiting there.
Charlotte was glaring at Lauren, but Lauren was paying her no mind.
She turned to me. “First the Elf girl, now you’re running after the Vampire. Is this, like, a fetish of yours? That has to be it, right? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I get the appeal, but come on, Amelia. Why do you keep running after mixed-species girls when you should be with strong, pure-blooded women who can give you strong children?”
I just stared at her, unable to comprehend what I was hearing.
So, was that it? The reason why Lauren had been so funny about my friends?
She was worried about who I had kids with?
“I’m sixteen,” I said. “I’m not thinking about children. And even if I was, to the best of my knowledge, you, me, Willow and Natalie are cis women. It wouldn’t matter who I was with, none of you could give me children through traditional means.”
Lauren rolled her eyes. “There is magic for that, Amelia. But while Witches can use the magic easily, Slayers can’t. And magic requires balance, so we can’t outstrip the Slayers in terms of population size. Meaning that the magic is restricted. Willow or Natalie would never get permission to use it, but you and me? Let’s face it, Amelia, we’re certainly going to pass these trials and become Amazons. We’d get permission in a heartbeat.”
I continued to stare at her, Energy building beneath my skin as I realised what she was saying.
That Witches restricted who could have children based on their power.
It was horrific.
Lauren turned to Natalie. “You should stop stringing Amelia along. She might not be thinking about this now, but she will, in time. You’ll never be Witch enough for her, never mind this training. Actually, I’m a little perplexed as to why you’re even at this school. It’s Ember Academy for Young Witches and I’m surprised that you can even handle a wand.”
The whistle sounded before anyone managed to respond.
A chill went down my spine as I realised that Lauren had done this deliberately, taunting Natalie just before the trial.
Natalie stormed off towards Dana.
“Ignore Lauren,” I said as I struggled to catch up. “She’s talking nonsense.”
Natalie didn’t respond.
“And now for today’s test,” Dana said. “I shall cast a deliberately unstable spell and then pass control of the spell to you. Ideally, you will stabilise the spell, but maintaining it for a minute will also be enough for you to pass. This will require focus and the ability to calm magic under pressure, rather than adding to the volatility.
“Natalie, you shall be tested first.”
My stomach dropped as Natalie stepped forward, and Dana drew her wand.
Dana formed a ball of light from the tip of her wand, but it was warping and sparking.
“Take control now,” Dana told her.
Natalie reached out with her wand, placing the tip against the ball as Dana pulled away.
And a moment later, it exploded into a shower of sparks.
I stared, sure that my eyes were deceiving me.
That I had misunderstood the sight in front of me.
Natalie couldn’t have failed.
Dana gave Natalie a measured look. “You were unable to keep the spell stable for more than a moment. Unfortunately, you have failed this trial and will not be continuing your training.”
Natalie spun on her heel and ran off.
I went to follow, but Charlotte placed a hand on my shoulder, stopping me.
“We haven’t had
our tests yet.”
“I don’t care,” I said, about to shrug her off when Dana spoke once more.
“Amelia. You’re next.”
I turned to her, my Energy once more crackling under my skin, though my fury refined it to a laser focus.
Every scrap of self-control I had was keeping me from incinerating Dana then and there.
But no, attacking her would surely get me disqualified from the training, and prove that I was dangerous enough to need to be locked up.
If Dana knew where my thoughts were, she didn’t show it as she drew her wand and produced another unstable ball of light.
I reached out with my wand, Energy crackling under my skin.
But I focused my rage and frustration into a single thought.
I was going to burn this whole system down.
My Energy stopped crackling and instead flowed in a smooth, focused trajectory as my wand touched the light.
The crackling, unstable Energy of the ball tried to destabilise my own, the crackling returning over my hand and arm.
But the focused flow was too strong, smoothing it out again and slowly smoothing the Energy of the ball as well.
“Your minute is up,” Dana called, breaking my concentration.
The ball burst, just as Natalie’s had.
“Well done, Amelia,” Dana said. “You did not manage to stabilise the spell, but you were close. That takes incredible focus. Though, I did note that part of that focus came from only drawing on Dark Energy. Tell me, have you shown signs of being a Dark Witch before?”
My mouth dried as I put my wand away. I couldn’t risk them drawing a connection between me and Freya.
“It’s too early for me to know,” I said, though I had to admit to myself that I had succeeded in these tests by focusing on Dark Energy, not Light.
Maybe going to the Underworld wouldn’t have been such a stretch.
Not that it mattered now. I couldn’t go without causing a diplomatic incident.
And maybe I wasn’t really a Dark Witch.
I may have drawn more easily on Dark Energy over the past couple of days, but after the days I’d had, who wouldn’t?
