by L. C. Mawson
My jaw clenched as my mind went blank with fury, unable to come up with an intelligent response.
Lauren frowned at my silence. “Come on, you’re not mad at me, are you?”
I probably could have come up with something to say at that point, if I tried, but it was obvious that me ignoring Lauren was winding her up.
So, while it felt a little bit petty, I continued to ignore her, not even looking her way.
She sighed. “This isn’t funny, Amelia. Seriously, I said nothing yesterday that wasn’t true. I mean, Natalie wasn’t strong enough in the end, was she?”
I turned to her. “Why are you talking to me?”
“What?”
“You’ve made it clear that you’re a bigoted bitch. Why would I have any interest in talking to you?”
Lauren folded her arms. “I’m not bigoted. It’s not like I called her a blood-sucker or anything. It’s not my fault if she can’t handle hard truths.”
I shook my head. “Do you even hear yourself? Get lost, Lauren. You’re not going to convince me, you’re just annoying me.”
Lauren glared at me. “Don’t ruin your chance to make something of yourself because you’ve got an adventurous taste in women.”
I ignored her again, and she finally left.
I sighed, turning to Charlotte, but before I could say anything, Dana arrived and addressed the group.
“Good morning, girls,” she said. “Now, before we start with the training for the day, you may have noticed that only a few of you have passed the trials so far. As such, we have decided to condense your training, choosing only the most difficult trials for the remaining days, and then your final trial will be next week.”
My blood chilled.
I’d been relying on the fact that I had a month to prepare for the final trial.
But now I only had a week.
“We’ll be testing your ability to cast a convincing glamour today.”
I felt a little relief at that – I knew glamours – but it was hard to completely ease the anxiety of the previous announcement.
I turned to Charlotte as Dana left us to our practice.
Charlotte was fiddling with the end of her ponytail, holding it close to her mouth, as if two seconds away from chewing on it.
“I don’t think I’ll be ready by next week,” she admitted. “I thought we’d have longer... I’ll have to increase my revision schedule.”
I cringed. “I don’t even have a revision schedule.” I sighed. “I used to be good at this, but with everything else going on...”
“We should study together,” Charlotte said. “It’ll help me to not just be working on my own.”
I nodded with a small smile. “Yeah. Thanks.”
She shrugged. “Like I said, it should help me too.”
Esme approached, drawing my attention.
“Good morning,” she said. “I just wanted to ask you how Natalie was.”
She then cast a privacy spell.
“I’m not sure,” I said, my stomach twisting. “She had a go at me, and I haven’t seen her since.”
Esme gave me a sympathetic smile. “I am sorry to hear that, Amelia. Though I was asking as a ruse for placing the privacy spell. I’m afraid that we have more important things to discuss.”
“Like the trials being moved up to next week?”
“Yes. You have been surpassing their expectations, Amelia. Those Amazons who want you under their control are worried that you’re going to pass the trials. While we do dismiss girls from training based on their performance, the training is designed to prepare you for the final trial. While condensing the time gives fewer opportunities for you to fail, they think that you’re more likely to fail the final trial without preparation than fail the small trials leading up to it.”
“They’re that dead-set on me failing?”
“Of course, they are. You’re a threat to their power.”
“So, what should I do?”
“Study. Hard. And while the Amazons cannot be seen to help you prepare outside of official training, if you happened to need a healer...”
I nodded, realising what she was implying. “You know, I have been feeling unwell today.”
Esme smiled. “Then you should probably stop by the infirmary after training.”
THANKFULLY, CHARLOTTE and I were both skilled enough in glamours to pass the test that day with relative ease.
As soon as we were changed back into our uniforms, we made our way to the infirmary.
We entered the room to find that Sarah was the only one there.
Sarah and Mr Stiles, though he was still unconscious.
“How is he?” I asked Sarah as I approached where she was standing by his bedside.
She sighed. “I’m closer to figuring out how to wake him up, but it’s delicate work.” She turned to us. “But that’s not why you’re here. Esme said that they’ve condensed your training.”
I nodded. “She said that they wanted to make me go through the final trials more quickly, to try to get me to fail.”
“Which is why we’re not going to let them win.”
“How?”
“Healing magic. It’s incredibly difficult, and so the Amazons weight it heavily in the final trial. It’s how I managed to pass, and if I can teach the two of you, it should hopefully be the quickest way for you to succeed.”
I frowned, folding my arms. “Healing magic?”
“Something wrong?”
“No, I guess not, just... I don’t know, like you said, it’s difficult, and... Well, the magic I’ve been best at so far has all been destructive.” I let some raw Energy crackle over my skin.
Sarah gave me a sympathetic smile. “Amelia, you’re still new to magic. And your journey so far has been dangerous. It makes sense that you would gravitate towards offensive magics to keep yourself safe, but that doesn’t mean that it’s where your talents lie. If anything, it’s all the more reason to focus on other magics now, while it’s still early.”
I frowned at the faraway look in her eyes. “Which magic did you first learn?”
That brought Sarah’s attention back to me and she smiled. “I always had a knack for healing magic. But it wasn’t my only focus. Freya, on the other hand, had already sharpened herself into a blade when I first met her, and it took her years to relearn other magics.” She grimaced. “I would not advise walking your sister’s path.”
“You say that as if you don’t like her. I thought you were friends.”
“We were. And we’re still friendly, but... We had very different priorities. And when they conflicted... Well, it was best for both of us to keep our distance in the end.”
I sighed, biting my lip. “It’s strange... I’ve got this memory of my sister, but the more I hear about her, the less I think that memory actually matches up to who she is.”
“She loves you,” Sarah said. “If you remember anything, it’s probably that. And the rest? Well, there might have been some rough spots, but no one can deny that Freya is a kind and just Queen.
“Now, we were supposed to be focusing on healing magic, weren’t we?”
I nodded and Sarah moved to the side before picking up a hefty tome and flicking through it.
Eventually, she found the page she was looking for and handed the book to me.
“Here. I’ll give myself a small wound, and you should use this spell to try to heal it.”
I winced. “Do you really need to hurt yourself?”
“Yes. You need a real wound to heal. It’s the fastest way for you to learn.”
“And if I can’t do it?”
“Then Charlotte will attempt it, and if neither of you can heal me, I’ll do it myself.”
I nodded, though I chewed the edge of my bottom lip between my teeth, still unsure of my ability with healing magic.
Still, I read the spell on the page Sarah had opened before putting the book down and drawing my wand as Sarah brought out a dagger and pulled it along her forearm.
I cringed at the sight of blood dripping down her skin but steeled myself.
If I didn’t crack this spell, I might not pass the final trial.
My life was on the line, I couldn’t ruin it because I was squeamish.
I glanced once more at the spell, making sure that I remembered the incantation correctly before I attempted it.
I spoke the words aloud this time, focusing on getting it right.
“Aralast.”
A light flickered at the end of my wand, but nothing happened.
Sarah turned to Charlotte, who pulled out her wand and stepped forward as I moved back.
Charlotte cast the spell with no hesitation, a bright light coming from the end of her wand and healing Sarah with no problem.
Sarah smiled. “Thank you, Charlotte. It seems you might have a knack for healing magic.” She turned to me. “Amelia, what were you thinking of when you tried to heal me?”
I frowned. “Getting it right?”
“Because you were scared that you wouldn’t.”
I looked away. “I just... I can’t be like her. I won’t.”
The words were out of my mouth before I had a chance to think about them.
Sarah frowned. “Freya?”
“No... Maria.”
“Maria Brown?”
I nodded, refusing to meet her gaze. “What if I’m bad at healing, just like she is? What if it’s because I’m just like her?”
“It’s not.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because you don’t want to be. We make our own choices, Amelia. You don’t agree with Maria’s choices, so you won’t make them.”
I glanced over to Mr Stiles as my stomach twisted with guilt.
I was pulled back to the present by Sarah’s hand on my shoulder. “You made a mistake, Amelia. That doesn’t make you a monster. But dwelling on it? That will lead you down Maria’s path. And Freya’s. You have to forgive yourself.”
“But what if Mr Stiles doesn’t? What if Freya doesn’t? He’s her friend, right?”
Sarah sighed. “Amelia, Freya will never not love you. I don’t think it’s in her.”
I grimaced. I would have said the same about my parents a few months ago, but now?
Yes, Mum had finally messaged me back, but it had just been to get me away from the school so that she could convince me to leave again.
And it wasn’t just her, Dad hadn’t messaged me either.
He knew about the Amazons, right?
Why wouldn’t he message?
I chewed at my lower lip.
I supposed that, with everything with Mum, he had a lot on his plate as well.
But I was facing down potentially being locked up – or worse – and neither of them seemed to care.
Well, Mum did.
But her solution was to try to remove me from the magical world altogether, and that just wasn’t going to happen.
“Healing takes a gentle touch,” Sarah eventually continued. “It has to be done with Light magic, not Dark. You have to let go of your fear and worries if you intend for it to work.”
I grimaced. “I... I’m not sure that I can.”
Sarah sighed, regarding me carefully for a moment, though Charlotte spoke up before she could say anything.
“Maybe there’s another way.”
I frowned at my friend. “What do you mean?”
“Well, yes, healing magic for Witches does call on Light magic, and I don’t think anyone here is educated enough on Demonic healing techniques to teach you them, but all magical beings have a form of healing, including elemental beings. And your magic has an elemental feel to it, which given your connection to Queen Freya, might mean that you have an easier time with their techniques.”
Sarah nodded. “Perhaps Charlotte is right. Tell me, Amelia, have you felt more of a connection to nature than the average Witch?”
“Umm... I think so?” I held out my wand to show her. “When I went to find a wand, this one just kind of dropped in front of me.”
“And you made no alterations to it? You let your magic naturally strengthen the wood?”
I shrugged, though her words made sense. I hadn’t really noticed, but it was as if the wand had moulded to my hand naturally over time.
“It worked fine right away,” I settled for saying.
Sarah smiled. “Well, if you needed a concrete thing to differentiate you from Maria Brown, this is it. Freya’s magic connects her to Nature, and she gave you a portion of that magic.” She frowned in thought. “Perhaps you should start with healing animals instead of people.”
I shook my head vigorously. “Nope. Not happening. I’m not... We’re not hurting an animal just so I can practice healing. You could agree to it, Sarah, they can’t.”
Sarah continued to smile. “Well, if we needed more proof of your connection...”
“Is Freya like this as well?”
“Well, no. But when she fully accepted Nature’s power, she was able to take on the form of a wolf. I suspect that if you had the same capability, your chosen form might be less... carnivorous.”
“Wait, she can turn into a wolf?”
“Yes, but I think that sort of power will remain beyond you. You’re tied to Nature, but you still appear to need to focus your magic through a wand for the most part. Regardless, Charlotte is right about using elemental healing techniques, but I must confess that I am not particularly knowledgeable about them.”
Charlotte turned to me. “Maybe you should ask Lena or Willow for help. Or, actually, maybe just ask Willow. I don’t think Lena has ever shown aptitude for healing magic. And she’s not a patient teacher.”
I grimaced. Lena’s impatience was probably better than whatever Willow’s attitude towards me would be.
“I should get some more supplies,” Sarah said. “If you can find your friend in the meantime, that might help.”
After she’d left the room, I turned to Charlotte.
“I don’t think Willow’s going to help.”
Charlotte frowned. “Why not?”
“You haven’t noticed?”
She shrugged. “I’ve been so busy studying for the Amazon trials... I guess it went over my head.” She sighed. “Not that that’s unusual for me even when I’m trying to pay attention, but still...”
I grimaced, putting my wand away before sitting on the end of one of the free beds, looking down at my hands in my lap. “I’m still not sure what happened. After Natalie failed her trial... She started spouting Lauren’s bullshit about mixed species Witches as if she believed it. And I got so mad, Charlotte. Like, if she’s saying all of this stuff about her being unable to stay in control, and how she shouldn’t pass that on to a child...”
Charlotte gave me an understanding smile. “What does that say about you and me?”
I raised an eyebrow.
“I’m Litcorde, remember? I know what it’s like to have people judge you because your brain works differently. And I know what it’s like to have them tell you that you shouldn’t risk having children who are like you.”
I sighed, glad that she understood. “I’m used to struggling to maintain control, Charlotte. And I know what it’s like to be treated like a monster when you break that control. You know... When I was younger, I couldn’t keep my cool. And once the other kids at school realised that, they would deliberately wind me up. They would push me for a reaction and then gawp and laugh when I inevitably gave them one.”
Tears welled in my eyes despite my attempts to blink them away. “I tried not to, Charlotte. I can’t explain how hard I tried not to. But I went into fight or flight mode, and I just... I always fought. So, they called me ‘crazy’ or ‘unstable’ or said I had ‘anger management problems’. As if anyone wouldn’t react that way to being prodded nonstop, every day...”
A hollow snort escaped my throat. “Though, I suppose that’s the point, isn’t it? Not everyone does react like that. And it’s better now with my medication, but.
.. Hearing Natalie talk like that...”
“I’m guessing there’s a few steps between Natalie upsetting you and you upsetting Willow?”
I groaned as I ran my hand through my short hair, the nervous action reminding me of Willow’s gentle touch as she’d cut it for me.
“Yeah. I was upset, and one of Lauren’s points had been that I shouldn’t date mixed species girls, so... I stormed out to find Willow and made out with her to spite them.” I sighed. “Which, yes, I understand was not very mature of me. But I was spiting Lauren more than anyone, but then Willow gets upset and says that she thinks that I like Natalie more than her and storms off.”
Charlotte took a moment to think through what I’d said, twirling her wand between her fingers as she did so.
“Maybe it’s not just you,” she said.
I frowned. “What?”
“I mean, this was just after Natalie failed the trials, right?”
“Yeah. And?”
“And you were upset over Natalie. In a way that you weren’t when Willow failed hers.”
I frowned. “But I was upset for her. And I was upset that she wouldn’t be in the trials. But she said that it was fine.”
Charlotte frowned. “How am I the Litcorde in this situation?” she asked with a sigh. “People lie, Amelia. Especially about not being upset when they really are upset. And I’m not saying that Willow isn’t actually upset with you, but... You know, one time, I had an exam, and that morning, my mum made me toast for breakfast. But she didn’t cut it diagonally, and she knows that I only ever cut it diagonally.” She grimaced. “Okay, I know how that sounds to non-Litcorde, but, just... It’s best to think of it like I’ve got a part of my brain that’s a toddler. The rest of me knows that it’s an irrational rule that means nothing, but the toddler does not agree. When I’m calm, I can usually reason with the toddler. When I’m not... Well, I wasn’t calm that morning. So, I got upset, and I lashed out at my mum, saying that she obviously didn’t care about me if she couldn’t remember something so simple.”
She shrugged. “I would have always been upset about the toast, and I would have always felt a little like her forgetfulness might be a sign that she didn’t care, but I wouldn’t have blown up at her if I wasn’t already upset and stressed about the exam.”
