by K. N. Banet
“You weren’t pissy with me when I did it,” I snapped, pissed off that she sounded like she believed how those other werecats felt. God damn gossipy werecats. They never see each other in person, but they all have each other’s damn cell phone numbers. They can never resist calling each other to pass along the news! “You said you would stand with me! Did you think you would speak up for me, I would still be executed, and that would be that? There wouldn’t be anything further from it?”
“Honestly? Yes.”
Guilt. If she was in the room with me, I knew I would smell it just based on the tone of her voice.
“Damn, Lani.” I resisted hanging up on her. “How do I fix this?”
“You kick those wolves out of your territory and keep out of trouble for a decade. Maybe a century. Depends on how long it takes us to go back to a nearly forgotten species. Do you know how many werecats have been called to Duty since your stunt? Four. That’s more than the last twenty years. It hasn’t even been a year. Thankfully, none of them have been injured, but it’s only a matter of time.”
“I can’t do that. I can’t throw them out,” I mumbled, shaking my head. “There has to be something else.”
“To win over other werecats? Not likely. You would have to curb any war you might have started rolling before it has the chance to start. Sadly, you stirred the pot, then walked out of the kitchen, leaving the rest of us to deal with your mess. The Houston pack refuses to leave me alone. They want to have dinner, get to know me, discuss protection plans for any of the humans in their pack, in case something happens. I finally told them to fuck off last month, and they’ve given me space again.”
“I’m sorry.” I groaned. “Lani, I am. I didn’t think—”
“No, you didn’t think. Your family is known for stepping in and correcting these issues. They help us stay alive. You just kicked a hornet’s nest and—”
“I get it!” I growled. “I’m a fuck up compared to the rest of Hasan’s children. I know! That has been made abundantly clear, damn it! I don’t need you fucking rubbing it in.”
“Sorry. I shouldn’t be harsh with you—”
“No.”
“But you can’t deny you should have thought about all of this a lot sooner.”
“I know.” My anger deflated quickly. I know. “I’ll…figure something out. Some way to make a better impression.”
Lani sighed on the other end. “If I have any ideas, other than the ones I’ve already given you, I’ll let you know.”
“Thank you.”
I heard the call disconnect, defeat weighing on me. She hung up on me. Why did this become such a big deal? Why did no one tell me sooner? I would have tried something.
But would I have? Or would I have buried my head in the sand and bitched it wasn’t my problem?
I didn’t know. All I knew was that two werecats were now dead, Jabari was figuring out what killed them for Hasan, and fingers were slowly being pointed at me as the reason werecats were now being given so much attention. There was a chance this had nothing to do with me but learning that would come too late. The accusations were already apparent.
Did I get two werecats killed by doing whatever I wanted?
The idea plagued me as I left my living room and went upstairs to my home office. I never worked in it, instead slowly letting it become a small library and relaxation room with a computer to play games and a few large bookshelves to read. There was a small desk, a recliner, and even a couch if I just wanted to have a nap. I never got to use it often enough. I had so much house, no one in it, and no time to enjoy it.
Could solve that by hiring people for the bar…
I shook my head. The last thing I needed was more people in my life bothering me, up in my space, trying to learn my secrets.
Half my problems were because I didn’t want to deal with more people than necessary, even at the expense of my own ability to have a life. I knew that. It didn’t mean I was going to change any time soon, but I knew it.
Except, normally, my lack of involvement only affected me. It didn’t seem like that was the case anymore.
“Fuck. Where do I even start with this?” I fell onto the recliner and curled my legs in. I contemplated calling Hasan but decided against it. If he honestly wanted to yell at me, he would have already. Unless he was waiting for me to go to him with my proverbial tail between my legs. He hadn’t been very angry with the wolves moving into my territory, so I was at a loss. With him, I didn’t know.
“I can’t deal with this,” I finally mumbled to myself, shaking my head. Why was it anyone’s business I let two wolves live in my territory? What was the problem with fighting to protect and save someone I was charged with? Why did this have to be a mess? “I shouldn’t have to deal with this.”
I had the strong urge to stomp my foot and say anyone could live in my territory if I wanted them to. That nothing else outside my territory was my business, and they could all shove it. They could deal with their own wolves and werecats, and that was that.
But if I got two werecats killed…
I sighed, rubbing my face. I played with my phone and finally decided to call Hasan. He picked up halfway through the first ring.
“Jacqueline. How are you this evening?” he asked gently.
“Jabari called me. I got my ass chewed by not only him but Lani as well. When were you going to tell me how much trouble I’ve given you?”
“I wasn’t going to. I knew what trouble I was asking for when I walked in front of the Tribunal that day.” He sounded bland like the conversation bored him. That wasn’t a good sign, actually. It meant something had annoyed him by whatever I said.
“Are you mad I let the werewolves live in my territory?” I asked softly. “I know that’s given you even more—”
“I despise werewolves, but you like Carey, who is very human. The wolves are just an extension of her, and it’s a mutually beneficial relationship. You have something to cling to in the real world while they have a built-in guardian. They aren’t giving you a hard time, correct?”
“No, and other wolves don’t come visit them. I just…heard things recently.”
“The two up in Washington. Yes…that’s concerning. It could very well be a reactionary attack from me stepping into the limelight and the small evolution of the Laws. I’ve already taken that well into account.”
“Will you keep me updated on what’s going on?”
“I can do that. Are you worried?” I could see him mentally perking up. I was so known for staying out of everything and not wanting to know. This was a big change.
“I am. I don’t…want to be the cause of werecats dying and another war starting.”
“I’ll do my best for that not to happen, daughter. So, how was talking to Jabari?”
I groaned and replayed the conversation for him. Jabari was Hasan’s biological son, and their relationship was close, very close. Hasan didn’t make the distinction between biological and Changed when it came to those he considered his family, but Jabari was considered his heir. There was no denying that bond.
“They did tell me about how they would try harder with you. Part of that is my fault. I didn’t introduce you into the family the way they’re accustomed, meeting you before you were Changed. Jabari and Zuri have seen everyone grow up except you. When I did Change you, none of them were home, and I was still…withdrawn from the world.” He sighed on the other end of the line. “I was accused of Changing you to replace Liza. They didn’t like it. They were gone so much to punish me, and your possible relationship with them suffered because of it. From my understanding, they weren’t particularly kind when they were around, and I thought their distance was becoming a good thing. It gave you a chance to flourish.”
“Ouch,” I mumbled. In a half-joking tone, I asked the stupidest question I could. “I’m not, right?”
“No,” he snapped. “No, Jacky, you aren’t a replacement. I Changed you because I couldn’t imagine a world without
you in it while you were there dying in that twisted hunk of metal. It was impulsive, something I had never done before, but that was it.” I could hear him grumble and growl on the other end. I shouldn’t have asked. I knew better, honestly. He never compared me to her, never made it seem like I was a replacement.
“Back to your siblings. I knew they were going to try speaking to you more, and I’m glad Jabari is using this to kick things off. It’s important. I hope you accept it and let them make their attempts. Try opening up to them. You’ll be less lonely if you start talking to other werecats more often, others who truly understand you.”
“Did you encourage them, or was this their decision?” I wanted the truth. “Hasan, I don’t want family who don’t want me.”
“Jacky, they were willing to expose our kind to keep you alive. You are their younger sister. They mean what they say. Now, what Jabari said to you? He’s used to things being done a certain way and having a certain amount of control, something he doesn’t have with you. To him…you’re a rebellious teenager.”
“I’m thirty-six and just like to live my own life,” I reminded him.
“Yes. A child in our world. Don’t take his harshness to heart. You might be a well-balanced, functioning, human adult, but to a werecat, you’re still young. You try to live life by rules that no longer apply and cannot continue to apply.”
“You would tell me if you were angry, right? About everything?” It was complicated between Hasan and me. It always would be, but I had the same attitude with him as I did my human father. I got angry with his secrets, I craved his pride, and I wanted him to leave me alone. I leaned into his affection and snapped at his hand when I didn’t want it.
“You’ll know the day I get angry with you,” he whispered. It sent shivers down my spine. Oh, yes, I would. He would make sure everyone within a few hundred miles knew he was angry with me.
“Thanks for talking to me. Keep me updated?”
“I said I would. I’ll put you on the list of calls I have to make every time one of you is out getting into trouble.” He chuckled softly. “Sadly, being the youngest, you are last.”
“I figured. Did they all get calls from you about me?”
“I call them about you more than you can imagine,” he said with a bite. “But yes, when you were called to Duty, and everything happened, they all heard about it as I did.”
I wonder why else he calls them about me. It’s not like I do much of anything.
“All right, well, I have to go. Bye!” I hung up as he replied with his own goodbye.
I felt a little better, glad to know he didn’t blame me and wasn’t angry like so many others. That was enough to put me at ease to take the nap I had been craving—social activity took it out of me.
5
Chapter Five
I picked up Carey promptly at four in the afternoon at the family’s dark brown brick, two-story farmhouse. She had just enough time every Monday to do two things—eat a snack and do her homework. She wasn’t allowed to come with me until the homework was done. The snack was just her preference.
“Stay out of trouble,” Heath said to her as he walked her to my car. “And don’t give Jacky a hard time.”
“I never do, Dad!” Carey rolled her eyes at me as she stepped in front of her dad and grabbed the door. Months before, she had let him open the door for her. Now, she was doing it herself, and every time Heath tried to do it, he felt the sting of his little girl not wanting his help. How did I know? I could see and smell it, but past that, I was once the same little girl, rejecting the help of an adult because I could do it myself.
The poor man is never going to survive her teenage years.
“So, what are we doing today?” Carey grinned at me as she put her seat belt on. I lowered her car window so Heath could say something before we drove away.
“I was thinking we would try baking that cookie recipe. The one I told you about last week.”
“The strawberry ones?” Her face lit up like the sun.
“Yup. What do you need, Heath?” I looked around her and smiled at her father, knowing he was probably getting annoyed with waiting.
“I want her home by nine tonight. You can feed her dinner. I’ve got calls to make, it seems, and she’s better off with you while Landon and I work.”
“A whole extra hour…” I sighed. “Fine.” I dragged it out, smirking at Carey, whose laugh echoed around my car.
“Funny.” Heath shook his head in disapproval before kissing his daughter’s forehead and stepping back up onto the dark wood, wraparound porch.
“He loves you,” I whispered to her, closing the window. “Let him open the door sometimes.”
“It’s weird. I can open the door by myself.”
He’s trying to teach you what a gentleman does. I didn’t say that to her, but it ran across my mind. How many times had I talked to Shane about that? How women looked to their fathers, who were great or terrible examples of men. Heath was a great father, there was no denying that, and I knew Carey wouldn’t recognize how good for at least another few years. Maybe when a boy breaks her heart for the first time or hurts her feelings.
“Just do it. He’ll appreciate letting you remind him you’re still his little girl.”
“No one opens your doors. Or pays for you. Or anything like that.” She shrugged like that was explanation enough.
“Because I’m an adult.” And I would love a man to open the door for me if he wants to sleep with me, but that’s not something I can tell you. “And he’s not my father. My father will still try to open the door for me.” I pulled out of the driveway and began the short drive home with her. She had this intense look of concentration on her face for a moment then popped a question I was expecting.
“Your human dad or your werecat dad?”
“Both,” I answered, trying to sound nonchalant. “But my human dad doesn’t know where I am or can’t see me anymore.”
“Could he find you? If something bad happens?”
“No,” I murmured, shaking my head. “I took the last name, Leon, right after I was Changed. It’s common for our kind. Not that last name specifically, just a new one. I thought I was being funny.”
“What’s your real name?”
I gave her a side-eyed expression, letting her know she wasn’t going to learn that ever. Heath knew and he’d been able to track down my human family. When I thought about it, it was funny. He could back track my life to humanity and learn about me, but he couldn’t find anything about my werecat life. Oh, he’d found fake names and bank accounts, which had taken him years to put together, but he couldn’t connect me with Hasan or the rest of the family, something the family took a lot of care with, not only for my privacy but also for theirs. Unless someone knew beforehand, they weren’t going to find out without someone in the family telling them. Since werecats never offered that information to outsiders, the secret was safe.
“Why are you so nosy today?” I asked as I turned down the highway to get to my bar.
“Because I can.” She gave the same nonchalant shrug from earlier. “I like hearing about you. You’re my friend.”
“Thank you.” I smiled down at her. “Cookies and cards tonight, though. I’m not up for a lot of heavy conversation.”
“Okay.” She smiled back and pulled her legs up to her chest, sitting in a little secure ball in the passenger’s seat. “You know my birthday is next month, right?”
“Yup. It’s marked on my calendar. Twelve years old. You excited?”
“Not really. It’s another year closer to sixteen, though, when I get to learn to drive.”
Priorities. Carey had the right priorities.
“Well, what do you want this year? Twelve is important, too, you know.”
“Not really!” With a huff, she sagged into the seat. “I don’t know what I want. Dad’s been asking too, and I just don’t know what to tell him. What did you want for your birthday?”
“I…” I realize
d that I couldn’t remember. Damn dead spot in my memory. Part of me wondered if it was from the car accident. Hasan didn’t know of anyone else who had lost so much of their memory during the Change. It was common for werecats to lose bits and pieces, but I lost nearly six years of my childhood. “I don’t remember, actually.”
“Then it can’t be that important.” Carey crossed her arms. “Maybe I’ll ask for a dirt bike like the one you have.”
“Oh, I’m sure he’ll love that…”
Carey laughed, but I could tell she was strongly considering it. Amazing. Heath was going to be so mad at me for that if he had a problem with dirt bikes. He’d bought a large piece of property between Tyler and Jacksonville, so maybe he would be fine with it, but I knew his property was so he and Landon could shift during the full moon, not for Carey to run around and get bitten by snakes or break her arm on a dirt bike.
I pulled in front of the bar, closed on Mondays like normal, and unlocked the door for her to follow me in, climbing the back stairs together to my small apartment. I pointed to the table, a silent order for her to park her butt in a chair while I got stuff out for cookies. It was ritual now. Monday was the day she came over, asked me girl questions, or just wanted to talk to an adult who wasn’t her father or brother. We cooked, baked, played video games, anything either of us was interested in. Once, I took her walking on some of the trails behind the bar, keeping her away from my house.
“Any cute guys at school? Or girls?” I asked, pulling out everything we needed from the fridge and pantry.
“No. They all know my dad is a werewolf which means they think I might be a werewolf—”
“We’ve already established you go to school with shit kids,” I reminded her. “But not all of them are shitty. Are there any you like at all?”
She shrugged. “Dad says I need to hang out with other kids my age, but…I’ve always hung out with werewolves and werewolf families. Normal kids are…boring. And scared of me. And my dad.”
