by K. N. Banet
“Are you okay?” I asked softly. Jabari could hear, but I didn’t care. Heath’s attitude worried me. “You’ve been very quiet.”
“I don’t like him,” he said with a bite. “But I’m trying not to let that get in the way of surviving.”
“Oh, I don’t like him all that much either,” I said. “Jabari is rough and always right. He’s not an easy man to know.”
“I’m beginning to really understand why you avoid your werecat family. I wouldn’t want to be his younger sibling, either.” Heath curled a lip at Jabari’s back. “He completely disrespected you the first time he opened his mouth, then expected you to fall in line and do what he ordered.”
I honestly expected Jabari to growl at the comment. I saw him hesitate with his next step before continuing like nothing had been said.
“You teased me when we met. I remember some choice comments,” I pointed out.
“You know what I was dealing with in Dallas. I…I respected you, though. It doesn’t seem like he does, and that pisses me off.”
“Heath, it’s not—”
“It is a problem.” He was stern about it, looking down at me, his eyes hard and unforgiving. “You deserve respect. Everyone does. No one deserves to have family who makes them feel like children or like they aren’t capable, but that was exactly what he was trying to say when he was telling us to leave. That you aren’t capable.” He growled softly. “And the way he tried to treat your injuries? If he wanted you to think you were too soft to be out here, maybe he shouldn’t have manhandled you like that.”
I could only listen as Heath ranted, knowing what he said was right. Jabari was an asshole. The first thing he said when I tried to explain was to call it stupid. Like sending me was the dumbest thing he’d ever heard. Then he repeatedly tried to tell me I was going to leave without listening to me.
“He’s Hasan’s second-in-command,” I whispered. “He’s in charge of the family when Hasan isn’t available. If I want to be part of the family and prove my worth, I have to put up with him.”
“Or he could try to be a better fucking relative,” Heath snapped. “I don’t like seeing you get treated that way.”
“Oh, come on—”
“I treated your injuries in Dallas, but not because you were incapable, Jacky. It was my duty to make sure you were okay because you were injured for me. That’s the difference I’m trying to make clear to you. Now, I see why werecats don’t have real social structures that live together the way wolves do. He’s an asshole, and because he’s the strongest, he gets to do whatever the fuck he wants, but I bet he doesn’t actually know how to lead men.” Heath’s words were biting and cold, the harshest accusation one could give a man like Jabari. Jabari had led scores of men and women during the werewolf and werecat war. He led real armies long before that, when werecats got away with a lot more when it came to human cultures and societies.
They were the words that finally made the werecat stop and snarl. He turned back to us, all his teeth bared, displaying just how dangerous he was.
Heath narrowed his eyes. “You know strategy, I’ll give you that, but I bet your men hated taking orders from you.” Bold words from a man I hadn’t expected to have such a strong reaction to Jabari.
Jabari snapped the air, a warning.
“Stop it,” I ordered, deciding I had to de-escalate this before it got Heath killed. I knew just how to do it. “We’re not doing this. I’m sorry I fucking asked to come out here. Let’s just survive the day, damn it.” I kept stomping along, leaving them behind as I continued down the trail alongside the bottom of the cliff. Once I was far enough away, they both realized I wasn’t kidding. I was going to leave them behind and wander off by myself if it meant not having to deal with them fighting.
Heath’s words really stuck with me, though. My older brother turned and got back out in front. Finally, he showed us a narrow path up the cliffside.
“Great.” I motioned for him to continue, so he knew we were following. Heath stepped up beside me and laid a hand on my back. I ignored the touch, quickly following the giant werecat up the tree-covered cliffside.
The path was so narrow, I was scared I was going to slip. How Jabari used it, I didn’t understand. Looking ahead, it seemed like he had no problem keeping himself steady. Heath stayed behind me, a protective arm ready to grab me. I looked over my shoulder at it, at him, raising an eyebrow.
“So, I’m feeling a little protective right now,” he murmured. “Sue me.”
“I have really good fucking lawyers,” I retorted. “How are you so good at this?”
“Practice. I’ve gone rock climbing and hiking a lot in my life.”
I pursed my lips and kept moving, apparently the only one who was having trouble keeping their balance on the narrow path. Heath didn’t touch me, and I refused to say thank you for his silent support, but I appreciated it.
It only took twenty minutes to get to a small cave carved out of the mountain. Jabari trotted in, and we followed. A moment later, he came back into view, holding a large hiking bag and dropped it.
“He’s going to shift back now,” I told Heath softly while turning my back on Jabari.
“Are you going to try to get some sleep before tonight?” he asked, directing himself the same way, his back to my sibling.
“I don’t know. You should. You have one of the more active parts of this,” I reminded him.
“Yeah. Bait,” Heath snorted. “I never thought I would be in the sort of company where I was the weakest creature in the room.”
“It can’t be good for your ego,” I said, smiling a little. Then I let the smile drop. “Don’t keep pissing him off. He can and will kill you if—”
“No, I won’t,” Jabari cut in. “He has his opinions, and I have mine, but Hasan will have my head if I killed him without cause, even though he is just a wolf.”
I sighed, looking over my shoulder to see him pulling up some pants. “He’s not just a wolf. He’s Heath Everson, a friend of mine, and he’s Carey’s father, who is someone important to me.”
“Carey…the little human girl you protected and saved on Duty.” Jabari sounded like he was trying to remember as he said the name. “Eleven years old. Human.”
“That’s her,” Heath confirmed, keeping his back turned on him. “Nearly twelve, actually.”
“No, she won’t let us forget that,” I muttered, smiling again. “She’s not very excited, though. She doesn’t know what she wants.”
“She asked me for a pony last year. I’m looking into getting her a horse this year.”
“That’s sweet of you.” I patted his shoulder.
Jabari eyed us. I didn’t like the look he had, but he didn’t comment.
As we stood there, I tried to broach a topic he had carefully avoided all night. I tried to bring it up when he was making our plans to take out the vampires.
“Aren’t you going to ask how I telepathically talk in werecat form?”
“I don’t want to know why you can speak like a wolf,” he snapped. “Or what you had to do to get the power.”
There was an accusing note, and I let my mouth fall open.
“You think I would offer something or sell something in exchange for—”
“Pack magic? I don’t know, would you?” he asked. “I don’t want you ever using it with me again. Is that clear? I don’t need you or anyone in my head.”
“A fae gave me the gift,” I said, growling in anger. Why couldn’t Jabari just fucking talk to me? “For free because he saw me injured, desperate, and running for my life, trying to protect a girl. But fuck me, I guess. I’m just a fucking traitor to my kind for finally have an edge that would make most werewolves fucking terrified of me since I can do what they can.”
“Hell, I’m still uncomfortable with it sometimes,” Heath muttered.
Jabari’s eyes narrowed. “Doesn’t matter. It’s not natural. Werecats don’t have that kind of magic.”
“Heath, will y
ou go out and begin laying down your scent for the vampires to find?” I asked softly. His words were ringing in my head now, and Jabari was pissing me off, giving me a whole load of hypocrisy I couldn’t tolerate.
“Certainly,” he said, walking away again and back down the cliffside path.
“You sent away your little protector,” Jabari noted. “He enjoys speaking up for you. We won’t talk about how he protects you and probably coddles you when you make a mistake.”
I snarled. “He gives a damn, at least.”
“Excuse me?” My brother growled in response. “You think I don’t?”
“Maybe you should try acting like you fucking do!” I yelled at him. “No, he’s right. The moment you saw me last night, you started treating me like I was no better than the mud we’re covered in. And this shit about the gift I was given not being natural? What the hell kind of hypocrisy is that? I saw you draw a fucking rune of power just last night, Jabari, and I didn’t give you shit.”
“Mother taught Zuri and me how, to teach it to the family,” Jabari said, his tone dangerously close to rage. “Don’t you dare relate what she gave the family to whatever a fae did to you. What did this fae ask for in return? Mother asked for nothing.”
I took a deep breath. “Brin didn’t ask for anything either. He had a human wife and half human children. He said he felt for my cause.”
Jabari spat on the ground. “Where did you find him?”
“At some random motel. I was looking for a place to hide with Carey.” His eyes told me he didn’t believe me. I stepped closer, opening my arms. “Smell the truth on me, Jabari! Smell it! I’m not fucking lying to you! I have no goddamn reason to lie to you!” With a shaking breath, I went back to what else he’d said. “She taught you and Zuri for the family? To pass down?” I tried not to laugh. Neither of them ever taught me. I had no idea they even knew how to do them, not until Jabari did one. I thought it was a small trick he had, like my fae gift. “You never taught me.”
“You left too young,” he hissed. “You walked away from the family.”
“Hasan knew where to find me. It’s not like any of you really cared at the time,” I said bitterly. “It’s not like you gave a damn what I did or where I went. You thought I was throwing a fucking tantrum and told me so.”
“You were.”
“He was the love of my life. And see, that’s the problem. You don’t even fucking try with me. You don’t care about anything to do with me.” I sniffed, trying to hold back the pain. My neck hurt, but my muscles were tense as I tried to keep from crying from frustration and rejection. “Hasan spent four years telling me about how he was my family and how you and the rest of them were my fucking family now. I ate it up. I tried, and every time I saw any of you, you were cold to me, wary like I had done something wrong. And right when I fucking needed any of you to have a heart, you all told me to get the fuck over it.” I pointed at him, stepping closer and stabbing his chest with the finger.
“Then you fucking called me and gave this big fucking talk about how you all were going to try to be in my life again. You were going to try and keep me in the loop. You also called me a fuck up. But I’m fucking here, aren’t I? Being a contributing member of this godforsaken family.” I sneered the best I could. “All I got from you was how stupid of an idea it was for the family to send me.”
He didn’t say anything, stepping back from my finger, his gaze on it like I had just stabbed him. When he looked up, I could see the confusion and anger in his eyes and the lines of his face.
“Now, you don’t get to be an asshole to me anymore. Oh cool, you know runes of power. Everyone else in the family knows runes of power. Fun. You know what? Fuck it. I don’t need them. I’ll keep doing everything fucking my way.”
“Stop behaving like a child,” he said quietly as I went to turn away from him.
“A child?” I hissed, spinning back on him. “You think this is me acting like a child? You think the last seven years have been one giant tantrum of a child who can’t take care of herself?” I snarled louder, rage building in my chest. “I run a fucking business. I keep my house clean. I pay my taxes. I do it all on my own with help from only the few people any respectable business owner would get help from, like a goddamn accountant and a lawyer. When called to Duty, I didn’t go crying to anyone for help or to take the charge from me or to protect me. I did what I had to do. I asked for advice because I’d obviously never done it before, but I didn’t ask Father to come and save me. I didn’t ask him to come to the Tribunal and threaten to expose us just to save me. I took responsibility for what I did like a fucking adult should, and I was willing to die on that hill alone. You don’t get to call me a child for telling you the truth. You’re a heartless prick, Jabari. You wouldn’t know love, affection, or kindness if it slapped you in the face.”
“I’m not entertaining this,” he declared, trying to walk past me now. “I’m going—”
“When did you teach our siblings how to protect themselves with runes of power?” I asked as he passed by.
“When they moved into their new homes,” he answered. “It was the first thing we did before they moved their things in. I taught them, then walked them through it, so we all knew the home was safe.”
“Think about that. You could have shown up at any point in the last seven fucking years to teach me, and you chose not to. And Hasan never forced you to come, either. He didn’t even tell me about them. Does he even know you never came?”
Jabari didn’t answer, walking away and out of the cave. I was left exhausted, my rage leaking out once he was out of sight. I leaned against a wall in the cavern and slid down, tears in my eyes.
I lost my human family the day I was supposed to die. For four years, I craved everything Hasan offered me—this new family. They rejected me once, based on history I had no part in. They hurt me by being callous and mean about the revelation Hasan let my fiancé die. Finally, after seven damn years, they approached me, and I opened up, just like Hasan suggested. I was again throwing myself into the effort of being one of them and Hasan’s daughter. I was trying to be part of the world they loved so much.
And once again, I found myself against a brick wall I found to be insurmountable. I couldn’t climb it. I couldn’t change who I was to gain entry to the sanctuary beyond it. I couldn’t knock it down.
All I could do was scream until someone finally heard me, and just like last time, the gatekeeper refused to listen.
21
Chapter Twenty-One
I busied myself after drying my eyes, looking through what Jabari had brought with him into the mountains. Nothing for food, but that didn’t bother me. I’m sure we were all hungry, but if everything went to plan, we would have food in our stomachs soon enough. What he did have was rope, a fire-starting kit, more than a couple of knives, an extra folded black bag, and water. I took the water and checked it. He still had some left, so I took a sip. We could all handle dirty water out of streams and lakes without getting sick, but fresh, clean water was much better.
I didn’t keep track of the time they were gone. Heath came back first, which made me feel relieved. He didn’t seem happy, though, or comfortable.
“Where did he go? The rule was only one of us out of the cavern at a time.” Heath sniffed, his nostrils flaring. Then his eyes narrowed, obviously upset. “What happened?”
“We had an argument. Or I yelled at him until he decided he didn’t want to listen to it anymore.” I gave him a desperate look. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I…heard some of it,” he admitted. “I walked away as the volume rose. I didn’t want to intrude. I didn’t think he would leave.”
“I can handle being alone just fine,” I said with a snap Heath probably didn’t deserve from me.
“Yes, but he didn’t come find me and only one person out of the cave at a time was his rule,” Heath growled back.
I felt bad. “I’m sorry. He’s frustrating and…I don’t
know how to deal with him. I should have just let Hisao come out here. I should have stayed out of all of this.”
“Would you have been happy with someone else coming out here? If I remember right, you wanted to help fix this because you felt guilty. You and many others were worried this was some form of backlash over last year.” He shoved his hands into his pockets, which didn’t make him seem as relaxed as he probably wanted it to. He seemed tense.
“This entire trip has been about me and my problems…You’re right. I wanted this and would have felt…worthless if I hadn’t come out and helped when I could.”
“It’s fine. When we met, everything was about me and my problems,” he reminded me, a small smile breaking out. “I’m just glad to get to know you.”
“And I still know so little about you.”
This time, he shrugged. “Maybe next time.”
“Har har,” I said, reaching out to slap his abdomen lightly. He dodged, quickly grabbing my wrist, and tried to pull me to him. I put my heels down and held to my spot, refusing to budge.
“Stubborn.”
“Look in a mirror,” I countered. He started to laugh, nodding.
“If we survive this, I’ll start telling you about myself; your turn to play twenty questions.”
“Like, why you feel the need for a werecat’s permanent protection over Carey?”
“I’ve lived long enough to make enemies. I figured that one was obvious.”
“Really? Nooo. I want more details than that next time.” I grinned, waiting for him to either deny me or relent.
He didn’t say anything for a minute. “I’m glad you’re smiling again. Don’t let that asshole make you feel bad. If he can’t treat you right, he doesn’t deserve the privilege to call you family or the ability to make you upset.”
I swallowed, nodding slowly. That wasn’t what I was expecting. Why did it feel like Heath was never what I expected?
