by Jamie Knight
I knew that it was the right thing to do. And I was fairly sure that Jace would understand, especially considering that he was an excellent student when he was in school. I figured that I would just have to be okay with giving up the internship, if it came down to it.
That might be better, anyway. The time that I was spending on the internship was time that I could set aside to study and work on pulling all my grades up. I wrote a note in my planner, reminding myself to stop by the office and see if there were any other organic chemistry classes with openings.
It was probably for the best to do it all at once, make a clean break, so that I could just move forward.
“Okay,” came the text back.
I put my homework and textbooks in my backpack and set off for class. Organic chemistry was my first class of the day, so I figured that I could just talk to Jace after class was over. That way, I could get it out of the way and figure out how I was going to get over him.
When I got to class, he was standing at the door, holding a stack of papers, smiling that magnetic smile of his.
“Good morning, Izzy!” he said, extending a hand out toward me.
“Hello,” I said quietly, shaking his hand weakly.
My heart started beating fast as I thought about what I had to tell him. He looked so cheerful, like he was genuinely happy to see me. I felt my throat close up as I tried to swallow the knot that seemed to be stuck.
“I know that you wanted to talk,” he said, lowering his voice. “Is this something that can wait until later this evening?”
“Sure,” I said, plastering a smile on my face. At least we could get through the class and then I could tell him that we couldn’t sleep together any more.
It was all that I could think about all day as I counted down the minutes until the internship. I prepared for it to be my last one.
Finally, it was time for our internship session. I stood outside the door to the classroom, knowing that the second that I pushed the door open, my entire world would change. Again.
When I did, though, I was shocked to see Trent sitting behind the desk where Jace usually sat. Jace was in the corner, standing over a stack of papers with a red pen in his hand, grading them.
“Oh, good. You’re here,” said Jace, looking less relieved than he tried to sound.
He looked jumpy. He never looked jumpy. I knew that there was no way that I would be able to have the conversation with him. My heart sank with disappointment at the thought of another missed opportunity to put an end to our physical relationship.
But I decided to make the best of it and thanked my lucky stars that, even though I didn’t get a chance to address the elephant in the room, I had the opportunity to be more focused on the project at hand.
“In honor of the return of my esteemed colleague, we’re going to do a case study on stem cells and their treatment in repairing damage done to the body,” said Jace.
He showed us the lab table which had already been set up with microscopes and slides.
“Yep. Pretty straight forward,” said Trent, nodding toward the table, not bothering to get up. “Just look at the slides and record what you see.”
“Simple enough,” I said, grabbing my note pad and pen from my backpack and throwing it on an empty desk near the lab table.
A clear pair of goggles had been laid on the table. I picked them up, put them on, and looked at the first microscope.
The room fell silent while I looked at each specimen and wrote down what I saw. Jace had turned his attention back to the stack of papers that he was grading, pausing from time to time to glance in my direction. Trent typed away at the laptop sitting on the desk, blissfully unaware of the tension that filled the room.
The air seemed thin as the hour drudged on. I sighed with relief when a timer sounded, signaling the end of the session.
“Alright, time’s up,” said Trent. “Go ahead and write down your overall observation and prepare a written overview of the experiment and what you learned.”
Jace didn’t say anything. He barely even looked up from the papers that he was still grading.
“Okay,” I said, grabbing my backpack and preparing to leave.
“Uh, hey, Izzy, could you do me a favor?” asked Trent. “Do you think that you could help me with some of my things to my car?
I really didn’t want to, but I felt bad that he was on crutches and needed help. Jace stepped forward to say something, but I blurted out my response before he had the chance.
“Sure, I can help,” I said.
I was tired and, in the short hour that I had stood in the classroom, I had lost the will to have the conversation with Jace about ending things between us. Helping Trent out to his car gave me just the excuse that I needed to exit the classroom without having to talk to Jace. I would save the conversation for another day, one where we were alone and I had all of the energy that I needed.
“Thanks a lot,” said Trent, as he followed me.
I pulled his black briefcase on wheels with one hand and held his laptop with the other hand, trying to walk slowly enough behind him that he wouldn’t feel uncomfortable hobbling down the hallway.
“You’re welcome,” I said. “I’m glad that I can help.”
“I’m glad that you’re willing to. You know, I never realized how much you need to rely on other people when you are on crutches. It’s been a very humbling experience. And having beautiful women tend to you kindly is an added bonus.”
He smiled at me, raising his eyebrows seductively. I smiled at him appreciatively, but cringed inwardly. I couldn’t believe that he seemed to think he had a chance with me. He was pleasant enough, but certainly wasn’t interesting enough for me. Not like Jace.
He led me to the parking garage attached to the school, our footsteps echoing loudly as we walked toward his Black sedan, parked in the corner of the fourth floor of the garage.
I loaded his bag and laptop into the back seat of his car and helped him get inside. He threw his crutches behind him, making them land with a thud on the floor.
He sighed as he relaxed into the sleek leather seats, smiling as he watched me admire the shiny car that he drove. It really was impressive, considering that he wasn’t much older than I was.
“I know what you’re thinking,” he said. “What am I doing at this school if I drive a car like this? Money is not the issue for me. That’s not why I’m doing this. The experience that I get learning and teaching alongside a seasoned professional like Dr. Rivers is unmatched. I really am lucky to have met him. As are you.”
I nodded, knowing that he was right. If only he knew just how lucky I had gotten.
“If you’re up for it, I’d love to take you for a quick spin in my car. Maybe hit the diner around the corner for a cup of coffee?”
He looked at me expectantly, patting the empty passenger’s seat next to him, smiling at me kindly.
My heart almost escaped my chest as I was caught off guard by his invitation. My mind kicked into overdrive as I thought of a nice way to let him down easy.
I figured that the best way to get out of it was by telling the truth.
“You know, I would love to take you up on that,” I said, yawning dramatically. “But I am really tired. So, I’ll have to take a raincheck.”
He visibly deflated, the smile which had been on his face being wiped away instantly. His eyebrows furrowed as his eyes scanned his dashboard, as if he were looking for a reason why I had turned him down.
I hadn’t had been sleeping that well lately, stressing about my grades and how I was going to handle things with Jace. I felt worn out and run down. I had almost cancelled the internship, but I thought better of it and pushed myself to go, in hopes that I could finally find some resolution with the situation between Jace and I.
And yet, there I stood, shifting uncomfortably, kicking myself for not finding a better way to escape the classroom than following Trent into the dark parking garage.
“Well, I’m not mu
ch of a coffee drinker myself, but I hear that caffeine is a perfect way to boost energy. And having a cute assistant researcher along with for great company and conversation isn’t too shabby, either.”
He winked at me and guffawed in a very unattractive way.
I took a step back absentmindedly. A crooked smile played about his lips, making me want to escape this moment even more than I already did.
“I’m overtired,” I said, softly, my eyes searching the parking garage for the nearest exit. “I’m going to need something much stronger than coffee.”
Trent gave me a perverted look, rubbing his hands together.
“Well, I wasn’t thinking about more than that, but if you insist…”
“No,” I said, flatly, hoping that he would get the hint.
Trent look flustered, like he was surprised. His face quickly became clouded by irritation.
“Bye,” he said, shortly, slamming his door.
I jumped back, my fingers almost being smashed when he pulled the door back. He started the car, revved up the engine, and sped off, leaving tire marks in the parking spot that his car had been sitting in.
I could tell that he was peeved that I had turned down his offer, but I didn’t have the energy to give Trent and his outburst any further thought.
I was drained and still had a lot of studying to do for all of my classes. I dragged my tired body back to the dorm and told myself that I would take a short nap and then get to studying.
I drifted off to sleep and had a dream about Jace. We made love again, this time in a cabin in the woods on a bear skin rug. He told me he loved me. It shocked me so much, I woke up from the dream, clutching my pillow. My forehead was drenched in sweat.
I felt nauseous, like the room was spinning. My head was pounding like someone was hammering inside of it.
It took me a few moments to realize that the pounding was not coming from inside of my head, but at the door.
“Who is it?” I asked weakly, not looking forward to trying to stand up.
The door flew open and Layla walked in.
“Hey, it’s me and it’s open. I just gave a courtesy knock in case you and the professor were in here getting it on.”
She laughed loudly, her loud mouth opened wide as she cackled at her own joke. I groaned, the noise of her laughter clanging in my ears like bells.
“I don’t feel well today,” I told her, burying my head into my pillow, hoping that the room would stop spinning.
“Oh no! What’s wrong?” asked Layla, rushing to my bedside, rubbing her hand up and down my back.
“I’m not sure,” I said. “I haven’t been sleeping too well and I’m stressed. So, maybe that’s it. But I need to study so that I can be ready for the tests that I have tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow? I thought that you told me that you had the tests today? I came to walk you to class while quizzing you on the way, per your weird request.”
I leaned over and looked at the digital clock next to my bed.
It was 7:30 am. I had meant only to take a nap but instead I had ended up sleeping the night away. I went into a mild panic and tried lifting myself out of bed. I was met with a wave of nausea and started wretching uncontrollably, leaning over the foot of the bed. Nothing came up. I fanned my flushed face and looked up at Layla.
Layla’s eyes widened and she put a finger in the air as if a lightbulb had just gone off in her head.
“Will I be hearing the pitter patter of little feet?” she asked, a sneaky smile on her face, clapping her fingertips together softly.
“Huh?” I asked, confused by her question.
“Babies! Are you pregnant?” she asked, eagerly.
My mind was reeling.
There was no way that I could have been pregnant.
Or could I have been?
Jace and I didn’t use any protection the first time that we slept together. And now that I knew that we shouldn’t sleep together anymore, this would be a disaster, to end up pregnant by my professor in the middle of my first year in college.
I couldn’t stop the thoughts from rapid firing as I muttered a slur of indistinct words. Layla put her hand up, signaling for me to stop trying to talk.
“Look, let’s just take things one step at a time,” she suggested. “There is a health clinic here on campus that’s pretty good. At the very least, go to them and take a pregnancy test. Then, we can take things from there.”
I sighed. That seemed like a good plan. Good old practical, determined Layla saved the day. Or at least she saved me a few minutes of worrying.
Layla helped me to get dressed and walked me over to the health center. The lobby of the office was filled with students. Some were slumped over, their eyes and nose puffy and red. Others, mostly girls, were sitting nervously waiting. I wondered if they were waiting on the same news that I had come to get.
I signed in and waited for the nurse to call my name. When she did, I walked down a long hallway to a small, sterile office. The nurse handed me a cup and told me to pee in it.
“Are you pregnant?” she asked, holding a clipboard, her pen hovering above the paper on the clipboard, waiting for my answer.
“I’m not sure,” I answered, my head lowered in shame.
She looked up at me, blinked a few times, and patted my hand.
“Well, you will find out today,” she said.
She instructed me to leave the cup inside of a cabinet in the bathroom and disappeared around the corner.
Well, here goes nothing, I thought. I closed the bathroom door and took one of the few tests that surely would seal my fate, one way or the other.
It took forever for the doctor to come around. He was a chubby, middle aged man with thick bifocals and blonde hair that was bald at the top and thinning on the sides.
He pushed up his glasses to read my name on the top of the clipboard. He appeared to be struggling to read it, as if maybe his already strong prescription should have been even stronger.
“So, you’ve come to find out if you’re pregnant, is that right?” he said, glancing down at me, a disapproving scowl on his face.
“Yes,” I said sheepishly.
He grunted and wrote something down on the clipboard.
I asked for him to write down the results of the test on a slip of paper for me to read later. I wanted to wait until I was ready to find out. The doctor gave me a funny look, but nodded, scribbled something on a slip of paper, and handed it to me.
“You know, school is supposed to be a place where you get your life off to a great start, not find ways to ruin it,” he said over his shoulder before disappearing around the corner.
Once I got over the shock of what he said, part of me knew that he was right.
When I shuffled back out into the lobby hours later, I was surprised to find Layla still sitting there. She jumped up and ran to my side, wringing her hands nervously, her face riddled with worry.
“Well?” she asked, her voice high pitched and strained.
I shoved the slip of paper in her direction and watched silently as he eyes scanned the words on it. She folded the paper and pressed it into my hands.
“Congratulations!” she said, throwing her arms around me in a tight hug.
I unfolded the paper and looked at it over her shoulder, half-excited that she was so happy.
My heart fell as I read the words on the paper:
You are pregnant.
The words read like a bad omen.
What was I going to do? Was I going to have a baby in the middle of my first year of college? And what would Jace say once I told him?
Jace was going to be a father to my child.
“I think that I need to get some fresh air,” I told Layla. “Alone.”
She put her hands up in surrender.
“I totally get it,” she said. “If you need me, I’m here.”
She walked out of the health center, putting her fingers up in a v shape saying “peace” before making her exit.
/> I started walking. I really didn’t have any clue where I was going, but I thought that maybe if I kept moving, things would somehow be better.
How could I have let this happen? I thought.
I was smart. Or had considered myself to be smart up until the point where I let myself get pregnant by my professor.
And what would my parents say? They were already against the idea of going to college in the first place. My mother had even mentioned the fear of me getting pregnant as part of the reason why she didn’t want me to go. I assured her repeatedly that she didn’t have anything to worry about.
And yet, there I was, a walking, talking confirmation of their worst fears.
I had to fight back the tears that were threatening to spill from my eyes, blinding me as I took each step.
My shoulder slammed into someone as I walked out the door into the quad. I quickly apologized and blinked back the tears.
I wandered over to the fountain in the middle of the courtyard of the quad and sat on the cement slab circling the water.
I could see students shuffling to and fro, going to classes that were in session. I knew that I was supposed to be in class, but I also knew that that wasn’t really a priority at the moment. What was important was me figuring out what I was going to do.
For the first time in a long time, I wasn’t quite sure what the future would hold for me. My hand absentmindedly drifted over the surface of the water in the fountain, making huge ripples whenever my fingers made contact.
All of a sudden, I felt a large hand fish mine out of the water, holding my hand above the surface of the water gently and discreetly. I looked up to see who owned the hand and almost jumped out of my skin when I saw him.
It was Jace.
“Hello, there,” he said, his voice silky smooth and endearing.
“Hello,” I said back, my voice cracking from the nerves coursing through my body.
He sat there, holding my hand along the edge of the fountain, not really saying a word. Under normal circumstances, his hand would have been a source of comfort, a sweet gesture from a lover that I could relish in.
But, given the circumstances, I wanted nothing other than to snatch my hand back from him and run away. Another part of me, though, wanted to tell him everything that was going on, to unleash my heavy burden like an avalanche.
