His shoulders relax slightly. “Then he was just doing his job.”
Ringing. That’s all I can hear. I watch his lips move, but I can’t hear a thing.
“It was his job?” I ask in a whisper, interrupting whatever rant he was spewing. “It was his job to take what wasn’t his? To put me through pain that I could hardly endure over and over again?” Unable to sit any longer, I stand, and he follows suit. “It was his job to then blame me when he couldn’t stop? To abuse me when it was done?”
Raw confusion is all I see in him... and just like that, all my anger vanishes. In its place I feel cold... numb. Broken beyond any kind of saving.
“Does Father do the same to you?” I ask, needing confirmation of my suspicions.
“It’s our duty to him.”
Unable to face him, I turn around and cover my mouth with my hands, doing my best to catch the sobs that try to escape. This is just too much... him, my father, this priest, this fucking place...
He really is trapped... they all are.
Circling, he stands in front of me again, his hands that just a second ago delivered pain now reach for my cheek in comfort. Lifting my face so I’m forced to meet his concerned eyes. “I know you’re not crying because you have confessed your sins. So why?”
“What happened to you, Matthias? Why are you here?”
“Father saved me. He rescued me from a place of hell and raised me to become a man of God.” The sheer truth of what he’s saying shows how far their father has gone to warp their minds.
“You traded one hell for another then.”
Dropping his hand, a mask falls into place, hiding the vulnerability I saw. “You know nothing.”
“Does it hurt when Father pays you those visits?” I ask knowing I’m pushing his boundaries. “Does it confuse you when it starts to feel good? Does it make you ashamed?”
Taking a step back, his legs bump into the chair I’d been sitting in and he falls into it, taking my place. Our roles suddenly reversed “Stop.” he demands
“What about your brothers? Have you seen their pain after having to service your father?”
“I said stop!” he shouts, but I know I’m on a roll. Continuing our reversed dance, I fall to my knees at his feet and hold his terrified stare.
“You know that it’s wrong. I know that there’s a part of you that when it happens, begs for it to stop. Intimacy is not supposed to be a spiritual gain. It’s supposed to be mutual. It’s supposed to be beautiful and intense... it’s supposed to be without a doubt feel right and good.”
Silence beats in time with my heart as he leans forward in his seat “Show me.”
It’s as if a bucket of ice is dumped over my head. “I can’t.” I move to stand up but am stopped by his grip on my arms.
“Show me how it’s supposed to be,” he repeats, desperation hidden in his tone.
“You only say this now because of the situation we’re both in; the tension we’ve created.” Ignoring what I’m saying, his hand travels from my arms to my cheek and pulls me forward at the same time he leans back in his chair, the movement pushing me further between his legs as he aligns our mouths.
“You make me question everything.” he admits, not taking his eyes away from my lips. “You have me feeling things I’m not allowed to; wishing for things I shouldn’t be.”
“Matthias...” I whisper, the pain in his words ricocheting through my body.
“He told me this could happen. He told me you would be my greatest challenge. He said if I failed, I would doom us all.” he admits in anguish. Out of need to comfort his agony, I wrap my arms around him pressing my body into his. His hard cock beneath his robe brushes against me, causing me to gasp against his lips, and he sucks it down, letting out a moan of his own. Gripping my hip, he drags me so I sit astride him. “But I’m too weak.”
“Matthias,” I cry again when he grinds me against his erection. I know this is wrong, there’s too much confusion in the air for it to be right. But I just want to hold him, to make him feel good; safe. Just like Mac did for me every time I sought him out after a bad night caused by my father. I know once this is over there will be regret, but right now, we’re both too far gone.
Crushing his lips against mine we continue to rock against each other, his urgency so strong I can taste it. “Don’t stop,” he begs, pulling his lips from mine.
Feeling his release just a movement away, I pull back slightly. His glazed over eyes follow me as I remove his hands from my hips, placing them on the armrests. "Harlow..." he pleads, speaking my name for the first time, causing my heart to stutter.
“Shhh, just trust me.” I say, compromising with what we should and shouldn’t be doing. Holding his stare, I slowly roll my body, rubbing my pussy along his entire length. Unable to handle the sensation, his eyes and head roll back, a groan escaping his swollen lips. I keep the sensual pace working him higher and higher until he sits up, wrapping his arms tightly around my waist. He shouts his release, his head falling against my chest.
My heart pounds as we catch our breath, his whole body shaking against me.
“What have I done?” His whispers shattering the glass fog around us.
“It was nothing, Matthias.” I begin trying to cover my guilt and hurt. “We didn’t even really touch... Its—“
Standing up so fast I fall on my ass, he storms to the door without saying a word. “Wait!” I yell scrambling to my feet, but it’s no use. He’s long gone by the time I even get to the hallway. Hot tears stream down my face at what just happened; what’s going to happen now.
What have I done...?
Matthias
I can still smell her, hear her... feel her. Rushing down the hall in a race to Father, I don’t see Gabriel until I run straight into him.
“Move, Gabe,” I growl not able to look him in the face.
“I saw, Matthias.” he says and I feel myself pale. Holding his hand out, he stops my plea for forgiveness. “What did I say to you the night we got her?” His voice is calm and assured, only making my guilt sit thicker in my stomach.
“I did trust myself!” I shout “And I was wrong! Now I’ve ruined everything.”
“Were you wrong? Was what she said wrong? Did what you feel seem wrong?” he demands, his hands balling into fists.
“What are you saying?”
“The same thing I said that night. Listen to your heart, Matthias. What does it tell you... does this seem right?” he asks, gesturing around him. “Does what Father say really seem like the only way?”
“I can’t do this,” I seethe, pushing past him.
“Open your eyes, brother!” he shouts after me. So many thoughts and emotions rage like a deadly storm inside me.
I can’t go back on my faith. On my father... this is all I have, all I know...
Walking into Father Azrael’s office, his caring eyes meet mine and I know what I have to do.
“Father... I have sinned.”
Chapter Seven
It’s been one week since that day with Matthias, and I haven’t seen him since. After he left, Clara showed up to escort me to my room. So many questions had been on the tip of her tongue, but I couldn’t even think about it without caving into my tears. Instead, I curled up on my mattress and tried to sleep. I prepared for the worst that night, thinking there was no way Father would allow someone like me to seduce his precious disciples, regardless of how it really went down. But that punishment never came, instead the next day I was awakened by Gabriel and the twins to continue step two in my salvation. The three of them taking turns forcing truths from me that they didn’t deserve.
I continued to plot as I repented my sins, but my mind kept going back to Matthias and the raw, unkempt confusion I saw in him that day.
Anytime I mentioned his name I was met with silence from Gabriel, and glares from the twins. Fear and guilt became a constant state of mind, for myself and for Matthias.
What did they do to him?
; “Good morning, Harlow,” Clara greets me as she enters the room, her arms full with a solid white gown instead of the grey I’ve been sporting all week. I don’t know if she knows what happened between me and her son. The single time I asked if she’d seen him, she just shrugged and kept to her tasks, which only added to my worry.
“What’s with the white?” I ask, standing from the mattress.
Not meeting my eyes, she holds it out. “Father says you’re ready. Tonight, you purge.” Her words hang in the air between us, a sinister delivery that I know will lead to no good for me.
The day passes in a blur as I am bathed, plucked and pampered. My red hair hangs in smooth waves down my back making my green eyes shine like emeralds. The white gown flows to just above my knees and my feet remain bare of any shoes.
“You’re ready,” Clara states, setting the hairbrush down next to me. Meeting her eyes in the mirror, I note the restlessness in her stare.
“What is the purge, Clara?” I ask, my voice quiet so no one can hear.
Shaking her head in sorrow, she confirms what I already suspected. “You will be made to bleed for God. Just as he bled for you.”
Shaking, I do my best to hold it together, but find that I just can’t. “That’s bullshit” I snap, causing Clara to jump and look down from my harsh words. “How will I bleed?” I demand to know, my panic rising.
She hesitates for a moment, unsure whether to answer, but eventually gives in. “You will be whipped.”
All emotions leave me in a fast exhale. Slumping in my seat, I stare at my reflection and feel nothing. I should be angry, and I should refuse, but after a month of this insanity, I just can’t take anymore.
“Don’t give up, troubled child,” The nickname drags me from myself. The endearment reminding me of happier times. “You will be tested tonight like never before. But don’t lose sight of your goal. This is where the false prophet falls, this is his mistake. Save us, Harlow, don’t let him do this to anyone else. Speak his name and save us.”
Interrupted by a knock on the door, we pause as Gabriel walks in. “Ready?” He asks, his posture tense.
My stomach sinks with anticipation of what’s to come, but Clara’s words give me the reminder I need.
I have to end this.
Following alongside the disciple, we make our way past the door that has been sealed shut the whole time I’ve been here. Once outside, I come to a complete stop, the cool night air against my face almost enough to make me crumble to my knees.
Things I will never take for granted again.
“Come on, Harlow, we have to go.” Gabriel urges but I stay rooted in place. The reality of what I’m about to do sinks in. I’m about to be whipped on a stage...
“How can you live like this?” I burst out, unable to hold my tongue or the tears that fall. “How can you be okay with what that man does?”
His sudden movement catches me off guard as he stands directly in front of me. “Not everything is as it seems, Harlow. I know what’s done here is wrong, I know what you’re about to endure is not okay.” he whispers harshly. “But I can’t leave my brothers, and I can’t sway them either. They were too young when Father found them; too vulnerable. You’re the first person to crack the armor he’s placed on Matthias; the only one who has caused him to question things. Even now, as he goes through this with you, in his mind he’s at war.”
“What do you mean, goes through this with me?”
“He turned himself in after what happened with you last week.” My cheeks heat in regret at his revelation. “He thought he was doing the right thing by confessing to father. He’s spent the last seven days in solitude. Only Father has been allowed to see him, and I know it hasn’t been good. His faith is hanging on by a thread.”
“What do I do?”
“Exactly what you’ve been doing. His eyes are finally open, Harlow. Show him who Father really is.”
Not giving me a chance to say anything more, Gabriel grabs my arm and drags me through a trail that leads right to the place it all started. My mind is on a spinning wheel as we break through the wheat and into the crop circle. Taking in the familiar scene lit with torches, I scan the benches and find my parents sitting with the member of Invictus, their church attire standing out against everyone else who is dressed in all white like me. There must be no new recruits tonight.
“Harlow!” Father calls, drawing my attention to the stage where he stands, arms open wide. The gesture as luring as a mouse trap. “Please come join me on stage.” My chest heaves as I begin to hyperventilate.
I don’t want to be whipped. I don’t want to bleed.
“Get it together,” Gabriel hisses, giving me a push that snaps me out of my panic. My knees shaking, I follow him up the stairs to where Father and his brothers wait.
My eyes lock onto Matthias, but he just stares at the crowd ahead, his face void of all emotion. I note that unlike his brothers who are dressed in their red robes, he wears the same white pants and shirt as the other men here. Dark circles shadow his eyes and a fading bruise stands out against his right cheek.
What did he do to him?
“Please kneel, my child.” Clenching my jaw, I drag myself away from Matthias to the man before me and face the audience. Letting out a breath, I sink to my knees.
"Harlow came to us lost, her soul was as black as the night sky and her mind tainted in sins. She held no hope for herself or her future. Her parents were desperate to get back their pure little girl and had tried everything; to no avail. They learned of me and Invictus. They heard about Gods' unconquerable children." Moving so he stands behind me. Father continues with his lies. "And through my steps to salvation God granted me with himself, they now get their wish. After tonight, Harlow will be saved!" I watch in disgust as my parents pat away fake tears from their eyes. "And with her redemption comes a new chapter to Invictus! Thanks to Harlow's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Murphy, we will be taking on new members, expanding to new areas! Thanks to this union, we truly will be unconquerable!"
Applause erupts and it takes everything I am not to shout at these people. I scan the crowd of women, children and men, shuddering at what they all have gone through to get here, what they have been convinced to believe. How can this man take advantage of people like this...
“Now!” Father shouts getting everyone to settle down. “For the last step of Harlow’s salvation... the purge!” Thunderous applause surrounds us, but Father isn’t done. “Tonight, Harlow will be joined by my disciple, Matthias, who during her journey in salvation found himself trapped in her seduction. Matthias please join her.”
Everything that happens next goes by in a painful blur that I witness from above, as if looking down from out of my body. Matthias kneels so close beside me we touch. I am aware as my dress is pulled from my body, revealing my bare breast to the crowd. Father’s words are muffled as he shouts to his people how many lashes we are to receive. Deep inside, I feel nothing.
I’ve shut down.
It doesn’t take long after the lashes start before I fall, my sweaty head resting on the cool wood of the stage as father continues going back and forth between me and Matthias. The stings on my back can no longer be pinpointed as my entire body is engulfed in the flames of unspeakable horror. At some point, I black out, coming to only when its finally stopped.
Blinking through the tears that don’t stop, I find Matthias in the same kneeling position as me having given into the pain. So much is said in his tortured depths as he stares back at me.
As Father gives his finishing statement, I fight through the pain, moving my hand to clasp his. "I'm sorry." I croak, the guilt of him being in this position with me too much to bear.
Shaking his head, he opens his mouth but nothing comes out. I watch as his pain turns into rage, and his confusion into certainty. That string Gabriel mentioned withers into nothing... the wall crumbles around him.
No longer trapped.
No words are said. No words are needed.
/>
This is the fall of Invictus. This is the beginning of the end.
“Now, my reborn child of God, you are worthy of thy lords name.”
Gritting through the pain, I push to my knees and glare at the monster, waiting for him to give me my pathetic reward.
“You may now address me as Father Azrael, leader of Invictus, Savior of all God’s children.”
With blood dripping down my back and tears streaming down my face, I lift my chin and say the only thing I can.
“Thank you, Father Azrael.”
Thank you, for breaking the thread, you son-of-a-bitch...
Acknowledgements
Novellas are so fucking hard, guys! I loved this story and these characters so much that it killed me to condense their story!
So, because of this, I am so excited to announce that this will not be it! I will be expanding and continuing Harlow's and Matthias story and re-releasing it at a later date!! BUT THAT’S NOT ALL!! I will also be collaborating with Murphy Wallace (who wrote Father Azrael’s story) To bring Gabriel and the twin’s story to life!!
So, stay tuned! We are only getting started!
I FIRST HAVE TO THANK Michelle Brown for inviting me to join this amazing anthology! Because of you I was able to challenge myself as a writer and create characters who I love! And to all the ladies who are in this deliciously dark anthology with me, you all are incredible, I’m so honored I got to work with every one of you!
Next I have to thank my PA Angela. Girl, where would I be without you... Thank you for being there every single step of the way. I wouldn’t have finished this if it weren’t for your belief in me... also for reminding me what day it is on a weekly basis... you are one of a kind, girl and you’re stuck with me!
I also have to thank my husband, James. Baby, you are my rock and none of this would be possible without you. Thank you for the long days with the kids while I tried to get words out and holding me when I couldn't. You mean everything to me; I love you so much.
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