11.
Split scene. SUE and LOUISE and EMILY and PAUL in different parts of the school.
LOUISE. Sue, can I have a quick word?
SUE. Of course.
LOUISE. Why are your Year 11s doing the Macarena instead of revising for their GCSEs?
SUE. It’s their last day so –
EMILY. Sir?
EMILY hands PAUL her petition.
PAUL. What’s this?
EMILY. My petition.
PAUL. Your petition?
LOUISE. I’m at a loss, Sue, help me out here.
SUE. They’re just having a bit of fun.
LOUISE. I have already spoken to you about discipline today and it is not good enough.
PAUL. ‘We the undersigned agree that it was unfair for Mr McIntyre to remove Emily Greenslade from the history trip to York.’ So you’ve basically got seventy-four people, seventy-four of your mates to agree that it’s unfair. That’s not really how petitions work.
EMILY. Yeah. So does that mean I can come on the trip?
PAUL. No.
EMILY. But that’s not fair.
SUE. Be fair, Louise.
PAUL. Sometimes life is unfair.
LOUISE. I’ve got students here trying to revise whilst your bottom set get to do the Macarena, is that fair?
PAUL. Right, I’m trying to drink my coffee and eat my lunch, and you’re stopping me, and that’s also unfair.
EMILY/SUE. But I –
PAUL/LOUISE. If you want to have a future here you need to buck your ideas up. Fast.
PAUL puts the petition back in EMILY’s hands and exits.
LOUISE. And now you’re late for lunch duty.
12.
SUE marches towards lunch duty. STUDENTS surround her.
SUE. Tom Brennan.
TOM BRENNAN. Yes, miss?
SUE. School jumper!
TOM BRENNAN. Oh.
SUE. Ben Vardy.
BEN. Yes, miss?
SUE. Take that hat off!
BEN. Sorry, miss.
SUE. Thomas England.
TOM ENGLAND. Yes, miss?
SUE. Shoelaces!
TOM ENGLAND. Err, okay, miss.
SUE. James Newton –
JAMES. Yeah.
SUE. Do up your flies!
The STUDENTS gather behind SUE.
Emily Greenslade. Get off the floor.
EMILY. No.
STUDENTS. Ooooooooh.
SUE. Can you get off the floor now?
EMILY. Miss, my petition was ignored so I’m staging a sit-in.
SUE. Okay, everyone, there’s nothing to see here. Move along please! Emily, I’m asking you to get off the floor, so can you please just get up.
EMILY. I will not move until Mr McIntyre is fired. He made a promise that he didn’t keep and now he needs to go!
SUE. Don’t be stupid! You’re sat in the middle of the dinner queue. You’re stopping people getting their lunch.
EMILY. You can’t make me do anything.
SUE. I’m your teacher, Emily. It’s very busy in here and so I need you to move. Now. Someone could get hurt. Emily, don’t be ridiculous. Come on, Emily, just get up, come on get up, get up now! (Etc.)
SUE tries to move EMILY physically. EMILY protests throughout.
EMILY. No, stop it, miss, stop telling me what to do, stop telling me what to do. Get off me, get off me. No!
At the height of intensity EMILY elbows SUE in the face then pushes her down. SUE falls backwards and hits the back of her head on the floor. LOUISE enters and rushes over to SUE.
LOUISE. Who is responsible for this?
Everyone points at EMILY. EMILY runs away.
13.
A high-pitched ringing sound. Everyone melts away from around SUE. SUE starts moving towards a bright light. KING ARTHUR enters.
ARTHUR. This place is going to see great change, Sue.
SUE.…
ARTHUR. You guys need to rethink stuff. You need to give up the ghosts and start paying attention to the living things.
SUE. What do you mean?
ARTHUR. Your community could do with a reshuffle. A rethink. I think. The nation too. Soon, we need to realise that we aren’t special. There aren’t any swords to be pulling out of these rocks any more.
Britannia, this soggy little island, we think we’re so clever. We think we’ve got so much to protect. But there isn’t anything to protect. We were always soggy. Our white cliffs are crumbling and we are falling into the sea.
You people need to stop believing in me. I’m a myth. A legend. I don’t exist. I’ve never existed.
ARTHUR pours a line of sand across the stage from his mug. He then goes to leave.
SUE. I don’t understand.
ARTHUR. I’ll meet you at the precipice. You are soon to join me as my honoured guest in the castle of Camelot.
ARTHUR leaves. SUE touches the back of her head. Blood. She finds herself in the staffroom surrounded by TEACHERS.
ALL. Sue? Sue? Are you okay?
HUGH. How many fingers am I holding up?
LOUISE. This is a joke, an absolute joke. She’s out. By the end of the day I want Emily gone.
HUGH. Louise, we can’t pick her up by the scruff of the neck and chuck her out the front gate like that.
TIM. Hugh, there’s quite a lot of blood coming out of her head.
HUGH. Tim, that’s not helpful. Look, Louise. It’s very clear you started today with a bee in your bonnet, but that is no reason to take it out on Emily Greenslade.
PAUL. That’s bullshit, Hugh.
LOUISE. She’s a problem student, she’s always been a problem student, now SUE is BLEEDING from her HEAD.
SUE. We need to reshuffle things.
DONNA enters.
DONNA. Louise, they’ve set the bouncy castle up in front of the main entrance.
LOUISE. Oh, for… Donna, can you just look after her please.
LOUISE exits and DONNA tends to SUE with a handkerchief.
TIM. Hugh, I think it might be some kind of head injury.
HUGH. Tim, please!
TIM. Sorry.
PAUL. So what’s the plan, Hugh?
HUGH. Rest assured, Paul, everything’s under control.
PAUL. Is it, Hugh? Is it really? Because last time I checked we were caught in the middle of the fucking Somme. Do you even know where Emily is?
HUGH. She’s in my office, Paul. Donna’s taking care of her… Donna… oh, for Pete’s sake!
HUGH sprints out.
DONNA. Sue, how many fingers am I holding up?
SUE. Donna, we’re too soggy.
DONNA. Oh yes, I know, Sue.
TIM. Paul, can I have a word please?
PAUL. Not now.
LOUISE re-enters.
LOUISE. I’ve had enough! This has gone too far. They’ve barricaded themselves in the canteen and they’re smearing food all over the walls. We can’t get in to clear up the blood.
PAUL. Louise, we have to do something. This shitstorm is entirely down to Hugh and you know it as well as I do.
LOUISE. We are not doing this right now.
HUGH re-enters.
HUGH. Donna, Emily is sat with a Year 7 student receptionist, I need you to head over there right now.
DONNA. Take this.
HUGH holds the bloody handkerchief to SUE’s head.
SUE. Hugh, I’m so sorry.
HUGH. It’s okay, Sue, it’s not a bother.
PAUL. Not a bother! You’re deluding / yourself!
SUE. I was just trying to be what I thought this school wanted me to be – and it was awful. And now I don’t know what to believe.
PAUL. It’s not your fault, Sue, what can you expect with a school run like this one?
HUGH. Paul. Why today? Why are you doing this today? This is a special day, Education Education Edu–
PAUL. Enough! I voted for Blair too, for fucksake, but don’t whip everyone here into a storm of blind optimism.
TIM. Paul?
PAUL. The danger with filling people with hope is that in reality it will only ever be an unmitigated disappointment.
TIM. Paul, can I have a word please?
PAUL. What is it?!
TIM. Can I have my Tamagotchi back?
PAUL. No, Pashley, it’s not even yours, it belongs to Tom Brennan in 7W.
TIM. Please, Paul.
PAUL. I think I’ll give it back to Tom myself, thanks.
TIM. Paul, can you give it back?
PAUL. Can’t you see we’re in the middle of something!
HUGH. Paul, you’re really testing my patience with your attitude today.
SUE tries to get up.
SUE. I need to get my costume on…
LOUISE. Sit down, Sue.
SUE. My costume. Cool Britannia. The assembly…
TIM. Please, Paul, just give me back my Tamagotchi.
PAUL gets the Tamagotchi out.
PAUL. Is this what you want?
TIM. Yes.
PAUL. This stupid pet.
TIM. It’s not stupid.
PAUL. So you can feed it. A burger. An apple. A burger. An apple…
TIM. Stop, Paul, you’re feeding it too much.
PAUL. A burger. An apple. (Etc.)
TIM. STOP IT, PAUL. IT CAN’T TAKE THAT MUCH FOOD.
The Tamagotchi beeps its death toll.
PAUL. Oh, whoops, sorry, Pashers, I guess you can have it back now.
PAUL throws the dead Tamagotchi back to TIM. TIM looks at it and puts it in his pocket. TIM pushes PAUL.
TIM. You’re just a flipping bully, aren’t you?
PAUL. Oh, we’re pushing now, are we? Mr Pushley?
TIM. My name is Mr Pashley –
PAUL. Nobody cares.
TIM lunges at PAUL. They fight on the floor. It is scrappy and juvenile. TOBIAS and HUGH try to pull them apart. SUE gets up and wanders out.
LOUISE throws down an imaginary bomb. PAUL and TIM stop fighting but are still full of venom.
LOUISE. Paul McIntyre. Timothy Pashley.
This muck-up day is not over yet. I need you ALL to march straight to your classes, teach your final lessons and then drag yourselves to this wretched Acheivement Assembly with smiles on your faces, so help me God.
They start to leave. TIM gives PAUL the two-fingered salute.
PAUL. Did you just see that? I didn’t even get to eat my fucking lunch.
TOBIAS, TIM and PAUL leave.
HUGH. Very mature, Paul.
14.
LOUISE takes a breath.
LOUISE. She has to go.
HUGH. I remember when you first arrived here, Lou. All fresh-faced and nervous. When you came out of your first lesson, you were sobbing, like a rabbit in the headlights you were. Well, look at you now. Cruisin’ around the school. Screaming at students in the corridors. Me oh my, look how far you’ve come.
LOUISE. I’ll get the paperwork sorted.
HUGH. Not today, Louise.
LOUISE. What?
HUGH. Not today. For now she stays.
LOUISE. Why on earth would we let her stay?
HUGH. Because she is a good student. She deserves another chance.
LOUISE. Hugh, did you see what she did to Sue?
Pause.
HUGH. Oh go on, Lou. Don’t look at me like that. I phoned home. There was no response. I’ll deal with it on Monday.
LOUISE. Sue is bleeding from her skull, blood is gushing out of her head because of Emily’s violent behaviour, and we need to do something about it now.
HUGH. I’m very sorry about what happened to Sue, but I’m quite sure it was an accident, Lou.
LOUISE. And what about bullying other students into signing a petition? What about campaigning to get a competent member of staff fired?
HUGH. Her concerns are valid, Lou.
LOUISE. But she’s expressing them in entirely the wrong way.
HUGH. And it’s our job to teach her the right way. Not wash our hands of her.
LOUISE. I hear you. We do need to teach her. She needs to learn, and everyone who witnessed her actions today needs to learn that physical violence is unacceptable. What will the other students learn if we let her get away with this?
HUGH. And what will Emily learn if we let her go?
LOUISE. That actions have repercussions… That violence is not acceptable under any circumstance. Violence towards teachers. I’ve worked so hard to get this school back on track, to try to make it a safe place to learn and to teach.
HUGH. Firstly, although you are head of discipline –
LOUISE. I am head of discipline.
HUGH. Although you are head of discipline, a position I created for you, I do not appreciate you trying to out-power me on this.
LOUISE. ‘Power’? This has got nothing to do with power. There should be no debate on the matter. A line has been crossed, a teacher has been assaulted, and I expect you to back me up.
HUGH. Let’s just stay calm and continue preparing for the assembly –
LOUISE. If we, a school, don’t show our students the difference between right and wrong, then nobody / has any chance
HUGH. Emily is a good student, I know her, she was in my Year 7 geography class. She was a warm, intelligent, kind student. We should not be kicking students like that out into the gutter.
LOUISE. Yes, but what I’m –
HUGH. Let me finish, woman. It is us who have done this to her. Us as a school who have pushed her to the edge, and it is us who need to bring her back. I believe this child’s life is too important to be ripped out like that. Surely you can understand that?
LOUISE. This isn’t about one student, Hugh, this is about our whole school, and you clearly aren’t prepared to make any difficult decisions. Don’t play this like you’re the good guy. You’re taking the easy way out and dressing it up like you’ve got the moral high ground. Which you don’t, at all. And I’m really… fucking disappointed.
HUGH.…Okay, Louise, remember Mills’ thought for the day: Do not wait till it’s too late –
LOUISE. Grow up, Mr Mills.
PAUL enters.
PAUL. She’s not at reception. Emily’s gone.
15.
The corridor.
TOBIAS. I have to admit this party is not what I was expecting. Things are a lot more complicated on the inside than they seem from the outside –
EMILY comes running by. TOBIAS grabs her arm.
Emily, slow down.
EMILY. Get off me.
TOBIAS. Where are you going?
EMILY. None of your business.
TOBIAS. I think you need to calm down.
EMILY. Don’t tell me to calm down.
TOBIAS. You seem upset.
EMILY. Don’t tell me how I feel.
TOBIAS. Why don’t you sit down and we can talk about it?
EMILY. Stop telling me what to do.
TOBIAS. You’re not thinking rationally.
EMILY loses control and starts violently pushing TOBIAS.
EMILY. Stop telling me what to do! I listened to you before and I fucked it up. I really fucked it up. Go back home, you fucking Nazi!
Fuck.
EMILY runs away. TOBIAS looks after her. He is visibly shaken. He looks to the audience.
TOBIAS. You want me to say something now?
TOBIAS looks up and notices something. TIM, PAUL, HUGH and LOUISE all enter, looking up to the same spot.
16.
EMILY opens the door onto the roof. She walks right to the edge created by the line of sand and looks down. She walks along and stops at the precipice. She puts her headphones on. We return to the TEACHERS.
ALL. Shit.
TIM. I’ve tried shouting but she can’t hear me.
LOUISE. Emily Greenslade, I know you can hear me, get down from that roof right now!
HUGH. Relax, Louise.
LOUISE. The time has come and gone for relaxing, Hugh.
PAUL. Hugh, the parents are arriv
ing and the car park is getting full.
HUGH. I understand that, Paul, but we’re dealing with a bit of a situation here.
PAUL looks up.
PAUL. For fuck’s sake – EMILY! GET DOWN FROM THERE! NOW!
On the roof, EMILY puts up her middle finger. Back to the TEACHERS.
TIM. She can’t hear you, you murderer.
PAUL. Fuck off, Pashers.
TIM goes for him again. HUGH holds him back.
HUGH. Just calm down, there’s a child on the roof.
A parent approaches. The TEACHERS awkwardly try and hide the situation.
Oh, hello, Mrs Matthews, what a lovely hat, if you could please make your way round the side of the bouncy castle someone will be with you shortly. Thank you.
On the roof, EMILY balances on the edge. Back to the TEACHERS.
LOUISE. I’m going up there.
HUGH. It’s not safe, Lou.
PAUL. That roof’s been needing repairs since before I started here!
LOUISE. How could you let it get that bad, Hugh?
HUGH. This is your fault, Louise, we wasted time faffing about discipline.
LOUISE. Are you trying to provoke me, Hugh, because it’s WORKING.
Another parent approaches.
Mr Phillips, welcome! Yes there is a child on the roof but everything is under control. If you’d like to make your way round the side of the building we’ll be with you shortly.
PAUL. What is wrong with this fucking day?
LOUISE. Shut up.
TIM. Always going on about yourself, aren’t you, mate.
PAUL. RIGHT. THAT’S IT.
HUGH. Paul, I need you to mingle with the parents –
PAUL. I’ve been dealing with the parents all afternoon!
The TEACHERS arguing builds into an inaudible shouting match.
17.
TOBIAS opens the door to the roof.
TOBIAS. Hi… (Louder.) Hi.
EMILY takes her headphones off.
EMILY. Hi.
TOBIAS. What are you doing up here?
EMILY. I don’t know.
TOBIAS. Are you going to jump?
EMILY. I don’t know.
TOBIAS. Or are you just doing this for attention?
EMILY. Why do you always have to be so rude?
TOBIAS. It was just a question.
Pause.
EMILY. I’m in a lot of trouble, aren’t I?
TOBIAS. Yes.
EMILY. I’m going to be expelled, aren’t I?
Education, Education, Education Page 4
