“Depends,” she said. “How are you feeling about him now? Because I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have wanted someone to stick around if they’re mad at him.”
“I was so, so mad at him.” I put my empty teacup down on the coffee table with a soft clink, my gaze staying on the little white cup while I thought about how to answer her question. “After talking to Ashton, I’m not really as upset about it anymore. He said Harrison was excited about the wedding and that I was the only woman he’d ever had with him on the farm who wasn’t a client. That’s got to mean something, right?”
She gave me a small smile. “I definitely don’t think he would’ve gone through all that effort for you and with you just for a laugh. I’m not saying it’s okay that he lied to you, but I don’t think his intention was malicious.”
“Yeah. I’ve been thinking the same thing.” I dropped my head back, staring at the faint outline of a water stain that had been on the ceiling since I’d moved in. “What do I do now, though? It seems selfish to want him to explain under the circumstances. To be honest, the explanation doesn’t matter all that much to me right now. I really just want to be there for him, but I don’t even know where we’re standing right now.”
Jamie drained the last of her tea, swallowing slowly before she stood up. “I’m going to get us something stronger to drink than tea. Then we’ll brainstorm.”
“You don’t have to take care of me, you know?” I said, feeling the corners of my mouth sliding up just slightly. It wasn’t a full smile, but it was the best I could muster up at the moment. “I appreciate what you’re doing, but I’ll understand if you came here to talk about weddings and happiness and not all this.”
“I came here to see you,” she said, picking up my cup in her free hand. “Sure, I thought we were going to be talking about the wedding and I’m still dying to hear about it, but we’ll get to that later. Or another day. Do you still have that vodka in your freezer?”
“The bottle we couldn’t even finish half of together the last time we decided to get our drink on?” I asked, smiling just a little wider at the memory. “It’s there. Second drawer, I think.”
She held up a finger. “I’ll be back in a minute.”
True to her word, Jamie, the vodka, and two glasses were in the room just about a minute later. She filled up the glasses and held one out to me while keeping one for herself.
“Here’s what I think,” she said once she was seated again. “He told you he wanted to be alone today, so leave him be. For all we know, he might not even be back on the farm yet. It’s entirely possible that he could still be at the hospital.”
A fist closed around my heart at the thought him there, all alone while he attended to whatever needed to be done before he could leave. “You don’t think I should be there to help?”
She shook her head firmly. “He specifically said he would let you know if he needed you. Give him today to himself. It would’ve been a terrible shock for him and he might not want you to be around for the initial fallout.”
I rocked my head from side to side, considering what she’d said. “You may be right. He and Ashton seemed really close, so it makes sense that he’d want some time to process without having any eyes on him.”
“Exactly,” she said sadly. “People process in different ways. In your case, I’m very glad I showed up when I did because I don’t think you’d have called me, and yet I know you need someone to talk it all out with you. He might just want to drink himself into oblivion or yell until his throat hurts. Neither of which are things you want someone you recently started seeing to witness.”
“That seems fair.” I didn’t even know if we were technically still seeing each other, but I wasn’t about to argue with her over semantics. “How long do you think I should give him?”
“Go check on him tomorrow,” she said. “I know it’s Monday, but I’m sure your boss will understand if you ask for the day off, considering what happened. If he still asks to be left alone, then ask him to call you when he’s ready to talk.”
“I can do that,” I said, then took my first sip of the strong, clear liquid in my glass. It burned on the way down but in the best way possible. “This is exactly what I needed. Thank you.”
Jamie grinned at me, motioning to the bottle as she raised her glass in the air between us. “Bottoms up. There’s plenty more where that came from, and I have a feeling you need it after the weekend you had.”
I did. I really, really did. It was difficult to believe that so much had happened in less than forty-eight hours, but between working late on Friday, the wedding and learning the truth about Harrison on Saturday, and everything that had happened today, I was definitely ready to shut down. Which was exactly what I planned on doing.
35
HARRISON
Dottie and I were out on the porch on Monday morning. For the first time since she was a puppy, she had her head in my lap and seemed content to stick close to my side.
I knew there was work to do around the farm, but other than going out to the barn early to tend to the horses, I couldn’t quite get myself to do much. Yesterday had been like the scene from a fucking nightmare, and every time I closed my eyes, I relived it.
Every moment from when I’d seen Ashton’s shotgun leaning against the porch until I’d been standing beside him where he lay on a metal slab played out over and over again in my head. Even though I knew it was true, I still couldn’t believe he was gone.
I kept glancing down the path and wondering when he was going to come ambling to the house wanting some coffee. When I’d walked into the barn this morning, I’d been almost convinced that I heard him grumbling to Angelo in his stall.
The big gray had looked at me with so much sadness in his eyes, it was almost like he knew his owner was gone. Nairobi had tossed his head around a little when I’d paid more attention to Angelo than to him, but he was going to have to get used to it.
From now on, he and Angelo were going to have to share my attention. That horse was the only thing in this world Ashton had truly and freely loved. He’d been damn proud of Angelo, and I would take care of him like my own now that Ashton wasn’t here to do it.
A cloud of dust near the entrance road to the farm made my heart skip. Until I realized it wasn’t Ashton. Couldn’t be and never would be again.
I closed my eyes against the onslaught of pain that kept coming every time I had that realization. When I opened them again and focused on the tiny car coming toward the house, I realized it was Keira.
My heartbeat kicked up its pace, but I didn’t quite know how I felt about her coming here this morning. On the one hand, I wanted to see her. Honestly, I just wanted her with me.
On the other hand, I still owed her an explanation and I really didn’t have it in me to brace for the possible argument that might come from it. Emotionally drained after yesterday, I was all out of fight.
For possibly the first time in my life, I didn’t feel up to facing the world. In a relatively small amount of time, she had become a big part of my world—which now meant I didn’t know if I was up to facing her.
Warily eyeing the car as it rolled to a stop, I wiped my palms on my jeans and stood up. Keira climbed out slowly, offering me a small wave as she glanced up at me on the porch.
“Hey,” she said, her voice softer and more gentle than usual. “Is it okay that I’m here?”
“That depends,” I said. “Are you here to fight with me because I lied to you or because you wanted to tell me in person that you never want to see me again?”
She managed a weak smile, shaking her head as she approached the stairs. “Neither of the above. I came to make sure you’re okay. Are you?”
I shrugged. “I will be. Shouldn’t you be at work? Nine a.m. on a Monday morning doesn’t seem like a good time for a trainee stockbroker to be on a farm two hours outside of the city she works in.”
“About that,” she said, her smile turning a little brighter as she came up t
he stairs. “I haven’t even had the chance to tell you yet, but I graduated out of the training program early. I’m just a stockbroker now. No more trainee in the title.”
My brows jumped up as high as they could go. “Wow. Congratulations. When did that happen?”
“Last week,” she said. “Hailey was my first call, but she was having some issues with Nick. Eventually, I just put it on the backburner. I was going to tell you at the wedding, but then that didn’t happen.”
When she stepped onto the porch, I wrapped my arms around her and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Congratulations. I really wish I’d known. I’d have made sure to have some champagne on hand so we could celebrate. I’ve only got beer, though.”
“I prefer beer to champagne any day, but maybe just some coffee first?” she suggested, tilting her head back to look into my eyes. I took it as a good sign that she didn’t push me away, though.
“I’ve got some coffee too,” I said. “Want to come inside with me while I put on a fresh pot?”
“Sure,” she agreed, stepping out of the circle of my arms to lower herself down to her haunches. Dottie licked her cheek, and Keira giggled while she stroked her neck vigorously. “Hello, beautiful girl. I’ve missed you. How are you doing?”
“She’s okay,” I said on Dottie’s behalf. “Sad but okay.”
“Speaking of being sad,” she said as she pushed herself back up to standing, her gaze coming to a rest on mine. “How are you holding up? For real. I know you said you would be okay, but how are you right now?”
“Not great,” I admitted, dragging a hand through my hair as I offered her a sheepish smile. “But I suppose you already knew that.”
“I guessed,” she said, following me into the kitchen. “Is there anything I can help you with? Arrangements to be made?”
“Not really,” I said. “We’re going to have a small service for him at the church in town. He’s going to be buried with his wife in the cemetery near the church. Mariana and I found his wishes in a folder in his desk last night.”
She blew out a breath. “That sounds rough. It must’ve been very difficult to go through his things.”
“Luckily, Mariana had an inkling of where to look,” I said. “She helped him clean his place from time to time. She remembered him saying something about the folder once.”
“How is she? And the rest of the people here? Everyone must be devastated.”
I shrugged. “Pretty much. Ashton’s been here with them for a long time. I only met them just before I bought this place, but they’ve all been here for years.”
“You two seemed pretty close, though,” she said cautiously. “I’m not trying to pry. If you don’t want to talk about it, you can just tell me.”
After switching on the coffeemaker and rinsing out the pot before clipping it back in place, I leaned against the counter and faced her. “We were close. He was pretty much the only friend I had. You know who I am now. You probably also know that I keep a low profile. If you’re not one of those guys who wants to go out on the town and party it up every night, it’s difficult to meet people when you’re in my position.”
“You never know what people really want from you, huh?” Her brown eyes shone with sincerity as she kept her gaze on mine. “For what it’s worth, I don’t want you for your money.”
“Do you still want me at all?” I asked, cutting right to the chase. I wasn’t up for a fight, but I also didn’t want to stand around here harboring false hope. It wasn’t really my style.
She glanced from one of my eyes to the other. “I do, but I’m going to need you to talk to me when you’re ready. It doesn’t have to be today, but I want that explanation you promised.”
“I can give it to you right now,” I said, turning toward the coffeemaker when the pot was ready. “It’s not very complicated or elaborate.”
“Are you sure you’re up for it?” she asked quietly. “I really didn’t come here for that. We don’t have to talk about it today.”
“No, we do.” I released a long breath while fixing our coffee, then carried both mugs outside after motioning for her to precede me. “I’d rather do it today. Like I said, it’s really not complicated. It wasn’t intentional at first, and I should’ve just set the record straight before you even left that first weekend.”
When we reached the porch, I handed her mug over once she was seated, then took the seat next to hers and turned to face her. All of her attention was on me, though Dottie was nudging her arm and making it clear that she wanted some of it.
“Okay, then,” she said, letting her free hand go to Dottie’s head to scratch it. “I’m listening but again, there’s no pressure on doing this today.”
“When you and Hailey got here that weekend, you assumed Ashton owned the place,” I stated it as fact because that was what it was. Keira nodded, her eyes getting that faraway look that said she was thinking back to that day. “You weren’t the first people to make that assumption, but I never corrected any of the others either. At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter who the owner is.”
Understanding dawned in her eyes, though she chewed on the inside of her cheek. “I suppose I can see how that could be true and why it doesn’t really matter. All that matters is that the clients are taken care of, right?”
“Exactly.” Inhaling through my nostrils, I motioned toward the main house. “By the time I got to know you a little, the assumption had already been made. I liked you from the get-go, and the longer I left it, the more scared I was that telling you would mean I would lose you.”
“But you were going to tell me at the wedding,” she said. “You weren’t scared you would lose me then?”
“I wasn’t scared. I was terrified.” I let a dry chuckle. “Fuck, I still am terrified but I was never going to let it drag on forever or until I got caught out. I just wanted to wait until the wedding because I really did also mean it when I said I wanted to help you out with your mom.”
Before she could say anything, I added, “I’m sorry for not being upfront with you from the beginning. I should’ve been. It was a shitty thing to have done and I take full responsibility for it.”
She was quiet for a beat. “Are you lying about anything else?”
“No.” I looked her right in the eyes. “Everything I’ve told you is true. I’m just not a farmhand or riding instructor full time and I neglected to mention the extent of my business interests in the city. That’s it.”
Sitting back in her chair to take in the view, she reached over and took my hand. “In that case, you’re not going to lose me, Harrison. Not now and, depending on how things go and what we both want, maybe not ever.”
I grinned for the first time since Saturday. “That’s the best news I’ve heard all day. Now, are you going to tell me why a newly minted, fully fledged stockbroker is on a farm on a Monday morning instead of being at work?”
36
KEIRA
Hailey and I met for lunch two weeks after the wedding. They’d gotten back from their honeymoon a couple of days ago, and I couldn’t wait to hear all about their trip to Fiji.
We’d talked while they’d been away, so she knew about Ashton and that Harrison and I had made up. She’d also told me about a few of the excursions they’d been on and had sent me pictures, but I was still excited to see her.
In the three weeks since our talk, Hailey and I had kept getting progressively closer. While I knew we still had a long way to go, it was the first time that I felt like I had a reasonably close relationship with my sister and it felt really good.
The more I talked to her, the more I realized that if we’d just kept talking to begin with, we might never have drifted apart. We were still two entirely different people, but it no longer felt like that meant that we could never get along.
She arrived at the waterfront restaurant just after I did, looking as beautiful as ever with a wide smile and a deep tan on her skin. I stood up from the cocktail table we’d been
assigned, grinning as I opened my arms for her.
“Well, well. It’s good to see you didn’t decide to ditch me for Fiji after all,” I said as I pulled her in for a hug.
She chuckled, squeezing me tight before sliding her arms back until her hands rested on my shoulders. Her expression was completely serious when I looked into her eyes.
“Trust me, if you’d been there, you wouldn’t have wanted to come back either,” she said. “I totally would’ve ditched you for Fiji, but I’m pretty sure that new boyfriend of yours would’ve been able to afford to fly you out to see me.”
I swatted her upper arm playfully, rolling my eyes to let her know what I thought about that idea. “I wouldn’t have needed him to fly me out because I would’ve been able to afford my own ticket.”
“I know, but that’s not the point.” She winked. “He could’ve flown you out there so you could have a wedding of your own. Right on the beach. It would’ve been glorious.”
I laughed when she released a wistful sigh. “Keep dreaming, Island Barbie. It’s only been a few weeks. There won’t be any weddings, on the beach or otherwise, for a good long time.”
She shook her head at me as she got onto her stool. “Fine, but keep Fiji in mind if you ever consider a destination wedding. It really is gorgeous.”
“If, and that’s a big if, Harrison and I ever get married, I’m pretty sure it’s going to be on the farm.”
Pursing her red glossed lips, she moved them from side to side before flipping her perfectly straight hair. “I guess I can live with that. As long as Nick and I get to stay in the main house. Don’t get me wrong, those pictures you sent me of the little house Harrison lives in makes it look cute, but it’s got nothing on the main house. Now that we’re practically family, do you think he’ll let Nick and I come out sometime?”
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