“Dad, roll up those towels and put them under her shoulders. Now lock the door, otherwise tomorrow’s papers will have an explicit picture of the birth on their front pages. Now, phone for an ambulance. Tell them to prepare for an emergency birth. And Josh…you can just stay out of the way and hold her hand or do whatever fathers are supposed to do. Just don’t look this way. I don’t want you fainting.” He found a first aid kit in the medicine box in the room. He frowned at the contents. He lacked vital equipment but if the birth was uncomplicated he could manage it easily with what he had.
He put on the rubber gloves and knelt down as her next powerful contraction brought about his prediction. “OK, the baby’s head is out, Maria. Now I need you to take small breaths and wait for the next big contraction. Yes, that’s it. Good. You’re doing fine.”
Josh chanced a peek and immediately felt faint as he saw the baby’s head jutting out in midair. Freddie looked at him and pushed him aside with his shoulder, “Josh, I told you not to look. Don’t you faint on me, I’ve other things to do. Dad, put the bloody wimp’s head down. For goodness’ sake, Josh get a grip, you’re not the patient here.”
Josh could just about feel his father’s hand pushing his head down and the blackness slowly receded. He will not chance another look, so he leaned his forehead against hers and grasped her hand, and with a final push the baby’s body slipped out and his cry filled the room.
“It’s a little Josh,” Freddie said as he cut the umbilical cord. “Give me your jacket, quick.” And he wrapped the tiny boy in his father’s jacket and handed him over to him. Josh looked at his son’s face and was immediately reminded of that other dream when he had seen the same boy but much older, the exact replica of himself, but his overwhelming emotion quickly dismissed that thought.
“Thank you, Maria,” he sobbed with gratitude as he placed the newborn on her chest.
“Oh, he looks just like you, he’s so beautiful, he’s my little Josh, my Ben,” she cooed as she huddled her baby.
But the happy family picture quickly disintegrated. Freddie was not happy with the amount of bleeding. Part of the placenta was still trapped inside. He did not have the necessary equipment or medication to treat this and all he could do was to wait for the ambulance and prepare himself for an emergency resuscitation should Maria continue to bleed heavily and go into shock. He pressed hard on her abdomen, trying to compress the womb and slow down the blood loss, but despite all the efforts Maria began to rapidly lose consciousness.
Josh just stood there, immobilized with fear, as he watched Freddie trying to keep up with the hundred and one things he had to do. Lady Destiny had caught up with her but Freddie’s quick thinking managed to keep her at bay until the paramedics arrived with the necessary medications and equipment. Maria was soon stabilised and bundled onto the waiting ambulance.
Josh remained completely obtunded. He watched blankly as she was hastily wheeled into the operating theatre with Freddie running by her side. It was Phil who handed over the tiny Ben to the kindly nurse and answered all the questions about the little newborn child. Josh just sank down on a chair and buried his face in his hands. He was only dimly aware of his father sitting beside him, but his silent presence somehow kept him going.
An hour passed. Freddie entered the room. He looked dishevelled and tired but quite pleased with himself as he smiled broadly. That smile warmed Josh’s heart. She had survived the ordeal.
“She wants to see you.”
Josh quickly followed him to her room. He bent down and kissed her.
“Josh, don’t cry, I’m all right,” she said as she wiped his tears.
“Yes, thanks to Freddie. You were slipping away and I panicked and froze. I was completely useless,” he said with deep regret.
“You’re not a doctor. No one expects you to know what to do.” Then she smiled gratefully at his brother. “Thank you, Freddie. I wouldn’t have made it without you.”
“I did tell you that I was better qualified than Josh to help you,” he said with a laugh. He turned round to the sound of the crying child. A nurse was wheeling in a famished Ben. “Ah here’s the tiny troublemaker, he probably wants his feed.” Freddie’s voice caught with suppressed emotion, he was obviously attached to the boy he had helped deliver into the world. Josh looked up in surprise. Freddie’s emotions were very rarely stirred. But he shrugged it off and tenderly picked the tiny bundle and helped him find his mother’s breasts.
“Ben is one lucky baby,” murmured Freddie, mesmerized by the warm image of the baby guzzling down his mother’s milk.
“Will you stop staring at my wife’s breasts,” Josh said with a smile.
“Well, you can’t blame me. I missed all the action tonight. I don’t think my beautiful date will be waiting for me at this time.” They were those teenage boys again, happy and carefree as they cracked harmless jokes. “You know what; I’ve missed having you around, Josh. We still meet up every Sunday for a family meal. The last time you came was way before you got married. Mum hasn’t given up hope and she still asks for you. Her cancer is under control at the moment but she is still very weak. She would really like it if you were to join us, at least once a month.”
“I will, I promise.” It was easier for him to continue to think of them as his uncle and cousin rather than father and brother. He had certainly needed their support that night and they were more than happy to help him even though he had been so cold. He would be eternally grateful to Freddie for saving Maria’s life. He vowed to forget his mother’s deathbed confession and start afresh.
But his gratitude would change considerably the very next morning....
****
Josh spent an uncomfortable night sitting on the armchair by her bed. He eventually nodded off, only to be woken up barely an hour later by Freddie’s cheerful laugh outside the room. He heard the ward sister commenting on his uncharacteristic early arrival, “You’re up early. I don’t think I ever saw you here at six in the morning.”
“My bed wasn’t warm enough because you weren’t in it today,” he flirted. Now that surely bordered on the unethical. But Freddie could do and say whatever he wanted because he owned the place. Uncle Phil had financed the building of the colossal state-of-the-art hospital, the largest and finest in the States, while his only legitimate son slaved away at medical school. As soon as Freddie graduated and did his five-year postgraduate specialization he had a nice comfortable job as the medical director of his own little empire, turning over millions a year. And it was still expanding with a chain of hospitals sprouting up all over the country.
Freddie noisily barged into Maria’s room. He didn’t feel the need to exercise any discretion by knocking gently on the door. “You look terrible, Josh. Go to my apartment, take a shower and change that shirt. Help yourself to anything you want. Here, take these.” And he threw his keys. One of Freddie’s many luxurious apartments was just opposite the hospital grounds and Josh had spent many wild nights there. Lavish parties were Freddie’s speciality.
“He doesn’t need to change because I’m going home this morning. I know it is far too early but Josh will be there and if anything...” Maria was insisting but Freddie quickly bulldozed his way in, cutting through her arguments.
“You can’t go yet, Josh is useless when it comes to emergencies. We have already established that. And he had better support me if he wants a mother for his children. I might be able to let you go in a couple of days’ time.”
Josh looked closely at Freddie as he proceeded with his examination. The doctor was confident and his presence demanded authority. He was his usual domineering self and Maria never stood any chance against his forceful ideas. He had obviously made a big effort to come in early. He was immaculately dressed and was dashingly handsome in a dark blue shirt and suit, too much like her English Rob. He lingered more than necessary whilst examining Maria, so much so that it made her feel uncomfortable and she tried pulling the sheets up to her chin. He merely laughed
it off, “I’ve seen everything I wanted to see yesterday, so there’s no need to blush.”
Freddie sat on the side of her bed and started taking blood samples. Josh remembered that distant dream when he had seen the same Freddie tending to a sick Maria. He looked closely at his brother’s startling blue eyes. There was that same look he had seen in that dream, a look that went beyond the doctor-patient bond that was present whenever a doctor saved one’s life. Josh had that uncomfortable feeling. But perhaps he was just overreacting. Perhaps Freddie reminded him too much of Rob and that jealousy must have resurfaced. In any case he had been glad of his help the day before and Josh tried to shrug off that feeling of resentment.
“I wanted to go home, Josh, you could have backed me on that instead of just standing there,” Maria admonished as Freddie exited the room.
”You can hardly expect me to contradict the all-knowing mighty doctor.”
“I’m a doctor too and I know that I can go home.”
“You nearly died yesterday, so a couple of days would not do any harm. I had better go and change if we have to stay that long,” he said, looking down at his dirty, bloodstained, crumpled shirt. He sighed and bent down to kiss her.
Josh made his way to Freddie’s apartment. It was immediately obvious that his brother had got lucky that night. His date had waited up for him and she might even have called a friend or two. There were discarded clothes dotted amongst empty alcohol bottles and the smell of weed lingered in the air. But there was no one there now. Freddie must have packed them off stoned and half naked in a taxi. Josh smiled, remembering the many times he and Freddie had played that same trick on the accommodating girls, delighting the eager taxi drivers.
He grabbed a clean shirt, hoping that it was not one of his brother’s favourites, and went to have a hot shower. Ten minutes later the shower door was jerked open and a breathtaking Tanya stood before him, wearing next-to-nothing and not leaving much to his imagination.
“Hi Josh,” she smiled as she eyed him up and down.
He quickly wound a towel round his waist and stepped out of the shower, “Freddie’s not here,” he said stupidly. He could not help staring and she noticed his travelling eyes appreciating the perfect proportions he had so often enjoyed in the past.
“I know. Actually I was hoping to bump into you, I wanted to congratulate you for winning yet another Oscar.” And she started to kiss him as she pressed her body close to him. He was momentarily taken aback but he hastily recovered. He grabbed her elbow and roughly steered her out of the bathroom.
“I am happily married. So, no thanks.” He locked the door and quickly got dressed. He emerged to find her completely naked as she waited for him on the leather sofa.
“Come on, no one will ever know. I will not tell. Your wife has just got a baby; it will be ages until you can...you know. It will be just like old times, no strings attached. We have all missed that wicked side of Josh so much.”
He went straight for the door but it was locked. Tanya was smiling maliciously with the keys in her hand.
“Give me the keys, Tanya. Did Freddie plan all this?” He strode over and easily pinned her down.
“You’re pathetic, Josh. Do you have to publicly declare your love for her on every Oscar ceremony? Last time you begged her to marry you, but she only did that because she was pregnant, you had to trick her into it, didn’t you? You show her this holy devotion and yet she uses and abuses your pathetic pleas. Go on Josh, I’m making you really mad because I have hit a raw nerve and you know I’m right. Go on, you have already pinned me down, let the mean Josh come out. Pay me back.”
“Dream on, Tanya.” He prised the keys out of her hand and stormed out. Freddie had set this up, he was positive about that. His brother had already tried to seduce Maria when she was pregnant with the twins. That had failed and now he decided to go for the morally weaker Josh who he thought should surely succumb to a stunning naked girl being thrown at his face. The old Josh would have, but not now.
He barged inside Maria’s hospital room. Freddie was sitting comfortably on her bed, deep in conversation.
“That was quick,” Freddie said, profoundly surprised.
“Did you really think that I would fall for that piece of trash? A next-to-naked Tanya barged in while I was having a shower. Her intentions were crystal clear. What are you trying to pull?” Josh said as he flung the keys on Freddie’s lap.
“She left my apartment early this morning. How was I to know that she would come back for more? Don’t flatter yourself Josh, she was looking for me, I wasn’t there and so she decided to go for her second choice...you. After all it’s not the first time that you’ve had her after I did.” Freddie grinded his teeth in anger and hastily left the room.
“Is she the same Tanya I met a long time ago?” Maria was frowning.
“Yes she is. But I swear nothing happened this morning.” Josh looked at her, willing her to believe him.
“I know, you were much too quick. But you shouldn’t have been so rude and ungrateful to Freddie. Come on Josh, she must have gone back there for Freddie. She couldn’t have known that you would be there. Anyway, the good news is that I managed to persuade Freddie to let me go home after the blood results are out this morning.”
“What was that cosy conversation you were having with him?” He tried to abolish the possessiveness in his voice and he only just managed it.
“Oh, he has just offered me a job to lead a team of researchers, it’s just once or twice a week. It’s a very good opportunity for me and it is totally flexible so I can work around it to suit the kids. He offered quite a generous pay. The only thing that might bother you is that it will be linked to my previous research in England and I might have to meet up with Rob from time to time.” She looked at him with much anxiety. She was obviously brimming with excitement at the prospect of working again.
“I hope that you have refused it because you can’t go. We don’t need his generous pay. Besides, you have three kids to look after now and you were always against hiring a nanny.”
“But I really want to go. You can take care of the kids for just one or two days a week; you do it anyway. And if you’re away I can always stay at home. And Julie is always ready to help. She babysits the twins in her annexe whenever we go out. They are with her now. I emphasized the flexibility and Freddie totally understood. I really need to exercise my brain. It will make me happy. Please Josh, say you’ll agree.”
“You can work in any other hospital. I am not comfortable with you spending time with Rob...or Freddie...especially Freddie. Don’t you know that he still likes you? Have you forgotten his proposal when you were pregnant with the twins?”
She blushed. Did Josh know everything that happened that day? “Gosh, how do you know about that? I wouldn’t have thought that Freddie would blab.”
Josh did not want to tell her how he had got to know about it, the surveillance camera was still a secret he had not come round to own up to yet, so he merely shrugged and turned the table on her, “Well, you never told me yourself.”
“It was not important and nothing happened in the end. He only proposed because he was feeling sorry for me. And the other stuff he did…well, he was just being his usual sex driven self, grabbing every opportunity that lands on his lap, like you would have done. That day I led him on because I was so miserable. You had left me alone pregnant with twins, remember? You can only blame yourself for what happened that day.” She was on the defensive, viciously putting all the blame on him. And he readily accepted that blame. “Give him some slack, I do owe him my life,” she continued to rebuke.
Josh hung down his head. Freddie had managed to wriggle his way into Maria’s heart. He could see the admiration in her eyes. Maria would not take her husband’s side in any argument that day. He put on his acting mask and continued to listen patiently to her flawed arguments.
“How can you even think badly of him after what he did yesterday? You are wrong, he has no int
erest in me whatsoever, and I’m not his type. Didn’t you see the girls he usually hangs out with? Didn’t you see his date last night? I definitely look drab and plain next to her.”
Josh was about to remind her that girls as stunning as his date had been his circle of acquaintances too before he had met her, but he would still choose her over them any day. Then he thought against it. Why continue to argue? He always conceded in the end. He always gave in to her wishes...otherwise he would have nothing.
The wheel had started to turn and he was slowly slipping off his summit.
Jealousy, Revenge and Desolation
“Last week we had a grandfather’s day at playschool but Emma and I had to share George’s. Mummy’s father died a long time ago and daddy said that he never had one. Can you be our granddad next time?” Nick asked Phil whilst they were having their monthly family dinner together.
“Sure I can, if your dad doesn’t mind,” Phil answered as he looked at Josh and tried to figure out his thoughts. The twins adored Phil and May who in turn spoilt them rotten. Phil had even converted part of his garden into an adventure play area and Maria visited twice a week, but Josh could not bring himself to visit more often than once a month. He was on civil speaking terms with his father but that was all he could manage. He avoided being on his own with him and avoided addressing him directly.
Everyone was looking at Josh, waiting for an answer.
“Yes he can, Nick,” he said grudgingly. Phil never wanted to be his father, yet he was happy to call the twins grandchildren. He did not know why being fatherless still hurt him so much at this stage in his life. He turned and picked the six-month-old Ben from his chair as he tried to hide the grimace of pain that touched his face.
But Maria was quick to pick on it and changed the subject, “Josh and I have a little announcement, we’re having another baby,” she said with a large smile on her face which was quickly wiped away by Freddie’s outburst.
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