The house loomed closer. She stopped dead and gasped with surprise. The person calmly leaning against the doorframe was none other than Phil. Was he helping his son or did he just discover his hideout and was about to talk some sense into him? Freddie’s next sentence made all her optimism evaporate.
“Hi dad. Everything went according to plan. There were no tracking devices, I checked every nook and cranny,” he winked cheekily at Maria. Could he possibly think that she had enjoyed that humiliation? He had no insight. But he seemed oblivious to her unmasked expression of utter disbelief as he continued, “Josh didn’t care that much, he didn’t even bother to try to tag her, and she is even happy to be here. Their marriage had been rocky from the very start, just as you said. I don’t think we will have any trouble from Josh now that we have given Ben back.”
“We should still be vigilant. The cameras are being manned round the clock and Peter will tell us if anyone flies over or approaches by boat. The whole thing is airtight but you can never know. Ok Freddie, you can just go on ahead and show her to her room. I’ll bring something up. Maria, you must be hungry after that long journey.” Phil’s eyes flicked down to Freddie’s hand curled around hers and he beamed at her. Surely he was not as disillusioned as his son? She had no words to say. However, he must have seen her incredulous look because he stopped smiling and frowned as soon as Freddie’s back was turned. He must be humouring his son; perhaps he would help her later on.
Freddie pulled her along a narrow corridor and opened a door. It was the white room Josh had so accurately described, the same room in which she would be imprisoned for the rest of her life and in which she would apparently embrace Freddie with a passion and give birth to his son. She felt sick and panicky. She reeled backwards and started to hyperventilate.
Freddie steadied her. “There is no need to panic. If you behave I will not have to lock you in here and you will have the whole island to explore with me. I can even take you out to the mainland from time to time. But for now it would be best if you stay in this room and do as I say. Dad will be back with some food. I’ll give you some time to freshen up and then I will come again. I won’t let you feel too lonely.”
He bent down and started to kiss her. But her panic got the better of her. She heaved on his chest but he only drew her closer to him, his previously tender kisses now bruising her lips. Resisting was futile. He totally overpowered her and she could never hope to escape his iron grasp. She looked into his eyes; the warm blue colour was quickly changing. She had to get on top of her fear, and she moaned softly, hoping that she might fool him into thinking that she was now enjoying this. As soon as she stopped struggling, he abruptly let her go. Then, without another word, he exited the room and locked the door, but she could see from the set of his jaw and the fire in his eyes that his mood had flipped over once again.
She looked around the spacious room. The ceiling, walls and floorboards were whitewashed a brilliant dazzling white giving the impression that this was some untarnished piece of heaven. But there were no angels playing their harp welcoming her home. It was completely bare of any furniture except for a luxurious king-sized white bed, a chair and a small door leading to an en suite toilet and shower. It was like a prison cell tailor-made for her, with no windows and no sunshine and no way of escape. She felt like a trapped hare. She sank on the bed and buried her face in the pillow, letting her sobs pour out. She could easily see herself living in captivity here while Freddie came and went doing whatever pleased him, and she will eventually have his son. That thought made her sick.
She was so lost in her misery that she did not hear the door creak as it opened slowly.
“Come on, it’s not that bad. Freddie is considered to be quite a catch,” Phil told her as he placed a tray of food on the chair and sat down on the edge of her bed.
She sat up and flung her arms around his neck. “Oh Phil, I’m so glad you are here. Freddie needs psychiatric help. He has this double personality and he desperately needs medications. We should help him. You should help him before he hurts himself and others.”
Phil unwound her arms from around his neck. “You must be naive if you think that I would betray my own Freddie, May’s son. He is not mad; he just has some anger issues. He was really sorry that he had to hurt you two years ago but you were being rather difficult. If you do exactly what he says you will be fine. May died last month, did you know that?”
Maria shook her head. “I’m sorry, Phil.”
“I will continue to protect him for the sake of her memory.”
“Have you been protecting him from the start?” she asked, horrified at his betrayal.
“Who do you think provided all the cash for him to escape incarceration? Bribery does not come cheap. This is my island and he has been living here on and off. He is my son and I have a duty to protect him in the best way I can.”
“Josh is your son too,” she tried to remind him.
“No, no, no... Josh is my mistake. He was never meant to walk this earth and he himself knows that. Caris should have had that abortion. But having failed that, I should not have kept him so close to my family. It was mistake after mistake. Initially I never wanted to have anything to do with him but then I happened to bump into Julie in a park. She had this one-month-old baby and I was curious. I held him in my arms and something in his eyes drew me closer to him and he became my addiction. His impressive milestones baffled me, how could a child hold a perfect conversation at the age of one or read books at the age of two? But you must know how it feels, Ben is exactly like him. I wanted Josh in my life. I wanted to wonder at his phenomenal memory and know that he was half mine. And he never failed to amaze me. I hate to admit, but he grew up to become a better person than my own Freddie who is always so bent on revenge. But I am to blame for Freddie’s behaviour, my love and pride for Josh must have clouded his childhood. Now I have to rectify my mistake, the mistake that shattered Freddie and destroyed May.”
Maria hoped that her husband would never live to hear his own father repeatedly calling him a mistake. She knew that the fact that he was never wanted was one of his most painful thoughts that had plagued his mind ever since he was a little boy.
“But Aunt May would not want this. She loved Josh,” she insisted.
“No, she didn’t. She knew that Josh was my son all along, just as Freddie knew. She hated the fact that the son I shared with her sister was better than her own son and she set to destroy his spirit in an underhand way. Josh was always made to feel second best, unwanted and unloved. She used sly stinging comments and always ended her sentences with, ‘that poor boy Josh, no one wants him’ and she made sure he overheard everything. Freddie always got the better piece of cake and practically got whatever else he wanted, while Josh had to be happy with leftovers, and he was grateful for that little generosity. He did not even suspect that she was more evil than his own mother. At least his mother never tried to hide her hatred, but his aunt poisoned his mind slowly while she put on that caring kind mask. I must say that both sisters managed to crush his spirit quite well. I often wondered why he always left our house every Sunday even more depressed than the week before. Of course Julie loved him like her own son, but whatever was built during the week was rapidly destroyed by May on Sunday. I wish I had realised that this was going on, I would have sent him far away from us…..for his own sake.”
Phil paused as guilt overwhelmed him. His voice shook, “But the two sisters were not alone in their mission. I unwittingly joined the crowd too. His mother, his aunt, Freddie and I….we all played a hand in crushing his living soul. When he was a boy he often talked about his feelings of worthlessness. He used to confide in me, he tried to reach out for help…..but I did not give him any. And neither did you,” he added with contempt. “You are as guilty as the rest of us. You did nothing to smother his burning feelings. I have seen the way he reacts around you. He would give you the world if he could and he readily accepted that it would always be a one-way
street. He has never had any love from his parents and he expects nothing from you or anyone else, perhaps not even from his own children. I guess it is true that our childhood does dictate the rest of our lives.”
Maria gasped. Phil was right; her husband’s childhood issues were still very much present in their marriage but she had done very little to help him overcome them. They had been there on the table from the very start of their relationship. She remembered his persistent marriage proposals and her constant refusals. That must have taken a lot out of him, making him feel more and more unworthy of her love. He even resorted to publicly asking her to marry him after he had won his Oscar, ‘Just say yes to my ring...’ he begged in front of the whole world. But she still said no. She remembered his comment way back in her apartment in Cambridge, “...Perhaps you are right, I’m not worth loving.” At that time she had not even tried to convince him otherwise.
Then she kicked him out when she was pregnant with the twins. He phoned and left thousands of pleading messages but she herself never tried to bridge the gap because she wanted him to grovel his way back to her. Any other person would have sent her packing, but no, he came back and he was ready to freeze to death outside her door. It was only after he turned into this pathetic defeated man and told her that he would accept anything she wished to hand out to him that she grudgingly said yes to his marriage proposal. He was back to his childhood, accepting any scrap of generosity from his relatives and he was grateful for that tiny bit. That really must have shattered his already low self-esteem. Moreover, he had apologised, perhaps more than a million times for leaving her to cope with her pregnancy on her own. He was again transported to his childhood, blaming himself just as everyone blamed him in every fight he had had with Freddie.
Now what had he said about blame the night she forced him to visit Caris in hospital? She had admonished him for his unforgiving attitude towards his dying mother and he had said “...Yes blame Josh, he is always the bad guy. Everybody else does it, so why not join the queue...” That night he had really begged her not to shove him back to his traumatic childhood, “......“Maria, stop making me do things that I know would hurt me. I know my mother, she has no love to give me, and she will only give me venom…” But she kept on insisting. Why had she done that? Why, because she liked the simple fact that he usually did whatever she asked of him, even when her requests were outrageous and painful. And of course that day he had done exactly that.
As he always did on every other occasion. He thought that her flimsy love would not withstand any resistance from his end. So he would give in to her every wish and afterwards he would wordlessly clean the mess her actions had created. Her insistence on working with his brother was one such case in point…and he was still cleaning the mess after all those years.
It was true that she did tell him that she loved him but her subtle actions must have contradicted her words. He must have studied her body language, just as he had always done, and drawn his own conclusions. Subconsciously she even encouraged him to think that way because she wanted that insecure child to remain locked inside him, just to compensate for his god-like physical perfection. She thought that it was the only way to keep him hanging on to her apron strings. She had treated him worse than any of her patients. She periodically took him back to his childhood and he must have thought that the world would never change for him. He was still second best, unworthy and unloved and he had to be grateful for every little scrap he received. No wonder he believed his dream that she would one day kiss Freddie passionately. His dashing brother could easily overturn the physical love he thought she had for him.
Phil had opened her eyes to her blatant shortcomings. She had to have her second chance with Josh. She had to openly address his insecurities with the help of a psychiatrist because she had obviously failed him miserably. Both Freddie and her husband needed professional help to overcome the traumatic scars their dysfunctional childhood had left in their lives.
“Please Phil, help me out. I’ve caused him more pain than anyone else. I am no better than his own mother. Phil, you have to give me that second chance to help my husband.”
“I’m sorry Maria, I want my second chance with Freddie. I too have to rebuild what I destroyed. I have promised May on her deathbed that I would help our son, whatever it takes. I owe it to her after all I have done. Did you know how painful it was to watch her slowly die as she cried for her only son who was unable to be there because he was on the run?”
“Listen Phil, you are not helping Freddie by doing this. A life on the run is not the best life for him. He is a brilliant doctor and he should be out there doing what he does best. He just needs medications and psychiatric help. We can give it to him and he will get better.”
“Maria, you have not understood my motive behind all this. I don’t care about his medical career. I have not just promised May that I would help Freddie….I have vowed that I will not let her die. Her blood will live on in Freddie’s children. It is time for him to stop messing around and think of his duty towards life, towards May. Existence has just one purpose, the propagation of one’s line, the legacy that ensures immortality. It is the basic survival law that is ingrained deep inside every animal on earth. Take the alpha stag and how hard he fights for his territory, his females, his own offspring. And Freddie wants you. Maria, understand that this was my plan, not Freddie’s, but mine.”
“If I had not come would you have allowed him to kill Ben, your own flesh and blood, your own grandchild, your legacy?”
“Yes, if that is what it takes. But Ben was never in any danger, I know you too well.” Phil stood up and delivered the final blow. “Besides, why do you want to go back to Josh? You never loved him. If you had you would never have cheated on him in some filthy restroom with his own brother....”
“That’s rich coming from you. You betrayed May with her sister in her own home...”
“And I’m paying dearly for that mistake,” he roared. “Maria, think about this...Perhaps Josh is better off without you. He could start afresh and finally find someone who could make him feel secure and loved...something you never achieved in your five or six years of marriage. Perhaps keeping you here will eventually make both my sons happy.”
****
Maria stared at the ceiling, feeling very numb. Phil’s conversation had severely wounded her because it did contain threads of truth inside it. She did deserve every syllable of that harsh accusation. But she had no more tears left to shed, so she slipped the family photo out of her jeans pocket. She looked at her children, now motherless. Josh would look after them, he always had. He was a far better parent than her.
She heard the key in the lock turning and she quickly sat up and put the photo back in her pocket. It was Freddie. He brought with him that irresistible smell of masculine aftershave. He was immaculately dressed as usual, with his dark suit and tie accentuating his finely chiselled features and slender athletic build. This was why she had enjoyed flirting with him so much. But flirting was all she had wanted to do.
He saw the untouched food and scowled. He put the tray on the floor and sat down with a sigh.
“You really should eat something. You would like it here if you try. Here, go and put this on,” and he dumped a bundle of black lace on her bed. She just stared at it, not moving.
“NOW,” he shouted with a mad glint in his icy blue eyes.
“Freddie, you said that you would wait and give me time to adjust.”
“I lied. You lied too; no amount of time would ever help you to adjust.”
She tried again, “We can talk. Tell me what’s on your mind, why are you feeling so angry?”
“I am not in the mood for one of your soul-searching sessions….unless you are offering really good sex to anyone who manages to survive that tedious sermon. But I don’t think you are, so go and put that on.” But she did not move.
“Very well, you want this the hard way. You would have enjoyed it. It might even have been better
than Josh. You’ll see, you will soon be screaming for more.” Freddie shrugged and rose from the chair. He sat on her bed, facing her, his faultless refined features only inches from hers, his powerful masculine aura engulfing all her senses. Maria squeezed her eyes shut, preparing herself for a brutal beating, but it never came. He just stared at her for a long time, drawing out her terror. She felt cornered, she had nowhere to run and she could not fight back. It was inevitable. She thought of the fair-haired, blue-eyed boy Josh had seen and she felt that now familiar hysterics spilling out from her very core, making her gasp for air.
Freddie put his head back and laughed out loud, amused at her unconcealed distress. He reached out and began to unfasten her shirt, button by button until she was half naked before him. His warm breath brushed her flushed cheek as he firmly pushed her down flat on the bed. He buried his face in her neck and breasts, bruising her with his hunger. She tried to push him off her chest but he silently grabbed her wrists and, using his tie, he tied her hands firmly to the iron bedpost. Then he started to slide down her jeans, bit by bit, calmly and slowly. She didn’t even try to fight him off, and eventually she lost her last piece of protection.
“Please Freddie, I don’t want this,” she sobbed.
“You may not want it but your body certainly does. And I can definitely tell. Now, you don’t want to make me really mad, do you? Just think of your four children in your cottage being blown up to pieces, I may not want to kill Josh, but I said nothing about his children.” Her big brown eyes widened. He saw the horror followed closely by resignation. He knew how to get to her. He smiled. “I don’t want to force myself in every time. I don’t like that and it makes me feel frustrated when it’s all over. Make it easier for me…..let me have a better look.... That’s it, good girl.”
The Blake Soul Page 31
