“Really, that boy worries me. He is not quite right in the head,” Josh heard her say to her friend who was helping out in the kitchen. “I pity him. My sister never wanted him and I guess Julie doesn’t either. I can tell you that if that nurse were given a choice she would gladly turn back time and save her daughter from that accident, and where would that leave the poor boy? My sister would have had that abortion. He doesn’t even have a father…..” Josh continued to listen to the usual gossip. It was always the same, his mother’s outrageous sexual scandals, the drugs, the alcohol and her poor son’s brutal neglect. He only endured it because inevitably the conversation would always lead to theories and speculations on who his father really was. But so far all he had discovered was that his mother must have engaged in some thirty filthy experiences the month he was conceived, one for each day...and perhaps even more. Names were never directly mentioned.
He heard his aunt’s clicking heels approaching the door. He quickly slipped out of the patio doors and ran to the far end of the massive garden. Uncle Phil really knew what kids wanted and he had bought the right things that fired up their imagination. Josh could see him playing in their midst, acting like a child and stooping down to their level. Phil liked kids and they liked him. Josh liked him too. He was one cool uncle to have. The rest of the world liked Phil too, the clean, talented actor who was madly in love with his wife. His story touched their romantic hearts. The gossip magazines could never appease the public’s insatiable hunger to know more about the handsome Phil. There was no trash to report. The only gossip was that he had wanted loads of children of his own but his wife’s first pregnancy had been very traumatic and sadly she had been unable to conceive again. Freddie had remained the only spoilt child in the family with Josh coming round every Sunday to relieve his boredom.
An hour later Aunt May started rounding up the children. It was time to gorge themselves on her splendid spread. Josh felt his mouth water. He always liked his aunt’s food, and she even cooked everything herself, refusing any help from the various maids that roamed about the colossal villa.
“Forget it Josh, you will never taste the chocolate cake. Dad is going to be so mad. You’ll see,” Freddie whispered in his ear before roughly pushing past him. Josh entered the living room with a fair degree of trepidation. His cousin’s threats were never empty.
“I want to take a group photo with my new camera,” Freddie said enthusiastically. He went over to the table at the far end of the room where all his presents had been piled. He started to wail. The camera lay smashed on the floor, together with his new cassette player. The new football shirt lay ripped and obscured with black markings and the permanent marker used was wrapped in the matching shorts. In fact all his other presents had been vandalized too, some way or another.
“Josh did it, he was in here while we were playing outside,” Freddie wailed.
Aunt May gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. “That’s true, he was in here and I told him to go outside and join the others. Phil, forgive him, he is only a boy. It’s his way of drawing our attention.” She stood in front of Josh, protecting him from her husband’s fury. But Phil pushed past her and grabbed him by his right ear.
“I swear Uncle Phil, I never did anything to his things. Freddie did it himself. Look at his hands, they are all covered in black ink, the same that was used on the football kit,” Josh protested.
His uncle looked at the startled Freddie who had quickly shoved his hands in his pockets. Phil knew the truth but he could never punish his own son...and on his birthday too. He had to play along with what Freddie wanted. If he did not, his son would spiral out of control with vengeance. If he made it humiliating enough for Josh, Freddie’s envy would be smothered. It was the only way for the two boys to shake hands and be the brothers that they really were. There was a lot of regret in his eyes as he looked at Josh, “Don’t be insolent, who would do that to his own things?” and he sat down and shoved Josh across his knee. He pulled down the boy’s trousers and gave him a good thrashing on his bottom.
It wasn’t the pain that tore the boy’s heart, it was the sheer humiliation of it all as the children jeered and mocked. But he would never show them that he cared. When his uncle was done he stood up tall, and amidst the clapping and the sneers, he walked calmly out into the garden.
He strolled to the very bottom of the parkland, more than a mile away from the house. He often went there when things turned nasty. He would shut himself in his own sanctuary and only walk back minutes before Julie was due to pick him up. He gingerly sat down on the rich green grass. His bottom hurt. He wrapped his arms around his legs and shut his eyes tight. He had entered into his own world of vivid imagination and he liked it there. Time just stood still.
He heard the twig crack and he looked up. Freddie stood before him, a piece of bitten chocolate cake in his outstretched hand. “Dad said that you can’t have any but I saved half of mine for you. Come on, have it. I know just how much you like the creamy chocolate spread my mother uses.”
Josh reached out and stuffed the piece in his mouth. He was hungry and in any case he was used to Freddie’s sudden mood swings. He was always extremely nice after being extremely spiteful. In some strange way he liked Freddie, ironically he was his best and only friend.
“Why did you break your own things, Freddie?” Josh asked curiously as he wiped his mouth on his sleeve.
Freddie shrugged, “Dad will buy them again for me. Oh Josh,” he exclaimed sadly, “why did you have to win that scholarship on my birthday? I really wanted you to have fun today. I have been excited all morning when I saw all the equipment dad bought and I could think of nothing else but playing with you and having a really great time. Then Julie showed dad the piece of paper when she dropped you off for the party.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Hey, it’s not your fault. I would have grabbed my opportunities and won that thing if I had the brains to do it. I sometimes wonder why you are stuck in our year group. You should be in university by now.”
“Do you think mum will be pleased if she got to know about the scholarship?” Josh looked up into his cousin’s eyes and he saw the incredulous look.
“Josh, how can you still be thinking that way? Face it, Caris is nothing but a selfish, self-centred bitch. I don’t even call her my aunt and you shouldn’t call her your mother. She deserves neither. I don’t think anything you do would ever thaw her heart.” Freddie saw the pain creeping in his cousin’s face and he quickly continued, “But Julie was really pleased. She was beaming with pride...and so was dad.”
“Was he? He isn’t anymore.”
“Dad knows who trashed all the presents. And that is why he won’t say anything if he sees you playing with the stuff out in the garden. Come on Josh, we can still have two hours of fun until Julie comes for you.”
Josh didn’t move.
“Oh come on Josh, I will break anyone’s nose if they even dare mention your white bottom.”
But still, Josh wouldn’t move.
“OK, how about this,” Freddie said as he thought of ways to get his cousin to show his face out in public. “I kissed Pam in the stables today. She said that I was old enough now that I turned fourteen. Of course you are still too young, you have another six months to go but I think I can persuade her to kiss both of us. You have never kissed a girl and Pam is the best you can get, she is beautiful and really bright. She is going to be an actress just like dad.”
Josh wrinkled up his nose, unimpressed.
“Not all actresses are bitches like your mother.” Freddie sighed, Josh was stubborn but he tried again. “Are you sure you want to miss this? Pam used her tongue when she kissed me. She would do the same to you because she thinks that you are cute, a bit too young but cute. I swear she did say that. She really knows how to kiss and her tongue sends out these short bursts of fire deep down in your groin. It’s out of this world.”
Josh was finally smiling, the tongue thing had don
e it.
“Ok Josh, go to the stables and I’ll be there with Pam in five minutes. You will really thank me for this.” He held out his hand and pulled his cousin up...
....Josh looked up. He was no longer looking at the fourteen-year-old, fair-haired boy. The adult Freddie stood before him. But something was different. He didn’t have the permanent lines between his eyebrows that not even his bright smile could ever erase. He was not fidgeting with his fingers, rubbing the back of his neck or constantly adjusting his tie, things he so often used to do. Josh had got to recognise his brother’s subtle body language. Despite his happy jovial smile, loud laugh and extrovert demeanour, Freddie had always been crumbling inside...but not today. Today, he was at peace with himself.
“You look good Freddie, really happy.”
“And you look terrible, Josh, but you have to go back today, it will be too late tomorrow. Do it for me, brother.” He reached out and clipped something to his nose. Josh felt the burst of air reviving him and...
...he opened his eyes. He was drenched in sweat and Rob was leaning over him, adjusting his nasal prongs so that they delivered twice the amount of the much-needed oxygen to his lungs. Josh was startled, Rob looked so much like Freddie.
“Hello Josh. Are you feeling any better? Your temperature spiked again but we managed to push it down. If you understood what I just said can you blink once?”
Josh cleared his throat and croaked, “Thank you, Rob.”
Maria’s face came into focus. She did look ghastly, as if she hadn’t slept for a million years. And she had certainly cried a lot in those million years. She leaned over him and kissed him on his forehead. She had tears of joy in her eyes; his first words had filled her with incredible exultation. “Oh Josh, this is so good. This is fantastic. How do you feel?”
“Battered and bruised. How long have I been here?” he asked slowly, his chest hurt badly and all he wanted was to go back to sleep but she was so ecstatic with his tiny achievement that he did not want to take that away from her.
“A bit over a month. But breaking out of the semi-comatose state is good. Things will get better from now on.”
“You look really tired, in fact you must look worse than I do. You should go and have a little rest.”
“I’ve been telling her the same thing myself,” Rob said as he stood up. “Perhaps she can do that now that she knows that you have not lost the power of speech. Well, I’ve got other patients to see. I’ll check on you again, Josh. Maria if you need anything bleep me...and don’t tire him out.” He smiled and left.
“I hope you don’t mind Rob,” Maria was saying, “but I had to give you the best chances. This is the best and Rob....”
“I don’t mind Maria, I’m past that. I’m just sorry to see you so stressed out. I’m not usually on this side of the sickbed. You are the one who is often tied to the bed with various tubes holding you down.” He smiled but this was accompanied by a stab in his side and his smile turned into a grimace. But he ploughed on, he had to know, “What happened to Freddie and Da... Phil?”
“I’m sorry. Freddie died instantly. The fall severed his neck. And Phil, well, he shot himself in the head seconds after he shot you.” She kissed his hand.
“What...what happened to their bodies?”
“The police are releasing them tomorrow.”
Was that what Freddie wanted? Of course not. He was just hallucinating. In his delirium he had thought that Rob was Freddie. “Maria, can I ask you to arrange a good funeral and farewell to my brother and father? I know that Freddie did not treat you well, but he was my brother. It is the least I can do and it will make me feel better. I think that Phil would want to be buried with May...and Freddie would want...well I don’t know what he would have wanted.”
“You don’t have to worry about anything; I’ll make all the necessary arrangements.” She stroked his hair.
“What a crazy family, huh! I must be the only man alive who was shot in cold blood by his own father.”
“They were never your family. We are your family, me, Nick, Emma, Ben, Sarah, Max and all those other people who want the best for you and really pray that you will get better. Our lives will be empty without you, so you must concentrate on your true family and get better for us.”
“I know that.” He smiled. “Where are the kids staying?” he asked, suddenly missing them terribly.
“Max and his family have come over to stay for a little while and he has been amusing them or trying to anyway. And there’s also Julie but she is getting too old to handle the four of them. They all miss you a lot and are dying to see you.”
“Can you bring them along? I will try to sit up. I don’t want them to think that their dad has turned into a feeble weakling.” He joked about it but Maria knew that he really hated being in this position, helpless and not in control.
“I can phone Max to bring them over tomorrow afternoon if you are up to it. Ben really needs to see you. He is blaming himself for the whole mess. Max told me that he often goes into mute hysterics, crying in the corner and clutching that puppy.”
“It’s OK, I’ll talk to Ben. He’ll get over this.” The puppy reminded him of the exchange on the runway. He had to ask her something. “Maria, why were you screaming when you boarded that plane?”
“Freddie told me that he was going to blow you and Ben up. He repeatedly used the same threat and he said that he had wired our house. But don’t worry, I have mentioned this to Marco and he has cleaned the grounds. I don’t want you to get stressed over this. I am capable of keeping things together until you get better.”
“And would you have done everything to stop him from killing us?”
She looked into his eyes, “Yes I would have. Josh, you’re getting tired and I don’t want you to worry about anything. You should rest now.” She bent down and kissed his lips as a lock of her hair slowly fell across his face.
“If you want me to sleep then you should not kiss me that way.” He smiled cheekily. “Come closer.” Her kiss had awakened a deep yearning inside him. He painfully lifted his hand and started to unbutton her shirt. The tubes sticking out of the back of his hand kept getting in the way but he managed to fumble through the first two buttons.
“Is this the first thing men think about as soon as they emerge from a coma?” she whispered.
“Yes, and if I had known what was about to happen I would have slowly made love to you in that shallow cave on the cliffside before going down the path and facing my father.” He trailed his fingers down her swollen breasts which were overfilling the black brassiere she was wearing. She trembled. He could not help wondering if she had trembled with Freddie’s touch too...then he stopped...all the pieces suddenly clicked together...her swollen breasts, the fainting episodes Rob had mentioned...she always fainted when she was...
“You’re pregnant. And it’s not mine because ever since Sarah was born I’ve been really careful...but Freddie wasn’t.”
She straightened up and buttoned up her shirt. “It doesn’t matter. I’m having a termination tomorrow. The earlier it’s done the fewer the complications.”
“And you were not going to tell me about all this?” he shouted.
“You were unconscious...”
“I’m not now,” he bellowed.
“What do you expect me to tell you after weeks in a coma? Hi, I’m carrying your brother’s kid but don’t worry about it, I’m taking care of it tomorrow.”
“Yes, that is exactly what I expected you to do. Maria, when are you going to stop hiding things from me? It’s futile and I always get to know about it one way or another. And when I do, it hurts me even more and it makes me think that there is something else hidden...like that Christmas party...or the fact that you always had his aftershave in your hair when you came home from work. What did you two do together? Did you sit on his lap while you tinkered away with your little experiments and theories? You don’t need to answer that, your face says it all. And you never had supper
with me and the kids on the days you work. Of course you would have had it with him but it wasn’t the hospital cafeteria that he took you to. You dropped your purse in one of the classy hotels you two liked so much. The manager phoned home, he valued your generous and regular custom. I went to collect your purse and I told you that you had left it at home. But when I asked you where you had had supper, you said, “Oh, I had something at work.” Do you know what those lies did to me?”
She started to cry, “I’m sorry Josh. That was a period in my life which was stuffed with jealousy and revenge. Nothing major used to happen, we just talked and had lunch. I swear. Things only got out of hand once, during that Christmas party. But I paid bitterly for my mistakes. I swear I didn’t want this pregnancy, it wasn’t romantic or passionate, Freddie raped me and I have proof. As always, he filmed the whole thing. The police raided the white house and they have everything. You can have a look at what really happened and then perhaps you will stop doubting me.” She looked anxiously at the monitors over his bed, his heart was beating too fast.
“Stop looking at the damned monitors, I’m not going to die.” But he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to slow down his heart rate. He could hear her weeping hard. He shouldn’t have lashed out. She was the worst hit by this mess. She had to deal with rape, her near-death experience, her husband’s shooting and coma, and now an unwanted pregnancy, the product of that rape. And she had tried to keep the fort afloat all by herself. He opened his eyes and looked at her. She was dead scared...scared of losing him. He knew that look, he had often had it himself when he thought that their life together was getting too complicated for her and she was about to get up and leave him. Now she was the one thinking that he was about to give up on her.
“Maria, I don’t need to look at anything. I do not doubt you. But,” he reached out for her hand and fiddled with the wedding ring on her finger, “life is sacred, a gift from God and no one has a right to end it. I certainly wouldn’t and neither would you. You are only going ahead with this termination because you think that I might want it that way. I don’t. I grew up with the shadow of abortion hanging over me. Do you know how many times my mother mentioned it? I grew to abhor that very concept. Where would I be if Julie hadn’t talked my mother out of it? There would be no us, no Nick, Emma, Ben or Sarah. I had a right to live and so does a child who was conceived out of rape. Please Maria, don’t rush into these things, pause and think and if you still want to go ahead than I won’t stop you, but if you decide to have the baby I’ll support you every step of the way. We will tackle it together. I didn’t marry you only for the good bits and as long as we are together we can conquer the whole world. I swear I’ll love the boy as much as any of our four children and I’ll love you just as much too.”
The Blake Soul Page 34
