by Ruby Dixon
That hurts me just as much. I love our growing family. I’m excited for each kit, even if I’m tired and swollen right now and Joha gave me the scare of my life when she ate Tiffany’s potency plant, which is basically Viagra and made my poor little girl barf her lungs out, all because I was tired and hadn’t watched her as closely as I should have.
Maybe…maybe Haeden thinks I’m a bad mother.
The thought makes me sob even harder.
Someone scratches at the screen over the door. I swipe at my running nose and lumber to my feet. “C-coming.” It’s probably Nora, here to tell me that Joden just pulled one of Elsa’s pigtails or stole Holvek’s stuffed toy again. I love my little son, but he’s definitely a handful.
To my surprise, Maddie sticks her head in. “Hey, uh, is this a bad time?”
I’m astonished to see her. Maddie and I have always been friendly, but we haven’t had many one-on-one visits. I’m usually wrapped up in Haeden and my babies, or I spend my time with Megan or Georgie. Maddie hangs with her sister more than the rest of us, too. “No, no, come in. I was just having a hormonal moment.” I give her a wobbly smile.
She ducks into my hut and shoots me an odd look. “You’re never hormonal. You’re the happiest pregnant lady ever. In fact, you make the rest of us look bad with all the babies you’re popping out.”
I burst into a new round of tears. Is that all I am to everyone else, then? Just one big baby-making machine?
“Whoa, hey, okay.” Maddie puts an arm around my shoulders, gently steering me towards the seating near the fire. “You sit down and tell me what’s bothering you, okay? And while you sit, I’m going to straighten up. It always helps Lila feel better when she’s overwhelmed with the babies. You want some tea?”
I’m touched at how thoughtful she is. “Tea would be lovely, and you don’t have to straighten up. Joden was helping me.” I gesture at the enormous pile in the middle of the floor.
“Yeah, I figured. Masan likes to ‘help’ too.” She rolls her eyes and chuckles to herself, then putters around in my kitchen, pulling out ingredients for tea. “Now tell me why we’re weeping today.”
She’s so at ease with herself, so relaxed in her own skin. Maddie’s…well, Maddie’s really plump. Stacy’s solid and says her butt’s spreading now that she’s had kids, and Nora’s always complaining about her figure, but Maddie is easily the biggest girl in the camp. She’s also the most confident. She’s really gorgeous, with wild blonde hair that always looks tousled and sexy, and she’s got these enormous boobs that always look amazing no matter what she wears, and she looks like she’s never had an ugly day in her life. It doesn’t matter that she’s got the biggest hips in the camp, and it’s clear that her mate Hassen finds her to be the most gorgeous thing ever.
I’m so envious of her confidence. As she makes tea and moves around my place, straightening up, I find myself confessing my insecurities. That I’m tired and bloated and Joden’s words made me worry that I’m not attractive to my mate anymore. That he doesn’t want our life or so many kits. That he regrets our family.
That we haven’t had sex in over a month.
Maddie doesn’t laugh at my fears or tell me I’m being silly or hormonal. When I mention the sex thing she just sighs heavily and nods, pouring herself a cup of tea, too. Then she sits beside me and offers me one. “Girl, I know that feeling. All my girl parts are going to shrivel up and die if I don’t get some dick soon.”
I sputter-choke on my first sip of tea, then giggle. “That’s part of the problem, I think. When I was pregnant with Joha, I wanted sex all the time. Like, ALL the time. But with this baby, I’m just…tired. And achy. Sometimes I want sex, and sometimes I just want a nap. But I don’t want Haeden to feel as if he’s married to this big gross baby-machine instead of old sex-fiend Josie. You know?” I can feel a new round of tears about to come on.
“Oh, girl,” Maddie says, shaking her head. She reaches out and fingers my messy brown braid. “When was the last time you washed your hair? Or undid this braid?”
I shrug. “I make sure the babies are clean.”
“This isn’t about them, this is about you and feeling sexy. You’ll feel good if you look good.” She waggles her eyebrows at me. “Hassen’s coming home soon and I’m going to surprise him with some sexy lingerie. I’m sending the kids—well, Masan and Rollan—to Warrek and Summer for a night or two, and I’m going to rock that man’s world. That’s why I came over. I’m making a sexy leather corset and wanted some white fur to trim it with, and Tiff said you had some extra?” Her eyes gleam with pleasure.
Oh. “Sure, I do. I made Joha the cutest little hood and trimmed it with fur, but there’s plenty left over. You can have all of it.” I lean in, my belly pressing against my legs as I hold my teacup. “Leather lingerie? Really?”
“Why not? I made a bra and panties out of leather. I can use bones for boning support, and make something sexy instead of just functional. Surprise my man, you know? And if I feel sexy, I know I’ll be in the mood that much quicker…not that it takes much to get me in the mood.” She grins. “We’re going to celebrate a private Valentine’s Day.”
I touch my braid. Maybe she’s right. Maybe I need to dig myself out of this pregnancy rut that I’m in and make myself wildly sexy to seduce my man and remind him how good we are together. That we’re more than just resonance partners, we’re friends and lovers. “Can I steal that idea?”
“Of course! The more the merrier.” She pauses and then gestures. “Well, not in our private Valentine’s Day. That’s gonna be just me and Hassen. But you know what I mean. We can work on our sexy outfits together. And I’ll talk to Summer and Warrek about adding Joden and maybe Joha into the mix. I’m sure they won’t mind.”
I snort. “Have you met my son?”
She giggles into her tea. “You have a point.”
I’m smiling, though. I like this. I like the idea of taking some time alone together, celebrating a holiday, and reconnecting.
And sexy lingerie. That’s always a good idea. I feel better already.
Maddie leaves after we talk some strategy over tea, and then I spend the rest of the afternoon watching the kits as they play outside. I sit my leather scrap basket at my side and pick through it while Joden runs around, screaming like a banshee and chasing Holvek and the twins. Haeden returns with food, and then we sit next to each other in the faint sunshine. He works on sharpening bone spearheads while I pick out pieces of fur for my secret creation and Joha plays in her pen nearby. I almost hope Haeden’s going to ask me what I’m working on, but he never does. Instead, we talk about small things—the weather, Joha’s teething, the fact that Joden doesn’t listen in Ariana’s classes—and I can’t bring myself to ruin an otherwise wonderful afternoon.
After dinner, the kits go to bed and I kiss their sweet little faces as they lie down. Haeden tucks them into their furs and then pulls the divider across the way so the fire doesn’t keep them awake.
Then it’s just me and Haeden.
I poke at my sewing, fighting back a yawn.
“Tired?” he murmurs, and gives my shoulder an absent caress as he banks the fire. “Let us go to bed as well, then.”
Oooh, for sex? Encouraged, I put my sewing away and change into my sleeping tunic. Maybe all my fears were for nothing. He’s just been waiting for the right moment.
But when we get under the furs, he’s still wearing his pants instead of being naked. Instead of giving me a passionate kiss, he pulls my tunic up and exposes my big belly. He touches it, rubbing his hand gently over the rounded swell, and I can’t decide if I’m hurt or pleased. He’s an amazing father, and there’s no denying he loves the kits…but I don’t know what to think.
“Your belly is very big this time,” he murmurs to me, fingers tracing along a fresh stretch mark.
Maybe he doesn’t realize that telling a very pregnant woman that is a bad call. I’ve been on the ice planet long enough to know that a lot of things get
lost in translation, and human women get upset over things that would never faze a sa-khui woman. Plus, I’m being ultra-sensitive today, which I fully acknowledge.
“What if it’s two babies?” I ask, and I can feel myself tensing. “Like Nora’s twins?”
Haeden grunts. His hand strokes over the massive bulge of my belly. “Then we will be exhausted and miserable.”
That is…not encouraging. There’s a teasing note in his voice, but I worry he’s trying to mask how he really feels. “What if it’s three? That happens on Earth sometimes. In fact, one woman had eight babies at once. Her stomach was freaking enormous.”
He looks up at me and his hand goes still across the mountain of my belly. “Why are you worrying so much, Jo-see? This is not our first kit.”
I force myself to meet his gaze, to put a smile on my face. “I’m not worrying, just curious. Want to have sex?”
There’s something in my voice that alerts him to how I really feel—either that or I have a terrible poker face. He props up on one elbow and stares at me, hard. “Jo-see, what is wrong?”
I twist the edge of my tunic. “Nothing. Maybe I am worrying.”
“Over what?”
I look at my mate. God, he’s gorgeous. I love everything about him, from the hard lines of his mouth to the arch of his horns. I love the intense glow of his eyes when he gazes at me. I love the sight of his big hand on my belly, and my heart squeezes with fear all over again. What if he decides that I’m not enough for him—like my parents did—and abandons me? “Are you happy?” I ask, my heart aching.
This time, he gives me a slow, brilliant smile. “Why would I not be happy? I have a beautiful mate, two healthy kits, and one on the way.” He pauses and gives me a sly look. “Or three.”
I smile.
He reaches up and rubs a knuckle along the line of my jaw. “Jo-see, you are my heart. I love nothing more than your laughter and it hurts me to see you worry. Tell me what is wrong so I can fix it.”
I love this man so much. I know it’s my old insecurities rising up. I know Haeden adores me and the babies. I know he would never abandon us like my parents abandoned me. This isn’t Earth and he’s not a human man. He thinks differently. I know all this. I do. It’s just my brain and my old emotional baggage working against me.
“You’d tell me if you were unhappy, wouldn’t you?” I ask him. “Because I’m so happy that sometimes it scares me.”
“If I were unhappy, you would know. Am I good at hiding my emotions?” He tilts his head, giving me his most “Haeden” look, and I have to smother a giggle. He’s got a point—he’s about as good at hiding his displeasure as I am at hiding, well, anything. We’re both transparent as glass.
“Good point.”
He leans forward and presses a gentle kiss to my lips. “You are my mate. You and my kits are everything to me.”
I hold him close as his mouth brushes over mine in the most delicate of kisses. He’s so careful with me, I realize. He’s strong as could be, and I’m half his size, but I’ve never felt unsafe or like he would accidentally hurt me. He’s always so cautious, so courteous. I love that about him, but tonight I wish he’d just grab me and drag my clothes off so he can fuck me silly. “Haeden,” I whisper against his lips, about to make that very suggestion.
Haeden’s hand steals up to one breast, teasing the nipple under my tunic. His gaze is so hot with its intensity that I feel achy and liquid all over. “Mmm?”
God, I love the rumble of his voice.
“Mommy?”
I freeze.
“What is it, Joden?” Haeden asks, his hand sliding back out of my tunic just as quickly.
“I wet the bed,” Joden says, sniffling. He rubs a fist in one eye. “And now I can’t sleep ’cause there’s peepee everywhere.”
“Aww, baby. Don’t cry.” My heart wrings for my little man, and all sexy thoughts are forgotten as being a parent takes over. I reach out to touch Joden’s little hand and Haeden’s already climbing out of the bed. “Papa’s going to fix it for you, okay? Let’s get you some fresh jammies while Papa makes a new bed for you.” It just means more laundry to do in the morning, and doing laundry in the brutal season is awful, but Joden’s my baby, and I can’t be mad.
As Haeden strips the bedding, I sit up in the furs and help Joden change out of his wet pajamas. We do a quick sponge bath and then he’s in fresh jammies, and before Haeden is even finished making his bed, Joden crawls in next to me and curls up against me.
“Can I sleep wif you, Mommy?”
“You can for a little bit,” I tell him, holding him against my big stomach and knowing that he’s probably going to end up staying in bed with us all night. It’s something we’re trying to break him of, but it hasn’t been easy.
He curls up against me and his hair smells like soap and my baby boy and his little horns tuck under my chin perfectly. I hold him close and watch as Haeden pulls rolled up furs out of storage and makes a new bed for our son, but my eyes close and I’m falling asleep before he’s done.
The furs shift, and I realize I’ve nodded off. Haeden moves behind me, pressing up against my back and spooning me from behind. His arm goes around my belly and he kisses my shoulder. “Go back to sleep, my heart.”
Joden’s still curled up against my front, fast asleep. “Should we let him stay or put him back to bed?”
Haeden sighs and glances down at our son. He brushes a lock of hair off of Joden’s brow and I can see the love for him in his eyes. “He can stay, but only for tonight.”
I smile wryly at my mate, because we’ve had this same conversation a dozen times and each time we wake up with Joden in our bed.
Children change everything, they really do. But as Haeden presses one more kiss to my shoulder and settles down against me, I can feel the heat of his cock burning against my buttock. If Joden hadn’t interrupted, we would have had sex. Great sex, even if it was me-heavily-pregnant sex. But Joden’s here in our bed, and it’s only a matter of time before Joha wakes up and wants to nurse, and then the new baby will be here by the time she’s weaned and….
There’s got to be a balance in there somewhere, isn’t there? Room for me and Haeden to be a mated couple as well as parents? Now, more than ever before, I’m determined to make this silly lingerie and show my mate I can still be sexy.
4
HASSEN
A few days later
By the end of this day, I will see my mate and my kit again. I cannot stop grinning as I watch Ver-on-cah adjust the saddle strapped to Ashtar’s gigantic beast shoulders. The golden male is in his “drakoni” form and is readying to fly me and Cashol back to Croatoan village, where my Mah-dee will be waiting for me, Masan in her arms.
I cannot wait to see her eyes light up, to see my son reach out for me with excited small hands. I cannot wait for my mate’s small hands, either, and I grin to myself once more. I am excited to see my son, of course, but my body is crying out for private time with my mate. My cock is more than ready to return to her. There are good people at this camp, but ah, I am ready to return home. Just thinking about it makes me yawn again.
“Why do you keep yawning, brother?” Cashol asks. Ver-on-cah glances back at us.
“I am sleepy.”
He snorts, as if this amuses him. “You slept all day yesterday. And you elected not to go hunting with Thrand because you had to nap the day before. Why all the sleeping?”
“I am saving my strength,” I tell him proudly. “Once I am home, my Mah-dee will wear me out.”
“Ew,” Ver-on-cah calls out. “I did not want to hear that.” The big dragon rumbles, as if sharing her amusement.
Cashol just grunts. “I am ready to see my Meh-gan. It has been far too long since I have held her or hugged my son.” He has been here as long as I have, and we are the last to head back. All of the others have already returned or have had their mates brought to them. We are the last two, and while I have not minded helping, I am more than ready to
return to my mate and kit.
It has been hard to be without Mah-dee for so long. She fills my dreams at night, and I wake up missing the rounded curves of her body and her sultry smile. She is incredible, my mate, and has always known exactly what she wanted. I love that about her, and how she’s just as fierce out of the furs as she is in them. I tell Cashol this, too, but he just rolls his eyes. Everyone has heard my Mah-dee stories over and over again. It has become a bit of a joke around the Icehome camp. The others do not want to ask me questions because they know I will bring up my mate in the conversation. Part of some “alien bingo card” as Bree-shit likes to joke. I do not know what this means, though.
Mah-dee would know.
I do not care if they find my constant mentions of her irritating. I adore my mate and think she is perfect. I love her fire and her wily mind. I love the soft yellow curls of her mane…and the ones on her cunt. I love her big round thighs and the soft pillows of her teats. I love all of her, and talking about her makes it seem like she is less far away…so I talk about her often.
But soon she will be in my arms again. And I grin like a fool at Cashol.
“Saddle’s on,” Vuh-ron-cah says, and puts a gloved hand on Ashtar’s beast shoulder. “Any last goodbyes or are we ready to get going?” She tugs a hat over her head and pulls a thick scarf over her mouth to protect it. The flight is hard on humans, especially when we go over the mountains and it grows increasingly cold, but Vuh-ron-cah will not let Ashtar go without her, so I am grateful she has volunteered.
“I have said all my goodbyes,” I tell her cheerfully. “Show me where to put my pack and I am ready to go.”
