‘Oh, good God, no! What on earth makes you even think that? For one I wouldn’t have had you, and, well, it might have looked at times like I was letting him wreck my life, but he wasn’t, love. I told you that! I’ve got my pride, and that’s what stopped me admitting defeat earlier. A bit like you.’
‘What do you mean, a bit like me?’
‘Well you’d have realised you should be dating Noah ages ago if you hadn’t been so stubborn and admitted you were wrong!’
‘I didn’t know I was wrong. I wasn’t wrong at first!’
‘Rosie?’ It is a warning tone.
‘Okay, okay. But you did love Dad?’
‘I did. You know I did.’
I do. I just want to be sure. ‘Even though he was totally selfish and only came back when it suited him?’
‘Yes, Rosie, and not even passion made up for that in the end.’ I think of all the times I watched them together, the way they looked at each other, the way the world seemed to shrink down to just the two of them and for a brief time not even I was important. Maybe Mum was right. She would never have wanted to miss out on that passion, even if at the end of the day it hadn’t been right. She’d been brave. Far braver than I’ve ever been.
‘I found a way to make it work for all of us; well I thought it worked, but it obviously didn’t, or you wouldn’t have grown up to think all gorgeous men would be just like your father! I’m so glad you came to your senses and moved on from Robbie. You’d have been bored senseless by the time you were forty. So anyway I did that bit of making it work wrong, but I’ve done something right now, I’ve left. I am allowed to change my mind, darling. You don’t make one decision and it’s a life sentence.’
‘I know.’
‘And if you find out your Noah is all good looks, charm and no substance you can move on, can’t you? Not that I think he will be.’
‘I can, Mum.’
‘I’m sorry if we fucked up.’ Her voice has a wistful edge to it, as though it’s her one regret.
‘Mum!’ Honestly, I’m sure my mum didn’t talk like this before she met Art. ‘You didn’t fuck up, you did what you thought was best!’
‘True, and mother always knows best!’ She laughs, a deep-throated laugh that makes me smile. ‘I’ll be back soon to sort things out. Maybe we could all go out together? I’d love to meet your man. Now hadn’t you better get off?’
‘Yes, Mum.’
‘Have fun, love you, darling.’
‘I love you too, Mum. And Mum? Can you stop swearing? It’s weird, it’s just too weird.’
She laughs. ‘I’ll try! No promises though!’
I click the phone off, drop it in my handbag and take a deep breath.
This is easy. I might still not be sure about normal first dates, but this one I can do. I know I can.
Chapter 29
I take a moment to pause at the doorway of the bar, and study Noah, before he sees me. I want to take in my date, because this is unreal.
I am about to have a first date with a gorgeous man who I feel I know better than I ever knew Robbie – the man I lived with for years.
I am about to have a first date with a man who is fun and flirty on the outside but has sad bits on the inside.
Who can make me laugh, and who can shock me into silence.
Who gives me confidence, but dares me to stray outside my comfort zone.
A man who is scared to love, but willing to give it a try.
He notices me watching, and smiles. Slides off his stool and stands up.
‘You found it okay?’ He grins and leans forward to kiss my cheek nervously as though he’s not quite sure how to play this.
‘Funnily enough I remembered!’ I can’t help it, I glance around, just to check Gabe isn’t hiding away in a corner, out to trap another girl. ‘It’s not changed, has it?’ I can’t believe such a short time has passed since I first crept into this bar, wondering what Gabe would be like, nervous about a date with somebody who wasn’t Robbie. It seems like a lifetime ago in some ways though. ‘I got an Uber this time though, I didn’t risk walking in these heels!’
‘I ordered prosecco, is that okay?’
‘Noah.’ I need to break the ice, this is all too formal. Not us. ‘Sorry about—’
We both speak at the same time. Both stop.
‘That ki—’
It happens again. He leans forward, rests his finger lightly against my lips.
‘Normally I’d say ladies first,’ I raise an eyebrow, ‘but I need to get this off my chest. I’m sorry about that kiss, at your mum’s party.’
‘It was fine, nice, I liked it.’ I was going to say the same. Well, roughly.
‘You liked it? Damning me with faint praise. It was sensational!’
‘Okay, it was sensational.’ I climb up on the stool, feeling more comfortable. ‘Though not as good as the one on the bench, fuelled by Southern chicken wraps!’
‘True.’ His voice is gentle. ‘But I’m sorry I launched at you like that, I’d just been waiting so long, and you looked as desperate as me, and I guess I misread …’
‘Desperate? Moi? What are you suggesting?’ His perplexed look makes me laugh. I take a sip of my drink, make him wait. ‘Misread my arse. Noah, I was, as Bea would say rather inelegantly, totally gagging for it. But, with Dad, and you, and Laurie and … well, sorry I had a meltdown.’
‘I don’t blame you. I got it wrong, I totally lost control.’ He frowns. ‘It caught me out. I don’t do that!’
‘Kiss?’
‘Lose control. Ever. It was flaming scary if you must know, that’s why I bolted the moment you gave me an excuse. I needed to work.’
‘Work?’
‘It helps me think, you know, designing stuff, tweaking, refining. It kind of releases the other part of my brain, or something.’ He pulls a bit of an ‘eek, what am I talking about’ face. ‘I sat in the office and made something. What did you do?’
I hope he’s not expecting some kind of romantic equivalent. ‘I talked to Mum about living a dirty life, and taking control, and then I shook my booty. Well, we all did, we cleared the dancefloor!’
‘You?’
‘Shake, shake, shake your booty, KC and the Sunshine Band. You’ll have to get used to Mum’s music taste if you’re going to date her daughter! Though I think she’s more into Bob Marley at the moment.’
‘Was it better than Tina Turner?’
‘Nowhere near,’ I say, blushing.
He chuckles. ‘She was right.’
‘Who was?’
‘Tina! You are simply the best.’
‘My God, you are smooth.’
‘I’m being sincere, can’t you tell? Have I told you yet you look beautiful?’
‘Not yet.’
He twirls a strand of my hair in his fingers. It sends a tingle to my scalp. A shiver down my spine.
‘You look amazing, Rosie. You’re gorgeous.’ He smiles, breaking the moment that might have turned into a kiss. Damn.
‘Even with the paint.’ He grins. ‘Good enough to kiss, but I’m trying not to lose control.’
‘Selfish.’
‘Not yet. I want this date to be a good one, you deserve a good one.’ He leans in then, and drops the sweetest kiss on my lips, then draws back again. ‘You have no idea how hard this is.’ He groans. ‘Pity me!’
I laugh. Put my hands on his knees, let my thumbs drift over his inner thigh. ‘Were you really desperate at the party?’
‘This far,’ he gestures with thumb and finger, ‘from dragging you off and stripping you naked.’
‘Do you still want to do that?’
He nods.
Suddenly it hits me that I am not afraid of sleeping with another man. I am not worried about how I will cope with a penis I have not met before, or whether I will do things wrong. Noah will make sure it is right.
‘Well maybe we should then?’
He chuckles. ‘You’re totally out to ruin my plan, aren’t you?�
�
‘Plans are made to be changed, or something like that.’
‘True.’
‘Needs must!’
‘Oh my God you are such a turn on, stop teasing, I’m going to have to hold a cushion over my crotch!’
I snigger. I can’t help it.
So we pay the bill, and call a taxi.
***
‘Surprise!’
This is not how I expected our arrival at Noah’s place to pan out. I had visions of clothes strewn up the stairs, of passionate kisses, of tripping up as we took our knickers off.
Not this.
A dog.
I stare at Noah. ‘This was your plan all along, to come back here!’
‘Well yeah, just not quite as quick. You kind of fast-forwarded things.’ He holds his hands up. ‘Not that I’m complaining.’
‘But, but …’
Hugo is sitting in the hallway, on his favourite cushion. He has a bow tie around his neck, and a resigned look on his face.
‘What on earth?’
He whines, so we both go over and sit down beside him, and he wags his whiplash tail and gazes at Noah adoringly.
‘Was it safe to leave him here on his own?’
‘Ophelia was here, left as we came up the driveway! I wanted to make sure he’d be okay. He’s on his best behaviour!’
‘But I don’t get it.’ I look at him, puzzled, over the top of the large dog.
Noah looks back at me shiftily, then strokes the dog’s ears for a moment, avoiding my gaze. Then he looks back up.
‘Rosie, I might have done something a bit crazy.’
‘Even crazier than asking me out?’
‘Even crazier than that.’ He grins. ‘And I wanted to know what you thought before I, er, committed.’
‘This sounds dangerous.’
‘Well the doghouse wasn’t exactly a huge success.’
‘And you call yourself an architect!’
‘Hugo likes company, he doesn’t like being home alone, and so I er, well I might have …’ Hugo thumps his tail even harder. ‘I might have told Ophelia that there was a chance I could take him, if you thought it was a good idea.’
I laugh. I can’t help it. ‘You want to know if I think it’s a good idea? Me?’
‘Yes, because, well I thought you might be here a bit … with me. And, am I rushing? Is this wrong? Yes, I’m mad, I know. Maybe I spend too long in my office, I just … I’m rushing, aren’t I? You can say I’m bonkers.’
‘You are bonkers,’ I point out in a quavering voice; I’m feeling all funny inside. Noah means this; Noah is asking my opinion about something, as though he intends there to be a second date, maybe a third date.
‘I don’t expect you to be here much, well not more than you want, and I know Hugo’s a bit of a handful, but we kind of clicked.’ They did. I grin as I think back to that disastrous dog walk. Hugo fell in love, and I think I did as well. Just a bit. ‘And it’s not a huge commitment, because well, Great Danes aren’t around forever but I was thinking he needed a good life now, as soon as he could, and if I put it off too many years Hugo might be,’ he puts his hands over his ears and whispers, ‘dead.’
‘I think he’ll be fine for a good few years yet.’ I chuckle. I’ve never seen him this flustered.
He wipes his brow. ‘Bloody hell, for a guy who doesn’t want to get involved I think I’ve overdone it. A proper date and a dog.’ I glow. He just called me a proper date. ‘I might need a lie down. But you’re both, well, irresistible?’ He runs out of steam. ‘Am I right?’
I chuckle. ‘You’re comparing me to a bloody dog again! You’ve really got to stop doing that.’ I stroke Hugo’s ears. ‘How can I say no? It’s a great idea. He’s infatuated with you!’ Hugo feels at home with Noah. Like I do. ‘You’ve not said “am I right” for ages, you know!’
‘I say it when I’m nervous!’
‘I make you nervous?’
‘Damned right you did, you do, you are. You scared the hell out of me then and I was right to be afraid!’
‘Oh Noah.’ I reach over Hugo and take his hand.
‘But I didn’t mean am I right like that, I meant am I right for you? Do you want to try a second date?’
I nod. Slowly. Then squirm so that I’m on my knees and can raise myself up and lean closer to him. Put my hands on his face. ‘I think you might just be. You could be right, just this once, Noah Adams, you could be right.’ And then I kiss him.
It’s all a bit awkward, snogging over the top of a dog that has collapsed onto its side and is snoring loudly. It also makes me giggle, which kind of kills the sexy vibe a bit.
‘Did you ask me out again?’
He nods.
‘Just so I’m sure.’
‘And did you just say yes, or maybe, Rosie? Just so I’m sure.’
It is my turn to nod. To smile. To stare into his eyes and understand what Mum meant. ‘We couldn’t take this thing one step further, could we?’
He grins. The dirtiest grin ever, his eyes shining, his dimples so deep they make me want to touch them.
‘You have no idea how desperate I’ve been to hear you say that since we went into that flaming lingerie shop. It’s been torture!’
‘That was your idea!’
‘I know.’ He groans. ‘Worst one I’ve ever had! We couldn’t go again some time though, could we?’
I shake my head. ‘You’re so rude.’
‘Rude for you.’ He’s already on his feet, taking my hand, drawing me over the sleeping dog. Leading me towards the stairs. ‘Are you sure?’
***
‘Wow, that has to be the best first date ever!’ I say and stop staring at the ceiling. I roll over onto my side so that I can look at Noah properly.
He smiles. ‘Unrepeatable.’
‘Were you being serious about keeping Hugo?’
‘Definitely! Well, how can I not want to take care of him?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘He’s played an important part in all this; he’s my guardian angel.’ He grins. ‘I don’t think you would have agreed to meet up if you hadn’t had Hugo with you, would you?’
‘Maybe not.’ I smile. How did I ever think I didn’t want to date Noah?
‘And he persuaded me to get back in touch.’
‘Persuaded you! He’s a dog.’
‘Shhh. Keep your voice down, he’ll hear.’ He rolls over onto his side. Strokes the hair away from my face. ‘When I saw Hugo again all I could think about was you, how I’d walked away from the best woman I’d ever met. How I’d walked away from the one proper chance of falling in love with somebody who I was prepared to risk breaking my heart again for. He knew. He looked at me, looked at my phone. He wiggled his eyebrows.’ He does a fair imitation of a Great Dane wiggling his eyebrows, and I laugh.
‘You’re mad!’
‘I must be.’
‘You are right though—’
‘I’m right! Twice in one day! Result!’
‘Shush.’ I dig him in the ribs. ‘You’re right about him needing to be here. Hugo made me realise you weren’t that bad.’
‘Me, bad?’
‘When you rescued me in the park and he liked you I thought you might be okay after all. Dogs know.’
‘I know.’ He pulls me in close, his words muffled against my hair.
‘You do know Ophelia only wanted a house for him cos he’s randy? Won’t leave her visitors alone?’
‘And I’m pretty randy too!’ His hands stray down my back.
‘And you said he reminded you of me!’ I try and ignore the anticipation that is building in the base of my stomach, the tingle that is spreading through my thighs.
‘Big,’ he kisses my shoulder, ‘lumbering,’ I want to kick him, but his mouth is distracting, ‘loving, sloppy, faithful, loyal.’
I don’t hear any more words. I just let go of control, stop thinking and allow myself to feel.
THE END
If you enjo
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Acknowledgements
With every book I’ve written, I’ve grown to appreciate more the fabulous team that beaver away making sure my books are the best they can be, have the loveliest covers, and are available to as many people as possible. You really are my heroes! Much as I’d love to, I can’t thank everybody individually because 1. that would make this incredibly long, and 2. I’d be scared stiff of forgetting somebody and feel guilty forever, but please do know that if you’ve played any part at all in the making of this book, I think you are amazing. Thank you!
There are a few extra special people I’d like to thank individually though.
Amanda Preston, my agent, you are friend, confidante, scraper up off the floor (following mental exhaustion, desperation or exasperation – not inebriation, though I’m sure you’d be excellent at that too) and very funny lady. I can’t imagine doing this without you.
Charlotte Ledger, my publisher, you are indeed a legend! It’s been a tricky couple of years for both of us, and I couldn’t have had a kinder, more thoughtful and considerate person to turn to. I can’t thank you enough for your support, generosity, ideas and enthusiasm, and I’m so proud to count you as a friend. I’m already looking forward to working on the next book together.
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