He looked away from her. “I love you.”
“I’m not the only person in your life, Todd. You still have a good twenty, thirty years left in you.”
He stuck his fingers in his mouth and wished they were a cigarette. He stared up the concrete wall of the building. He thought about hiding behind that wall and having his memory erased, about aging backwards and being twenty-two again, and about the choices he’d made in life, how he’d abandoned Chloe to her addiction and left her for dead.
“If I could start all over again, I would’ve made a different choice,” he said between biting his fingernails. “I would’ve stayed with you.”
“I know. If I could do it all over again, I wouldn’t have chased you away.”
“Chloe, no…”
“It’s okay. I could’ve told you more, maybe found a way to show you. We’ve both done things we regret.” She took his hand out of his mouth and held it in her lap. “Listen, none of that shit matters anymore. What matters is what we do from here on out. You’ve done so much for me since I found you again. I’ll always love you, whether you come with me tonight or not.”
Overhead a helicopter’s rotors made a steady whup-whup-whup sound. As it crossed just above their car, its propellers reached a peak volume and synced with Todd’s pulse. As the maddening sound of the helicopter’s flight faded into the distance, his anxiety remained. The time to make a decision had come.
“Let me at least walk you to the door.”
She killed the engine. They left the car and met outside. Under their feet the pavement was wet. The sounds of cars speeding down the distant highway broke the silence of the night. The helicopter's sounds fell to a whisper as it flew into the distance. Warmth overwhelmed the night air. Somewhere ahead, a bat flapped its rubbery wings. As he looked at the building’s dark windows, he wondered if anyone lived there. If so, would they know if she shared the apartment with them?
They ascended the concrete stairs and came to the front door. Todd pulled on the handle, but it didn’t give. He turned to her, hoping she’d be able to open the door. She pressed her lips together and took Todd’s hand. His fingers tingled in her gentle grasp. She caressed the top of his hand and took his grip off the door handle. Closing her eyes she turned the knob. The door came unlatched and opened a crack. She smiled up at Todd and even amidst the dirty light from the street lamp, it was radiant.
Before she swung the door open and went in, she laced her hands behind Todd’s neck and her dark chocolate eyes held his. She brought her lips up to kiss him. When their mouths met Todd shut his eyes and let himself get lost in her sweetness. He tried not to think about the next moment, in which she would leave him forever. And forever, he knew it would be. She took her lips from his and he brought his face forward, hoping to get one last morsel of her.
“Thank you for helping me get here.”
“I guess this is ‘goodbye?’”
Her gaze shifted to the crack of the open door for a moment before she refocused on him.
“That’s up to you. You have to decide if walking through that door with me will be what delivers you.”
He thought about it. If he left he’d leave behind a good job that had paid for the five bedroom house and the education of his two children. And they were wonderful children. Katie had a bright future if she focused on the things that mattered and lived with passion. If he left he’d never see her again, and any chance of reconciling with Dale also would be gone. He couldn’t deny his love for Anna, but more and more he was unsure of what kind of love it was. As he stood there looking from the car to Chloe, he couldn’t help thinking that all of these things may have been attachments that have been pulling him away from his true self, his essence.
Images of sitting across the living room of his apartment with Chloe, him cradling his guitar, she leaning over her synthesizer, played through his head like a beautiful film. They were always so in sync, when they played music, when they made love, when they spoke. With Anna there had always been a strain, even in the beginning, and a dissonance that grew as the years went by.
“I don’t have any other choice. I need to go with you.”
She smiled. “You do have a choice. That’s what makes it so much more wonderful.”
He nodded in agreement.
“Are you sure this is what you want to do?”
A large moth with colorful wings caught his eye as it danced in the porch light behind her. Its approach was tentative, as if it was attracted to the glow but feared being engulfed in flames. The moth hung in the air as if on a string, an unseen puppeteer dangling it in the air and bouncing it up and down. Even as it hesitated, it moved forward a little more, inexorably attracted to the luminosity in spite of any danger. It would reach the light, Todd thought, and he would go in with Chloe. He wasn’t sure what would happen when he went through that door with her, but he knew it would be okay. He and the moth, in spite of anxieties and uncertainty, shared that common optimism about their respective destinations.
In the window beside the light the reflection of a shadowy figure approached from the street below. Todd’s gaze shifted to the path of the moth and saw that it had caught itself in a spider web strategically spun around the light. The crafty spider approached its prey with rapid urgency. Todd looked back to the reflection in the window below the light. Before he could say or do anything, he heard Chloe scream.
He spun and followed her line of sight to the street. Samael stood on the sidewalk. At his feet two women knelt. One of them was young, auburn-haired, in her late teens. The other was older, blond and still beautiful. Even under the deceptive shadows of the city street, Todd recognized them.
~Chloe~
The night before she died, Chloe dreamed she was running through the woods outside her father’s house. In the dream the trees stood taller, bare branches scraping the night sky like the fingernails of an angry lover. They surrounded her house, blocking the street and her neighbors’ homes. The night sky was starless but a strange red glow backlit the clouds and throbbed in time with claps of thunder.
No matter where Chloe ran, no matter how fast, the trees prevented her escape. Every attempt to reach her house resulted in failure. She’d get just in front of the back deck, then end up back in the woods, the house gone from sight.
As the dream went on, she would realize that she had been here many nights before. These dreams were always the same: oppressive, hopeless, and filled with an overwhelming feeling of being devoured from within by something older than God. Upon this realization, she knew that he was here, that man of fire, the one who had chased her all her life.
The realization that this was a dream did nothing to comfort her. Instead, it awakened something between panic and resignation. If he had chased her for this long, and every night she had safely awakened, this had to be the night her luck ran out. You can only outrun fate for so long.
The woods caught fire, surrounding her in a circle of orange-red flames that got closer and closer. She looked around for a way through them, but no exit presented itself. From the fire he came and he embraced her in his burning arms.
~Todd~
“Anna! Katie!” Anna strained to raise her head. She only got it up a few inches. Deep purple bruises covered her face. “What the fuck did you do to them?”
“Have a look for yourself.” Samael grabbed Katie by her dark hair and jerked her head up. A bloody gash gleamed on her cheek.
Chloe pushed her way in front of Todd. “Leave them out of this!”
Samael threw Katie to the ground and stepped forward. Paralyzing fear seized Todd as Samael's eyes burned.
“I’ve come back for you and since you won’t come willingly, I’ve chosen to use other means. If you walk through that door, either of you, they die.”
Todd’s guts shriveled inside of him. Before, the choice of running off with Chloe was a distant thing. Leaving his life behind had no immediacy. Though it would hurt Anna and Katie, he knew they would pull
themselves together and get on with life. Just moments ago, he had been ready to pursue his own salvation and leave the attachments of this life behind. Now, the consequences stared him in the eyes.
“Come back to me and I’ll let them go.”
Tears streamed from Chloe’s eyes. She looked utterly vulnerable and it hurt Todd to see her that way. She brought her hand out to meet his. Their fingertips touched lightly. For a moment time seemed to stop, then she drew her hand away. The frailty left her features.
“I’m sorry, Todd. I can’t.”
“What?”
Chloe turned to stare down Samael. “How do I know that you’ll let them go if I go with you?”
“Chloe, no, there has to be another way.”
“You don’t know anything,” said Samael. “But have no doubt that if you don’t come with me, they will both die.”
Todd watched Chloe as she stood at the head of the stairs, statuesque and doing all she could to hide her fear. His thoughts were chaotic. He saw no good way for this to end. A truck drove by in the distance, its engine roaring like a great beast.
“I’ll go with you.”
Todd reached for her. “No!”
Chloe clutched his body to hers. For a beautiful moment, Todd thought they would be inseparable. He tried to forget where he was, to focus only on the warmth of her as she pressed against him. He tried not to think about letting her go in the next minute.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered in his ear. “This is just where I belong.”
“No! There has to be another way. Just go inside. The door’s open.”
“He’ll just kill your family in front of you if I do that. I can’t have that on my conscience.”
He had nothing to say, because he knew that he couldn’t sway her. She broke her hold on him and started to push away. He gave up the fight and let her slip from his arms. His heart jackhammered against his sternum as he watched her descend the stairs. Over her shoulder, he saw Samael grin, the joy the demon derived from Todd’s misery evident. That smug expression sent Todd into a fit of rage.
“No!” He lunged down the stairs. “You son of a bitch, you leave them the fuck out of this!”
He pushed past Chloe who tried to call him off. He barely heard her. He raised his fists like a barroom brawler and charged. The demon held his ground. Todd jabbed forward with his right hand, hoping to land a shot in Samael’s mouth. He’d seen the guy get up from a lot and was pretty sure that this was a losing battle, but fuck it. Better to go down swinging than to stand by while a monster used your loved ones as pawns.
Samael effortlessly dodged Todd’s assault and countered with a backhand slap. The blow took Todd to the ground. Samael stepped on the back of Todd’s neck and applied pressure. Pieces of gravel dug into Todd's cheek and teeth as he tasted the scummy pavement. Blood mixed with grime as his nose gave way under pressure. Samael could kill him easily. A swift drive of the heel to the back of his skull would do the trick, but killing him fast was not likely part of Samael's plan.
“Samael, stop! You let all of them go or you don’t get me. Is that clear?”
“You’re in no position to bargain with me, slave!”
Todd tried to push himself up. His face was being crushed. Samael had him firmly pinned.
“If you kill him, I’ll run back up these stairs. Now get off of him or you’ll never see me again.”
Some of the pressure gave. Even though Todd didn’t want to die, he still couldn’t make peace with Chloe giving herself up. He protested against the pavement with a choked cry.
Chloe said, “I mean it. Let… them… go.”
Samael’s heel lingered. For a moment, Todd imagined the foot coming down to mash his head and Samael catching Chloe before she made her way through the door. That was entirely possible and would erode the nobility of anyone's sacrifice.
Samael removed his foot.
“Now, get away from them.”
Samael stepped away. Todd tried to get up and look at what was happening around him, but blood and tears filled his eyes. Chloe approached and stopped at Samael’s side. Todd wiped his eyes and saw Samael looking down at him. Chloe was looking away. Samael bent so that Todd could smell the fire on his breath.
“Take your family and go. Your part in this story ends tonight.”
Part of Todd wanted to get up and fight back, but he had no spirit left.
Samael put an arm around Chloe’s shoulders. She tried to shrink away, but he pulled her to him. His eyes narrowed at Todd.
“Go now, before I decide not to hold up my end of the bargain.”
Todd got to his feet, then wiped his face on his shirt. He stood frozen in place. Another thought of lunging at Samael crossed his mind, but the futility of such an attack had already been proved. The conflict would end in Todd’s death and probably everyone else's too. He went to Katie and avoided looking at Chloe.
Katie’s hands hung limp in her lap as she knelt on the pavement. Quiet sobs fell from her lips. Seeing her in this state hurt, especially when he took into account this was partially his fault. Samael never would’ve come for his family if he hadn’t run away with Chloe. He bent and put his arm under Katie’s shoulders and lifted her off the ground. She was dead weight in his arms at first, then eventually she shuffled her feet as he led her to the back seat of his car. She wept as she buckled in.
“Dad… what’s happening…?”
Not so much unwilling to answer as unable, he shut the door. He turned back to Samael, Chloe and Anna. All three watched him. Chloe’s expression was broken and full of shame while Anna looked at him with a mix between contempt and disbelief. Samael’s smugness hadn’t faded in the least. Todd walked toward the trio, moving his feet in short, uncertain strides. When he got to Anna, he stole a look up at Chloe. Fear had crept into her expression now and Todd guessed that the reality of her decision had dawned on her. He bent to take Anna’s arm. She looked up at him, her gaze toxic up close.
“What have you done?” she asked.
Saying nothing, he offered his hand. Despite her obvious anger, she took it and let him help her up. The walk back to the car this time seemed much longer than before, like the longest walk of his life. Numbness overtook him as he helped Anna into the passenger seat.
As he drove away, he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t look back.
But, God, he wanted to.
His breath didn’t return until Chloe’s screams died under the drone of the car’s motor.
* * *
Todd lay on his back, his eyes wide open. Except for the gentle hum of the ceiling fan’s motor, dark silence filled the bedroom. Anna faced the wall. All she'd said since coming home was that she just wanted to lie down.
They’d spent the day in the hospital, getting their wounds looked at. The doctors all said that neither he, Anna nor Katie were seriously injured. All day, Todd kept thinking that was a lie. All three of them were deeply hurt, but in places the doctors could never see with their instruments and X-rays. Todd knew as he lay on top of the blanket, the cool breeze of the fan providing little comfort, that their wounds would leave permanent, profound scars.
Few words were exchanged between Todd and his family throughout the day. Katie had shot him several sympathetic looks as the hours went on, but there was nothing else from her. There was even less from Anna. He’d done most of the talking, telling the doctors and the police that they were attacked. No, he didn’t know their attacker. No, nothing had been stolen. Yes, he’d be willing to look at a lineup. He didn’t voice that he knew it would do no good. Samael was long gone. Anna and Katie seemed to know that somehow, too. He made no mention of Chloe. It disgusted him how good he was at lying.
He turned over and focused on the back of Anna’s neck. Her dirty blond hair lay splayed across the white pillow. She smelled like her strawberry shampoo. They’d showered separately; she’d spent nearly an hour in there while Todd waited for her to come to bed. Now, despite her silence, he knew she was a
wake from the restless way she breathed. He said her name once.
“Don’t,” she replied.
Todd returned to his back. His eyes had adjusted well to the darkness. The ceiling was a chilling shade of gray and offered him no answers. Looking within only yielded emptiness. He didn’t sleep for a long time.
~4~
~Chloe~
Cold mud slid down Chloe’s skin as she crouched in the filth that covered the floor of Samael’s cave. Her flesh crawled with the lingering feel of the previous violation. Samael took a handful of her hair and raised her head to make eye contact with him. The motion was almost tender, but because it was done with his hand, it exuded menace. He stared at her with eyes not full of fire, but ashen soullessness.
“Clare, my sweet Clare, have you learned your lesson?”
“I’m not her. Stop…”
He tightened his grip on her hair and tilted her head back. Above her on the ceiling, gutted bodies of the damned bled and shat down upon the floor. They should have been dead, all of them, but they wailed in their immortal suffering.
“You are who I say you are, whore. I’ve died for you. I’ve tortured and killed for you. You are mine.”
She watched the suffering above her, fastened by their ankles in the stone ceiling. They writhed and howled, sounding like wounded animals. Thirty years in Hell and she never got used to seeing them. She supposed she never would.
“Tell me you’re mine. I’ve fought for you and won.”
“You’ll believe that whether I tell you or not.”
He pulled harder on her scalp and took her by the throat with his other hand.
“Tell me or…”
“You’ll kill me? I think we’ve gone far past that.”
He dug his fingernails into the soft skin of her neck. The five fresh wounds stung and trickled warm trails of blood down her exposed breasts.
“There’s no escape. You can’t tell me that you haven’t learned that already.”
Dark of Night - Flesh and Fire Page 28
