by M. E. Parker
He didn’t hesitate. “I know it seems sudden to you, but I’ve been thinking about all this for months. I’ve been thinking about coming out. I’ve been thinking about football. But deep down, I’ve known what I wanted for a long time. I’ve just been too much of a coward to take it. Maybe being with you gave me the courage.”
My heart raced as I reached over and patted his knee. “Okay.” I didn’t know what else to say. I believed him.
He looked over at me again. “I know you hate it when I apologize, but I’m gonna one more time. I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you. I’m sorry for all of it. I’ll never treat you like that again. I don’t expect you to believe me or trust me, but I’m gonna prove it. I don’t even feel like I deserve you. I feel lucky, Andy.”
I held up my hand. I felt my cheeks turn red. “Stop. No more feeling guilty or saying you’re sorry. I just want you to feel happy today. We both know things are complicated, but I don’t want you to worry about all that. I just want you to be happy. I’m happy.” I smiled at him. And I was happy. I was so happy, I felt like I was living in a dream.
“Okay. You’re right. Speaking about being happy, what do you want to do tonight when we get to Gilcrest? It can be anything. We can go out to dinner, to a movie, to End Zone … we can even go dancing. I can take you to Wild Orchid. Anything, anywhere you want, monkey. And oh my god, you don’t know how good it feels to say that.” He laughed.
I laughed. “Cam has texted me a thousand times, wanting to know what time we’ll be home. It’s game night, but we can totally blow them off. I don’t care what we do. It’s up to you. This is your night, babe.”
He looked over at me and grinned and shook his head. “As much as I want to take you out, I can’t afford to piss off Cam again.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chance
I was surprised to find a parking spot right in front of Andy’s building when we returned to Gilcrest. I looked over at Andy; he was smiling at me. I could barely make out his features under the dim light of the street lamp. I leaned over and kissed him and shook my head. I was happy. I was still a little nervous about football and talking to my coach, but the worst was over. As I looked at him, I felt love. I also felt lucky—lucky that he’d been so patient with me, that he’d found it in his heart to love me even after I’d hurt him so many times. I didn’t want to hurt him again and it felt good to let go of all the fear that had clouded my life for so many years. I was going to do everything within my power to make sure I never hurt him like that again.
“You ready, monkey?”
“I guess.” He looked at his watch. “It’s still early, maybe we have time …” His voice trailed off.
“Time for what?” I asked.
He blushed and small giggle escaped from his throat. “I don’t know … time to get naked?”
I burst out laughing. “I don’t hate that idea at all. Come on.” I quickly turned off the engine, jumped out of the truck, and jogged over to the passenger side. He was already stepping out of the truck when I reached him and pulled him into a tight hug. I kissed him and stared down at him, smiling. My heart was pounding. “Let’s hurry.”
He laughed as I dragged him up the stairs to his apartment. We were still laughing when he handed me his key and as I fumbled with the lock. When I managed to open the door, I was surprised to find that the apartment was pitch black. I patted the wall until I found the light switch. As soon as light cascaded through the apartment, a chorus of screams surprised me.
“Surprise!” Diana Ross’s I’m Coming Out blared through the apartment. It felt like every bit of blood in my body had risen to my face. “Holy shit,” I said as I looked around the apartment.
I looked back at Andy. He looked as surprised as I felt. I scanned the apartment. There were dozens of people there. Of course, Cam, Ben, and Jordy. But also at least a dozen guys from the football team and some of their girlfriends. A bunch of friends from my architecture classes were sprinkled throughout the crowd. Even Jenny and Becky from Wytheville were standing on either side of Cam. Travis was there with Natalie. The girls from upstairs, Shelia and her roommate, were standing in the crowd.
“Oh my god, what is this?” I was completely at a loss for words.
“This is your coming-out party, quarterback,” Cam said with a giant smile on his face.
He walked over and put his arms around me. I pulled him into a hug. “What the hell have you done, Cam?” I yelled into his ear.
“You’re an out, proud, gay, gorgeous man and you deserve to know that you’re loved and supported. By the way, I limited the invite list. If I’d let Travis and Jordy have their way, half of Gilcrest would be trying to squeeze into our apartment right now.” I shook my head in disbelief as I looked up, noticing for the first time, dozens of rainbow-colored balloons floating on the ceiling. I was overwhelmed.
I looked back at Andy. “Oh my god, did you know about this?”
He shook his head as I reached for him. “No, thank god. I would have been nervous the whole way here. Who are all these people?”
I laughed. “I can’t believe it. Guys from the team, friends from classes. Come here, monkey,” I said, pulling him to my side. I bent down and kissed him on the cheek, which set off a chorus of cheers. His face was bright red. I was sure mine was too.
Jackson Murphy, one of our running backs, who was a senior, was the first to greet me. He pulled me into a hug. “This is cool, man. I’ve never been to a coming-out party before. Am I supposed to say congratulations?”
I laughed. “I have no idea. I’ve never been to one either.”
“I just want you to know, it’s all good. I got your back. We’ve got your back,” he said motioning to my teammates behind him. I looked at Travis, who was standing towards the back of the room with Natalie. He smiled and waved. I turned my attention back to Jackson. “No matter what, you’ll go down as one of the best quarterbacks Gilcrest has ever had,” he said, backhanding me against the chest.
I shook my head. “I don’t know about that—maybe the first gay football player Gilcrest has ever had.” I felt Andy squeeze my hand in support.
Jackson laughed. “Nah man, just a ball player, a good fuckin’ ball player.”
I smiled at him. “Thanks Jacks. Hey, this is Andy … my boyfriend.” It felt good to say it. I was filled with emotion as I watched the two of them shake hands.
Levi and Lennox Jones stood behind Jackson. I still had trouble telling them apart. They were identical twins, both great ball players, but also players in the other sense of the word—notoriously popular with the girls at Gilcrest. I was surprised to see them, not because I thought they’d care so much either way that I was gay, but we just weren’t that close. Each of them shook my hand and then Andy’s when I introduced them.
Lennox spoke up. “We had to come by and tell you thanks for what you did today.” My brow furrowed and I chuckled.
“Thanks for what?” Levi said, seeing my confusion. “For being brave enough to come out. You’re our little brother’s new hero.”
I raised an eyebrow and Lennox interrupted. “Landon’s in high school down in Georgia and he’s a hell of a football player. He came out to the family last year, but he’s terrified to come out at school. He’s been thinking about quitting football, but I think you’ve given him hope.”
I was speechless. I never thought that my coming out would help anyone. But maybe if I’d known more gay football players when I was a kid, it would have helped me.
I guess Andy sensed that I didn’t know what to say. “That’s awesome. You should invite him to visit sometime. I’m sure Chance would love to meet him.”
I nodded my head. “Absolutely. Anytime, just let me know.”
Levi smiled brightly. “That would be great. He’ll be here for the first game next season. Maybe for now, you could just follow him on Instagram, he’d love it.”
“Consider it done. Text me his info.”
Lennox leaned in a
nd whispered, “Dude, who are those girls in the kitchen? I haven’t seen them around campus.” I looked over and realized they were talking about Jenny and Becky.
I laughed. “Oh, they’re from Wytheville. They’re Andy’s new best friends,” I teased. Andy elbowed me and burst out laughing.
Levi furrowed his brow and looked at Andy. “So, can you hook us up, or what?”
Still laughing, Andy nodded and said, “I’m not sure who I should be more worried for, you guys or them.”
I don’t know how long we stood there as every person at the party approached me to offer words of support and encouragement. I proudly introduced each of them to Andy. There were a few times that I sensed Andy try to slip away. Each time, I grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to me. He probably felt as overwhelmed as I did, but I wanted everyone to know how much he meant to me. The whole thing felt surreal. I never believed so many of my teammates and friends would be so supportive.
Travis was the last to approach me. I’d managed to keep it together all night until he pulled me into a tight hug. “That’s some brave shit, man. You don’t play around when you come out, do you?” I laughed and looked over his shoulder. Natalie was standing behind him. My stomach dropped. I hadn’t spoken to her since the night we’d broken up. It seemed like a lifetime ago.
I pulled away from Travis and looked at her. God, I felt guilty. “Nat—I … I guess I owe you an apology. I’m so—”
She wrapped her arms around my neck. “Don’t be sorry, Chance.” She pulled away and linked her arm around Travis’s. “I’m not,” she said grinning. “If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have met Travis.”
Travis kissed her on the forehead and chuckled. They seemed happy. She seemed happy. It eased some of my guilt. “What can I say? Lucky for me, you turned out to be gay,” Travis joked.
I laughed. “You guys make a great couple. If only he wasn’t so ugly,” I said as I hooked my thumb towards Travis who laughed and immediately shoved me with a press to my shoulder.
Natalie burst out laughing. “I know, right? Sometimes I can barely look at him.” She turned to Andy. “I’m sorry, I’m Natalie.” She extended her hand to him.
He smiled at her as he shook her hand. “Andy.”
She smiled genuinely back at him. “I know. I’m happy for you guys. It’s great to meet you.”
Travis hugged Andy and whispered intentionally loud enough for me to hear, “Let me know if you get sick of him, I can still fix you up with Mike.”
Andy laughed as I playfully punched Travis in the arm.
The rest of the night was sort of a blur, spent talking and laughing. Now and then, I lost track of Andy and had to scan the party for him, only to find him laughing or smiling at one of my friends. Every time, it was as if he could sense that I was searching for him. Our eyes met and he’d give me a reassuring smile. It was crazy how my heart pounded every time I looked at him. I felt so free.
At some point, Cam presented me with a cake that was decorated to resemble the gay pride flag. I laughed at the words iced on the top—“Yay! Chance is Gay.” He organized a group photo of me holding the cake with all my friends gathered around me. There was no doubt in my mind that it would be making its way around social media within minutes, but the best part about it was that I didn’t care.
As fun as the night had been, I was glad when Cam started telling guests about the drink specials at Wild Orchid and not so subtly suggesting that the party should move there. I had just finished saying my goodbyes to Travis and Natalie when I surveyed the room and saw that almost everyone had left. Of course, Jordy, Ben, and Cam were still there. They were in the living room having a lively conversation with Lennox and Levi. Jenny and Becky had Andy cornered in the kitchen. Becky was asking Andy whether the top she was wearing made her boobs look good. I could tell Andy was struggling to respond and I was about to go and save him when Cam pushed past me and interrupted them.
“Oh my god, Becky, the girls look great. Are you girls gonna take those twins down to Wild Orchid or not? Because I’m seriously about thirty seconds from turning them gay.”
Jenny burst out laughing. “I don’t think that’s how it works, Cam.”
“Gurl, you obviously underestimate my powers. It’s happened before. Seriously.” He put his arms around them and steered them towards the living room.
I laughed as Becky gasped, “You wouldn’t dare.”
“Don’t test me, sister.” I was relieved when I saw Cam walking the four of them towards the door. “Okay, you guys have fun, we’ll see you down there,” Cam said, as I walked towards them to say goodbye and thank them for coming. As he walked past me, he mouthed the word “not.” I laughed as I hugged Jenny and Becky goodbye.
As soon as I closed the door, I saw that Andy and Cam were hugging. “Thank you for doing this for him, Cam,” Andy said softly.
“Oh my god, he’s my friend too, Andy. Jesus, are you crying? I don’t want your snot on my shirt.”
Andy laughed and pushed Cam away. “I’m not crying,” he lied as he wiped away a stray tear from under his left eye. Oh my god, I love him so much, I thought as I watched him blush before he smiled at me from across the kitchen.
“Gather gays,” Cam called out, clapping his hands before pulling a bottle of champagne from the fridge. Ben and Jordy made their way into the kitchen as Cam opened the bottle and barked orders. “I need glasses—no, Jordy, the champagne—no, the next cabinet over.”
A minute later, the five of us were standing in the kitchen in a circle, each holding a glass of champagne. Cam raised his glass. “I want to make a toast to Chance …”
I interrupted him. “Wait, Cam. Can I start? I have something I want to say to you guys.”
Cam let out a huff and examined his fingernails. “I suppose. It is your night.”
I smiled at him. “Thank you.” I took a deep breath. I knew that I’d never be able to put into words what they all meant to me, but I wanted to try. “You guys already know that I’m completely head over heels in love with Andy.” I watched Andy’s face turn bright red before he covered his eyes with his free hand.
“Oh my god, stop trying to make us cry,” Cam said.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Andy
It felt surreal, standing there in the kitchen, listening to Chance tell my best friends that he was in love with me. I was embarrassed, but I loved it. I love him, I thought as he ignored Cam.
“No, it’s true. You guys know it. But I’m not sure if you know how much you guys have come to mean to me. Other than Andy, I’ve never had friends like you. From the first time I met you guys, I felt like I could be myself. I never felt like I had to pretend to be different. I want you all to know how grateful I am.”
He looked down at his feet and cleared his throat. “Cam, thank you for the party, but most of all, thank you for helping me, not so subtly at times … for helping me to realize what was important and for giving me the courage to take it.” Cam pressed his hand against his chest and looked down at the floor. “And, Ben, thank you for going along with Cam’s crazy schemes—because you helped me understand that I was missing out on something more important than anything I stood to lose.”
Ben smiled. “So, you don’t hate me then?”
Chance’s eyes were watery. “No, man, the opposite … Jordy, thanks for always being real and just listening to me.” The corners of Jordy’s lips turned up. “I love you guys. Maybe that sounds gay …” We all laughed as I held back my own tears. Chance continued, “Seriously, I know you’re Andy’s friends first, but I just want you to know that I consider you my friends too, and I feel lucky.” Chance raised his glass. “So, here’s to you guys—thanks for being so supportive.”
“Aww … that was the sappiest thing I’ve ever heard,” Cam said raising his glass. “Don’t make us group hug you.” Cam cleared his throat. “Chance, by the power vested in me by—well, me, I guess—you are hereby declared an official Gilcrest University Gay
. To Chance … he’s out, he’s proud, he’s hot, and he’s ours. Cheers queers!” We all clinked our glasses together laughing.
Ben looked at Chance and shook his head. “I couldn’t believe it when I saw your Instagram post today. Well done, mate. That took a lot of courage.”
Chance looked down at the floor. “Thanks, Ben.”
“How did it go with your Dad?” Jordan asked.
I reached for Chance’s hand and squeezed until he looked up at me smiled. “It was pretty much how I expected it to go.”
Cam put his hand on Chance’s shoulder, “Well, I’m no expert, but really, how could God hate gays? I mean, look how cute we are. I find it impossible” We all laughed as Cam fell into a kitchen chair. “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m completely drained. Who knew straight people could be so exhausting?” He looked around the apartment. “And messy. Oh my god, look at this place. Maybe I can get a cleaning service to come tomorrow, or we could just move or something.”
Jordy laughed. “Come on, it’s not that bad. It won’t take us long.”
I began to put away the left-over food, while Jordy and Chance filled two trash bags with empty cups, bottles, and paper plates. Ben stood at the sink and finished off the dishes, while Cam sat at the kitchen table fanning himself.
Ben looked back at him. “Cameron, you’ve done so much today, you should just sit there and rest. We’ll take care of everything.” His voice dripped with sarcasm.
“Thanks, Benny, you’re a peach,” Cam said. “By the way, I’m sleeping over with you and Jordy tonight. These two will be fucking so loud I won’t be able to get my beauty sleep.” I looked over at Chance and he was smiling at me. His cheeks were pink, but I was sure I was blushing harder than he was.
Ben sighed. “Fine, but you’re bunking with Jordy.”
“I had him last time.” Jordy chimed in from across the room.
“Boys, stop. There’s plenty of me to go around. I hate it when you fight over me,” Cam said as he stood to leave. “Come here roomies, give me a hug.” Cam wrapped his arms around Chance and me, before we each got a quick peck on the cheek. “Love you losers, you’re lucky you have such a considerate roommate.”
