by Alie Nolan
He chuckled. “Of course, Caleb would be there. I’m not looking to step out on him, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
I let out an audible sigh of relief, and he laughed.
I’d obviously imagined the flirting. I didn’t know why I imagined it or what that meant, but I must have, because I believed him when he said he wasn’t planning on cheating on Caleb.
Which was good for him, because if he did, I had no doubt he’d have a lot of angry Logans turning up on his doorstep.
It was obvious from everyone’s reactions that Caleb was now well and truly a part of this family again, and if you crossed one Logan, you crossed them all.
I hadn’t said anything that resembled an answer to his invitation, and he was looking at me expectantly.
“Well?” he smiled.
“Um… yeah, okay.”
“Great.”
I saw Caleb approaching us out of the corner of my eye, and I couldn’t help but tense up again. Being around Caleb still made me feel awkward because I hadn’t quite figured out how to be around him yet.
Caleb came up beside Elliott and wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him against his side, and placing a soft kiss to his lips. The couple shared a smile that melted my heart.
I wondered what it must have been like to have someone look at you with so much love.
I couldn’t help the pang of jealously that hit me as I watched them interact with so much comfort, familiarity, and adoration.
I assumed I was jealous of Elliott, that Caleb looked at him the way he did… but I was surprised to find that I was just as jealous of the situation the other way around.
Huh.
I studied them for a moment, their physical similarities, and their differences.
They had every similar builds—both a lot bigger than me in both height and width—but while Caleb had a more casual appearance, with his tattoos, messy brunet hair and beard, dressed in jeans and a fitted t-shirt, Elliott had a much more put-together appearance. His dark-blond hair was neatly styled, his skin was ink-less as far as I could see, and he was wearing smarter jeans and a buttoned-up shirt.
I was equally attracted to both of them though.
Which I knew I shouldn’t have been, but there wasn’t anything I could do about it.
I didn’t date much—ever, really—and I rarely, if ever, was actually attracted to anyone, but in that moment, I desperately wanted someone to look at me like Caleb and Elliott did each other, and I could easily imagine that person for me being one of these two men.
There was something seriously wrong with me, if the first person I found myself attracted to since my ex-boyfriend left me, was that ex’s fucking husband.
I watched the way Caleb’s fingers ran circle in the fabric of Elliott’s shirt, gently stroking his side where his arm was wrapped around him, and I couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like if I was in Elliott’s place. Then my eyes travelled to where Elliott’s arm disappeared behind Caleb’s back, slowly dipping lower as if his hand was slowly settling on his lower back. This time, my mind started wondering what it would like to be in Caleb’s place.
Apparently, my mind now… well, had a mind of its own.
My brain was suddenly flooded with images of the two of them kissing and caressing each other, with me occasionally taking one of their spots in the images.
Fuck my life.
“Hey,” Max said as he came up beside me and nudged my shoulder with his, jolting me out of my inappropriate spiral—just in time because my dick some starting to take a serious interest in the ideas my brain had conjured up. He lowered his voice and whispered into my ear, “You okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
I cleared my throat, trying to avoid my voice giving away the fact that I was not okay. “I’m good. Need a drink.”
Max looked down at the drink in my hand and rose a curious brow at me.
Shit.
I downed the drink in one gulp and shuffled away from the little group to refill my cup, using the few seconds at the drink table to regain my composure.
You cannot be attracted to either of them, I chided myself.
By the time I made my way back over to where I’d been standing before, the four men I’d been standing with were now deep in conversation.
The night continued much the same way, lots of chatting, and even more drinking. Jake seemed so happy to be able to reintroduce Caleb to everyone, and everyone seemed eager and excited to get to know Caleb again.
I realised too late that I’d probably had a few too many drinks when I started to fumble my words a smidge and I was ever so slightly off balance.
I stumbled over to the kitchen side where someone had laid out enough food to feed an army, and noticed the platter of cupcakes in the centre of the array.
I looked up from the beautiful, M&M-coated treats, and saw Caleb watching me. A brief wistful expression crossed his face, but it was gone so quickly I was sure I’d imagined it. He continued to watch me, so I pointed to the cupcakes and I mouthed, “Thank you.”
His face lit up in the most beautiful smile imaginable—a smile that made my heart skip a few beats.
The alcohol made it impossible to fight the flush that started to creep over my face as he continued to stare at me.
How on earth was I going to get myself under control enough to have dinner with either Caleb or Elliott, let alone both of them.
I am so fucked.
My phone buzzed on the desk in my exam room, and I ran to it—luckily there was no one else in the room to witness my embarrassing eagerness.
Picking up my phone, I silently hoped it was from Caleb or Elliott.
We’d exchanged numbers at my birthday party—I had no recollection of it, but that wasn’t surprising seeing as I’d got so plastered that I had to be carried to bed in my parents’ house by several of my cousins.
They’d texted me the morning after the party, checking to see how hungover I was, and reminding me about our dinner plans.
We’d started texting back and forth in a group chat after that. Nothing too deep, just general light conversation and sharing funny memes, but I smiled every single time my phone displayed a notification from either of them.
I had managed to convince myself that my temporary insanity was down to the amount of alcohol I’d consumed at the party, and that once I saw them again, I’d realise that it was just a weird blip my brain had experienced that night. Though, a small voice in the back of my mind tormented me every time I told myself that.
You’re lying to yourself.
I wanted to talk to someone about it, but what did I say? And who did I say it to?
I still have feelings for a guy who abandoned me ten years ago, oh, and I’m also crushing on his husband now too… help?
Ugh.
If I were to somehow pluck up the courage to talk to anyone about something like this, Max and Jake would have been my automatic number one and two choices, but that seemed like a terrible idea.
Bringing my attention back to my phone, I realised that the text was in fact from Elliott.
Elliott: What do you like to eat?
I typed out a reply.
Me: Anything. I’m not fussy.
Elliott: Not fussy? What’s that? I assumed everyone—aside from me—refused to eat half of the sensible food groups.
Caleb: Fuck you. I’m not fussy.
Elliott: Not fussy when it comes to sugary foods, no.
Caleb: Who wants to eat vegetables when there are desserts instead?!
I couldn’t help but chuckle, they were so cute.
It was thoughts like that which put my mind to rest on the crush situation. They were the most perfect couple I’d ever met in my life, and I would never want to come between them, even if it was just a hypothetical thought.
Me: Vegetables are good for you, Caleb.
Caleb: Great, now there’s two of you.
Elliott: Thanks, Matty. ;)
A kn
ock sounded on my exam room door.
Me: I have to get back to work. I’ll see you tonight.
Elliott: See you tonight.
Caleb: See you later.
ELEVEN
Elliott
I wasn’t sure why I’d asked Matty to come to dinner at our house—it had just sort of slipped out of my mouth without my brain’s permission—but I didn’t regret asking though, because I was actually really excited about it.
I was so intrigued by Matty, and I was excited to get to know him more, without the pressure of having his family around us.
I could tell that Caleb was excited as well, because even though it was still early in the afternoon, I kept seeing him check the clock on the oven as if time could have suddenly sped up.
It was Monday, which meant Caleb and I had the whole day free, but Matty had to work until five, so he said he wouldn’t be here until at least six.
Caleb and I were sitting at our kitchen island, each with a cup of tea in hand, discussing the topic that had dominated our conversations recently… Matty.
Neither of us had brought up the obvious attraction we both had for the man—I was still waiting for Caleb to bring it up.
I knew him well enough to know that he would bring it up whenever he was ready to address it, and I wasn’t going to press him on the matter before then.
We couldn’t ignore it much longer though, not when we talked about him more than we talked about anything else, and since the first time we’d stumbled into a mutual sexual fantasy about Matty, it had become a sort of regular occurrence now.
I noticed the subtle change in Caleb almost instantly; he began staring into the beige liquid of his tea, instead of at me, and his shoulders stiffened as he sat up a little straighter on the chair—he was gearing up to say something, and he wasn’t sure what response he’d be met with when he did.
“So, what is our plan exactly?” He hedged.
“Plan for what?” I thought I had a pretty good idea of his meaning, but I wanted to make sure we were actually on the same page before answering his very vague question.
“With Matty.” He took a few sips of his tea before barrelling on. “I’m not imagining that you’re as interested in him as I am, am I? Either way, we need to talk about this. I appreciate you giving me the time to come to you first, by the way.”
I smiled softly. “You’re welcome, sweetheart.”
I set my tea on the island and turned my body on the chair to face him.
“As for Matty,” I started, nudging Caleb’s knee with mine. “I don’t exactly have a plan,” I chuckled. “I feel a little blindsided by him, if I’m being honest.”
“Me too.”
“I think the main thing we need to discuss is whether we’re actually on the same page.”
I knew where my head at was at, and I was pretty good at reading Caleb, so I was confident we were on the same page, but I still wanted to check.
Caleb didn’t say anything, so I continued.
“I like him… a lot. Something about him wiggled its way under my skin from the first time I laid eyes on him at the bakery. At first, I assumed it was solely down to a physical attraction to him, but that isn’t just it. He’s kind, and funny, and adorably shy in certain situations, while really confident in others. Just hearing you say his name, or seeing his name light up on my phone screen when he texts us, does something funny to my insides… things that I’ve only ever felt when it comes to you.”
There I’d said it.
It was out in the universe, there was no taking it back.
“I feel exactly the same.” The shy smile that had been on Caleb’s face morphed into a more confident one—the Caleb I was used to seeing, the one who was sure of what he wanted—and something in my chest lightened. What I’d said had reassured him and stopped him from doubting himself and his feelings.
“So, what do we do?” I asked him. “Should we straight-up ask him out on a date?”
His eyebrows furrowed—his ‘deep in thought’ expression. “What if he thinks we’re insane? Hell, I don’t even know if this is sane. My husband and I asking my ex out on a date? That seems like daytime telly-type crazy to me.”
“You don’t want to date him?”
“I feel like I should say no.” He dropped his eyes back to his tea, and fiddled with the handle. “Like I shouldn’t want to pursue something with him.”
“Sweetheart,” I said, waiting until his gaze met mine before I continued. I cupped the side of his face and stroked my thumb through his dark beard, the hair tickling my skin. “I don’t for a second believe that you feel anything less for me because you still feel something for him.”
I was sure I’d said something to that effect not long after I’d met Caleb. After he’d told me about Matty—the breakup still a fresh wound for him back then—I’d come to the realisation that it was okay for Caleb to still have feelings for Matty and be with me as well. That just because he might never get over Matty didn’t mean he didn’t have more love to give.
He smiled sweetly and turned his head to place a soft kiss to my palm. “Thank you, and for the record, I don’t feel jealous that you’re attracted to him either. I actually kind of love it,” he chuckled.
“I love you,” I told him.
“I love you too.”
“Okay, so, we both want to see if we can pursue some sort of relationship with him?”
Caleb nodded. “Yes.”
“Right,” I drained my cup of tea and got up to place it on the side by the dishwasher. “What are we cooking tonight? We have a man to woo.” I shot Caleb a teasing grin and his face lit up.
I was just taking the lasagne out of the oven when the doorbell rang, signalling Matty’s arrival.
He’d texted us when he left his house to let us know he was on his way, and how long he’d likely be. The afternoon had dragged on after the conversation with Caleb, both of us periodically checking the time to see how long was left. We were like excited puppies, practically bouncing off the walls by the time he’d texted us.
“I’ll get it,” Caleb’s voice reached me in the kitchen from wherever he was. I heard the front door open, and then the faint sounds of their voices as they likely greeted each other.
I wished I had superhuman hearing, because I’d have loved to have heard what they were saying to each other—if for no other reason than to know which one of them was being the most adorably awkward out of the two of them.
Their voices grew louder until I heard footsteps entering the kitchen and turned to see them both standing in the doorway together.
“Wow, it smells incredible in here,” Matty beamed.
“Thanks,” I said, my lips stretching into a smile as I took in the sight of the two of them watching me.
They were both so uniquely beautiful from one another, complete opposites, yet somehow, I felt the same pull towards each of them.
“Dinner’s ready,” I said, then turned back to the lasagne and began serving it onto plates. Caleb moved towards me, grabbing cutlery from the drawer and three glasses, before heading in the direction of the dining room, Matty following him.
By the time the three of us were seated around the dining table, each with a plate of food in front of us, the room had settled into silence. While Matty had looked somewhat confident when he’d entered the kitchen, he’d now returned to his default shy demeanour, and was staring at his plate so hard, and with such concentration, he was probably only seconds away from being able to set it on fire using only his mind.
“How was work today?” Caleb asked Matty.
Matty swallowed his mouthful of food before he answered. “It was good, the same as most days.”
“Good.” Caleb grinned and took a sip of his glass of wine.
“What about you two? Did you have a good day off?” Matty asked.
Caleb looked in my direction and smiled before answering, “Yeah, we had a good day off.”
Matty nodded. “Good. This is
incredible by the way,” he said to me, and pointed his fork at his almost empty plate.
“I’m glad you like it.”
We discussed other things, mostly just small talk—the same types of conversations the three of us had been having over text—until all our plates and wine glasses were empty.
I stood first, picking up my plate, and I saw them both stand from the table. Caleb reached his hand across the table to take Matty’s plate to the kitchen for him, at the same time Matty reached for the plate. Caleb’s hand cupped Matty’s where it gripped the white china, and the touch lingered, all three sets of eyes in the room locked on where their hands met.
As if catching himself all of a sudden, Caleb pulled his hand away and let Matty lift the plate.
No one said anything, but something in Matty’s expression shifted and I desperately wished I could read his mind. I wished I knew what exactly was going through his head as a faint blush crept over his skin.
The timing to bring up Caleb’s and my joint attraction to him hadn’t ever seemed right during our meal—not that I even knew what we were going to say… I was hoping it would come to us in the moment—so I was eager to keep him around a while longer and not have him rush off home.
“Matty,” I said, once we’d all placed our plates on the kitchen side. “Would you like another drink? Maybe we could watch a film or something?”
“I’d love another glass of wine, just a small one, please, and a film sounds good.”
I topped up his empty wine glass and guided him to the lounge. I might have gently pressed my hand into his lower back as I did, just because I wanted to touch him somewhere, anywhere. He tensed as he felt my hand on his back, but slowly relaxed into the touch as I led him to the sofa.
Although we had two three-seater sofas in the lounge, the three of us ended up sitting on the same one. Caleb and I flanking Matty.
We put on a film, and I got so sucked into it I didn’t notice Matty had drifted off until I heard Caleb whisper my name.
I turned to see Matty, fast asleep, with his head resting on Caleb’s shoulder, and an arm wrapped around Caleb’s waist.
