by Norman Crane
where are you?"
"Remember that place we used to go when we were in high school, after class, to roll ourselves some funky cigs?"
Wayne was talking in code now. "Do you seriously think our conversation's bugged?" I tried keeping a calm voice, despite that I was probably freaking out more than Wayne. Until now, he'd been the sane and responsible one.
"I seriously think I'm not taking the chance, buddy."
"Alright," I said. "I'll meet you there."
It was ten and dark by the time I pulled into the parking lot behind the multiplex. Wayne noticed me before I noticed him, and flashed his lights twice. I parked in the empty space beside him and rolled down my window. His was already down, his arm dangling from it. He said, "It's good you made it. Being here by myself was making me nervous." I felt like we were about to conduct a drug deal. Until I saw his eyes I hadn't believed how real his fear was, but now I had no doubts. "There's a fast food place across the street. Grab the Thinkpad and let's go. You walk first and I'll follow."
We sat together in a booth away from the other patrons, by a window through which we could see the neon-framed movie poster advertisements on the side of the multiplex and our parked cars. Wayne ordered fries and a burger. I ordered the same, even though I wasn't hungry and the Thai food was giving me heartburn.
I plugged in the Thinkpad.
> Welcome back, John Grousewater. Press any key to continue your adventure.
I pressed Enter and was back in my room in The Yawning Mask. Everything was in order but Dogor wasn't there.
"What do you mean he's not there?" Wayne asked. Some of the teenagers were cracking gay novelist jokes at our expense. "Where is he then?"
"I don't know," I said.
I went downstairs. The Innkeeper was behind his front desk dealing with a pair of travellers from a kingdom I hadn't heard of. After he gave them their room keys, I asked if he'd seen a dwarf enter or leave The Yawning Mask.
> "Yeah, I saw a dwarf," the Innkeeper says. "He claimed he was a friend of yours, waiting for you, but then he got sick of waiting so he went out to do some exploration."
> ask the innkeeper if he said when he'd be back
> "Who?" the Innkeeper says, quizzically.
I refrained myself from smacking the keyboard. "It's hard to talk to these people," I complained.
"Hey, Innkeeper," Wayne enunciated into the Thinkpad's microphone.
The game didn't respond.
The teenagers laughed and I bit into my burger to drown out the sound. I rarely bit my nails in public, so eating was my substitute. "Either he didn't hear you or he's ignoring you," I said.
"Weird if only the dwarf could hear us."
I went back upstairs to my room.
"When you saw him," I asked Wayne, "would you say he was negatively inclined towards the world?"
"He had a goddamn axe. I'd say he was chaotic evil at best."
> Dogor enters the room.
I punched Wayne on the shoulder to get his attention.
> greet dogor
> Dogor bows. "So you have returned from your thesis quest. Was it a success?"
> yes
> "I am pleased. Now we turn to Xynk and the quest at hand, John Grousewater. As you promised one moon ago."
> ask dogor where he was
> "I am so very glad you asked that," Dogor says, "for I was exploring. The world has changed much since Olaf Brandywine trapped me in that forsaken box. I believe I have found an important clue about the whereabouts of the Hooded Rat Brotherhood, as well as its high-ranking members. I also borrowed your horse. I hope you do not mind."
> ask dogor about important clue
> Dogor runs his fingers through his beard, then across the blade of his axe, whose surface distortedly reflects the room. "It is my belief that Wayne Dubcek is an agent of the Hooded Rat Brotherhood."
Wayne rose from his seat and put his fist into his mouth. He paced the distance from our booth to the condiments stand and back again. He refilled his pop drink.
> ask dogor about wayne dubcek
> "Wayne Dubcek is a wizard of communications. I have seen his lair," Dogor says. "But I have a plan. Together, we may use his wizardry against him, and against the Hooded Rat Brotherhood itself."
> ask dogor about plan
> Dogor's nostrils flare. His hands become fists. "We must capture Wayne Dubcek and torture him until he reveals all of his arcane secrets."
Wayne was holding his head with his hands.
The teenagers had stopped joking. They probably thought Wayne was honestly mentally ill.
I wasn't sure what to think, but my eyes kept climbing up the Thinkpad's screen to where Dogor had mentioned Olaf Brandywine. Dogor's reasoning was sound. He wanted knowledge, because he knew that knowledge would give him power. I wanted knowledge too. I wanted to meet Olaf Brandywine. All I needed was time. I grabbed the nearest napkin, spread it out on the tabletop and used my finger and ketchup to write: "CHK WHT PRSN OLAF B HELD IN"
Wayne's eyeballs were in danger of falling out of his head but he nodded, got out his phone and started shakily tapping on it.
> ask dogor about arcane secrets
> "The Amulet of Vermillion and the truth about Xynk," Dogor says.
Wayne returned my napkin, overturned. The name, address and phone number of a prison in California were written on it.
> tell dogor i have to go but will be back in a few hours
> "I also must leave presently," Dogor says. "To where will you go, John Grousewater?"
To call the prison where Olaf Brandywine is being held without access to the internet, I thought. Obviously I had to come up with a lie.
> tell dogor i am going to buy groceries
> "It is my belief that that is a lie." He fixes his grip on his axe. "It is my belief you are going home to your wife."
> tell dogor i am not going home to my wife
> "What I do, I do because I love Xynk," Dogor says.
> tell dogor i love my wife
> "You agreed to complete a quest. If your wife becomes a distraction, you should murder her," Dogor says.
A horde of butterflies suddenly invaded my stomach—or so it felt like. The teenagers were gone, Wayne was standing just outside the booth, and the lights on the ceiling seemed to be buzzing. My half eaten burger looked as appetizing as horsemeat.
> ask dogor where he is going
> "I am going to end your thesis," Dogor says.
> Dogor exits the room.
"Shit!"
I moved west to the hall and then down The Yawning Mask's stairs, but it was too late. Dogor was already gone. There was no trace of him outside, either. The street lamps flickered, a beggar ambled past with his head down. Wayne grabbed my shoulder. Beyond the fast food place, the lights in the parking lot flickered, too. Our cars were still there. I needed to think fast. I couldn't gamble on what Dogor knew or didn't know. I cut the power to the Thinkpad. "Listen to me," I told Wayne. "You need to call up Annie and you need to tell her that I've been cheating on her."
"What the—?"
"Just shut up and listen. You saw me cheating and you felt it was your duty to inform her. But do it over the phone. Tell her to meet you somewhere, then when you do meet her get her as crazy pissed off as you can and check her into a motel. Stay with her if you have to. Get her drunk if you have to..."
"Is the... dwarf coming for her?"
"I don't know."
Wayne exhaled. "And if she asks who I saw you cheating with?"
"Tell her you saw me with my thesis sponsor."
"Got it."
I bit my lower lip. What else? "Oh, and don't email me or call me. I don't know how much Dogor knows or what he has access to, so it's best to play it safe. If you need to get in contact, I'll set up a guerillamail account called dogor. Use that. Make one of your own, too."
"We'll be alright, man," Wayne said.
As he turned to go, I was still trying to figure out if that had been a
question or a statement. "One more thing," he said. "It really does mean a lot to me that you believed me about seeing that dwarf. You're probably my only friend who'd believe something like that."
"Don't mention it," I said.
When he was outside, I banged on the window to get his attention. One of the kids working the evening shift was walking over to me. "And, Wayne," I yelled. He looked at me through the glass. "If Annie tries to sleep with you, don't do it!"
Wayne nodded.
The kid grabbed me by the sleeve of my jacket.
I yanked my arm free.
"Sir," he said, "my boss says I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
"Tell him I was just about to do that."
By the time the light changed and I crossed to the other side of the street, Wayne's car was already gone. Mine stood alone under the street lamp. I sat on its hood, took out my phone and called my thesis sponsor. She picked up. "Hello?" she said in a sleepy voice. I said it was me. She snapped to attention. "What a pleasant surprise it is to be awoken by you." I told her I had changed my mind about driving home, changed my mind about her. "That is fortuitous, for my night is still free," she said. I said I'd pick her up in twenty minutes in front of her apartment building. "For a pleasant night of intercourse?" she asked. "For a pleasant night of intercourse," I said. She purred robotically. "And what of your wife?" she asked. I chuckled. "At this very moment she's getting ready to cheat on me," I said. I heard my thesis sponsor walk into the bathroom and turn on the faucet. "My gain," she said.
We went to a motel.
I paid for the room and when we were inside she sat on the bed and started going through her handbag. "I have prophylactics and also I am on birth control pills," she said. When I didn't react, she added, "The pills help control my hormones. I do not use them
