by Tai Barnett
And even after living with the crafty duplicitous father of my child for nine almost ten years (you know, the one that I wanted to hit over the head with hot coffee pot) I was still always daydreaming of Mr. Right.
I am always wondering if the next guy that I see is definitely the one to use his manly persuasion and beguiling intellect to finally confirm that he was ‘sent from up above’ just for me. Yet, I had a preferred type, an ideal gentleman in my head that I was hoping for.
But, after all I have been through with the fathers of my two children, I realized that maybe my cousin was right. I needed to quickly awaken from these swift and threatening delusions of the mind, and the unrelenting wishes and trickeries of my vagina.
The truth I have learned is this, love and attraction are far more convoluted and perplexing than one can ever, ever dare, even begin to imagine. But that’s the more pragmatic sounding version. The more nefarious version, and the one I personally prefer nowadays, is that everyone cheats. People are not made to be monogamous and love is as rare as the finest jewel on all the earth and so is happiness.
But you see, as I would soon come to understand, one does not always need the confirmation of love to always be happy. Your moral values, your choices, and own happiness will only come from you and from a place that is rooted in an inner knowing of your personal identity. It will never come from another person.
With my past magical ideas of love shattered, it seemed to me now that the human being was just not designed to be exclusive and being faithful and loyal is simply a conscious act of free will. One therefore, has to conclusively decide to commit yourself for the rest of your life to just one man or woman. And nothing is wrong if you choose otherwise…is it?
So, I decided that the world wasn’t going to change for me and men are fundamentally sexual hunters and procreators—they can’t help it. That being said, after moving back to Atlanta and a few very dates gone horribly wrong, I decided that I should never even touch any man with a ten-feet pole. Anyone outside of my ‘theory’ is far and in between and is, therefore, a statistical anomaly. I decided there and then when Rose was about two years old that I would never go looking for love and will just focus on her and myself.
Then, these words could just be the chattering of one bitter wrathful woman that thinks no matter how she desires the romantic ending, true love is as elusive as finding Shangri La or Middle Earth. Yet, there is a thin line between what you want and what you ‘think’ you have. What you need well, that’s somewhere in between. Sometimes, what you need is staring you right in the face and for very strange unknown reasons, you are too blind to see it because of what you want.
It’s sad to say because I was always the one who believed in love and marriage. I am somewhat a traditional woman. So, imagine just how astounded I was, realizing how my thoughts on relationships had evolved because of my experience and cousins’ words.
Now, I simply ignored the subject. What I do know is that I can never allow myself to be broken by a man again. I am sure I will never because it seems, a true man destined for me does not exist.
But anyhow, as it turns out, I made a better screenwriter than I did a painter. Almost fourteen years later after walking out on Nathan, I was walking the red Carpet and receiving Oscars. Who would have known instead of showing my artwork exhibition in Upper St. Andrew Jamaica, that my work—my masterpiece Retrograde (a sci-fi thriller about the holographic universe and an impending geographic disaster upon earth) had won four Oscars including the category of Best Original Screenplay by…you guessed it, yours truly.
So, I didn’t really follow up with the painting career. Although, every month I still attempted to start a sketch on sketch paper or put a few touches on my old canvas. But all I had so far, were several landscape sketches from my backyard and still-life of fruit and our many holiday dinner arrangements. It’s a funny thing because I still had that unfinished canvas that I was still working on of my life. It was still basically empty, still waiting to tell a story—the story that I inherently believed to be my own.
And just when I had given up on men and had given up on the possibilities of a selfless male who wanted more than sex from me and instead, he wanted genuine friendship, I met Andrew Kingston.
How I Met Andrew
I still can’t believe it’s been almost six years since Andrew and I first met. We were both working together on a low budget independent film. I was the screenwriter, of course, and he was one of the leading characters. His role was as a gay priest who was quietly struggling with sex addiction.
He was wonderful, radically surprised me and everyone else as he had never played such a role or anything that paralleled such strong sexual scenes with the same sex before. I completely underestimated him because he was so young at the time.
I even thought it was reasonable for me to assume the possibility that he might just be a homosexual. Though, his dating track record said otherwise. On the other hand, in those days, my ‘gaydar’ seemed to go off on basically every other man I encountered on a daily basis.
I was surprised on the very first day of shooting that he was excited to meet me. He said my work was intense, cryptic, although at times sometimes morose and he wanted to have an idea of how I processed and came up with each character. And even better, he and his family had been to Jamaica twice. He explained with enthusiasm that he tremendously enjoyed the food, the music, the beautiful beaches and even joked about his surname being Kingston.
From that very first moment of our meeting, we started communicating every day and ended up spending hours upon hours just talking on the phone and texting. I am not sure why, but we clicked instantly, and everything just seemed to flow with Andrew.
As the weeks of shooting went by, so did our friendship and the inexplicable connection grew stronger. While in France for the screening of the movie at the Cannes Film Festival, I eventually mustered up the guts to ask him if he really was gay.
His eyes dilated, and he laughed hysterically while eventually folding his arms and looked at me with a smile on his face. While he found humor out of my poor judgment about his sexuality, I took a quick gape at everyone to see if they were observing my presumptuousness. But he simply replied, “It seems as though I am a better actor than I give myself credit for!”
As I rolled my eyes and held down my head in embarrassment, we both started laughing to ourselves. Our friendship was indeed becoming stronger.
Later in the night, we received applause from this notoriously tough crowd who was infamous for unabashedly expressing how they truly felt about a film—sometimes, even booed in the middle of scenes.
And it was from that night on, that Andrew and I became best friends. On special occasions and holidays, he made the very long journey from his condo in Los Angeles or his home in Edinburg paying me and Rose visits in Brookhaven where I lived.
A few years had passed after our friendship blossomed and he decided to buy an apartment in Atlanta. Andrew became a very good friend and even better man. He completely revised my now seven-year-old working theory that people are by nature not monogamous and that all men functioned fundamentally as sexual hunters. He seemed to be a good guy according to his dates and work colleagues, but I was afraid, and I was still not convinced. He was young, anyway.
An intimate relationship was never an issue for us. It never occurred to me at all and I even found the thought quite repulsive at first. After all, he wasn’t my older type. He was much younger and dated quite a number of every other gorgeous model and actress. As for me, I had only ever been with one man before Brody and that was Nathan many years ago. Besides, I never trusted men anyway. What Andrew and I had was perfect; friends without benefits, absolute and unequivocal trust.
***
A year later after meeting Andrew, our friendship had started to become a bit of a problem for Andrew’s career, especially because I was a single mother and much older.
“As your publicist Andrew, this is going to con
tinue to strengthen your image as…sorry to say, a sex symbol and the prime dating bachelor for types like her. Believe me, Nina is ecstatic about the date. I spoke with her people,” Dann exclaimed.
Dann was a very vibrant and on the go man. He liked Andrew very much, although he liked his career and the benefits of it far more. I might as well come right out and say it, Dann would sell his soul to make his clients look good because the better they looked in the public’s eyes, the more money he would make.
Andrew folded his legs and positioned himself more comfortably on Dann’s black leather finished chair, meddling with a modern styled desk lamp that was on the side table.
“Well, Dann, as my publicist…and more so as a friend, I hate that image—you’re aware of this. I am not sure I am up for another one of your blind celebrity setups.”
“Oh, come on Andrew, have you even seen this girl? She is stunning, her skin is like silk or a rare pearl and her ass is like an 18-year-olds—at the perfect angle and fullness.”
Andrew looked at Dann unimpressed and shook his head in slight annoyance.
“Well, forget that last reference. The point is…everyone wants to go out with this girl. You would be crazy to pass this up buddy!”
Andrew sighed looking exhaustingly at his tall, muscular and fresh-faced publicist of many years.
“Hmmm, I suppose. But when you have seen them once, you have seen them all—that’s the reality of years of experience Dann.”
Dann removed his modern designer glasses from his face and rested them onto his desk. He sighed while he stepped away and drew nearer toward the window. As he looked over at the adjacent skyscraper, he placed his hands inside of his pocket but then swiftly turned around and looked back at Andrew.
“OK. OK…ahm, how is Natasha by the way? Seen her recently?” Dann asked sarcastically.
“Are you going to get to the point, Dann?”
“Well, people are starting to talk, Andrew.” The brazen African-American side of Dann was talking now.
Andrew breathed deeply and leaned the back of his head against the chair.
"Actors, reporters, paparazzi and even Al, your own agent is asking what’s going on between you two. I would be lying if I didn’t say that the woman is gorgeous and extremely successful. But you’re giving the public the wrong impression with the amount of time you’re spending together. JC News is calling you stepfather to her children. Do you know what this could mean for your career…for our careers Andrew?
“So, listen, whatever this is—that you two got going on, you have to do something about it and soon!” Dann exclaimed with his head held high and chest in the air.
Andrew sighed while he stood up and walked over to Dann.
“Listen Dann, I have never been one to dabble into the affairs of others. I would appreciate the same thing from you. Natasha Bishop and I are good friends, nothing more. You’re my publicist…so you deal with all the rumors.”
Happy, Happy Birthday, Baby!
About four years after meeting Andrew, his true feelings towards me were slowly beginning to show. We had been good friends for so long. We had become almost inseparable.
“I would like to thank everyone for coming. And, even though I hate surprises, it was wonderful to see you all. Thanks for all the gifts and well wishes and of course, thanks to my cousin Michael for turning my house and birthday into an Egyptian themed soiree. And here is the icing on the cake, my best friend Andrew just decided to show up at my surprise birthday party.”
It was my 40th birthday party and Andrew had just walked in with his date. My cousin Michael lost himself in donning the entertainment room with about a dozen sarcophagus’ Egyptian mummy mannequins and Egyptian styled antiques, cutleries and fabric.
And it didn’t end there, he had all the women wearing Queen Cleopatra style dresses and the men in white wrap around skirts with teal and gold belts—including the caterers. I guess if you weren’t in the best of shape, fitting in here tonight would have been quite a challenge. Luckily, I was a bit thinner than my usual weight. Even my little Rose had a costume with a headpiece. They even went as far as darkening her eyebrows and eyelashes with kohl eyeliners underneath her eyes.
After getting dressed at Lauren’s house, she had meticulously picked out a gold costume Egyptian styled dress and crown for me. She said we were going out for my birthday celebration at an Egyptian themed party. About ten miles away, she claimed to have left her phone at my house and had to return. That’s when everyone surprised me.
Andrew was late because he had just arrived from spending time with his sick father in England. He brought along his new girlfriend that he had been telling me about, Christina. Christina was a television actress. She was a stunning interracial 26-year-old with an African father and Korean mother. Her hair was black and cut short and her eyes were small and pleasant.
After I thanked everyone for coming, Michael took the microphone.
“And now, we are going to give Mr. Kingston the chance to make his speech to the birthday girl—after which, I have a little surprise for Miss Natasha! Hehehe…” Michael laughed sinisterly.
The crowd of friends and family, famous actors, producers, directors, writers and musicians were all murmuring and laughing. I looked at Michael with my head slanted and broadened eyes. What was he up to?
“Andrew…if you don’t mind…” Michael exclaimed gleefully.
Michael handed the microphone to Andrew who at first appeared a bit unprepared.
I was in the center of the group, playing my part as Queen on my golden chair.
“Ahm…ahh, wow…first, let me apologize to everyone for my late arrival, my flight was delayed.”
Andrew paused a bit while briefly staring into space. He continued, “But…there was one thing for certain that I knew. I wasn’t going to miss Natasha’s birthday for anything in the world.”
My guests were silent, including my parents, brother Nicholas, and other relatives. Unfortunately, Vernon had some important business that he had to deal with for his father and missed my birthday. I still couldn’t believe it. I mean…what was so important that he would miss my party? Still, the merrymaking went on without him. Some drinking their cocktails, others smitten by this well-known actor’s eloquence and poise. Then I noticed how my cousins, Michael and Lauren, who were seated together looked at each other oddly, while Andrew spoke.
“What can I say about Natasha, I mean…I have known her for the past several years now and I have been a fan of her work for forever.”
Andrew looked at me and spoke as if nobody else was in the room. The area was hushed, and it was evident by now, to everyone, that this guy really truly cared for me. I myself was becoming a bit uncomfortable but for what? This was just Andrew.
“I have never met a more benevolent, talented, humble, loyal, and down to earth woman in my entire life. She is also such a good and devoted mother, friend, and listener. We spend hours sometimes on the phone, just talking about things, from the most ridiculous to the most mysterious. She is…so encouraging and I am her biggest fan, she makes me want to become a better man and actor and of course, as you can see, she is so gorgeous.”
My cheeks turned pink as I looked into the depths of his dazzling eyes and I found myself enchanted by his mesmerizing voice.
I listened closely to Andrew with my legs folded, and again looking, as Michael and Lauren gave each other another very suspicious stare.
“But to conclude my very lengthy waffle, I just want to say, Natasha, I can never imagine my life without you and I love you…to Natasha Bishop,” Andrew raised his wine glass and the audience followed.
“To Natasha!” They all shouted.
Christina appeared uncomfortable as she listened to Andrew’s last words to me. Yet, she applauded.
“Oh, and I got you a gift that I hope you like…” Andrew said. Christina looked at him and smiled while she looked on at me.
He walked over and gave me a kiss on the cheeks and
then went and sat beside Christina as our guests cheered on.
Michael took back the microphone, “Wow! I wish I had me a best friend like you Andrew, gorgeous and a way with words! Anyway people! I hope you are all prepared for the night’s pièce de résistance. Now, Mr. DJ, play that song for me, will you?” Michael shouted.
It was the age of ‘Booty Shaking’ and my very talented, creative dancer cousin decided to compile all the booty shaking, Reggae, and dancehall songs of the year, which we had always been dancing together to, of course, behind closed doors.
It was a rave, like a nightclub. He pranced and shook his tail feather without any inhibitions and then, he held out his hands for me to join him.
I was nervous at first, but a few relatives also joined in and we did put on an entertaining five-minute show.
Andrew had never seen me dancing before. He never knew that I also did dancing back in school. I was twerking and doing all kinds of ghetto street dancing with my family. He leaned back into the couch, flabbergasted, and completely ignoring his date with his hand at his chin; seeming to be lost into the performance.
Everyone looked, cheered, and clapped. My cousin had put on the most successful party of the year.
***
Three hours later, we bid everyone goodbye as Lauren sat beside me in the family room having our last glass of mojito, one of my favorites.
Lauren placed her head on my shoulders while Michael came into the room, still dancing to R & B music that was now lowered in the background. He threw himself on my other side.
“Michael, I have a headache; throwing your big old behind down like that!” exclaimed Lauren.
“Thank you so much guys, I had a great time. Only one thing was missing and it’s Vernon.”
