Once I shut the steel door behind me, I could breathe. Inhaling deep, icy lungfuls of night air, I was free.
I let go of control, of the dream, of the men who occupied my thoughts. I let go and the cracking of my bones filled the otherwise silent, night air. Fur coated my chilled skin as I sank to my paws. My surroundings sharpened into focus from the fog of human eyes, ears, and nose. Rectangular hints of houses in the distance enhanced until I could see individual icicles dangling from rough shingles, wooden boards nailed to hidden frameworks beneath, and reflective glass squares catching glimmers of light from street lamps.
There was little to be heard on such a quiet night with so few people around, but the cool wind whispered through the needled branches of evergreens, dropping pebbles of ice to the ground beneath. The sky was clear and the moon shone down on me; the scent of wood fires filled the air. After the day’s work, some of Ellistown’s residents must have been able to return to their homes and enjoy the warmth of their fireplaces as they slept.
Anxiety faded into the back of my mind as the thrill of being a beast took over. It was exhilarating to be one with the world around me, and I took to the streets. A thin layer of snow offered little traction for my pounding paws as it dusted the icy earth beneath. I slowed around street corners, but ran at full speed without caution down empty streets. The wind bit my face as I pressed forward against its path.
When my muscles began to feel the burn of fatigue, I slowed. Without proper meals or room to run during those two weeks under Dashiell’s reign of terror, my stamina had waned. I knew it would take time to fully recover, but change was why I ran, and change was not what I wanted to face tonight.
When I stopped, I realized where I had led myself—to a brick building with a shattered window. Walker Bar and Grill stood before me. This was the place I had spent all of my time in my past life, the life that had ended in a single night. Apparently even in wolf form, I could not allow myself to be truly lost in the moment, to run free.
I stepped through the open doorway and lay down on the floor of what had been the dining area. There were no comforting scents of burgers, or patrons, or of my best friend. Even Mara was gone. There was only me and the frigid night air blowing through the window.
I wondered what my sister-in-law was doing right now. Was she sleeping peacefully next to her mate, content and secure? Or was she plagued by nightmares and held there out of duty to the man who had discarded her? I owed her another visit after daybreak, to be sure that she was okay. If she needed an out, I would be there for her.
Just like Lance was for me. I couldn’t believe what an ass I had been, leaving Lance alone in my bed, the beautiful man that had cared for me, comforted me. He was respectful and understanding, generous and perfect in every way. I had only thought of myself when I ran, leaving without a word. My actions were unfair to him, and told me just how unprepared I was for a relationship with anyone.
As I wallowed in self-pity, I caught the approach of a familiar scent carried through the air. Pine, leather, and an undefinable earthy scent—Lance.
I took a deep breath and rose to my feet, then watched the doorway for his arrival. It didn’t take long before a huge, silver wolf stood in the doorway, an alpha predator without question. His thick fur coat shimmered in the moonlight, the same metallic shade as his extraordinary hair when he was in human form.
Huge paws moved silently as he approached. His cobalt eyes sparkled even in the darkness. Lance was more gorgeous as a wolf than I could have imagined, built of powerful muscles and strong lines.
A flurry of emotions overcame me—arousal, guilt, and confusion.
“Trixie,” he said, voice deep and gravelly, in a tongue only shifters would understand.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
I watched his muscles flex as he padded silently to my side and nuzzled his snout on my neck.
“You have no need to be sorry. I was concerned, not upset,” he said. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know,” I answered, studying his face.
“Where are we?” he asked.
“This was my restaurant,” I said, “before.”
“A place you find comforting?” he asked.
“Yes,” I answered, “it seems so. I had a nightmare, and I needed some air. I just ended up here.”
“Show me around,” he said.
It wasn’t the reaction I would’ve expected. I thought he would be hurt or angry, that he would be disappointed or no longer interested if he realized how broken I really was. But instead, he asked me to involve him in the life I used to have, the one before. So I did.
“Fleur used to wait tables out here,” I said, and looked around at the broken wood and glass, the upturned tables and chairs that were scattered across the hardwood. “There had been a few others, but always Fleur.”
“You seem fond of her,” he said, with his deep, wolf voice. “Did she survive the massacre?”
“She did,” I answered. “She’s one that Dashiell had taken.” I pictured my friend with the brown, wavy hair and an easy smile. It was fortunate she had survived.
“One that stays in the inn now? I had the opportunity to help them the night Dashiell died,” he said.
I hadn’t realized that Lance had been in the mansion helping the women when Hailey and I had gone for Dashiell. I’d hated leaving the other women behind, but it would have been more dangerous to take them. I knew it was for the best, but it was reassuring that the man who was here for me now was the same man who’d helped protect my companions then. My stomach turned, and I was reminded of the guilt I felt for leaving his side without a word.
“Yes, and thank you,” I replied, and led Lance to the bar. “Stratton worked here.”
Lance looked and listened, but padded silently at my side.
I saved the best and worst part for last. “This is the kitchen,” I said, and stopped in the doorway.
“Where you cooked?” he asked, stepping ahead of me between broken shards of ceramic that littered the floor, and taking in the room.
“Yes,” I answered.
“We should clean it up,” he said, meeting my eyes with his deep, sapphire set.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I don’t know if it matters. I couldn’t run this place alone and I don’t know that I want to try. I used to work seven days a week, afternoons and evenings. I don’t know if I could do it again, or if I even want to.”
“You don’t have to,” he said, and nuzzled my nose with his. Warmth flowed through me from his touch; as man or wolf, Lance comforted and ignited me. “If this place is important to you in any way, it shouldn’t be left like this. To bring Ellistown back to life, we need to rebuild.”
And to bring me back too, I thought. Not just me, all of us.
“I’m ready to go home,” I said.
On the walk back down the frozen, empty street, we remained in wolf form, a sight unheard of not long before. Lance towered over me as a giant, silver canine, as much size difference between us as there was when we were in human form. My gray fur lacked the metallic shimmer that made his so alluring, but he didn’t seem to mind. I wanted to be content just being in his company.
He had been so kind to me, and I hoped we could be good for each other, but as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t forget that dream. The binding on my wrists, what Dashiell had done to me, and the way I had reacted when I woke. I wasn’t ready to consider a mate, no matter how perfect he was.
We stopped in front of my house, which was now mended because of him.
“Lance, you’ve been nothing but kind to me.” He took a step closer, and I took one back. “But I’m still a mess. I need some time.”
“Trixie,” he started. Moonlight caught the shimmer of his brilliant silver fur, and his sparkling eyes searched mine.
“Please,” I begged. “Your presence intoxicates me, something I’ve never felt, which both excites and scares me. I need you to go so I can think. I’m sorry, Lance.”
>
I turned my back to him and returned to human form. The icy air bit my skin, and my cheeks heated as I felt his eyes on me. Willfully keeping my eyes forward, I opened the door and stepped inside, putting a wall between us. Taking some time was the right thing, I knew it was, but the ache inside me compared only to what I had felt when I had lost my mate.
Chapter Thirteen
Lance
My eyes remained fixed on the white, steel door, though I knew she would not walk back through it. I stood paralyzed, hollow, waiting just in case she changed her mind. When Trixie did not return, I padded slowly back toward my truck. What had I expected? It was unrealistic for a woman to go through what she had and bounce right back with open arms to the first man who showed interest.
Your presence intoxicates me, something I’ve never felt, which both excites and scares me. Her words echoed in my mind, the sentiment mirroring my own feelings. I had never felt so drawn to anyone, never so desperate to touch or care for another person.
But more than scared and intoxicated, I was driven and sure. Trixie was my mate, and I would do anything for her, including giving her space, no matter how difficult it was.
The world was more vivid in her presence, clearer, more intense. Each step I took in the opposite direction was as difficult as the last, clouding my world with the dull filter that had covered my senses before Trixie. Her sweet citrus and cranberry scent still clung to the skin beneath my fur, a constant reminder of how close we had been, of how she had allowed me to be the first man to worship her. I hoped to be the only one, that she would choose me, just as I knew she was the only choice in mate for me.
When I returned to my truck, I was grateful that I had left it unlocked. It wouldn’t have been fair to knock on Trixie’s door after she had asked me to go. Encounters in the past had ended with me left naked and without keys or phone, due to shifting or angry boyfriends. After learning the hard way, it had become habit to leave my keys, phone, and an extra set of clothes in the truck.
I shifted back to human form and dressed in the jeans and white t-shirt that sat folded behind the seat of the pickup. A coat and shoes would have been nice, but it was better than nothing. The icy earth was harsh on my bare human feet, so I moved quickly into the cab. Feeling around under the seat, I found the keys I had left in their usual spot. A turn of the key and the engine roared, sounding unusually loud in the dead of night.
Fiery red hair, emerald eyes, and adorable freckles occupied my thoughts as I drove on autopilot out of Ellistown and toward Sawtooth Peaks. I went over her expressions in my mind: intense and distant, shy with a beautiful blush, and a hint of happiness and contentment when she had allowed me in her bed. How long would it take to count all of Trixie’s freckles? Fair skin only two shades darker than the rest speckled across her cheeks, less clustered together over her body. Three by her navel, one on her hip, two more on her inner thigh. How many had I not yet noticed? How many speckles decorated her shoulders? If I was lucky, I would have the opportunity to find out.
Before I knew it, I was parked in my driveway. The neighbor’s dog, Sparky, barked from behind the glass that separated him from me and the outside world. I noticed the noise as I walked up to the door of my home, but it seemed distant and unimportant. Up the stairs and to bed, I followed the motions that were required, and focused on what I could do for Trixie.
As I drifted off to sleep, I hoped that a good night of rest would help bring me the clarity I needed.
Early sunlight peeked through the curtains and stirred me from my dreamless sleep. Little time seemed to have passed between lying down and waking. I dressed and ate in a fog, then walked to work, hoping the fresh air would help clear my head. Though Sawtooth Peaks sat at a higher altitude than Ellistown, traffic helped keep the streets clear of ice and snow. Shovels and salt cleared the sidewalks. The everyday noise of cars driving, doors closing, and the voices and movement of residents made my home feel so much more alive than Trixie’s. Had Ellistown sounded like Sawtooth Peaks before Dashiell? I hoped it could still be revived.
As I approached Sawtooth Den, I saw a familiar black truck parked behind the bar, and my spirits lifted. Some time with my brother was exactly what I needed to distract me from returning to Trixie’s doorstep when she had made it clear that she needed space.
I caught a glimpse of short blond hair and a leather jacket entering before I reached the door. It was too early for patrons. At this hour, it had to be Axel.
I stepped inside the bar and found Amy behind the counter, putting away freshly washed glasses. Harkins leaned with his back against the wall in his favorite place in the room. Axel sat at the bar, sipping a beer. I nodded at Harkins and took the stool next to Axel.
“Good morning, Amy,” I said, with a nod at the bubbly blonde.
“Heya, boss. Missed you here last night. All was well, and your brother arrived just before you.” Amy glanced down the hall toward Cole’s office.
“Thanks, Amy,” I replied, then turned to Axel. “Thanks for coming with me to Ellistown.”
“No problem,” he said.
“You could have taken the truck back if you wanted.”
“I like to run,” Axel replied.
“Will you be going back?” I asked. “There’s still a mountain of work to do. I’m sure you noticed.”
“It did me some good going along,” he said, “but I think I’ve made my decision.”
“Oh yeah?”
“It’s time for me to move on. Spending time with those women showed me the type of bond they have with each other, and with their home,” he said. “This isn’t my home. Not really. I want to find that for myself. Some place away from Dashiell and Zaria, away from the memory of my father. I need to find a place of my own.”
“I can appreciate that,” I said. “When will you go?”
“After my beer,” he said lifting his mug.
I offered my hand, and we shook. “Best of luck in your travels,” I said. “I hope you find everything you’re looking for.”
“Thanks,” Axel replied. “I hope you do too.”
The truth was, I already had. I had found exactly what I didn’t know I was looking for, and I just needed to figure out how to make it work. It had taken Cole and Hailey years apart and a kidnapping to find their balance. Maybe my brother could offer some insight, or at least good company. I stood and headed back the hall to the open office door.
The gold band on Cole’s finger shone as he raked his fingers through his jet-black hair. His brow was furrowed and his shoulders hunched as he glared at the paper on his desk. He sat in that chair seemed to cause him a great burden, one that should have been lessened by taking a human mate and leaving behind any chance of becoming alpha.
I strolled to the chair opposite my brother and propped up my feet. His gaze shifted directly to my loafers, then to my face, and then the harshness of his expression faded.
“Hey, brother,” I said. “How was your trip?”
The corners of his lips turned upward, and he replied, “Wonderful.”
“I’m surprised to see you back in here so quickly,” I said. “I thought you’d still be on island time, strolling in with a margarita around noon.”
“I wanted to check in on the paperwork, and make sure all was well. Did you see this?” He pointed to the report from Harkins that contained photographs and the names of Zaria’s attackers.
“I did,” I replied.
“Keir Doyle, Aldrich Bastion. Are those names familiar to you?” he asked. “I was hoping for a lead, but I don’t recognize either.”
I examined the photographs, then pointed to the blond with the bulbous nose. “This one, Aldrich Bastion, was Sawtooth Valley’s contact at the Tribunal.”
“Do you think this is why they’ve been sending out bears instead of wolves?” Cole asked. “Some kind of corruption in the wolf ranks?”
These were the same questions I had asked myself when I had read the report. If Cole thought the sam
e, it was likely true.
“That’s my guess,” I replied.
“What do we do?” he asked, showing me the hard mask he had worn when I’d entered.
“Not much we can do with the information for now,” I replied. “Tell me about your trip. How’s Hailey?”
He softened at the mention of her name, and I wondered if I did the same at Trixie’s.
“It’s concerning,” he said. “The corruption, I mean. But, yes, the trip was amazing. It was exactly what we both needed.”
“Did Hailey go back to work today too?” I asked.
“She did. I expected it to be difficult to go back in the building where she was kidnapped, but you know her. She bounced right in, hugged Eric, and set to work with a smile,” Cole replied.
“That’s great,” I said. “You two have been through so much. What do you think made the second time around work out better than the first?”
“You mean when she came home versus when we were in high school?” he asked.
I nodded.
“We grew up,” Cole said. “We made compromises, and eventually held nothing back. I built her an art room, and she put up with all of the crap that came along with finding out I was a shifter, moved in with me, even when it wasn’t always easy. Why all the questions?”
“Just curious,” I said with a smile.
“You’ve met someone,” he remarked, reading me with ease. “Is it like I said it would be? Do you know she’s the one as well as you know anything in life?”
“Yes,” I answered. “One word from her lips, one glimpse of her, and I knew she was the only mate for me.”
“Tell me about her.”
“She’s strong and gorgeous, and she’s been through hell. I can’t imagine wanting anything more than to make her happy and make her mine,” I said, picturing her oval face and petite features.
“Who is she? When do I get to meet her?” he asked.
Werewolves & Whiskers: Sawtooth Peaks Wolf Shifter Romance Box Set Page 34
