A Fairy's Guide to Disaster (Away From Whipplethorn Book One)

by A.W. Hartoin

  “WHERE is it?” Iris ran around in a circle, flailing her arms over her head.

  I ran past the door and banged on it.

  “They’re coming!” Iris screamed beside me.

  I banged with both fists. “Help! Help!”

  No one answered. I heard some faint scuttling sounds behind me. Iris backed up against the wall next to the door.

  I grabbed her. “Get behind me.” I spun around with my hands spread out to shield Iris. It was ridiculous, like a mosquito shielding a fly.

  Out of the dark, dozens upon dozens of shiny black shells advanced on us. The shells together formed a diamond, each shell fitted to the next like scales on a fish. I couldn’t see any heads, arms, or legs. Once the scuttling stopped, the diamond was completely silent. Iris breathed hard on my cheek and she trembled so much, my teeth chattered from the vibration. Still the shells didn’t move. I put my left hand down on Iris’s hip and pressed. We stepped sideways, but as we did, the shells countered with a shuffling movement. I held my breath and waited. When the shells didn’t do anything else, we tried moving to the left. The shells matched our movement again.

  “This is ridiculous,” I whispered. As the word ridiculous escaped my lips, the shells rocked back.

  “Hello,” called a voice from the shells. It was impossible to tell which one.

  “Hello,” I said.

  Then the shells rocked back and lifted, exposing the dark creatures beneath. One creature stood up and revealed itself completely. It was half my height and pitch black with skinny arms and legs with large knobby knees and elbows. Where its nose should’ve been was a flat section over a wide slit of a mouth, filled with bright white teeth. Its gaze made me feel cold all over. The whites were the whitest I’d ever seen and the pupils the blackest.

  “You’re Soren’s girl, aren’t you?” asked the creature.

  I just stared at him, my mouth agape.

  “All right, boys. It’s okay. They’re just the new wood fairies,” said the creature.

  The rest of the shells rose up and showed their inhabitants. Every single one seemed a copy of the first.

  “What are your orders, Commander?” asked one in the first row.

  “To the east. Fan out in the snake pattern. Report back when you hit a wall,” said the commander.

  The shells dropped back down, hiding the creatures beneath and scuttled away in a wavy pattern, leaving only a few behind. The commander eyed Iris and me, popped off his shell, and sat on it.

  “What’s a couple of wood fairies like you doing in a place like this?” he asked.

  I said nothing. I couldn’t seem to find my voice.

  He pulled out a thin stick from some concealed spot on his abdomen. “You got a light?”

  I could only blink at him. A light?

  “You know, fire. You can make fire, can’t you?”

  I went cold. How could he possibly know I was a kindler?

  “Let’s have it.” He stood and held out the stick.

  I swallowed. “I don’t have any fire.”

  “Really? Are you sure about that?”

  The creature stared at me hard. He knew about me. Somehow he knew.

  Iris continued to shake, but said, “Of course she’s sure. We’re normal wood fairies. Kindlers are dangerous.”

  “Interesting.” He snapped his fingers and another shell lifted. The creature came forward and sparked a tiny flint. The commander stuck his stick in the flame while puffing on the other end. The stick sizzled and he pulled back, blowing out a ring of smoke. “So you met Soren this afternoon? You’re one lucky girl. You never know who you’ll run into out here.”

  I wasn’t sure whether I should confirm or deny meeting the dryads. Would knowing us put Soren in jeopardy in any way or us for that matter? I examined my feelings about the creature before me. I wasn’t afraid exactly, but I wasn’t comfortable either. He was small, half my size, but something about him made him seem much bigger. He wasn’t going to out me as a kindler at least for the moment and I appreciated that.

  “Gnat got your tongue?” the commander asked.

  “No, sir,” I said, without knowing why I used sir, except that the other creatures made it clear he was their leader.

  “Very polite. I like that. So are you Soren’s wood fairy or not?”

  “We’re friends,” I said.

  The creature nodded again. “Good. Good.”

  I felt Iris relax beside me and then tighten up again. “They’re coming back.”

  Nothing had changed in our vicinity, but Iris’s lips were a thin line, and her breathing grew rapid.

  “Good hearing,” said the creature. He looked at me. “You, not so much.”

  “What do they want?” asked Iris, her voice shaking.

  “My boys are reporting back. No need to worry,” he said. The shells scuttled out from under a dresser a few feet away.

  Iris’s breathing became a pant. She starting shaking again and I looped my arm around her shoulders. I couldn’t take my eyes off the shells. They moved as one, formed into a diamond shape again. In the middle of the diamond was a dead fly. No one held it. It jostled around on the shells with nothing to restrain it, almost as if it were still alive, except that it was on its back with its legs crossed in the air.

  “The sound,” said Iris with her hands over her ears. “It’s terrible.”

  “What sound?” I asked.

  “Their sound.”

  The scuttling sound came to me only when they got very close, and it did make me shiver. Just when I wanted to put my hands over my ears, they stopped. One popped up and came forward to the commander. His sound alone wasn’t so bad.

  The commander sat back on his shell, sucking on his stick. He made the other one wait as he looked at Iris.

  “Our sound isn’t very loud,” he said to Iris. “Your hearing is exceptional. We could use someone like you. Bet you can hear them before they die.”

  “Before what dies?” asked Iris.

  “Anything.” He turned to his subordinate. “Report.”

  “First prize of the night, sir.”

  “Bring it here,” he said.

  The shells scuttled forward. The ones in the back rose up and the fly rolled off to land in front of the commander. The fly rocked back and forth for a second until it settled on its back. I leaned forward to get a better look. Flies weren’t very common around Whipplethorn Manor. The ones I’d seen hung around the humans hiking in the national forest. Mom worried about rogue fly attacks, which were extremely rare. Dad said flies were harmless, but unpredictable. There’d been flying accidents and he said it was best to be careful lest you ran into one.

  Iris shifted her hands from her ears to her nose. The fly was newly dead and gave off a scent that wasn’t unpleasant unless you knew it came from something dead. The commander chuckled at Iris’s reaction.

  “Smells bad, tastes great,” he said.

  The commander snapped off a leg and held it out to Iris. Both of us leaned back, sounds of disgust escaping our lips. He chuckled again and bit off the foot. He snapped his fingers while chewing and several of the shells popped up. Their inhabitants gathered up the fly and tossed it on top of the other shells. Then they went back into formation.

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “But what are you?”

  “Phalanx fairies. You don’t recognize us? We’re rather distinctive, wouldn’t you say?”

  “We’re new here.”

  “I can see that, since you’re trying to wake the dryads after dark. Good people, but hard core sleepers. You won’t get anything out of them until morning.”

  “What’ll we do?” Iris tugged my arm with both hands.

  “I don’t know. We’ll figure something out.”

  The commander jumped to his feet. He stalked up to us, almost jittery with excitement. “Do about what? Is there an invasion?”

  Iris and I looked at each other. “Who would invade the antique mall?” I asked.

  “Yo
u look like you’ve been in a battle.” He puffed on his stick while assessing our conditions. “Multiple injuries. Some blood spatter. What happened?”

  “Humans tore our mantel off the wall. We were still inside,” I said.

  “It was pretty scary, but there wasn’t any fighting,” said Iris.

  The commander shrunk down like all the excitement leaked out of him. “Pity.”

  I nudged Iris with my hip. “Well, we better get going. Don’t want to keep you from your… hunting.”

  “Sure you don’t want a taste?” He brandished the remains of the fly leg at us.

  “No, thank you,” I said, nudging Iris again. “We don’t eat… meat.”

  The commander’s mouth turned down into a grimace. “Vegetarians. I should’ve known.” He waved us away, picked up his shell, and popped it back on.

  Iris nudged me and I bit my lip. I didn’t relish asking for help from those things. The commander knew about me and they were too weird for words. Who ever heard of fairies eating flies? It was so disgusting. I’d almost rather go it alone than ask for help from some pint-sized weirdoes.

  “Excuse me, sir,” I said. “Isn’t there any way to wake the dryads?”

  “There are procedures for emergencies. Do you have an emergency? I thought you found your boy.”

  “I did, but we have a new situation and Soren said I could come to him for help.”

  “What’s your situation? I won’t disturb Soren unless it’s serious.”

  I took a deep breath. “The spriggans came and…”

  The commander cut me off. “The spriggans. Are all your people accounted for?”

  “They stole our baby.”

  “This happened here within the confines of the mall?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  The commander reached into his abdomen and produced a red thread with a minuscule key on it. He snapped his fingers and a shell came forward. “Farue, awaken Soren and locate the council members.” He handed Farue the key and he scuttled away into the darkness.

  “What are you going to do?” I asked.

  “Fairy trafficking is a serious offense. It goes on outside, but the mall is under Soren’s rule. Soren and the council will decide how to proceed. When did they take the baby?”

  “We’re not sure. It was during my search for Gerald.”

  Soren emerged from under the bed, carrying my earring. A group of dryads fanned out behind him. Their faces were tight and drawn. They didn’t wave this time. Soren’s eyes rested on me for a second, but then he went to the commander with his slow, patient steps.

  “Soren,” said the commander with a slight bow of his head.

  “Kukri. What is the situation? Farue said there’s been a kidnapping.”

  “Baby from the Whipplethorn mantel.”

  “They don’t usually take babies. Anything special about him?” asked Soren.

  “No. I don’t think so,” I said.

  “We better move fast,” said the commander. “Spriggans will traffic the child sure as sin.”

  “I agree,” said Soren. “They’ve become bold since my father’s death.”

  “They deserve what’s coming to them. Want me to summon the council?”

  “No.” Soren steepled his long fingers. “There isn’t time.”

  The commander took a long drag on his stick. “We’re in good shape. I hear the sluagh are already hibernating, so they won’t be coming to the spriggans’ defense.”

  I stepped forward. “Are you going to attack them?”

  “We’re going to…” the commander smiled, “discipline them.”

  “That sounds like attack to me. Can’t we just tell them to give Easy back?”

  Soren gave me my earring. “We could, but they’ll use the time in negotiation to spirit Easy out of the mall and my jurisdiction. Once he’s gone, he’s gone for good.”

  The commander’s voice rose. “I say we attack. Two teams per dwelling. We’ll have that baby back and teach those bags of frog filth something in no time.”

  “Are you going to kill them?” asked Iris. Iris’d been so quiet I’d forgotten she was there.

  “If necessary,” said the commander.

  “You can’t kill them. Wood fairies don’t kill,” Iris said, her face flushed with indignation.

  “I’m not a wood fairy. Do you want your baby back or not?” asked the commander.

  “But I am a wood fairy,” said Soren. “My father believed the spriggans could see reason if given the right motivation and I think we have the right motivation.”

  “You mean her.” The commander gestured to me.

  “You want me to do it,” I said. “That’s crazy. They won’t listen to me.”

  Soren looked down into my eyes. “They will if you make them. Your journey home begins here. You have abilities. It’s time you honed them. You’ll need all your gifts to accomplish your goals.”

  “I still say we attack,” said the commander. “Skills or no skills, let’s get straight to the point.”

  Soren placed his large hand on the tiny phalanx fairy’s shoulder. “She shall be allowed to try. If Matilda can’t get them to see reason, we attack. I leave the details to you, Kukri.”

  CHAPTER 11