by Sarah Kapit
“Noah isn’t going to college next year,” she said.
“Lara, shut up,” he said in an angry whisper.
At this point Ima’s normally olive complexion had become a definite shade of red. She was, Lara thought, perilously close to spontaneous combustion. Or at least calling for a ban on all conversation for the rest of dinner.
Well, Lara would just have to say her piece now, then.
“Noah wants to go to community college and be a car mechanic. Right?” Lara said.
“What? Noah . . . is this true?”
Ima’s voice was quiet—but deadly. Lara felt a vicious jolt of pleasure. That would teach her brother.
“Yeah, it is,” Noah said. He seemed unable to look anywhere in particular. Lara suddenly felt empty. “That’s what I want. But can we, um, discuss this later? Please?”
Ima did not respond. She did not even look up from her plate.
Just when Lara thought the meal would descend into total silence, Aviva’s thin voice piped up from her other side.
“I think being a car mechanic is an important job,” she offered. “And also . . . Lara is being very rude. In my opinion.”
As if her opinions meant anything! Lara felt the familiar rage return.
“Yes, let’s hear all about your opinions,” Lara said. “Actually, why don’t you write them down? In English? Oh, right. You can’t.”
Some part of Lara knew that she was being horrible. Cruel. The very worst.
She ignored it. None of this was her fault. If her family didn’t want their secrets revealed to everyone, then they shouldn’t have been keeping secrets in the first place.
Right?
“Viva-la, are you struggling with English?” Aunt Miriam asked. “Why didn’t you say something?”
At the same time, Caroline’s computer voice sounded—loudly. She must have turned up the volume on her tablet. “Why do you have to be so horrible?”
The question was clearly directed at Lara. She bristled. For Caroline—of all people!—to scold her for horribleness . . . well, that hardly seemed fair.
“I’m just telling the truth,” Lara said. Her voice was as firm as she could manage, and that was very firm. “It’s not like I did something really horrible. Something like putting a fake dead rat in a girl’s lunch box, for example.”
“Lara, I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but you need to stop. This is not the time and place,” Ima said. She seemed to have recovered from her shock.
Lara glared. “Come on! Aren’t you even going to ask about the fake dead rat?”
“A fake dead rat sounds cool,” Benny commented. “Though not as cool as a real dead rat.”
Ima pushed away her plate and folded her arms across her chest. “There will be no talk about dead rats, real or otherwise, at this table.”
A long stretch of silence wrapped around the room. Suffocating it.
Then Caroline spoke.
“Lara’s right,” Caroline said. “I did something bad. With a fake dead rat. I don’t know how Lara found out.”
Eyes narrowed, Lara turned toward her sister. “Like that even matters! You did something horrible.”
Dad dropped his cup of soda, causing shards of glass to shatter all over the floor. He let out a sound that was half choke and half hiccup. “Lara,” he said after recovering. “Maybe it’s time for you to take a break. How about you go someplace quiet?”
If Lara hadn’t already been well and thoroughly mad, that would have riled her up plenty. Why was she the one being scolded like a child and told to go away when Caroline was the one who had broken the rules? It wasn’t fair. Nothing about this was fair. So the words continued to spill out of her mouth before she could think too much about what they meant and whom they hurt.
“Take a break? You mean like you took a break from work because you couldn’t do your job right?” she asked. “No thanks.”
Her words were mean. Lara knew that. But they also happened to be totally and completely true. There couldn’t be anything wrong about that, could there?
“Sheesh,” Noah muttered next to her. “You so need to learn when to quit.” Lara ignored him.
But the pinched, lost look on Dad’s face . . . Lara could not ignore that. The moment she saw it, she realized what she’d done. And the weight of it became impossible to bear. She wanted so badly to run away—away from the dinner, the house, and life in general. Of course, she couldn’t. She couldn’t even move from her chair.
Ima closed her eyes. No one else said a word. “Perhaps we just should not talk until dinner is over.”
Nobody objected.
Lara finished every morsel of food on her plate. She tasted none of it.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX:
THINGS SAID, THINGS UNSAID
Not yelling at Lara required every bit of self-restraint that Caroline possessed. Even then, she felt a scream rise up in her throat—not a computer-voice scream, but an actual scream.
She resisted the urge, barely.
She probably deserved it. For all of Lara’s cruelty, she hadn’t actually said anything that wasn’t true. Caroline really had done a horrible thing.
Of course, her sister had been horrible too—not to Caroline, perhaps, but to Noah and Benny and Aviva and especially Dad. She had no idea what had come over Lara, nor did she care. Too many feelings swirled up inside Caroline’s chest. She could not keep track of the colors and shapes that streamed through her mind.
Although it seemed impossible that the horrible dinner would ever end, it did. Caroline offered to help clean up, but Ima shot that idea down in the space of approximately two seconds.
“You need to talk with me and Dad,” Ima informed her. “Your sister can help Aunt Miriam clean up.”
Lara nodded, and shot Caroline a look. Which Caroline ignored.
Caroline’s whole body trembled as she walked toward the living room, where Dad and Ima awaited her. Trouble—real, honest-to-goodness trouble—had always been something other people suffered through. Usually that person was Benny, or occasionally Lara or Noah. Now? Caroline was facing nothing but trouble, all on her own.
And as much as she wanted to blame Lara, she knew the biggest mistake had been hers.
She sank into the couch and waited for her lecture.
“I think we can all agree that tonight has been very . . . eventful,” said Ima. She looked as though she’d just swallowed several pieces of Dad’s gross brisket.
“That’s one word for it,” Dad muttered under his breath. He still looked out of sorts. Caroline longed to hug her father, to comfort him, but she wasn’t sure she could stand being touched at the moment.
Ima cleared her throat. “Caroline, please explain this rat incident.”
Caroline stared at the screen of her tablet. She needed to start giving it words, explanations, something that would somehow make Ima’s lips un-purse themselves.
The blank screen stared back, taunting her.
Dad squeezed her shoulder in a surprising comfort. “Maybe you should start at the beginning,” he said softly.
She supposed that made sense. And so Caroline began to type.
She tried to explain. About Marissa and Helena the zebra and Micah and everything else. Tapping all of that out letter by letter took a lot of time. Finally, Caroline finished. She pressed “speak” on her tablet, and she waited.
As her computer voice spoke, Caroline stared into the swirly flowers on the pillow she cradled in her lap. It was certainly easier than looking at Ima or Dad.
“. . . so that is what happened,” the computer voice concluded.
Nobody spoke, though Ima let out a sigh. Caroline bounced in her seat.
To her surprise, Dad was first to break the silence. “Well, Lina-Lin, that’s quite the pickle you’ve got yourself into,” he sai
d. “I have to admit that I did not see this coming.”
Caroline glanced up to see that her father was fighting back a grin. Now that certainly was an unexpected development.
“Joseph, this isn’t funny,” Ima said in a very Ima-like voice. “You could have done a lot of harm to that girl, Caroline. And I really don’t know how I feel about you being friends with this Micah boy.”
This time, words came easily to Caroline as she typed. “Please please please don’t make me stop being friends with Micah.”
“We don’t want to tell you who you should be friends with,” Dad said quickly.
Ima grunted, but did not contradict him. The lump in Caroline’s stomach felt just a little bit lighter. That had been one of her biggest worries—losing her friend. Her only friend, now that she and Lara were decidedly not on friend-like terms.
At least she had Micah, assuming that he still wanted to be her friend. Which, Caroline realized with a sinking feeling, was a rather large assumption.
“You must apologize to the girl, of course,” Ima said. “I expect you to go and talk to Principal Jenkins about this and do whatever she feels is appropriate. In fact, I will accompany you for this talk.”
Caroline tapped the “yes” button. There wasn’t much else to say.
Ima reviewed the rest of Caroline’s punishments. She would not receive her allowance for the next month. She would, however, be quite busy cleaning out the garage.
“I imagine at least one of your brothers will be helping you out with that,” Ima said dryly.
Right. With all of her own misery, Caroline had all but forgotten about Benny and Noah. But surely they were in trouble too—even if what they’d done didn’t really compare to Caroline’s mistakes.
A hot flash of rage rose up inside her, and try as she might, Caroline could not banish it. Why, oh why, had Lara been so horrible? Caroline would have liked to ask her, but that required talking to Lara. And that was something Caroline absolutely refused to do.
Ima was still talking, Caroline realized, but she only caught a word here, two words there. She could not concentrate well enough to arrange the sounds into sentences. Finally, Ima ran out of words.
“Can I go now?” Caroline typed.
Although her lips remained pursed, Ima nodded. “I suppose we’ve covered everything.” Under her breath she added, “And we have several more conversations to get through this evening.”
“Actually . . .” Dad began. “I have a question.”
Caroline and her mother both stared at him. He had been remarkably silent through all of the scolding.
“I was just wondering . . . why did you do this, Lina-Lin?”
“I already told you,” Caroline said. She had absolutely no desire to discuss this subject any further.
“Yes, I know. But is there something else, meydl?”
Caroline tapped the “no” button before Dad even finished the question. With barely a glance at Dad and Ima, she hurried out of the room. Away from her parents. Away from Noah and Benny, who paced by the door to the living room while Lara made sad faces.
Away from her sister.
* * *
* * *
LOCATION: Dinner, Rosh Hashanah
EVENT: I messed everything up.
QUESTION FOR FURTHER INVESTIGATION: Is it even possible to fix my mistakes?
Lara stared at the page, then glanced over at the door. There was still no sign of Caroline. She sighed and turned the page. Lara was rereading the third Georgia Ketteridge book—wait, no, it was the second—but couldn’t follow the story. It didn’t really matter. Georgia was, no doubt, doing something smart and awesome and inspiring. Something un-Lara-like.
She didn’t even look at the book as she turned another page.
Finally, Lara couldn’t take it any longer. She tossed the paperback on her nightstand and marched out of her bedroom. Her mission: finding Caroline.
She checked the living room—no Caroline. Then the den—no Caroline. Finally, just as she entered the kitchen, Lara caught sight of dark, curly hair.
Her heart sank. It was only Ima.
Ima turned around, cradling her favorite mug. “Are you looking for something? Or somebody?” she asked.
“She probably doesn’t want to see me anyway,” Lara mumbled.
Ima placed her mug on the table with a soft clang. “Yes, perhaps it would be best if you and Caroline had some time apart.”
That was something Lara appreciated about her mother. No matter how bad things got, she never tried to deny that things were, in fact, bad. Lara thought that was something she and Ima had in common. Of course, Ima probably hadn’t ever done anything like revealing everyone’s secrets at Rosh Hashanah dinner. That kind of mess-up was purely Lara’s territory.
“You’re right,” Lara mumbled. She shuffled away.
Lara had nearly left the kitchen when Ima’s voice called her back. “She will forgive you.”
“You really think so?” Lara allowed herself a tiny, tiny flicker of hope.
“I do. I have a sister too, you realize.” Ima paused. “Of course, I cannot say how long it will take.”
Well. That wasn’t exactly a happy, uplifting thought. But it was something, so Lara tried to hold on to it.
“And Dad?” she pressed.
Ima gave a not-quite smile. “Your father loves you. No matter what you do.”
Lara knew that already. But instead of making her feel better, it just made her feel worse. Her whole family loved her—she knew that perfectly well. And she’d repaid them with . . . that.
After mumbling her thanks to Ima, Lara wandered back to her bedroom. It remained empty. Even Kugel showed no inclination to stop by. Perhaps he too was taking Caroline’s side.
The minutes ticked by, and bedtime crept ever closer. For once Lara looked forward to it. Caroline would have to return to their room then, surely.
Lara picked up the Georgia book she’d dropped. She completed five chapters, though she didn’t particularly enjoy them. All the while, she kept stealing glances at the door. The stupid, annoying, unmoving door.
With four minutes to spare, Caroline slipped in. Without offering a single look for Lara, she changed into her pajamas and tucked herself into bed.
Lara waited until the lights were completely out to speak.
“I’m sorry.”
No response. Well, that made sense. Aside from the fact that Caroline was probably super mad—if one could put such a thing aside—Caroline didn’t have her tablet out. So, obviously she couldn’t respond.
The sensible thing to do, Lara thought, would be to just leave it at that. Maybe Lara’s sorry-ness would somehow make an impression on Caroline as she drifted off into sleep, and she would wake up in a more generous spirit.
Of course, if Lara were in the habit of doing the sensible thing, she probably would not be in this predicament in the first place.
“I didn’t mean to do . . . all of that,” she continued. “I really didn’t.”
The sound of blankets shuffling came from Caroline’s side of the room. Then, her computer voice.
“Be quiet, Lara,” Caroline said.
For once, Lara was quiet.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN:
THE MYSTERY OF MISTAKES
LOCATION: Kitchen, breakfast time
EVENT: Everyone hates me.
No further investigation required.
Lara knew that her siblings could not possibly have held a meeting in the middle of the night, a meeting in which it was decided that they would not be talking to her for the next day. (Two days? A week? It couldn’t possibly be more than a week, could it?) But it certainly felt as though such a meeting had taken place.
First, she tried making conversation with Benny. Lara figured that he couldn’t possibly resis
t the opportunity to talk. And yet, resist he did.
“Are you playing any good video games, Benny?”
Nothing.
“How is your Rube-whatever machine going?”
Nothing.
“Do you want some of my hair clips for your machine?”
Still nothing. Honestly, Lara wouldn’t have believed him capable of such a long silence.
Noah snorted. She glared at him, but her heart wasn’t in it. After all, a voice whispered to her. What were you expecting? For them to throw you a party?
Aviva—of all people!—appeared to take pity on Lara. “It is so nice to be going back to school today, isn’t it?” she asked, her voice squeaking.
“Not really,” Lara said.
Even Aviva gave up after that.
Dad gave her a weak smile as he munched on his toast, but the attempt only made the boulder that had taken up residence in her chest even heavier. Truly, she would have preferred that he yell at her. That, at least, would have felt like a proper punishment.
After such a morning, Lara looked forward to school. At least at Pinecone Arts Academy she could be invisible as usual, instead of being the target of everyone’s irritation. Right now, Lara welcomed invisibility.
Yet even school felt different. For one thing, both Dad and Ima drove the kids to school. Instead of just dropping them off by the curb like usual, Ima actually parked the car. She and Dad walked with Caroline to the front door, flanking her on both sides. Caroline fixed her gaze on her sneakers, and Lara could see that her hands trembled more noticeably with every step. Their destination was not a mystery.
Not your problem, Lara told herself. Caroline can deal with it.
Except that Caroline’s problems kind of were Lara’s problems too, weren’t they? Caroline wouldn’t be in this situation, being marched off to Principal Jenkins’s office, if not for Lara.
Lara walked down the hallway. Past Principal Jenkins’s office. Then she glanced back to make sure her family was nowhere in sight. And she promptly turned around.
