“I bring it all back for him, and I can’t hurt him like that.” I begin to hold her hand firmer, trying to use the supportive touch to get me through this. I don’t even know what this is. “And you, I’m sure you’d rather your son be with someone more stable, less broken.”
“Broken? I think not, young lady. And even so, even if there are spots crinkled and cracked, it’s through those painful parts of our lives we find what we are made of, and what we can truly be. From what I hear, you are strong, brave, and bold. And though you’d think he’d be biased, knowing how he feels about you, my son isn’t one to falsely lay claims to someone’s nature. He’s never held back his true feelings, not especially when I stayed with his father when I should have left. It was my deaf ears that failed me and my family, but we can’t stay stuck there, in that regret and failure. We have to move forward, through the chaos and the difficulty to find our brilliance.” She motions around the garden, and I am in awe again as butterflies and dragonflies flit about, touching upon branches and lapping up nectar.
“I just need to be sure.”
“Sure of what, dear?”
“Sure that I am clear of my mistake before I can open my heart again.”
“That is a very sound way of thinking.” She nods.
We sit in silence for a few minutes, looking around with broad smiles, enjoying the warm sunshine before shadows can begin to travel across the world Shan’s mom has created with her family.
“Beauty out of the dirt and rocks,” I remark.
“Yes. It’s there, but it takes time and I won’t lie, it’s a lot of hard work. Ongoing work.”
“Some things are worth it,” I reply.
“Yes, they are.”
I didn’t hear the car come up the drive, or the gate swing open. It is the brightness on Nicole’s face that signals Shan’s arrival.
“I see that you two have officially met.”
The melodic, masculine voice makes my heart quiver. In person he has a much stronger impact than on the phone—so much in fact that I doubt I can will my legs to stand with the shakiness he has created, or maybe it’s more like a melting. Shan moves into my line of sight, taking my breath away in the golden rays of the coming sunset.
“Your mom’s garden is unbelievable,” I manage. “The work it must have taken you all.”
“It was worth it.” His words nearly echo mine exactly, making me wonder if he overheard me or if we are just that connected. I am opting to believe the latter.
So, not just friends?
Maybe not.
Dinner is outstanding. Many of the pickled veggies in the salad are from Nicole’s garden, along with the lettuce. Her neighbors and friends have farms, so she gets local cheeses and meats as well. I can’t remember when I felt this good after a meal.
Having always wanted to learn a little bit French, I enjoy learning from Clara, who’s been living in France for over a year. Clara teases Shan constantly throughout the dinner while he struggles to pronounce the words in what she deems an appropriate accent, but I have a feeling he’s lousing it up more drastically than is truly warranted.
“You’re impossible,” she grumbles to him on more than one occasion during the meal, though it’s followed by her jesting tongue stuck out out in Shan’s direction.
“You’d like my sister, Laura. You remind me of her.” I laugh looking between the two. “Or maybe you two joking with each other reminds me of us.”
“You’re leaving to see her tonight? Is that right?” Clara asks. “It’s going to be a dark ride—maybe you should just stay?”
It’s Shan’s turn to give her an annoyed look. “I’m sure April can make up her own mind. We are older than you, little sis.”
But I am already considering the offer, not having thought it out very well with everything else going on.
Just friends time is officially out the door.
I giggle to myself only to have the heat flush my cheeks in front of Shan and his sister. Nicole just smiles between the exchanges, on occasion speaking perfect French with Clara, but most of the time simply enjoying having both of her kids home.
“Clara,” Ms. Bends sings to her daughter, “why don’t you help me clean up in the kitchen.”
With a wink to her brother, Clara takes off after her mom with her dark ponytail bouncing along the way.
Now, with Clara and Nicole gone, Shan and I sit side by side, as we did all night, but now that low, buzzing spark between us flares to life.
“You can nearly see every star from up here,” he declares, turning toward me with his dark eyes and brain-melting smile, sending a thrill through my chest.
“I’d love to see them. It’s such a clear night.” My response is shaky, and realizing that I’m not breathing, I take a fairly obvious inhale—shaky as well, of course.
“I’ll tell my mom we’re taking a drive. I have the perfect place.” He stands, taking my hand with his to pull me to my feet as well. “Maybe grab a sweater?”
I nod as he pulls from me, letting his fingers go limp, but I don’t release his hand.
“Your family is wonderful,” I marvel softly, using his hand to pull him closer instead of letting him slip away. “I’m happy I came.”
With a curve of his lips and a glimmer in his eyes, he takes my words and motions to mean exactly what I hope he’d notice. My idea of just being friends was just that, an idea, and one I have decided to cast aside after nearly two weeks of distance.
I lift to my toes as his head dips down. My lips, nearly touching his, tingle with a vibration, with a need. I move in that last half an inch and meet his mouth with mine. It may not have been the deepest, longest kiss, but it was the most passionate one. One without the worries of my past, or his.
“I’m guessing you’ve changed your mind?”
“How’d you guess?” I smirk.
“That was not something I’ve ever felt, or done, with just a friend,” he replies while brushing the back of his hand against my cheek. “And I may not have known you for long, but I do know you, April, and that was more than just a kiss.”
I heat at his words but ignore my potential for shyness and press my palms to his chest. “You are very perceptive. Of course, I knew that about you. It’s one of the things I love about you.”
Shan’s eyes widen and his chest lifts before I have a chance to move my hand over it to circle his shoulders.
“Weren’t we going somewhere?”
Shan’s head nods. He’s at a loss for words. My worry that I may have said too much is pushed aside by the surety in my heart that he feels the same way.
With a blanket, desserts, and few of his mom’s bottles of beer, Shan and I set off to get a better look at the stars. By the looks of his path, we are going to a very private place, and the anticipation is bringing titillating pictures of what may happen tonight to my mind.
“I found this spot looking for a good jogging route. I think you’ll like it.”
We left the paved road a while ago, but I hardly notice the bouncing as I take in the beauty, even in the dark where the moonlight hits the trees and nighttime bloomers. After Shan stops the car where we can no longer go farther once our headlights meet a wall of trees, he points to a trail off to the right.
“It’s a short walk to the clearing. It has a killer view.”
While I close the car door behind me, Shan wrestles in the trunk. Side by side, we follow the wide beam of his flashlight. Once the trail begins to tighten, I snag the bulky blanket under his other arm and follow his back the rest of the way.
“You weren’t kidding,” I manage, once the curtain of trees parts to reveal the spectacular view.
The world unfolds both below us and above. My eyes shift from the town beneath to the mountains in the distance, and then over to where I watch as Shan shakes out the blanket before I look upward to the blanket of stars in the sky.
“So many heroes and their magical creatures, families, and nemeses,” I observe.
“You’ll be up there with me. Which ones should be ours? They can’t all be taken yet, can they?” I smile at Orion’s Belt, the constellation I’m drawn to in the night sky ever since I was a child. “My aunt loves the stars. We always look for Orion, Perseus, Andromeda, and Pegasus. Now, when I look at Orion, I’ll think of you.”
With a pat on the quilted blanket, Shan draws my attention to his left. My trembling legs make it difficult to sit gracefully, but I somehow manage to snuggle up next to him, both our gazes cast to the glowing lights in the sky.
“I don’t have any star people in my family, but I do know the Big Dipper and the Little Dipper,” he admits. “And I love the movie Clash of the Titans, so I at least know who you’re talking about. Can you see them now?”
“Yes, just over there Perseus, Andromeda, and Cassiopeia are in a line, but I can’t see Pegasus tonight. Sometimes I can find a wingtip.” The four constellations cluster together, the mom, the daughter, and the hero with his winged beauty, and I wonder again where our story will go. “You know”—I smirk—“I made a Clash of the Titans board game in middle school. Medusa was my favorite baddie.”
“She used to give me nightmares,” Shan admits. “My mom said I woke her up every night for weeks after seeing her in that movie.”
Our gazes shift upward again, our eyes roaming a sky full of heroes and villains, all Greek myths alight in a pitch-dark sky. The rhythms of the surrounding forest create a soundtrack to this beautiful night, the perfect backdrop to a happier story down on Earth than many of the tragedies in the sky.
“Two heroes together up in the stars. I like it, though it’s still sometimes hard to think of myself in that way.” My statement is a whisper since my breath has been taken away by the sight of the man next to me in the cascading night. His snug, light-weight jacket reveals his strength while his soft, dark eyes and light shadow of a beard exude a sexiness I won’t resist for long.
“What’s not to see? I see a champion for women who can’t speak for themselves. That’s what we called my mom once she started doing her talks, and I think it rings true for you too.”
It’s still hard to think of myself as a hero after what I allowed to happen. Is there really a fine line between strengths and weaknesses?
I can’t peel my eyes away from Shan and the view of stars reflected in his eyes. He smiles warmly, and I know in this moment I could never have stayed away and just been friends for that long anyhow.
“Thank you for giving me the space when I needed it.”
“Yeah, that wasn’t easy. I was hopeful, and now here you are with me tonight.”
“The power of positive thinking,” I declare.
Shan chuckles and then leans in, his hand moving into my hair before pressing his lips to mine while finding a way to weave between them with his tongue. I find his with mine and we both begin a sort of dance around each other. Both of us kissing and touching and moving our hands back and forth between each other’s hair, back, legs, and then when he finds my chest, I push against him even more.
The privacy underneath the evening sky makes it easy for me to pull my shirt up over my head and slowly unclasp my bra. Shan watches me with wonderment. As if on autopilot, he removes his shirt as well. While we face each other, both of us on our knees, I take a moment to touch each part of his chest, along his ribs, down to his firm stomach, and back up to his shoulders. With both perfectly built shoulders in my hands, I release one to smoothly reach up his neck and grab Shan to kiss him. He uses his momentum to push me down onto my back. Leveraging himself to hover on top of me, while sending soft fingers down my neck, between my breasts, and without dwelling there for long, he reaches one hand to unzip my pants just enough for him to be able to reach down inside. I go tense and then limp in a matter of seconds. My mind obviously does not know what to do once he has ahold of my being. My very essence drips from my body and exhales from my lungs. This is bliss.
I pant as his fingers slide in and out of me, first one and then another. His mouth closes around mine with a moan. I try to squirm beneath him to get my hand to the top of his jeans. With a flick of two fingers the top button gives way, but I can’t reach the zipper. A dizziness takes over and my arm goes slack as his rhythm inside me continues, but I manage to get ahold of myself and snag behind his neck to look into his eyes. He stops for a moment, lowering to kiss me again, and I manage to get my hand to his zipper and push it down. I try to work to remove his jeans, but Shan thankfully lifts off of me, coming to stand before dropping his jeans and boxers to the blanket. I shimmy and deftly work my hands and remove everything else, tossing it aside.
At first, a chill pours through me from the cold air, but it quickly changes to one of building anticipation. I long for him to be inside of me, but instead of freezing for a split second once he lowers on top of me once again, my body responds to something deep inside my mind.
He’s not Derrick. He’ll never be him either.
“Are you sure this is okay? We can slow down if you want.” He senses my unease. Stupid subconscious.
“No, please don’t stop. I want this, I really do. It’s just…”
“I’m not like him, April. I would never hurt you like he did, I promise.”
“You don’t even have to say anything. I knew that a long time ago.”
A slow pressure touches me, delicately searching and rubbing along my soft skin where I am already stimulated to the brink. I take slow inhales and he gives me a sexy kiss before mimicking my deep breaths.
Once he enters me, it is a blissful heat and pressure. Something more than physical passes between us as we make love, and I am lost in this moment, surrounded by a beautiful backdrop of the forest and night sky. The stars above dance to our passion along with the creation of a bond stronger than anything I have ever experienced before. This is love and true passion, and it is new and incredible. As if it was hiding inside all along, and Shan is the only one who could have fully set it free. We share the climbing and aching build-up before our sensual tandem releases.
Shan’s hand curls the side of the blanket around us and we lie side by side, reveling in the passion and bliss as if we were the only two people in the world. “You are amazing, April. I have never felt this way before. I don’t want this night to end.”
“I think it will live on in my heart forever, plus we have all of the time in the world together now.” I sigh while curling into his chest. “Nothing or no one will keep us apart ever again.”
“I wish I could teach him a lesson, but I know that will only cause more problems for us. I learned that the hard way with my dad.”
“I think he’s learned one already, and I really am sorry about your mom, and sorry for all of you. I can’t even imagine what you’ve gone through, what you’re still going through, but you three have each other. He could never destroy that bond or your love for each other.”
“It’s helped me see what love isn’t, and now I know what true love is. It’s how I feel for you.” Shan’s fingers lift my chin to look into my eyes.
“You do? I, I think I’ve been in love with you since before we even spoke. That’s silly isn’t it?”
“No, April. I love you, silly, happy, sad, and all.”
“I love you, too.”
“You are perfect for me, and you look unbelievably gorgeous and sexy tonight,” he purrs into my ear. “I’m sorry if I can’t take my hands off of you.”
“And I don’t want you to.”
Chapter 14
Chasing
~
I wake in the darkness of Shan’s room. Shan’s breathing nearly lulls me back to sleep, but it’s a rare morning when I wake and manage to find dreamland once again. We must have fallen asleep in here even though his mom had already set up a bed for him on the couch. I don’t want to break her rules in her own home within the first twenty-four hours of knowing her, so I plan my depar
ture from the room. I’m sure that would be a record somewhere. It was hard to separate after our first time making love, but that won’t be the excuse I give to anyone but Shan.
Slowly, and with only a shoosh of sound from the sheets, I roll off the bed into a silent crouch. The tips of my toes pad along the carpet. I snag my running shoes and an outfit from my bag and slip into the bathroom.
Shan’s trail to see the stars is part of his favorite running loop. I memorized it on the way back to the house, managing to focus on something other than what had unfolded on the blanket underneath a glowing, evening sky. The moon had brightened to a broad beam of light, which made it easy to see the path, so I know I can follow it even with the sun at least an hour away from rising. I can’t sleep now anyhow, so I might as well get my run in.
After changing and lacing up my shoes, my rubber soles sneak back to my purse where I grab my phone and kitty knuckles. I may be brave, but I’m not stupid—though I doubt anyone else will be up and about, except for some nocturnal critters who are crawling back home for their bedtime.
The air is brisk, much cooler than when I was in Shan’s arms. When I reach the split to pick the six-mile or three-mile loop, I opt for the shorter one. My legs may or may not be a little shaky after last night’s activities. Tingles shoot through me at the thought of my body being pressed against Shan’s. Pictures of new places and ways I can feel him again before I leave today take my attention from the trail and I nearly bite it tripping over a root.
Steady there. You seem distracted for some reason. Snort
Real funny.
I move on, my gait becoming smooth like swimming through water. The ground moves quickly below me, and I eat away a good two and a half miles before I lose focus again and find the previous root’s best friend. I catch myself once again before I can bust my knees and hands on the ground, though my shoe slips off my heel, bringing me to a halt.
When I bend down, my hair tie floats to the ground, having snapped at some weak link, freeing the mass of winding curls into my face. I blow a few strands away long enough to create somewhat of an opening in my sight to slip on and re-tie my shoe.
A Protector's Touch: A New Adult College Romance & Romantic Suspense Novel Page 12
