Will turned wide, questioning eyes on her, but Rory couldn’t speak. Couldn’t open her mouth to tell Will she was fine. That Mac was blowing this all out of proportion. That everything was going to be okay. Because it wasn’t. Everything absolutely wasn’t going to be okay, and if she said even one word, she’d break.
She’d break because in her heart she knew what needed to be done.
She was already in too deep with Nash, and it was going to hurt no matter what. But if she cut ties now, she might be able to walk away with the majority of her heart still intact. There was no doubt it’d be painful, and she’d have herself a few good cries over letting him go. She might not have been torn up over her marriage ending, but she knew, without a doubt, if she went down that path with Nash, she wouldn’t be quite so lucky.
Better to end it now rather than down the line when she’d be ripped to shreds over their demise.
Will must’ve read something in Rory’s gaze, because she nodded once. “Okay, let’s go.”
And that was it. They marched her straight out the back door of The Willow Tree without a backward glance. Who knew it’d take Rory crumpling completely for her to feel that connection with her sisters she’d craved for so long?
Her entire life, she’d been the strong one. The one who solved problems and got shit done and did it all with a smile on her face. But now…? Today? She didn’t want to be the strong one. She wanted someone else to hold her up, just for a little while.
Because of that, she didn’t shrug off Will’s arm around her waist or Mac’s around her shoulders as they ushered her toward Mac’s car. She didn’t push Will away when she sat in the back seat with her, holding her hand and studying her the entire ride back to Mac’s place. She didn’t even try to stem the tears that leaked from her eyes in a near-constant stream.
Her heart was breaking over what needed to be done, but her sisters were here. Maybe the fall wouldn’t be so bad.
It’d been nearly a week since Nash had been in the same room with Rory. More, actually, if he didn’t count that night at The Willow Tree with Nat. And he absolutely didn’t.
All day and night, he’d watched Rory from afar, keeping an eye on her, because something had happened. He could tell in the way she held herself, in her forced smile. And his gut told him it was more than just Nat being home.
He’d wanted nothing more than to comfort her, take her in his arms, whisper something in her ear to make her get mad at him just to see a little of that fire back in her eyes. Of course, he hadn’t done that. Rory had made her stance on that perfectly clear, and he was going to respect it. For now. So instead, he’d taken the ribbing Nat had given him without much comment.
Yeah, he was gone over Rory, and there was no use denying it. He wasn’t going to bother lying to himself about it anymore. What was the use? He’d crushed on her for ten long years when she’d only been an unattainable fantasy. But the reality of her? She was even better than his imagination. Was it any wonder he’d fallen for her?
And he was pretty damn sure she felt the same about him. Except, in the time since he’d been at her place the night before Gran’s party and now, something had spooked her. She was running scared, making up excuse after excuse for reasons she couldn’t see him. Every single one was complete and total bullshit.
She was ghosting him again, just like she had in the beginning. Courteous enough to respond to his texts, but not enough to tell him what was going on. Just enough to keep him away.
Well, he was done with her brush-offs. He wanted to know what the fuck happened to make her go from riding him on the couch, her eyes so full of emotion as she looked at him it’d nearly choked him, to her not even wanting to be in the same room with him.
He came to a stop in front of her house. He’d worried she’d be holed up inside and wouldn’t answer his knock, but she sat on the porch swing he’d made her. Their eyes locked as soon as he stepped out of his truck.
“Thought you were goin’ out with your sisters?” he called. That’d been the lie she’d fed him today when he’d asked if she wanted to Netflix and chill.
Except he’d seen Mac at The Willow Tree and had come right out and asked her about it. She’d admitted she was working all night, and Will and Finn had some wedding shit to deal with. It was an easy enough lie to catch Rory in. Too easy, in fact. Almost as if she wanted him to figure it out. As if she wanted him to confront her on it.
Well, she was getting her wish.
She sat with one leg tucked under her, the other hanging down, pushing her back and forth in a slow rhythm. “They had to cancel.”
He climbed the steps and didn’t stop until he stood directly in front of her. “We both know that’s bullshit, Rory.”
“I get enough preteen sass from my girls, thanks. If you’re gonna be rude, you can go ahead and leave.”
“I’m not leavin’ until you tell me what the hell happened.”
She broke eye contact with him and turned her head to stare off into the distance. “I don’t know what you mean.”
Nash dropped into a crouch in front of her and shifted to the side until he caught her gaze. “Don’t play these games with me, princess. We’ve never done that before, and we’re certainly not gonna start now.”
She blew out a long breath, as if this conversation exhausted her very soul. “I don’t know what you want from me, Nash.”
“I want you to be real with me. Same thing I’ve always wanted. Same thing I’ve always asked from you. Just be real.”
“Fine.” Her jaw clenched, and she folded her arms over her chest. “You want real? This isn’t working.”
“You’re gonna have to be more specific. What, exactly, isn’t workin’? The partnership?”
She rolled her eyes. “Not everything is about the partnership. I’m talkin’ about this.” She gestured between them with a quick flick of her fingers. “Us. We’re not workin’. I can’t keep doin’ this thing with you. But don’t worry about our partnership—I’ll still hold up my end of the bargain,” she said, her voice tinged with frustration.
“You think I’m worried about the fucking partnership? I don’t give a damn about that. I can work anywhere. Do anything. Hell, Bozeman already offered me a job if my old man accepts their offer.” He reached up and cupped her face in his hands, his entire body aching to kiss her. To hold her. To remind her exactly how good it was between them. “But there’s only one you. That’s what I’m worried about. That’s what’s got me all tied up in knots, princess. Losing you.”
She stared at him for long moments—so long he thought maybe, just maybe, he’d gotten through. But then she dropped her gaze and shook her head, pulling out of his grasp. “I just…I can’t do it anymore.”
He shook his head, studying her. “Last week, everything was just fine between us. You remember last week, right? When you rode me on your couch? Held on to me so tight and whispered my name as you came all over me?”
“Don’t do that,” she said, her voice tight.
“Don’t do what? Remind you of the truth? Show you how good it’s always been between us? That’s exactly what happened, and you know it. So what the hell changed in a few days?”
“Everything,” she snapped. “Everything changed.”
“Shit, Rory, you’ve gotta give me something more than that. How can I fix it if you won’t tell me what the hell is wrong?”
She shook her head. “I just…I thought I could handle this—handle bein’ with you and all the history you come with—but I can’t. I know you weren’t a saint before me, but I don’t appreciate your former lovers flauntin’ your sex life right in front of me.”
“What the hell are you talkin’ about?” He’d specifically kept his minimal sex life out of Havenbrook. He’d never had more than one-night stands when the itch got to be too much. There were no crazy ex-girlfriends attempting to stake their claim on him. No women who’d be flaunting anything because there was nothing to flaunt.
“The
redhead at the bar the night of Gran’s party.”
He furrowed his brow. “Who?”
With a huff, she rolled her eyes. “You don’t have to lie to spare my feelings, Nash. I’m a big girl. I just want the truth. When’s the last time y’all were together?” She shifted her gaze to the side, breaking eye contact. “We never talked about that, about whether we’d be exclusive or not. I just assumed we were, and that’s on me, but—”
“Are you fucking kidding me right now? You think I went out and fucked other girls while I was sleepin’ in your bed?” He pushed up to stand and walked in a tight circle, his fingers linked at the back of his head. “That’s a shitty accusation, and you know it.”
“I heard her loud and clear. She said—”
He spun around to face her. “I don’t give a fuck what she said! I’m saying it never happened, and I’ve never given you a reason not to trust me. I told her that night—same as I have every other time she’s tried to get into my bed—that I’m not interested. I’m not Sean, Rory. I’m not gonna go around behind your back and fuck your best friend. I’ve never cheated on anyone in my life, because I’ve never had anyone to cheat on. This is the first time I’ve ever been tied to anyone, and I’m sure as hell not lookin’ for a way out. You’re it for me.”
Rory snapped her mouth shut, but the doubt still lingered in her eyes. Doubt over what kind of man he was. If he’d be a repeat of her dumb-ass ex-husband. Or maybe she saw him like the rest of the town did, simply an extension of his father.
“What else?” he said. “No use gettin’ shy now. Lay it all out for me so we can work through this shit.”
She clenched her jaw and stared at him with hard eyes, but she met his challenge. “Everyone’s talkin’ about it.”
So she had heard the whispers. She was bound to sooner or later. He’d just hoped it’d happen after their foundation was a little more solid and they could withstand the rumors.
“It’s Havenbrook, princess. Everyone talks about everything.”
“Yeah, well, I’m tired of everyone talkin’ about me. That’s all they’ve been doin’ for months. And now…the things they’re sayin’—” She clamped her mouth shut, as if she hadn’t meant to reveal what she did.
He narrowed his eyes. “What? What’re they sayin’?” If he had to kick some asses, he had no problem doing so.
“It’s nothing.”
“Rory.”
She huffed. “For one thing, I’m too old for you.”
“Says who?”
“Says everyone, including your father.”
Nash’s brow furrowed. “What the hell does my old man have to do with it?”
“Never mind.”
“Oh no. That’s not gonna fly. You brought it up, now tell me.”
“He…he hit on me at the party.”
Nash jerked back, blinking through the shock. “He what?”
“Look, I can blow off a lot of talk because I know most of it’s nonsense anyway. But when the proof is served to me on a silver platter, it’s a lot harder to ignore. If your dad thinks it’s okay to ask me out, don’t you think that means I’m a little too old for you?”
Nash was going to kill him with his bare hands. As if it wasn’t bad enough he had to navigate Havenbrook after his old man had torn through it like a sex tornado, fucking anyone willing, now he had to deal with him going after the woman Nash loved? “My dad would hit on a lamppost if it had a decent pair of tits, Rory. That doesn’t mean anything.”
Her shoulders sank and she shook her head, the fight evaporating right out of her, and his stomach bottomed out. He wanted her mouthy and fired up. He wanted her incensed and angry, because at least that meant she was passionate about them—about him. But this…she looked like she’d already forfeited the fight, and he was still getting his gloves on.
“Maybe not,” she said, “but it doesn’t change that fact that we don’t make sense. We’ve never made sense. You’d fit better with someone like Nat.”
“Like Nat? What the fuck?”
“You can’t deny you guys have chemistry. Not a soul at that party could deny it.”
“Yeah, we have the kind of chemistry that’s sustained a friendship for two decades. That’s it. If I wanted Nat, I’d have kept her after that disastrous attempt in high school. You can’t seriously be worried about that—she’s like a sister to me.”
“Don’t belittle what I’m feelin’. That’s not fair. You wanted me to tell you what the issues were, so I did. All you’re doin’ is arguin’ with me on every single point.”
“So, what, you’re ready to throw this away because some people are talkin’ and my dad hit on you? Big fucking deal, Rory. Those are nothin’ but speed bumps, and we can get over them.”
“They’re more than speed bumps to me, Nash! I can ignore a lot of what they’re sayin’, but not everything. Not when it’s exactly what I’ve been worried about this entire time. I couldn’t keep Sean from strayin’, so how can I possibly hope to keep you?”
“Keep me? I’m scared to death I won’t be able to keep you! You’re the gorgeous, unattainable Rory Haven, and I’m the kid whose mom left him and whose dad fucks his way through town. I’m a high school dropout who uses his hands for a living. I’m never gonna be a suit guy who can buy you the biggest house on the block. I know I’m not good enough for you, but I’m still not runnin’. I’m here, and I’m ready to fight for this, because what we have is worth it.”
“What we had was a brief affair that ran its course.”
“No, what we have is a connection like I’ve never had with anyone else—including your sister. I don’t care what you say to me, how many lies you feed me, I know it’s the same for you. I know it is. You might’ve been married before, but this is just as new for you as it is for me. Tell me you allowed yourself to be real with him. Tell me that, and I’ll leave and never look back.”
She crossed her arms and avoided his gaze, and that was all the answer he needed.
“That’s what I thought.”
“It’s time for you to go.” Rory’s voice was monotone, all emotion zapped from it.
“Not happenin’, princess. I’m not leavin’ until we work this out.”
She slammed her hands down on the cushion. “Dammit, Nash, we’re not workin’ it out! Can’t you see that? I’m not ready for something like this! I just ended a marriage with a man who left me for my best friend. I can’t just dive into another relationship so soon. That’s not how things work for me.”
“Jesus, Rory, I’m not proposin’. We can go as fast or as slow as you want. I just wanna be with you while we do it. We’re good together.”
“Says who?”
“Me!”
“And what do you know about it? You’re still a baby! You don’t know what you want in life. You still need to figure out who you are.”
“Don’t feed me that bullshit. I’ve wanted you for ten goddamn years, and that hasn’t changed once. So don’t tell me I don’t know what the fuck I want or who I am. I already know.”
Her silence hit him like a confession, and suddenly, everything made sense. She was deflecting and pushing this all off on him, but he wasn’t the issue. She was. Despite having shown her over and over again that he loved her just as she was, she was still fumbling around, trying to find her footing.
“But maybe I’m not the one who needs to be looking.” He knelt in front of her once again and wrapped his hand around her ankle, willing her to glance his way, but she never did. “I love every single facet of you—the real you. You’re brilliant and creative and bossy and opinionated and talented and so fucking strong. But if you can’t see it, I can’t force you to.”
A single tear rolled down her cheek, and he reached up and swiped it away. Wanted nothing more than to kiss away her hurt, and he probably could. Could kiss his way back into her life, fuck them both until they felt better. For a little while, anyway. But then they’d crash when it was over, and she’d be worse off after
it.
So instead, he rubbed his thumb along her exposed ankle and put as much emotion into the simple touch as he could. “I’m not givin’ up on this, Rory. I won’t give up on us. No matter how long it takes to prove that to you, I’m gonna do it. So, you take as much time you need. When you figure it out, you know where to find me.”
Rory sat on her front porch swing, glass of wine in hand as she rocked in time to the quiet call of the whippoorwills. In recent days, this had become her routine while the girls were at their daddy’s. As soon as she got home from work—either town hall or a job site—she’d slip out on to the porch and camp for the rest of the evening simply because it made her feel close to Nash in the only way that was safe for her heart.
It didn’t help that she saw touches of him in every corner of her house. In the newly refinished kitchen cabinets. In the absence of the rooster wallpaper. In the crown moulding he’d helped her put up. Her home was finally something to be proud of, and not a room inside had been untouched. Every wall was painted the exact color she wanted, and she’d painstakingly picked out the smallest details in every nook and cranny.
Her home was perfect, even by her incredibly high standards. But the funny thing was, it’d felt more like a home months ago when it’d been in shambles simply because Nash and her girls had filled it with laughter and love.
She’d screwed that up, though, and she didn’t know how to fix it.
It’d only been four days since Nash had shown up on her front porch, acting like more of an adult than she’d been. Than she’d ever given him credit for. He’d been calm and rational when she’d felt like she’d gone off the damn rails.
He’d been right, though. She didn’t know who she was, and she had no business being in a relationship of any kind until she figured that out.
She ran her thumb up and down the screen of her phone, debating with herself if she should reach out to him. She wanted to. Desperately. The only problem was she had no idea what she’d say.
You were right.
I’m sorry.
Hometown Troublemaker (Havenbrook Book 2) Page 22
