“I haven’t decided just yet,” I tell the room, and I haven’t. I need to take a step back and think about things.
“But what about Mitchell?” Annette asks.
I take a deep, calming breath and let it go. “He’s the main reason why I’ve been considering moving.” I shrug.
“But everything seems to be okay. What’s happening? What’s he done?” she asks in a hurry.
“It’s more what he didn’t do. I barely see him anymore, he’ll go two weeks without even attempting contact. Mitchell is living the bachelor life with little thought for me.” It hurts to say the words, but they’re true.
She cringes. “Oh dear, that doesn’t sound good at all. Have you told him how you feel?”
I nod my head and look down at the slice of pizza I’m holding. “Yeah, I told him after we left here last night. He says he wasn’t doing it intentionally and that he’ll try harder, but I guess I’ll have to wait and see.” On the one hand, I want him to try, but on the other, he shouldn’t have to work so hard to be with me. If he loved me, it wouldn’t be a problem.
Annette places her slice down on the table and picks up a can of Coke. “You make sure you do what’s best for you. You only live once,” she says as she takes a sip, but then continues, “You don’t want to spend the rest of your life asking yourself, ‘what if?’ I couldn’t think of a more miserable existence.”
"That’s exactly what dad keeps telling me. I know that whatever I choose, it will be right for me.” I take another bite.
Once Annette and Zoe are back asleep, dad offers to drive me home, and I accept. The car ride is quieter than usual. Generally, we'd be chatting each other’s ears off, but we're both too exhausted to utter a single word.
After dropping me off at home, my father goes over to his brother’s, my Uncle Will’s, so he can get some much-needed rest.
Back at home, I see that the lights are all off, so I walk around the side and unlock the door to my bungalow and go in. I don’t even bother changing my clothes. I’m so tired I flop onto my bed and instantly fall asleep.
The next morning, I wake up at 11:00 am. Still tired but feeling lazy because of how late it is in the day, I get up and begin my morning routine of coffee, toast, and shower.
As soon as I’m dressed and ready to face the outside world, I pull my phone out of my handbag and check the screen; twenty-seven missed calls. Some are from Dad, and the rest are from Hamish and Mitchell.
Because my father was heading up to the hospital first thing this morning, I call him first. He might have some news for me about Jimmy’s condition. “Hey love, I just wanted to see you’re okay?” Nope, no news. My heart sinks. I miss the sound of my best friend’s voice. I want Jimmy to open his eyes and tell me that this is all a joke, but apparently, it’s not. It’s just a cruel existence.
“I’m fine. I just needed to catch up on some sleep. I’ll be up at the hospital later.”
“Okay. If you need a lift, call me and I’ll come and pick you up.”
“Thanks, Dad. I know this must sound selfish considering what Zoe and Annette are going through, but I think I need some time out for a few hours.”
“It’s not selfish, love; it’s a lot to take in.
Go and have some fun. Call me when you want to head up there.”
“Thanks again, Dad. I’ll call you later. Ring me if there’s any change.”
“Will do, bye.”
“Bye, Dad.” I hang up.
Next, I text Mitch instead of calling him because I know that he is at work. I message him saying that there have been no changes with Jimmy overnight and that I’ll call him later. I’m so damn confused at this moment in time that I know what it is that I need to cheer me up, so I dial Hamish’s number. “Hello.” “Hey Haim, what’s going on?” I ask.
“Nothing much, I’m just over at Adam’s. I know Mitch is at work, but do you feel like coming over? I can’t get everything out of you when he’s around.”
Just knowing he wants to listen, to help, makes me feel a little better about myself because I do have people I can count on to love and protect me unconditionally. “That sounds like an excellent distraction. Let me get changed and I’ll be over in a few minutes.”
“No problem, see you soon.”
After choosing an outfit to wear, a cute Billabong white summer dress and matching wedges, I walk around the corner to Adam’s house. Never do I bother going to the main house because Adam is never in there, so I make my way around the side and enter the garage where I hear the boys before I see them. The first to spot me is Hamish. “Hey chick, you look awesome today,” he says while coming in for a hug.
“Thanks, I think I overcompensated with the makeup. I was trying to conceal the dark circles under my eyes,” I tell him as I place my handbag down on the bar. My concealer stick had a good workout this morning.
“What time did you end up leaving the hospital?” Haim asks, concern written across his face.
“The last time I checked the clock it was 2:30 AM,” I answer as I lean up against the bar.
“Shit, that was late. How was your dad when he arrived?” he asks as he rests his elbows on the surface in front of him, and I can’t help but smile. My father always had that effect on me. “Yeah, he was good, tired but good. It let go of a sigh of relief when I saw him walk in.”
Haim straightens up. “He’s a good man that dad of yours. So, what shall we do first? Tony Hawk or a game of pool?”
“I’ll give you a game of pool,” I smile.
“Cool, I’ll set the table up.”
As he walks off to find the triangle, I head over to Adam and hug him hello. “Hey Cass, you’re looking banging today," he gives me a cheeky grin, so I pose for him. “Why, thank you.” God, I love these boys. I could walk in here with my hair everywhere, my makeup smeared, and they'd still try and build me up.
“So, how are you and Mitch? You didn’t look too thrilled with him when you were here yesterday.” Adam doesn’t beat around the bush, ever. That is the reason I love him so much. No bullshit.
“I wasn’t. I finally grew a pair of balls and told him how I’ve been feeling of late. And I went on to tell him that he doesn’t even think to take time out for me, for us. I also told him that I would not put up with it any longer.” I say as I walk over to the fridge and take out a nice cold can of Coke, and when I look up, and see that Adam’s eyes are bugging out of his head. The boys have been telling me for months I should leave Mitch or, at least, tell him how I’ve been feeling, but I wasn’t ready. When dad offered his home to me, I grew a pair of balls knowing I could get away from here if needed. "What did he say?” Adam asks, still in shock.
Before I say another word, I pull the tab on the can, I listen to the bubbles pop, and I take a sip of the sugary goodness it provides. “He said he didn’t realize he was doing it, and that he would try harder from now on. But I guess only time will tell.” I shrug and take another sip from my can.
Adam moves to the corner of the room and chooses a pool cue. “What are you going to do if he doesn’t change?” he asks, still facing away from me.
Placing the can down on the bar, I take a breath, none of my boys have any idea of what my plans are, and I don't want them to hate me. "If there's no change soon, I’ll be leaving,” I whisper as my head hangs, not wanting to face Haim or Adam because if I see the expression on their faces, I'll cry. “I’ll be going to live with my dad. I figure if I don’t get the respect I feel I deserve, then there’s no point in having a relationship, but I'll need to be away, at least for a while.” Truth. I cannot do it anymore, my boys are right, I do deserve better.
Hamish adds to the conversation, “Wow, I do hope that he pulls his finger out of his ass. I’d miss you, Cass.” My eyes meet his, and my heart breaks for him. Although I love all of my boys, Haim and Jimmy have always been my brothers. The ones I turn to before anyone else, the only exception, is Zoe.
Once I take another quick sip of my drink
and place it back down, I press on, "I’d miss you, too. Now move it so that I can kick your ass.” I need to steer the conversation away from the subject because I can’t spend another day crying like a bitch over my doomed relationship.
When I have taken a cue from the holder, I head back over to the fridge and grab out a Jim Beam and Coke. My emotions are beginning to get the better of me, again, so I need a fucking stiff drink to calm them.
With the new can in hand, I crack the top and take a very, very long sip. “You’re on the piss early!” Hamish laughs.
“It’s after twelve o’clock somewhere.” I shrug. “After everything the last two days have thrown at me, and I think I deserve a drink.” I take another long sip and place the can down on the bar, and I watch as Haim leans over the table to break.
“Cass, have you set Mitch a deadline to pull his head in?” Adam asks from the other side of the table.
Hamish then takes his shot, and the balls scatter across the table.
Straightening, I chalk the end of my cue, and respond, "Yep, he doesn’t know it, but yes, I have. Mitch has two weeks to change things. I know it doesn’t give him a lot of time, but I’ve been waiting forever already. My eighteenth birthday is next week, and if he still isn’t making any extra effort by my deadline, then I’ll be leaving as soon as I pass my driver’s test.”
“Fuck, that doesn’t give him a lot of time. Do you want him to change things or are you beyond caring?” Haim asks. He has wanted me to dump Mitch for months now, but stupid me keeps letting him get away with shit.
As soon as I put the chalk down, I turn to face him. “I still care. I hope he makes it work. I still love him, but I’m not going to be at the very bottom of his priority list.”
Hamish and Adam whooped my ass, but when I hear, ‘My Dad’s Gone Crazy,’ by Eminem, blasting from my phone, I lean my cue up against the table. I retrieve my phone from my handbag and press accept.
“Hey, Dad," I answer.
“Hi, love. I was just wanting to tell you not to worry about coming up to the hospital tonight. Annette and Zoe are in a deep sleep, and I’m sitting with Jimmy. Have a night off, and I’ll call you in the morning and arrange a time to pick you up.”
“No worries. I’m glad the girls are sleeping, they need the rest. I’m just chilling over at Adam’s, so if you need anything, just call.
“Okay, love, I will. I’ll talk to you in the morning.”
“No problem, Dad. Bye.”
“Bye.” I hang up.
I look over at the boys, and when I do, they seem to be excited about something, but what? I don't know. "So, it looks like I won’t be heading up to the hospital. I say we do a beer run," I suggest.
Adam shakes his head. “No need, Cass. The fridge and cupboards are fully stocked. Just sit back and relax,” he tells me. He always does this, and these boys never let me pay for anything. Fuck, I have some fantastic people in my life.
The bourbon goes down a treat, and by three o’clock in the afternoon, I feel tipsy.
While I’m sitting back, laughing with the boys, I see Mitchell walk into the room, so I stand to greet him. “How did you know I was here?” I ask, but then I feel let down because I quickly realize he's probably only here to see the boys, with no thought of me, at all.
He places his hands on my hips. “I didn’t. I tried calling you a few times this morning, but you didn’t answer.” Yep, there it is, but I manage to hide my disappointment. At least he tried calling, I guess?
“Yeah, sorry about that. I forgot to take it off silent when I left the hospital early this morning. I didn’t notice the missed calls until it was too late to call you. I knew you were already at work, hence why I left a text.”
He runs a finger down the side of my face, and my insides begin to melt, even though I know they shouldn’t. But I've decided to give myself just one night to forget about everything, and I need to forget, for just a few hours. “You’ve had a rough couple of days, but even with all the shit that goes on around you, you still manage to look amazing." His smile is devious.
“You haven’t had the smoothest few days either. I’m glad you were with me, though.” Truth, and I pull him in for a hug.
He leans in and nuzzles his face into my neck. “I would love to get you alone,” he whispers.
“So would I,” I whisper in return. Great, now my hormones are talking for me, but I can’t just sleep with him because I’ve been drinking. Because I need comfort. “For fuck’s sake. Will the two of you stop with the sexual tension and fuck already?!” I hear Adam yell.
We look over at him, and all I can do is give him an embarrassed smile. “I’ll annoy you for a couple of more hours and then we will," Mitchell laughs, and I snuggle my face into his chest in a bid to hide my heated face.
“Do something. The two of you have so many pheromones wafting off you that the rest of us want to gag,” Adam laughs.
Pulling away from Mitchell, I begin to chuckle. "Fine, we’ll play nice for your sake.”
“That’s all I ask." He holds his hand up in a show of thanks. I know he’s kidding, he doesn’t want me to sleep with Mitchell, he wants me to dump him, but if the boys didn’t play along, Mitch would know we had spent the afternoon talking about him.
After a few more bourbons and games of pool, Mitchell offers to drive me home. “It’s only around the corner,” I tell him. Honestly, I don't want him taking me home because I've had a few drinks and I may make a huge mistake. One I couldn't take back.
You can't un-pop, your cherry.
“It’s after eleven o’clock at night. You’re not walking home. Get in the car,” he orders.
“Fine,” I sigh. When I've said my goodbyes to Adam and Hamish, I then jump into the passenger seat of his car.
When Mitchell parks outside my house, he insists on walking me to the bungalow, but as I take my keys out of my handbag, I feel Mitchell’s hands settle on my hips, and his grip tightens.
Quickly, I unlock the door and pull him into my room. The sane part of me tells me to push him away, but the need within me quickly silences it.
With my bag now dropped on the ground, along with my phone and keys, Mitchell shuts the door behind us.
When I turn to face him, he places his hands on my hips again and pushes me until I’m pressed up against the wall, and a moment later, his mouth crashes down onto mine.
Well, I always pictured my first time as being sexy and an experience that would stay with me for years to come, but in all honesty, Mitchell fumbled through the whole damn thing.
At one stage, his head bashed against mine, and I wanted to give up, I wanted to curl up in a ball and stay there, but he persisted. In the end, I lay there and let him finish because there was absolutely no pleasure in it for me.
None. At. All.
In the back of my mind, I held onto hope, hope he would, maybe hang around more often and show me more love and care, but I don’t want him to be only doing it for what he can get out of me. But then the rational side said that I needed to find someone whose dick would make a dent inside me, someone who would make me scream his name as he thrust inside me, Mitchell is not that man.
When the fumbling was over, I prop myself up on my elbow and look at him. “Hey,”
“Hey,” he smiles. “Are you okay?”
“I'm all right.” I force my smile. “Are you staying the night?” I ask. Honestly, I'm not sure if I want him to.
“No, baby, sorry. I have work in the morning. If I stay here with you, I know I won’t get any sleep.”
I don’t know why I even asked. I knew in my heart he wouldn’t stay. “Okay then. I’m going to go to sleep. I’m having brunch with Dad in the morning, anyway," I say as I lie on my side, feeling incredibly underwhelmed.
Mitch hops out of bed, he pulls his clothes on, and I receive a swift kiss goodbye, and then, he’s gone.
Eventually, I do fall asleep, but my anger seeps into my dreams.
When I wake in the morn
ing, I don’t feel refreshed, not at all. Mitchell leaving me last night hurt, but I force myself to shake it off and get on with my day.
Dad arrives to pick me up just after 9:00 am. As I climb into the passenger seat, I look over at him, and his appearance startles me. He looks exhausted, and his features are gaunt. “Dad, are you feeling okay?” I ask worriedly. It had better be because he’s been up at the hospital and nothing to do with the dreaded C word.
“Just tired, my love. Where would you like to go?”
“How about Sophia’s coffee shop?”
"Sophia's, it is."
After we've arrived and are seated in our favorite coffee house, I look over at my father and become even more concerned for his well-being. “Dad, I think you should go to the doctor's for a checkup while you’re in town,” I suggest.
“I’ll try and get an appointment if it puts your mind at ease,” he tries to sound serious, but his face tells me he isn’t too concerned.
“It would, Dad. I worry about you.” I place my hand over his for just a moment before he begins to talk again.
“Okay then. I will go to a doctor just for you." He smiles. “So, have you thought any more about moving?”
“You are the king of changing the subject. You know that?” I ask, mocking him.
“Yes, yes I am. Now, answer my question, girlie,” he says as he leans back in his chair. His arms are now crossed over his chest.
I roll my eyes at him. “I’m pretty sure things won’t get any better here. I’m going for my license soon, and if I pass, I’ll be driving my car up to your house. I think my being in the middle of nowhere is the exact thing I need at the moment. Nothing but silence and books,” I tell him.
He leans forward again. “I do hope you come. It would be a nice change having company around the house.” Shit, dad's lonely out there on his own. The closest town is a twenty-five-minute drive. I know he has made some fantastic friends, but that doesn’t always help. Sometimes you need your family.
“I’ll give you an answer by the end of the week,” I promise him as the waitress places our coffees in front of us. “Thank you,” I tell her. She smiles at me and walks away.
The Beginning Page 5
