“Thanks, at least, I feel comfortable in it.” She walks over to Karan and hugs her. “Thank you, for everything,” I hear Court whisper.
“It’s my pleasure. I felt utterly useless, I was so relieved when I’d found something to help with.” Karan lets go of Courtney and turns her so that she can start fiddling with her hair.
“Don’t ever feel that way. You just being here has helped enough, Karan. You’ve been a pillar of strength throughout this whole ordeal,” I assure her.
She smiles in response then looks over to the corner of the room, I follow her gaze as Tristan walks out of the bathroom. My god does he look like sex on a stick in his black three-piece suit! If his mother and my sister weren’t in the room, I'd unzip his pants and have my way with him. Jesus, my damn hormones are going to be screaming for the rest of the day. Maybe, I can get him up here alone while the rest of the family and guests mingle with each other after the service?
Before I know it, I begin to make my way over to him. “You look so fucking sexy,” I whisper when I reach him.
“So do you,” he whispers in return as he leans in and gives me a quick kiss, but before he can pull away, I keep hold of his lapels, my eyes staring into his. He knows what I’m thinking because he pulls me so I'm flush against him. The feel of him makes me ache.
Moments later, Karan shoves a hand between us, trying to pry us apart. “Okay, you two can get horny all over each other later. But for now, I think we should head downstairs and have a stiff drink before the other guests arrive,” she suggests.
“Sounds good to me,” I tell her, but my eyes are still on Tristan’s.
Karan drags me out of her son’s arms and keeps hold of me as we walk down to the bar. As I make my drink, I also make one for Courtney, but it's very weak. I know she isn’t old enough, but shit, if you don’t deserve to have a drink on the day of your father’s funeral, then when do you?
With my drink in hand, I tell Tristan I'm going to go and talk to my dad, one last time. He gives me a quick kiss and sends me on my way. After entering the living room where my father’s coffin rests, I close the door behind me and make my way over to his casket. The whole time I’m in the room, my father doesn’t appear. On one hand, I’m disappointed I don’t get to see him, but on the other, I’m relieved he hasn’t shown. Like me, my father has a dark sense of humor. I can just imagine it now, him standing behind the people giving his eulogy him making jokes to humiliate me because he knows I'd burst out laughing. I throw back the rest of my drink when I hear the doorbell chime. The first guests to show are distant relatives I met when I was six, but for the life of me, I can’t remember any of their faces but I appreciate them coming to pay their respects.
The moment everyone has arrived, I take my seat at the front of the room. On one side, I have Tristan, and on the other, Courtney. Tristan takes my hand in his and raises it, kissing my palm. I look up at him, and that’s when everything comes crashing down around me. Tristan looks utterly devastated. I know he loved my father, but I wasn’t expecting him to be so sad. I lean into him. “Are you okay, babe?”
He shakes his head. “Don’t you worry about me, okay, baby girl? I’m here for you and Courtney. I’ll be okay. Just concentrate on you,” he tilts his face and kisses my cheek. I then take Courtney’s hand in my free one and rest my head on Tristan’s shoulder.
My uncle Will, bless him, is giving the eulogy. Thank fuck he is because I’m not sure I would have been emotionally equipped to speak to a room full of people I don’t remember. I wouldn’t have even known where to start. Let’s face it, my dad was a pretty awesome guy.
Will keeps it short, but sweet. Of course, he did the whole, "Patrick was a kind and funny man. Our lives will never be the same without him." Blah, blah, blah, but I do manage, to my surprise, to keep the tears in.
It isn’t long before the wake turns into an all-out party, just as my father would have wanted it. The bar is open, and Chef Eric is creating fabulous canapés. While I'm throwing back my sixth bourbon and Coke, Tristan comes up beside me, his hand now resting on my hip. “How are you holding up, baby girl?”
I rest my head against his chest. “I feel relieved. Relieved that it’s over now.”
"Me too."
A little while later, I decide to slip out the back door so I can catch some fresh air and some peace when I see that the gazebo is beautifully lit up with fairy lights, giving the impression that butterflies are fluttering around it.
I drop onto the bench under the gazebo and take a deep breath. I thought I was going to go insane while inside the house. If one more person had given me the sympathetic head tilt and asked if I was okay, I was going to scream. It was then that I decided I needed a break, so I sit back and enjoy the night air.
“Hello, love.”
I jerk back in surprise when I see that my father is seated on the bench beside me. “Dad, you can’t do that to me,” I say, clutching my chest. “You’re going to give me a fucking heart attack.”
The asshole starts chuckling at me. “Sorry, love. But I don’t know how to come to you without scaring you, and I’m not even sure I want to find another way. From my perspective, it's so funny to watch you shit yourself.” He continues to laugh.
Jokingly, I slap his arm. “You’re an asshole,” I tease. “Anyway, where is it you go when you leave me? Do you fade to nothing or is heaven a real place? Well, I guess you’d know more about hell.” I laugh, but I’m so freaking curious. When I can’t sleep at night it's a subject I sometimes lie in bed and think about.
Dad shakes his head. “No, there is no heaven. We all kind of just hang around. You can’t see them, but there are so many people walking around us, right now.” He waves his hand around. “You walk with them every day, but they’re invisible to you.” He shrugs.
Me being the idiot I am, looks around as if I'm going to suddenly see something or someone. “That’s incredibly cool and incredibly creepy, all at the same time.” My gaze meets his again. “Have you seen anyone you know yet?” My stomach begins to turn. I want to know, but at the same time, I don’t. There are a lot of people I would love to see again.
My father drapes his arm across my shoulders. “I saw your cousin, Missy, yesterday.”
Missy is Will and Gabby’s daughter who passed away. Missy was killed in a car accident three years ago at the young age of seventeen. She was such a beautiful girl, inside and out. We shared a close bond, and it’s safe to say that I was beyond devastated when she died.
“How is she?” I ask around the lump in my throat, the lump I try to swallow down.
“She’s good. She’s had some time to come to terms with things, but when she pops in on Will and Gabby, her heart tears in two, all over again. She tries not to let it get to her, but it’s hard.”
I still can’t wrap my head around the whole, life after death thing. I can’t begin to understand how hard it is for my uncle and aunt to live every day knowing they may never see their beloved daughter again. Having my father here, with me, makes me the luckiest son of a bitch that ever walked the earth’s surface. “The poor thing, she was so young and so full of life. I wish that Gabby was able to see her the way I see you.” My eyes begin to sting; I blink a few times to keep the tears at bay.
I watch my dad as he looks up to the stars. “That would be nice. Poor Gabby’s been to hell and back since Missy’s passing. She smiles now, but it isn’t the same smile she had before. Gabby confided in me just after the accident, saying she felt empty and that nothing would ever be able to fill the enormous gaping hole in her heart.”
“I know. I was so worried for the first year after the accident. I wasn’t sure she would make it. I had her on suicide watch for months. I wouldn’t leave her alone for even the smallest amount of time.” I hate thinking back to those dark months. Every time my phone rang, I was convinced it would be someone telling me she'd managed to take her life. “I’m just glad that Gabby is still with us.” My gaze moves to watch him a
gain. “Dad.”
He turns his body towards mine, giving me his full attention. “Yes, love.”
A tear escapes and falls down my cheek. “I’m terrified.”
He moves closer and takes both of my hands in his. “Scared about what, my love?”
I drop my head so I'm staring at my hands. I truly am petrified to utter my next words. “Well, as per your wishes, tomorrow your body will go in for cremation. I’m scared you’ll leave permanently once your body is dust.” I don’t know how the whole ghost thing works. I’m ready to go against him and have him buried, but I know it would be selfish on my part. I can’t do that to him.
My father wraps me up in his arms, and I rest my head on his shoulder. “I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.” All of a sudden, he moves, and I look up and notice he’s focused on something close to the house. “Someone’s coming. I’ll try to pop back later.” And in just a split second, he’s gone.
Quickly, I straighten, and when I turn, I see Tristan approach the gazebo. “I had a feeling you were out here. Can I join you, or would you prefer to be left alone for now?” He’s standing a few feet away, still torturing me in that damn suit. My hormones almost get the better of me, but then I realize that we're in the middle of my father’s wake, so I take a breath and cool off.
I shake my head, but there are still tears in my eyes. “Never will I want to be far from you. Come, sit with me,” I say as I pat the space beside me.
When he takes the seat beside me, he snakes his arm around my waist. “So, how are you holding up?” he asks while wiping away the tears from my cheeks with his thumb.
“Good. Exhausted, but good.” I rest my head on his shoulder while he wraps his other arm around me.
His arms make me feel so safe. They make me feel as if nobody can hurt me while I’m in them. Which makes me never want to leave his embrace. “You’ve had a rough few months filled with not only physical exhaustion but emotional too. It was bound to take its toll on your body sooner or later.” Tristan loops his arm under the backs of my knees and effortlessly lifts me and folds me in his lap.
“You’re right on the money, babe. I swear I could go to bed, wake up two days later, and still be tired.”
He leans in and kisses my temple. “It’s been so long since you had one stress-free day, but tomorrow, I’ll be making sure that you don’t leave that bedroom, and that you have everything you need.” He smiles.
I rest my head on his hard but comforting shoulder. “That does sound amazing, but I can’t do that to Courtney. She might need me.” I don’t know how she's going to cope now that the funeral’s over. It was nothing but stress and headaches when dad was alive, and now we have a new life to start living.
“She's a big girl with a warm, loving family surrounding her. I’ll make sure she has the Xbox and a tonne of games to choose from. If she’s anything like her gorgeous older sister, then that should keep her occupied.” He reaches up and brushes my hair over my shoulder. “You need to start putting your needs first, instead of everyone else’s. If you don’t, you'll have an emotional breakdown by the time you hit twenty. I can’t let that happen. And don’t forget we have a wedding to start planning.” He now lifts my chin so I'm looking at him. “But I swear to you, the moment I see any inkling of stress, I will postpone it. A wedding is supposed to be full of joy and happiness, not fear.”
He is so adorable. “I promise you I won’t plan anything that will cause any stress. But I am so excited for it to happen. I can’t wait to marry you.” I lean in and kiss him.
“Me, too.” He kisses me again, but this time, it is a little more passionate than before. I still want to rip that suit right off of him and ride him until I become beyond exhausted.
“You look so fucking hot in a suit,” I whisper.
“Have you checked yourself out today?” he whispers in return, his hand rubbing the side of my waist.
“I have, and I must say, that yes, I do look sexy,” I laugh. I may joke and ooze self-confidence, but inside, I have none. I don’t see whatever it is that Tristan sees in me, but, whatever it is, I’m glad he loves it.
Once back inside the house, I excuse myself from the party. I needed to lie down, so I kissed and thanked my relative's goodnight, and then made my way up to the bedroom, but before falling asleep, I take out my phone and dial Zoe’s number.
“Hello.”
“Hey, babe. How are you?” I ask.
“Me? Why the fuck are you asking how I am? You’re the one that just had your father’s funeral. How was it? I wish I could have been there with you.” She sounds as if she’s about to cry.
“I know, babe. It was nice. It was short and sweet and just how Dad wanted it. Everyone’s still downstairs partying, but I came up to go to bed. I’m utterly exhausted.”
“Of course, you are. Go to bed and call me another time. You need to get some uninterrupted sleep. Tell Tristan I said he can’t have his way with you tonight. You need your rest.” She laughs, and so do I.
“He already knows,” I assure her.
“Good, call me when you don’t have bags under your eyes.”
“Before I go, I have some news to tell you.”
“Oh my fucking god, are you pregnant? You are, aren’t you? Does that mean you’re not coming home? You’d better come back, woman. I can’t live an eternity without you being close by. Fuck, I’ll kill Tristan. I promise you I will kill him,” she rambles.
It doesn’t help that I’m laughing at her, but I can’t help it, she sounds so serious. “Zoe!” I yell so she can hear me over the sound of her own voice.
“What?”
“I’m not pregnant.”
I hear her exhale. “Thank god. So what’s the news, then?”
“He asked me to marry him.”
“Where will you live? Oh my god, how is this news any different from the pregnancy news?” Holy hell, I should have seen it coming.
“First off, I never said I was pregnant, that was all you. And second, we haven’t discussed where we’ll live, but I know I'll be back in a couple of weeks. I’m going to take Courtney to stay at Dad’s house until we figure out what it is we will do.”
“Please stay in Australia. I need you, Cassie.”
“As soon as I know what the plans are, you’ll be the first phone call I make.”
“Okay. I guess that’ll do, for now. Go and get some sleep, you’ve had a rough day. Call me when you get a chance.”
“Thanks, babe. Goodnight.”
“Good night, and congratulations, Cassie.”
“Thank you. Night.” And we hang up from one another.
I can’t switch off as lie in bed and stare at the ceiling, but I now realize that going to bed probably wasn’t the brightest of ideas. My brain is running in overdrive, and I can’t stop thinking about what comes next.
Tristan and I haven’t even decided where we’ll live once we’re married, and now there’s Courtney to consider. She wants to live with me, not with our mother, and that aspect hasn’t been discussed with Tristan. I know I’m going to need a good lawyer to fight my mother Rose. God, poor guy, I hope he knows what he is getting himself into?
Morning comes, and I wake to a horrible pain in my stomach. I’m guessing it's being caused by the worry of possibly losing my dad, again. If he wasn’t still communicating with me, I don’t know how I’d cope. I feel as if I'm barely holding my shit together as it is, and now I have to prepare myself for the horror of my dad’s cremation.
When I'm dressed, I walk down the stairs to where the rest of the family is standing. I take a spot next to the coffin and walk by its side, following it out to the waiting hearse. Silently, I watch as they move the coffin into the back of the waiting car and I pull my eyes away long enough to see that Courtney is crying, so I hold my hand out for her, she takes it and I use it to bring her in for a hug. I’ve managed to keep my emotions in check until now, but hearing Courtney cry has undone the tight-lidded box that's in my soul
.
Before they close the doors on him, I whisper, “Bye, Dad.” At that moment, it feels final, and that he’s well and truly gone. Courtney’s sobs become louder, and I pull her closer into my chest and pat her hair. “It will be okay. It doesn’t feel like it right now, but it will be. We’ve already faced a lot of adversity, and we have always come out better on the other side. Do you believe me?” I ask and she nods her head.
As the engine is turned over, I take Courtney inside the house before the hearse drives off. She’s been through, a lot, over the last couple of weeks and I don’t see the point in hurting her any further. I usher her through to the living area, and it seems strange now that the coffin is gone. In time, the family trickle into the room, and Uncle Will heads straight for the bar and begins mixing cocktails.
As soon as we’re tipsy, hilarious Patrick stories start to be told. There was so much I didn’t know about my dad, but thanks to our family, we’re able to get to know him better. It’s truly is a beautiful thing.
Later in the afternoon, I’m feeling so much better thanks to the numerous amounts of cocktails I’ve thrown back. When I spot my sister sitting down, alone, I drop down on the sofa beside her, but before I can utter a word, George comes over and kneels on the floor in front of us. “So girls, how are you holding up?”
I look to Court, and even though she’s been laughing, I know she’s devastated. “I’ll be okay, George. It’s this one I’m worried about,” I say as I put my arm around my sister.
She looks up at him. “I’ll be okay. I think it’ll just take a little time, is all.” She shrugs.
His smile is bright. “You’re both very intelligent, beautiful girls, and I want you to know that you’re welcome to stay here with us for as long as you like,” George offers.
Carol comes up behind him. “We didn’t want either of you thinking you have to leave now that your father has passed,” she adds.
I have to admit, it’s something I’ve been worrying about. Moneywise, I have no fucking clue what we’re going to do. I know that for us, everything always works out in the end, but it’s the middle part I hate. “Thank you, we appreciate it. I was stressing about our future and especially about having to take my mother to court. But there’s no way I’m not fighting for custody of Courtney.”
The Beginning Page 22
