While walking through the living area, I hear a voice, “Hi, love.” I look up and see dad appear in the far corner of the living room.
My immediate reaction is to laugh because what the hell else am I going to do? I can’t cry anymore because if I do, I know I will have a horrible migraine in the morning. They have become more frequent, of late, and I just don’t need that kind of distraction. “Hey, Dad,” I say walking toward the kitchen. “I’m starting to get used to the whole pop-in thing. It doesn’t freak me out as much anymore. So, to what do I owe this pleasure?” I ask him as I take a seat at the dining table.
“I just popped in because I wanted to give you a quick walk-through of the house.”
“Dad, I’ve been here before. I know where everything is,” I assure him.
He moves closer to me. “I know you have, but there are a few things you need to know. So everything runs smoothly around here for you. This house has a lot of, shall we say, character and charm?”
“Okay,” I answer wearily as I stand and walk over to the kitchen counter where I pick up a pen and paper, I then make my way back to the dining table. “Shoot.”
Dad heads towards the stove. “The first thing is the pilot light on the stove. You have to jiggle the knob to the right when you’re trying to light it.” He waits until I finish writing before moving on. “Next up, is the sewage tank. You have to call the number on the fridge sometime this week, or the toilets and showers will clog up with shit.”
That is so disgusting. First thing’s first, I’ll have to get the plumbing updated. “Eww, but okay, next?”
He continues to go on and on, and the list becomes a novel in itself.
Just as he is finishing off telling me about all of the houses’ quirks, I look up from the notepad and see that Courtney has walked into the room.
She stops in the middle of the living room and shoots me a look that tells me she thinks I’m crazy. “Were you on the phone? I heard you talking to someone.”
I look over at dad and all the asshole does is shrug his shoulders. He’s such an amazing guy to have in your corner. Not. I shake my head and place the pad and pen on the table. “No, I wasn’t on the phone, Hun. Dad’s here, and he’s taking me through the ‘ins and outs’ of the house. I’ve written them all down, so before you do anything around here, check the list first, okay?”
My poor sister, I can see she isn’t paying any attention to me, instead, she’s looking down at the surface of the table. “Why can’t I see him?” she whispers.
When I reach her, I lift her chin with my fingers so her eyes meet mine. “I don’t know why you can’t see him yet, sweetheart. Have you been working on clearing your mind?” I ask, and she nods. “Maybe we could sit down together and work on it. What do you think?” I desperately want her to see him. Courtney deserves to have one parental figure in her life. One that respects her and loves her for who she is.
She nods enthusiastically, and her face lights up just like it used to when she'd become excited as a small child. “Yes, please. I want to see him, Cass.”
She is so cute when she’s happy. Throughout our lives, no matter what horrible things happened to us, if Courtney was smiling, so was I. She’s always been a priority to me, probably because she was never one of our mothers. “I know you want to see him, sweetheart. How about you go and get some sleep, and we can work on it in the morning?”
She’s beaming. “That sounds good. Can you say goodnight to dad for me?” she asks, hopeful I’ll grant her request. I'd never deny her contact with our dad, ever.
“No problem.” I look over towards the kitchen where dad stands, watching us. “Did you get that, Dad?”
He nods with tears in his eyes. “Yes love, I did. Tell, Court, I miss her so much, and that I’ll keep trying to come through to her.”
I nod and turn back to face Courtney, and I take her hands in mine. “He said that he loves you and that he will keep trying to come to you. Don’t give up hope. I believe it will happen soon,” I whisper as I snuggle her up in my arms as if I can protect her from her own worst fears.
She pulls away, and her eyes are now on mine. “I promise I won’t give up. I’m going to go to bed now so I’m alert and ready tomorrow to begin work on letting dad in. Goodnight, Cass. Goodnight, Dad,” she says in the direction of the kitchen.
“Goodnight.” Dad and I say in unison, but of course, she only hears me. I wait for her to in her room and closed the door before I turn to face my father.
“I'm so glad she’s feeling a little better about possibly being able to see you. I think it will help her immensely. She needs this. She needs to know there's still one parent around that loves her, unconditionally.” My heart is full of hope.
Dad drops down into the seat that Courtney has just vacated. “She’ll be okay. That girl is tough. You both are.”
That’s true. Considering everything she’s been through, and the fact that she is still standing is amazing to me. “So, what now?” I ask.
“You should get some sleep, love. It was a long flight,” he says as he stands and makes his way into the living room.
“Not just yet.” I walk over to the DVD cabinet and take a look at dad’s collection. “Hey Dad, how about some Billy Connolly?” I ask.
Billy Connolly holds a special spot in my heart. Whenever I was sad, or just needed a boost, Billy would be put on the television, and we'd spend hours laughing at his antics. “Shove it in, love. I could do with a laugh.”
We sit back and watch TV together and laugh just like we used to do before dad’s passing. “I miss the way we used to be, Dad. Do you think I’ll be able to gain custody of Court, or am I fighting a losing battle?” I look up, hopeful. I don’t know what will happen next, but all I can do is pray for the best.
“Don’t back out, love. Fight as hard as you can.”
“I'm not going to drop the case. I just want to know if you think I have a shot.”
He drapes his arm across my shoulders and hugs me. “Yes, I do. You have the house and all the financial backings you could ever need to be able to care for her. I know you’re capable of raising her. I trust you. And you mustn’t forget that George will always be by your side, maybe not physically, but he will be there, nonetheless. Not to mention your Uncle Will.”
I know for a fact that my Uncle George is one of the reasons I haven’t already suffered a nervous breakdown. He’s been the rock that I needed, the one that goes ahead and begins the lawyering process before I even think to ask for his help. “George being with me will be a huge help on paper. By the way,” I turn to face him again, “how the hell did you acquire this property without any of us knowing about it?” It’s a question that has been weighing on my mind since the meeting in Ireland with David, dad’s lawyer.
Dad laughs at me. “Your Granddad helped me acquire the property. He held it in his name until the divorce was settled, and then changed it back. Granddad was never a fan of your mother, and he made me promise it would be you girls that would benefit from the transaction. That was his only stipulation. But stipulation or not, I was planning on leaving it to you girls. Before I found out I was dying, we’d started the process of subdividing the property. We were going to give each of you a portion when you turned eighteen, but when I was diagnosed, I stopped the subdivision and changed my will, immediately.”
I laugh at his antics, but then something else twitches within me. I need to ask the question that has been on the tip of my tongue for many years now. “Dad, when did you first know in your heart that you should have never married that woman? I mean, I know there’s no way in hell you could have stayed and kept your vows. Trust me, I lived with the bitch, but I want to know when that exact moment was, the moment you knew that you had to get out.” My whole childhood, I knew he was only with her because he had responsibilities.
When my gaze meets his, he seems a little hesitant to answer. I don’t know if it’s because he thinks he'll hurt my feelings or if there's somethi
ng else he's keeping from me. “Truthfully,” he's now cringing, and my gut is now telling me I probably don’t want to know the answer, but he continues, “It was at our wedding reception.”
My eyes widen, and I shake my head, confused. I don’t understand why the hell someone would get married if they didn’t truly love the person with all of their heart. “Why did you marry her in the first place? I mean, I don’t want to sound like an asshole here, but what the fuck?”
He’s smiling again. I swear his face makes me furious, at times. How the hell can he smile right now? I know people tell me I'm just a female version of him, but sometimes, I’m blown away and left confused. “Because she was pregnant with you, love.”
My lungs fill with air, I’ve never understood that theory, maybe because I live in a society where fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. Live together first, for fuck’s sake, don’t get married. Why do people do that to children? I swear to god, I would never, ever, want my child to live in a broken home. If, touch wood, something were to happen between Tristan and me, I would ensure for the child's sake that we got along. I would never have my children be made to feel uncomfortable when both parents were together. “So what if she was pregnant? You didn’t have to marry her.”
Dad simply shrugs. “It was the honorable thing to do, back then. Your Nanny and Granddad would have killed me if I didn’t marry her. Despite the fact that they didn’t like her, they told me I had to put my child first.”
My head begins to throb again, I cross my legs beneath me and turn until I'm face to face with my father. “I wonder how Granddad and Aunty Joan feel about me, these days. I think that they’d be disappointed in me. I do not doubt that George has spoken to them by now, and announced the engagement.” While I was staying in Ireland, I called my grandfather quite a few times, but never did I mention the fact that I was getting married or Tristan. I just didn’t know how to broach the subject. What would I say, ‘Hey, I have gone to Ireland so that I could care for my dying father, but instead, I found someone sexy to fuck while I was away? Oh, and by the way, the guy you've never met, asked me to marry him and I said yes.’ I mean really.
Dad takes my hand. “I don’t think there will be any ill feelings toward you. Your granddad is a laid-back kind of man and has calmed down in his old age. Look at it this way. How many eighteen-year-olds would drop everything to travel and care for their dying father and then choose to go through the grueling trials of fighting for custody? Granddad and Aunt Joan are very proud of you. I dropped in on them the other day, and when I did, I overheard a conversation that had you as the headline.”
I give him a questioning look. I hate it when he pauses. It’s as if he’s intentionally trying to dramatize the moment. “If you don’t spit it out, I’ll get a clairvoyant in here to do an exorcism or clearing or whatever you call it so I can get some peace around here,” I smirk.
His brows bunch. “You’re an evil little bitch sometimes, aren’t you?” He mocks, and I roll my eyes telling him to continue before I stand up and go to bed.
Okay, that does sound bitchy, but I only do it because he knows how much his dramatic pauses drive me crazy. “Fine, fine.” He waves me off. “Anyway, they were talking about the whole custody thing. Both my father and sister are very proud of you, and Granddad has been particularly thrilled about you taking responsibility for Courtney. He thinks she’ll lead a more stable life with you. They did discuss your engagement, but it seems as if George and Will, have filled them in on what a good guy Tristan is and how supportive he’s been of you and Court. They know his family too, Joan was childhood friends with Karan, and they were inseparable. I don’t think you have anything at all to worry about. But they are so very proud of you taking Courtney on full-time.”
I take a breath. My grandfather means the world to me, so knowing that there are no ill feelings, sends a tremendous sense of relief throughout my body. “She’s my sister, and I’m sure anyone with a heart would do the same thing, Dad.”
Dad shakes his head. “No love, they wouldn’t. You're one in a million my girl, and that incubator,” my mother, “always took your kind heart for granted. She’s never appreciated you or Courtney.”
My eyes closed for a moment, and I think back to how my mother treated us when my father left. I knew then that if it had been up to me, I would have left and lived with our dad. But to my dismay, I didn’t have a say. “Yep, and that’s always pissed me off. Well, that and other things.” I lean back and take my legs out from under me and pull them up against my chest, resting my chin on my knees.
He looks confused and determined all at the same time. “What else bothered you?”
God, where the fuck do you start when the subject is my mother? “She never cared when we were hurting, Dad. She used our pain to get sympathy and attention from others. And she’d always say to us, ‘‘I’m not the one who ran out on you, so I deserve respect.’ She may as well have completely checked out because she sure as hell didn’t provide for us. The money you gave her to use for us went towards her overseas trips. There was never any food in the fridge or pantry. So she didn’t do us any fucking favors by hanging around.”
He looks so damn disappointed in himself, and it’s sad to see. He’s dead for fuck’s sake and is still blaming himself and stressing about others. “I’m so sorry, love. I did try to fight for custody, but the father rarely wins.”
I lay my hand on top of his. “I know that, Dad.” I feign happiness because I can’t see him blame himself for one moment longer. “Hey, thanks for leaving us the house. I don’t know where we’d be now if it weren't for you,” I say as I lean in and nudge him.
I already know he’s ignored everything I just said and is still focusing on the bad. Fuck, I could kick myself for being such an idiot.
“I knew things were bad, but I didn’t know that they were that bad. I wish I’d fought harder,” he says with a look of sadness.
He slumps back into the sofa, but I need him to now focus on the present. “You can’t blame yourself. That bitch knew how to put on a show for people. Fuck, the poor girl that served Rose at the supermarket knew her problems. The woman has no filter or sense of pride,” I tell him flatly. It never mattered where we were or who we ran into my mother always had to paint my father as an evil man. The fact of the matter is, if I’d been in his shoes, knowing my mother as well as I do, I would have left her, too. No one should live like that with the incessant banter of poor me twenty-four hours a day.
“She never did have any pride, that woman.” He moves forward in his seat and shifts his focus. “Now, back to the subject, we need to discuss. The life insurance money will be in your accounts tomorrow, so you’ll be set up for quite a while. If you ever find yourself in a bind, do not ever hesitate to sell off some of the land.” He points his finger in my face, like, right in my face, as if he's worried I won’t get the message.
All I can do is let out a laugh because I just can’t help myself. This is typical Patrick behavior. “You’re dead, and you’re still my accountant?”
He rests back in his seat and smiles. “I'll never stop looking after you girls.”
“That’s sweet of you, Dad,” I try to say as I yawn. “I think it’s time for me to hit the sack. Do you want me to put in another DVD on for you to watch?”
He shakes his head. “No, that’s okay, love. Being your first night, I just wanted to watch over you girls and make sure things went smoothly.”
I lean in and kiss him on the cheek. “Thanks. Good night, Dad.”
“Night, love.”
Once I’m changed, I climb under the covers and try to get comfortable, but I feel so alone and so cold without Tristan, so I decide to call him. He answers on the first ring.
“Hey, baby girl.”
“Hi, babe, how are you?”
“I’d be better if you were here,” he sounds as sad as I feel.
“I know. I can’t wait to see you,” I sigh.
“Do you want
me to fly out, baby? Just say the word,” he asks and no shit, my heart flutters.
“How long until Uni’s finished for you?”
“It’s still two weeks,” he chuckles. I asked him a hundred times how long he has left before I got on the plane. I was hoping that while I was on the jet, we would manage to fly into some black hole that would throw us two weeks into the future. My wish didn’t come true.
“No, it’s okay. I need to stop being so damn selfish. I’ll survive, just barely, but I will,” I laugh in a desperate act so I don’t make Tristan feel guilty for not being here. He’s done so much for me already. I don’t want him feeling guilty just because I’m pathetic.
“I know it’s hard, but just think, after enduring the next two weeks without each other, we will never have to be apart again. I’ll be on a plane the second Uni is finished.”
I smile at the thought, “I can’t wait.” It’s at that moment I let go of a yawn.
“You sound exhausted. Get some sleep, and I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Okay, babe. I love you.”
“I love you, too. Goodnight, baby girl.”
“Goodnight, hun.”
After hanging up from Tristan, I felt at ease, and it takes me no time at all to fall asleep.
The next morning I wake just before 8 AM. I feel refreshed and vibrant like I can take on the world. Immediately, I shift into morning mode. After the pot is turned on, I head down the hallway to Courtney’s room, but when I pass the bathroom door, I hear that the taps are running, which means she’s up and getting ready. With that already taken care of, I go back to the kitchen and continue making our coffees.
Not ten minutes later, Courtney emerges from the bathroom, she takes the mug I’m holding out and places it down on the bench. “I had the best night’s sleep knowing dad’s watching over us. It gave me a sense of security and not to mention the fact that we have the meeting with the lawyer this morning. I’m so excited. It’s the first step in the new beginning of our lives.” She jumps up and down like an excited little girl.
The Beginning Page 24
