‘How about here?’ I said, looking around. The nearest boats were the size of toys and the shoreline was away in the distance.
Pierre nodded and flicked his hair out of his eyes. I had my bikini on under my clothes, so stepped out of my shorts and pulled off my T-shirt.
‘Come on, what are you waiting for?’ I crowed. I stood on the nose of the boat and dived in. The cold water took my breath away. But it was gorgeous. Deliciously refreshing. I surfaced and pushed back my hair. Pierre was standing on the edge of the boat.
‘The water’s lovely,’ was what I was trying to say, when Pierre landed near me and deluged me in an enormous splash of water. He’d done that on purpose. I dived and found his feet. Grabbing them, I dunked him. He thrashed about a bit before surfacing, coughing and spitting water.
‘You little devil.’ He ducked to get my feet. I screamed and pulled away, swimming round the boat. I heard him come up for air.
‘Missed me,’ I shouted. I heard him laugh and swear. I laughed too.
After we’d swum till my arms ached, we pulled ourselves back into the boat, and just lay there, dripping, the heat of the sun quickly warming my body and drying my skin.
‘That was fun,’ I said.
‘It was,’ nodded Pierre. ‘You are one special girl.’
His eyes were looking at me, and against the blue of the water and the blue of the sky, they looked extra dark. I leaned over and kissed him. Gently at first then less so as I got into it. Surrounded by lake and mountains and water and gorgeous boy, I was swept away by a different sort of tide. As Pierre kissed back, his arms pulling me closer, I thought briefly that this really was a summer of no regrets.
Chapter 16
Nell
I’d prepared well. I had to cover all my bases. Mum thought I was working. Dad thought I was working. I’d told Cam not to tell her dad she was going with me, just in case Mum popped into the hardware shop. Wendy thought I was at my aunt’s funeral. I’d covered all eventualities. But my insides still felt in a knot. I’d woken up with a jolt the night before, panicking that everyone had found out. It had taken me ages to get back to sleep.
I set off for the bus stop near Cam’s house at the usual time for work and then hung about for ages. By the time she got there my lack of sleep was seriously catching up with me.
‘You looked wrecked,’ said Cam as she approached.
‘Thanks, I am,’ I stifled a yawn. We caught the bus heading to Plymouth. I tried to stay awake but my head kept dropping forwards, then sideways.
‘Didn’t you sleep very well?’
‘Not really.’
‘Sign of a guilty conscience,’ said Cam, grinning.
What did she mean by that? I’m not guilty of doing anything wrong. Well, not really wrong. Just a few white lies here and there. I must have looked worried as Cam jabbed me in the ribs with her elbow.
‘Only kidding. Lighten up, will you? I’m the one supposed to be stressed out today, not you.’
She was right. I was so wrapped up in my problems that I hadn’t given what she was going through a second thought. What a totally crap friend I was.
‘Sorry, Cam, I didn’t think.’
She laughed, throwing her pink head back, getting a ton of frowns from the people around us.
‘Kidding again, Nell. Look. We’ve got a day to ourselves. A day off work. Let’s just enjoy ourselves, OK? No regrets?’
I smiled. Cam was right. I needed to lighten up. I didn’t want to ruin her day off.
She linked her arm through mine. ‘What shall we do first? The Hoe? Shops? Snack?’
‘I reckon we should check out where your father works first,’ I said. ‘That is the reason we’re going, isn’t it?’
‘Killjoy.’ She pulled out a piece of paper. She’d written the address down, and had ringed the postcode. We worked out how far it was from the bus terminal. Not far. So we could do lots of what we planned and still stalk Cam’s birth father.
As we pulled into the station, Cam dragged me off the bus, pushing everyone out of our way, getting more frowns from the other passengers. It was like she didn’t even notice. Did she care? I apologised as I was pulled past person after person.
‘OK, coffee, then shopping, then father hunting. Then this afternoon, the Hoe. And we’ll get home in time for tea.’
It wasn’t a question. It was what was going to happen. Cam was like that. Decisive. And I was glad. Making decisions brings me out in a rash.
It was nearly lunchtime when, laden with bags of bargains, the upside of having jobs and disposable income (well, Cam had subbed me till my first pay day, but I’m going to pay her back the instant I get paid), we decided to go and wait outside Cam’s father’s workplace.
‘You decided what you’re going to say?’ I asked. She’d been quite quiet for the last few minutes.
‘I guess, just the obvious.’ She shrugged. ‘There’s no other way, is there?’
‘I guess not.’
We sat down on a bench. The day was turning out to be a warm one, not overpoweringly hot, just nice, so we sat in the sun, opposite the main rotating doors.
At first only a few people came out but, as it got closer to lunchtime, more and more were pouring out the doors.
‘Can you see him?’ asked Cam. Her eyes were darting everywhere, trying to check everyone’s face.
‘No, not yet,’ I was searching but, honestly, I wasn’t sure I would recognise him. I was basically looking for someone who looked like Cam. Only without the pink hair.
‘There,’ said Cam suddenly. She pointed.
A man in a pinstriped suit was striding away across the pedestrianised area and towards the city centre.
‘Come on.’
She jumped up, and I followed. She was nearly running. We must’ve looked so odd, running after some suited man. What would people think? I stopped and let Cam carry on. It was her father. I was only here for support. And to carry the shopping.
I watched as Cam ran to her father and tapped him on the shoulder. He stopped and turned round. He looked so like her. There wasn’t any doubt that it was him. She started talking to him.
I walked back to the bench and sat down, heaving the shopping bags up beside me so they didn’t get dirty. I’d just wait here till they were done.
Chapter 17
Hetal
Finn plonked his tray down next to me at lunch. ‘This seat taken?’
I looked around me at all the empty seats. Seriously? And this guy was supposed to be clever. ‘No. Clearly.’
He sat down and started to eat his pasta bake. I wondered why he wasn’t sitting with his friends. They were chatting noisily at a table on the other side of the dining hall.
I carried on eating, stabbing a cherry tomato with my fork.
‘So? How are you finding it?’
He was trying to talk to me? I narrowed my eyes a bit, trying to think why he’d bother.
‘It’s alright.’
‘I haven’t told any of my mates back home that I’m here,’ he said, still eating. ‘They’d think I was a massive loser.’
Why was he talking? Why was he telling me this?
‘Oh.’ Hopefully he’d take the hint and get lost.
‘But I’ve been thinking – does that make me a massive loser for not being able to tell them about it?’
Honestly, this was all a bit heavy for me.
‘It’s alright for you,’ he said. ‘You’re rocking the geek chic look.’
I looked at him properly now. It sounded like there was a compliment buried in there somewhere.
‘You think it’s easy for me to be here?’
‘Sure,’ he said.
‘Anyone told you today to stop answering questions and give someone else a chance?’
He stopped. Fork in mid-air. Mouth slightly open.
‘Anyone told you that people don’t like smart girls? That you should stop trying so hard? That no one will want you if you’re cleverer than them?’
He was looking genuinely shocked.
‘Didn’t think so. If you’ll excuse me, I think I’ve had all I can stomach.’ I picked up my tray, scrapped my lunch into the bin and walked out of the dining hall.
The instant the fresh air hit my face, my bones turned to jelly. What had gotten into me? I never act like that. I folded my arms around myself to try and get them to stop shaking. I hated confrontation. I walked fast along the path. I needed to hide under my duvet for a bit.
As I was turning the corner to my cabin, Finn came skidding up behind me.
‘Hetal, wait.’
The temptation to rush inside and shut the door was overwhelming.
‘Wait!’
I turned round, my arms still folded tight.
He stopped in front of me. He was taller than me and, this close up, I could see how blue his eyes were. He was breathing fast.
‘Look, Hetal. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.’ He pulled his hand through his hair. ‘Crap. That was the last thing I wanted to do.’
My insides were churning.
‘It’s OK,’ I said. ‘Perhaps I shouldn’t have said all that stuff.’
‘You totally should. I didn’t think.’
‘Look, if you’re trying to be nice so I stop beating you in the daily awards…’
Finn laughed. ‘There’s not a chance of that, is there? OK, you’re on. I’ll stop holding back.’
‘Oh funny! You’re all in, just like me,’ I said, calling his bluff.
He grinned. ‘That trophy’s got my name all over it.’
‘That sounds like fighting talk,’ I put on an American accent.
Finn just smiled. ‘May the best scientist win.’ He held out his hand.
Bit old-fashioned, but I took it and shook it firmly. His hand felt soft and warm and strong. I might have held onto it for a fraction of a second too long. Like 0.0001 of a second.
That afternoon, I was back. It was like the morning, only with a warm glow. I still wanted to beat Finn, but not in an annihilation sense anymore. We were in the same classes, and it was a race to see who could get their hands up the fastest. I think the others were noticing, as there were ripples of giggles at every question.
That evening, after being enthralled by Dr Angela, Maddy and I wandered along the paths, slowly making our way to dinner.
‘I reckon Finn likes you,’ said Maddy.
‘What? No way.’
‘He came to sit next to you at lunch, didn’t he?’
‘Only to insult me.’
‘Really? I reckon he was trying to chat you up.’
‘Well, it backfired,’ I said.
Maddy laughed. ‘So what’s with the answering questions thing?’
‘It’s not a thing.’ I struggled to explain. ‘It’s just…’ What was it exactly? ‘It’s just friendly competition.’
Maddy laughed again. ‘I’ve never heard it called that before.’
I changed the subject and then zoned out as Maddy rambled on. Could she be right? Could Finn see me like that? And what if he did? I didn’t feel the same way. Did I?
We got our food and went to sit at the table nearest the door. It was still warm and the breeze drifting in was nice. I saw Finn and a couple of his friends line up to get their food. He caught my eye. I saw him notice the empty seat next to me. He started heading my way, when a girl from the biochemistry session plonked her tray down next to me. He looked disappointed, then turned and went with his mates to another table.
I tried not to think about what Maddy had said.
At the end of the meal, Josh stood up and cleared his throat, waiting until we were all quiet.
‘Now we do try to vary who wins the daily trophy for effort and achievement, but the stories I’ve been hearing today from all the staff mean I have no choice.’
He was going to give it to Finn again.
‘Could Finn Gilbertson come up, please?’
I surprised myself by feeling pleased for him. I’d got the trophy with me, ready to hand over.
‘And could Hetal Badesha also come up, please?’
I walked to the front, smiling at Finn, holding out the trophy.
‘Hang on there, Hetal,’ said Josh, grinning. He put his arms over our shoulders, holding us on either side of him. ‘It seems we have a bit of good old-fashioned camp rivalry going on here. And, today, because the staff couldn’t pick between you, the unprecedented decision was made to award the trophy jointly. Congratulations, Finn and Hetal. I’m looking forward to seeing how this competition plays out.’
The dining hall clapped. We were both getting it? I beamed at Finn, who grinned back.
‘You keep the trophy,’ he said.
‘No, you better had,’ I said. ‘Cos you’re not going to be winning it again.’
Finn took it off me and winked.
Walking back to my table, I tried to tell myself that I was bright and intelligent and immune from needing approval from others. But that wink had melted my insides and I’d never felt so amazing.
Chapter 18
Cam
Standing there, looking into a face which must be my father’s, kind of took my breath away. They say you don’t notice family similarities yourself, but I guess it’s different if you’ve not seen your family before. He had wrinkles round his eyes and his hair was more receded than in his picture online, but it was him. No doubt. We had the same nose.
‘Can I help you?’ he asked, frowning a little.
‘Um,’ I said. I swear I’d got a whole speech prepared. I was planning to sound like the kind of daughter a person would be happy to hear about. The kind of daughter you would lift up and spin around.
He glanced at his watch and started to walk off.
‘No wait!’ This was my big chance. I mustn’t blow it.
He stopped and looked at me again, his eyes flicking up to my pink hair. I should have worn a hat.
‘Look, you see, the thing is. It’s like this…’
‘Could you get to the point? Are you homeless? Do you want money?’
What? Money? Homeless? ‘No,’ I said. ‘That’s not it.’
He looked at his watch again and frowned.
I took a deep breath. ‘My name is Camille Morse. I’m sixteen and I think you are my biological father.’
His face drained, like someone had pulled the plug on his blood.
‘No. There’s no way.’ His voice cracked.
‘Did you know Lisa Morse? She, um, was into drugs? She was in Exeter that summer.’
He was shaking his head, like he wasn’t really listening to me.
‘She said you were my father.’
‘Whatever she’s told you, she’s lying. Tell her to stop spreading stuff like that.’
‘I can’t.’
‘Why not?’ He’d raised his voice a bit.
‘Cos she’s dead.’ I’d had to tell lots of people through my life. With time it’d got easier, I guess. But the look of sympathy I get is pretty much uniform. It’s a heartless sod who doesn’t pity someone whose mum’s dead.
‘Dead?’ He wasn’t looking so great. He’d gone super-pale and was sweating along his top lip.
‘Are you OK?’ I asked. I didn’t need the irony of finding my father only to have him keel over with a heart attack.
‘Don’t contact me again. Do you hear? Never again.’
He walked off through the crowds and, within seconds, I couldn’t see him anymore. He was gone.
I couldn’t move. My body had been hollowed out. I was just a shell, like an Easter egg.
Had that really happened? I’d met my dad and within minutes been told to never contact him again. He couldn’t have meant it. Who would be that cold?
I turned around and walked towards the bench and Nell. But it was like I was looking at the world through a lens: everything seemed far away, nothing felt real. Nell came over and was talking to me, but I couldn’t make out what she was saying. There was this buzzing in my he
ad. ‘Don’t contact me again’ kept ringing in my ears.
‘Cam? Cam?’ Nell held my face in her hands. Her real hand was much warmer than her other one. ‘Look, come and sit down. You don’t have to talk.’
She led me over to the bench, where I perched on the edge. Why didn’t he want to see me again? Didn’t he want to know about me? Double-check that what I was saying was true? It didn’t make any sense.
Nell rubbed her hand over my back and muttered about it all being OK. It wasn’t all OK, but it felt good to have her there. She disappeared for a minute and returned with a cup of hot sweet tea.
‘Drink this. You’ve had a shock.’
My head still felt like it was in a drum, but I took the tea off her anyway and took a sip. It was burning hot and tasted as if it had at least a dozen sugars.
‘Flipping heck, Nell, how much sugar did you put in this?’
‘My hand may have slipped,’ she said. She was looking scared, the concern etched into her face.
‘Thanks.’ I took another sip. We sat there for a while, not talking.
The echoes of the conversation played over and over in my mind. Should I have told him differently? If I’d given him a chance to get used to the idea maybe? But who talks to a person like that? Who treats their own child like that? Seriously, what a moron. He didn’t even have the decency to say sorry about Mum being dead. Or ask if I’d travelled far. For all he knew, I could have travelled from Timbuktu. Well, I was better off without him, that’s for sure. Who needs a tosser like that for a dad?
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