“It doesn’t matter what I do to keep you safe.” Damon’s tone was flat, emotionless. “You will fight me on it to the very end.”
“Damon, I—”
“Why do you think I keep things from you?” Damon asked, but didn’t even give her time to answer. “To keep you safe.”
“You can’t put me on a shelf, Damon. I can’t just sit back and do nothing,” Nicole whispered, peering up at him. “I’m not made that way.”
Damon just stared at her until he leaned down. “Then we have a problem.” His words were spoken low, his eyes intently probing into hers as if seeing her soul. She swallowed hard, almost afraid of what he would see. “I don’t want you on a shelf, Nicole. This is a dangerous situation, and I can’t watch you put yourself in dangerous situations when I can prevent it.” Damon leaned away from her, and she felt the loss at his nearness. “I’m not made that way.”
Damon turned and walked away from her. She wanted to scream out for him to come back, chase after him, but she did neither of those things. Instead, she remained where she was, watching him disappear, and never in her life had she felt so lost and so very alone.
Hearing footsteps coming toward her from the opposite direction, Nicole rushed into a room, which ended up being a small utility closet, and closed the door quietly. The footsteps passed her; she heard Jax and Slade talking as they went by, their voices fading the further away they got.
In a moment of pure meltdown from the past two days, Nicole slid down the wall, pulled her knees into her chest, and quietly lost it. Her body shook from the tears and the loss of an innocent little girl, as well as Damon walking away when, in fact, she needed him more than ever, but not to protect her. Just to be a mate, someone to share her fears with, not to conquer them. She didn’t need a hero every single minute of the day. She needed a man who understood her in every way possible. Was that too much to ask? Why was finding yourself so damn hard?
She lifted her face from her knees and leaned her head against the wall. All she wanted to do was what she knew best, and that was helping kids. Was that so wrong? Yes, it was dangerous. It always had been in certain situations, but she was fine with that. Why couldn’t Damon see this was who she was? Treat her as a partner and not some ignorant girl trying to play in a world that was too big for her?
Outside of this closet, in front of others, she could easily put on her brave badass front. But alone in a darkened five-by-five utility closet, she was that lost little girl who wanted a family who believed in her, stood beside her in the good and bad times when things got hard, and loved her despite it all. She knew Damon loved her, of that she had no doubts. Yet as selfish as it sounded, she needed more from him. She needed him to believe in her. That was the bottom line. She understood the worry. She worried about him every single time he left to go out on a mission for the VC. She knew that gut-wrenching feeling, but she believed in him and knew he would do everything in his power to come back to her safe and whole. She wanted the same from him, but deep inside she knew that was asking too much from Damon DeMasters.
Tears continued to stream down her face until she’d had enough. She sniffed loudly and wiped them away. Nicole needed to get her shit together. Her little pity party needed to stop. She had things to do. A shadow appeared under the door, and the knob turned.
“Hey!” Steve’s head popped in as he looked down at her. “Are you okay, Nicole?”
Nicole knew if she answered she’d start crying again, so she just nodded, then tried to wave him out of the closet.
Steve didn’t take the hint and squeezed inside, shutting the door behind him. There wasn’t a lot of room in the small closet, but Steve sat across from her, his eyes searching hers. “I heard what happened.”
Nodding, Nicole glanced away from him. She hated to show weakness to anyone. Growing up, she’d learned quickly that bad people fed on the weakness of others. Not that Steve was bad, but it was so embedded in her way of thinking it was hard to turn off.
“Listen, if I’d have seen what happened in the interrogation room, I’d probably be back at the compound changing my shorts, if you know what I mean,” Steve said with a snort. “Everyone gets spooked. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
This time Nicole shook her head. “It’s not that,” she whispered, clearing her throat as a tear escaped. She quickly swiped it away.
Steve cocked his head, giving her a knowing look. “Damon being a dickhead?”
From somewhere deep inside her, a laugh escaped as more tears fell. Here she was, sitting on the floor in a closet, crying like a little bitch and laughing with Steve, the Invisible Warrior, sitting across from her. “Yeah, a little bit.”
“It’s probably ’cause he’s a little freaked out. You being so close to whatever in the hell happened in there,” Steve said thoughtfully. “That big bastard has a soft spot for you.”
“It’s not that.” Nicole sighed, suddenly feeling dumb for losing control.
“Yeah, I know.” Steve’s voice seemed to change from the goofy guy she had come to love to a mature adult who had all the answers. “I know what it feels like to try to make a place for yourself here. It’s hard, and some days it just doesn’t feel like it’s worth it. I know what you’re trying to do, Nicole. You did it for me. I was a stupid kid when you found me. You saved my life, and I’ll never forget it. You gave me a reason to keep going, and now look at me. I’m a damn VC Warrior. I never would have had this if it wasn’t for you.”
“You were stronger than you think, Steve.” Nicole really looked at Steve, realizing how much he’d grown as a person since the first time she’d seen him in the hospital, holding a nurse hostage.
“No, I was a kid with a chip on his shoulder. Mad at the world because no one wanted me, and then when I finally found a family and they were taken away, murdered, and I was blamed for it…” Steve’s voice quivered slightly. “If you hadn’t walked in at the moment you did, my life wouldn’t be worth shit. Because of you, I have a purpose, not only with the VC but with Mira and Drew. You did that, Nicole. And you need to continue to do it for others out there. No matter what anyone else thinks, says, or does, you have to keep on doing what you do for people like me, like us.”
Her chin trembled as she stared at Steve. “It’s who I am.”
“It’s who you are,” Steve agreed. “And Damon knows that. But give him a little bit of slack. Just as helping kids is inside your soul, so is protecting those he loves against anything that would harm them. He loves you above everything, Nicole.”
Emotion clawed at her chest. “When did you become so smart?” Nicole gave him a wobbly smile.
“Fuck if I know,” Steve said seriously, but then grinned. “That was pretty damn insightful though, wasn’t it?”
Nicole nodded, reaching out for him and giving him a hug so tight she didn’t want to let go. “Thank you, Steve.”
“You don’t need to thank me.” Steve helped her stand, and led her out of the closet. “But you know I’m writing a book. Don’t worry. None of that, even as amazing as I was with my words, will go into it. But I may have some questions for you later down the road.”
A smile reached her lips. “All you have to do is ask.” She genuinely couldn’t wait to read Steve’s book.
“Where is that big bastard, anyway?” Steve glanced up and down the hallway. “And please don’t tell him my nickname for him.”
“He left.” Nicole’s lifting mood fell at the mention of Damon.
“Hmmm. So when he left, did he walk like this?” Steve casually walked away from her then turned around. “Or like this?” He made a mad face walking toward her, his arms bulging out from his body and with each step exaggerated to the point Nicole grinned.
Neither really looked like Damon. Then again, the second actually did depict, in some way, how Damon walked away from her. “Ah, the second one, kind of.”
Steve eased his body back into his normal pose. “He’s at the warehouse killing the heavy bags.”<
br />
Nicole gave him a curious glance.
“I’ve stayed alive in this group by knowing the moods of the Warriors, especially Damon,” Steve replied to her curiosity. “That’s the walk loverboy has when he’s trying not to kill or decapitate someone. And he always goes to the warehouse to work out his anger before showing his face around people.”
“Loverboy?” Nicole cocked her eyebrow at him with a half grin.
“Yeah, but for the love of peanut butter and banana sandwiches, please don’t tell him I called him that.” Steve cringed before his face became serious again. “Go work it out, Nicole. You both need each other. Though he needs you way more.”
Nicole had serious doubts about that, but nodded as she reached up and hugged Steve. “Thank you.”
“Damon know you’re making moves on his woman?” Adam’s voice reached them as he headed their way.
“She’s like my mom, dude. Don’t be disrespectful, or I’ll let Damon know, and he can kill you.” Steve glared at Adam, letting go of Nicole and giving her a grin. “And come here, fucker. You owe me a phone. Jill destroyed mine because of that damn ‘Baby Shark’ ring tone you put on it.”
Nicole watched as Steve and Adam disappeared down the hallway toward the interrogation rooms arguing. Shaking her head, she turned in the opposite direction, letting Steve’s words sink in. He was right. She and Damon needed each other, but as that thought swarmed through her mind, so did another. What if they couldn’t make this work? It had always been a battle in their relationship. Another thought came to her, and she frowned, feeling suddenly sick to her stomach. Damon had been the most receptive to her training and becoming a Warrior. Was that a lie, a façade? Or was it because he knew he would always be near to protect her and he just gave in to her wishes? Did he really want her as a teammate?
Knowing she needed to have these questions answered, she walked out of the compound to head toward the warehouse to see if Steve was right.
Chapter 13
The warehouse where the Warriors trained was a fairly short distance to the compound. Nicole walked to give herself time to get better control over her emotions. She heard the loud music coming from the confines of the building before her eyes spotted Damon’s motorcycle parked in its usual place.
Quietly, she walked inside. Grunts and the sounds of heavy hands punching the heavy bags reached her. Walking to the open doorway, Nicole found Damon shirtless. In just his jeans, he beat on a bag that hung from the ceiling on a chain. Unable to look away, she leaned against the doorframe. Mesmerized, she took in Damon’s smooth, hard lines and the bunching of his muscles. The continuous, loud hard rock beats worked in sync with her mate’s movements.
She was awed by his quickness and power as he spun, jumping away from the bag, to land a spinning kick, which sent the bag halfway across the room. He didn’t stop, but continued to the next bag where he began his assault. In a way, she felt jealous of his outlet, a way to erase his pent-up frustrations and anger. Yet she couldn’t move from the spot to join him. Just watching him in action without him knowing she was there was something she couldn’t tear her eyes away from.
Once again, he sent the bag flying, but instead of moving to the next bag, he stood there, his head, shoulders, and body tense. With his large hands down at his sides, blood dripped to the mat. Biting her lip, she suddenly felt wrong for watching him, as if she was invading his privacy, his time. Swallowing hard, she went to turn and leave, but his voice stopped her.
“I can’t change who or what I am.”
Nicole spun to see Damon facing her. “Neither can I.” Her voice wasn’t a strong as his, but the meaning behind her words rang true. She took a step toward him but stopped when he remained where he was.
Damon rolled his shoulders, his fists clenching, making the blood drop faster. His hands had not been taped as he beat on the bags. Nicole’s whole self began to crumble as they simply stood staring at each other. Her mind screamed for her to remain strong and yet, her heart cried out to give in. Fighting a war within herself, she stared at the man she loved more than anything in the world, but she knew if she gave in to her heart, not only would she hate herself, but Damon would come to hate her as well. She would be the shell of the woman he had met inside this warehouse years ago.
“I have to do this, Damon,” Nicole finally spoke, her voice growing stronger with each word. “With or without you, I have to do this. Whether it’s against humans, vampires, demons, or whatever else this crazy world throws at these kids, I have to do this for me.”
The only reaction she received from Damon was the tightening of his jaw, and it broke her.
“I need a partner, Damon. Someone who will confide in me as I will confide in him. Someone who believes in me as I believe in him. I will have their back as they will have mine. And never keep information from them that could help someone in need.” Nicole had no clue if what she said made sense, but it came from her soul. She waited to see if he would respond, but he remained stoic, staring at her in silence. She begged him with her eyes to say something and finally, his lips moved, but it wasn’t the words she wanted to hear.
“What if that someone isn’t me?” Damon’s voice, though hard, held emotion. The words and tone tore at her.
“Then I will never know that because if it’s not you, then it will be no one,” Nicole added, and tilted her head. “Can I ask you a question and you will be honest with me?”
“Have I ever lied to you before?” Damon frowned.
He was right. He had never lied. Always brutally honest to a fault. Instead of answering, she asked her question. “Why did you quickly agree to me training to become a Warrior?”
Damon’s eyes remained on hers, and without hesitation, he responded, “Because I would have control over keeping you safe.”
And there it was. It wasn’t because he believed in her abilities. It was to control how and where she used those abilities. If it were too dangerous, she would be placed in a safe place without any knowledge of what was going on. She had wanted so badly to use her status as a Warrior—when she finally made it—to help Mitch and the agency, but deep down knew, even before this moment, that wasn’t going to happen.
Taking a deep breath, Nicole sighed as her gaze remained on Damon. “Then maybe that someone isn’t you.” Speaking words that were the hardest she had ever spoken in her life, Nicole turned from the man she loved and walked away.
After leaving the warehouse, Nicole refused to let herself run back to Damon. Instead, she found her car and went to the agency where she threw herself into work. She wasn’t surprised Damon hadn’t followed her. It wasn’t his style. And if he would have, she would have probably given in, which had been her style for way too long. She’d always made it easy on everyone else, no matter what limits it put on her.
As she went over caseloads, she really hoped the women were still on board with helping. She needed them now more than ever, but Nicole would definitely understand if that wasn’t the case. The buzzer went off in the building, indicating someone had just walked inside. Duncan had installed that when they’d first started helping the agency out.
“Hey, I didn’t know you were here.” Ben had walked past, then stopped, backing up. “I just saw that big guy ride by on his motorcycle. Is he looking for you? I can try to catch him.”
Her stomach swirled at the thought of seeing Damon, but she pushed it away. “Nah, it’s okay. And yes, I’m trying to figure out some of these cases. I’m hoping to get us some help soon.”
“That would be amazing,” Ben said as he moved to stand in front of her desk. “Which ones are you looking at?”
Nicole picked one up she had laid aside, handing it to him. “Rachel Holland.” Nicole frowned. “There hasn’t been a follow-up, or at least a noted follow-up for almost eight months. There’s also no agent’s name that I can find.”
“That name doesn’t ring a bell.” Ben glanced over it. “I’ve never seen this.”
Red flags
popped up in Nicole’s mind, but she took the file back and set it aside. “I’ll talk to Mitch and do a follow-up call. Make sure you’re here early in the morning.”
Ben snorted. “I’m always here.”
When he hesitated and didn’t leave, Nicole glanced up at him. “You sound like me.” She chuckled, leaning back in her chair, really looking at Ben. “If you’re really serious about this, Ben, I will teach you everything I know. I’m not saying I’m the best, but I’m damn good at what I do here.”
“She’s a pain in the ass,” Mitch said as he walked by without stopping. “Don’t pick up her bad habits, like being late, because I will fire your ass.”
Nicole rolled her eyes and shook her head at Ben. “If you work hard, do a good job, you won’t go anywhere.” Nicole grinned, feeling a little more like herself, which was odd considering what had happened with Damon. “He’s a softy,” she called out, loud enough for Mitch to hear.
“Fuck you, Nicole,” Mitch hollered, and slammed his door.
Ben laughed, then reached for the file on Rachel Holland. “You want me to make the call?”
“No, I want to talk to Mitch about it first.” She grabbed it and stood. “Go ahead and head out so you can be here early. I have a feeling we’ll be making a lot of unscheduled calls tomorrow.”
Ben said goodnight and headed out as Nicole headed toward Mitch’s office. With one knock, she opened the door and was greeted with Mitch’s scowl. “Damn, I sure didn’t miss you.”
“Hush.” Nicole flopped the file on his desk, then sat down. “Lying doesn’t become you, boss.”
Mitch flipped her off, then grabbed the file. “What’s this?”
“I was hoping you could tell me.” Nicole looked around the office, noticing that nothing had changed, nothing at all… except… “Where’s the jar?”
Nicole (The Mate Series) Book #1 Page 8
