by Sam Copeland
‘It’s gone!’ he said. ‘The key! It’s gone!’
‘CHILDREN!’ came a sudden scream from the far end of the corridor. It was Mr Wind, his face a red explosion. ‘GET AWAY FROM THAT LION!’
Instead of getting away from that lion, which would be the perfectly normal course of action, Mohsen, Flora and Wogan all groaned and slapped their foreheads.fn1
‘Argh! Not now!’ gasped Flora. ‘Go away, Mr Wind!’
‘SAVE YOURSELVES!’ Mr Wind cried, bravely charging forward.
Flora, Mohsen, Wogan and Charlie the lion all froze in horror. Dylan saw his moment. He sprang up and sprinted away as fast as his terrified jelly legs would carry him, leaving the friends’ plans in tatters.
‘RUN, CHILDREN! What’s wrong with you! For the love of all that’s holy, WHY WON’T YOU RUN?!’ cried Mr Wind.
Inspiration suddenly hit Wogan like a dozen hamsters dropped out of a plane without parachutes.
‘Don’t worry, sir!’ he said, patting Charlie the lion. ‘It’s fine! This is my pet.’
Wogan, Flora and Charlie the lion turned in unison to Wogan, in total disbelief. This had to be Wogan’s most ludicrous, doomed-to-fail idea ever. And there was some stiff competition for that title.
‘He’s harmless,’ Wogan continued, ruffling Charlie’s mane, ignoring the nagging voice in the back of his head telling him that this was his most ludicrous and doomed-to-fail idea yet. ‘Perfectly safe.’
Mr Wind paused, panting, his face getting redder and redder.
‘PERFECTLY SAFE?! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? It was just attacking Van der Gruyne!’
‘No he wasn’t!’ replied Wogan. ‘We were just playing a game.’
‘It didn’t look like a game to me. The boy was practically wetting himself.’
‘It was a game! With my pet lion,’ Wogan said with certainty.
Mr Wind eyeballed Wogan suspiciously.
Flora and Mohsen and Charlie waited for Mr Wind to explode.
‘You have a pet lion?’ Mr Wind asked.
‘That’s right, sir,’ nodded Wogan innocently.
‘A pet lion? As in, a lion that you have as an actual pet?’
Wogan simply nodded again, seemingly oblivious to the volcano that was about to erupt.
‘And you thought you’d bring your pet lion into my school?’
‘Yes, sir.’
‘You thought you’d bring a pet lion into my school on the day of the school dance?’
‘Yes, sir. I thought he’d enjoy the music.’
‘YOU THOUGHT HE’D ENJOY THE MUSIC?’ Mr Wind exploded. He practically had steam coming out of his ears. ‘ARE YOU INSANE, BOY?’
The lion gave a look to Mr Wind, which if Mr Wind was not mistaken said, ‘Yes. Wogan is completely insane.’ Mr Wind shook his head, convinced he must have imagined it.
‘I mean, is it even legal? To keep a lion as a pet. It can’t be.’
‘It is, sir,’ Wogan said. ‘I have a special licence.’
‘A LICENCE? A LION LICENCE? I mean … of all the … Well … GET THAT LION OUT OF HERE! THIS INSTANT! If the school inspectors find out about this, we’re in big trouble!’
‘OK, sir. If you say so.’
Mr Wind turned and walked away, shaking his head and muttering to himself about lion licences. The moment he’d turned the corner, Charlie the lion turned back to normal-Charlie.
‘I can’t believe,’ Flora said to Wogan after a long pause, ‘you actually got away with that.’
‘I was completely confident,’ Wogan replied, nonchalantly. ‘I knew it would work.’fn2
‘Anyway!’ said Flora, after giving Wogan a final disbelieving stare. ‘We need to find Dylan again! And somehow get into that basement!’
They hurried back to the disco, but just outside the hall they bumped into Daisy and Lola.
‘Ah!’ said Lola. ‘There you all are. We were just looking for you.’
‘We thought you’d want this,’ said Daisy, holding up a key. ‘It fell out of Dylan’s pocket when he was doing the headspin. You know, during the dance-off. I picked it up – thought it might be useful for you.’
She handed the key to Flora and walked off, arm in arm with Lola, leaving the four friends slack-jawed and gobsmacked.
After a moment of stunned silence, Flora snapped.
‘Quick – split up, guys!’ she shouted. ‘Wogan! Take the key and go with Mohsen to check the animals are safe! Charlie, you come with me and let’s stop Dylan showing the video!’
Wogan and Mohsen raced off, and Charlie and Flora plunged into the hall.
But despite frantic searching, they couldn’t find Dylan anywhere. The flashing lights and dancing crowds didn’t make their job any easier. Five fruitless minutes later, they stood in the middle of the dance floor in despair.
‘I’m done for,’ Charlie shouted over the music. ‘He’s won.’
Flora looked at Charlie, lost for words.
Wogan and Mohsen suddenly ran up so fast, they nearly bowled them over like skittles.
‘We were right!’ panted Mohsen. ‘He DOES have the animals down there! It’s absolutely full of them! It’s like Noah’s Ark!’
‘Oh my gosh, I knew it!’ gasped Flora.
‘Did you see the Great Catsby?’ asked Charlie, urgently.
‘No,’ replied Mohsen. ‘I’m afraid not. But it was dark, I might have missed –’
Suddenly the music cut out and a voice came booming through the speakers.
‘Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention, please?’
The voice echoed round the hall. Everyone was craning their heads trying to see who it belonged to. Charlie, Flora, Mohsen and Wogan didn’t have to crane their heads though – they knew.
And sure enough, stepping on to the stage, carrying a microphone, was Dylan.
‘Ladies and gentlemen,’ he continued. ‘A monster has been walking among us.’
The audience murmured in surprise.
‘Have any of you noticed how animals have been going missing around town? From the zoo? From your own homes?’
Everybody muttered and nodded – they had noticed. ‘Well, I am here to reveal what has happened to those poor creatures.’
Behind Dylan, the projector screen flickered into life.
‘We have to stop him!’ cried Flora.
‘How?’ asked Charlie.
But Flora didn’t reply. She was out of ideas.
‘I’m afraid,’ Dylan continued, ‘I have to tell you that your cute kitties and pretty pooches won’t be coming back. They’ve been eaten!’
The audience gasped.
‘Yes, every last one of them has been eaten. By a monstrous freak!’
The audience gasped again.
Dylan clicked a remote control in his hand and on the big screen that hung over the stage appeared a shaky image of Charlie’s front door. Dylan’s finger hovered over the ‘play’ button.
‘And,’ Dylan announced, ‘that monster is –’
‘Meheheheheheheheheheheheheh!’
The strange sound came from behind the black-out curtain at the back of the stage.
It sounded very much like an animal.
Some titters rippled through the crowd of children on the dance floor.
Dylan ignored them.
‘That monster is –’
‘Meheheheheheheheheheheheheh!’
And then, from behind Dylan, blinking in the light, a goat slowly trotted out on to the stage.
Dylan turned round and scowled.
‘Charlie …?’ Dylan said to the goat. ‘Is that you?’
The crowd burst into wild laughter.
‘Wogan,’ said Charlie. ‘Can I just check … Did you close the basement door behind you?’
‘Did I … close the … errmmmm,’ Wogan scratched his head and eyed Mohsen nervously. ‘I thiiiiiiiiiiink so. Moh?’
‘I … errr,’ said Mohsen. ‘I can’t say I’m one hundred per cent certain we did.’
; And at that moment, chaos broke out.
Puffin Books
80 Strand
London
Dear Mr Copeland,
There is only one chapter to go! WHERE ARE THE MAMMOTHS?! CHARLIE BETTER TURN INTO A MAMMOTH IN THE NEXT FEW PAGES OR … OR … WOE BETIDE YOU!
Yours sincerely,
The Publisher
Dear Puffin Books,
Relax! Charlie is totally going to change into a mammoth any minute now. It’s going to be an awesome climax.
Yours truthfully,
Sam Copeland
P.S. I bet you don’t even know what ‘woe betide you’ means.
It was the eagles that started it.
Two great birds they were, with huge talons and vicious beaks that looked like they could devour a small child in minutes flat. And there was something in their cold, hard eyes which suggested that was exactly what was on their minds.
They swooped out from behind the stage and circled the gawping crowd of children, who seemed to think that this might be part of the entertainment.
A second later they realized it most certainly wasn’t.
The eagles swooped down to attack. Fortunately, the teachers’ heads were closest to the eagles’ clutching talons. Miss Fyre let out a great scream as one of them became tangled in her hair. Mr Wind came running towards her, flapping his arms.
‘Get back, you feathery fiends!’ he screeched. ‘Leave her alone, you demonic dive-bombers!’
The children began to panic, screaming and running blindly in every direction.
Next came two dozen cats and dogs of all shapes and sizes. The dogs barked and yapped, racing round the hall like mad things, while the cats scrambled up the curtains, yowling and looking every bit as panicked as the children. The goat kept bleating furiously from the stage, seemingly enjoying the chaos below. Next to the goat stood Dylan, staring in horror at what was unfolding.
As Charlie watched, Dylan jumped down from the stage and began sneaking his way towards the exit. The missing chinchillas had now joined the party and were running between the screaming children’s feet. Meanwhile, the goat had followed Dylan off the stage and was now merrily butting the bums of anyone who came near it, knocking some of the Year 2s clear into the air.
Between the yapping dogs and the dive-bombing eagles, the butting goat, the screeching cats and the squeaking chinchillas, there seemed to be no escape. The dogs were chasing the cats and now the cats began chasing the chinchillas, which caused even more chaos. The hall was a whirling, barking, screaming tornado of terrified children, panicking teachers and animals going bananas.
‘See if you can calm things down,’ Charlie yelled to his friends. ‘I’ve got a job to do.’
Charlie forced his way through the crowd after Dylan. It was hard to make any progress, though. Everyone in the hall was just running round in circles.
Why isn’t anybody leaving? thought Charlie.
A moment later, he found out.
He and Dylan were approaching the main doors, which should have been the obvious way out for the panicking children.
There, blocking the doorway, wonky yellow teeth bared, was the missing llama. It looked distinctly unhappy at having been locked in a basement, and seemed to be scanning the crowd for the boy who had done it.
As soon as its gaze fell on Dylan, the llama’s dark eyes narrowed. Dylan screeched to a halt. The llama pawed the ground for a moment, like an angry bull – then charged.
With a high-pitched scream of terror, Dylan fled. The llama gave chase, scattering children hither and thither.
Miss Fyre – hair a tangled mess – and Mr Wind – eyes on stalks – were running round like their bums were on fire, trying to shepherd the children to safety, but the animals were everywhere and still more kept appearing – ones which Charlie had no idea had been missing.
Parrots and cockatoos flew overhead, flashes of colour flitting between the lasers, pooping on people below. A huge monitor lizard was skittering and sliding along the floor. Two capybaras were chewing on the black-out curtains. A herd of majestic stick insects was sweeping across the dance floor but nobody noticed them because they looked like sticks.
How did Dylan manage to steal all these animals? thought Charlie as he stalked him through the crowd. Well, there was only one way of finding out.
Now the llama had left its post at the exit, Dylan had managed to sneak back round, out through the doors and down the corridor. He legged it past the staff room with Charlie in hot pursuit.
‘Dylan!’ called Charlie. ‘Stop!’
Dylan swung around wildly. When he saw Charlie, he grimaced. But then a wide smile broke across his face.
‘Aww,’ said Dylan. ‘So cute!’
Charlie was somewhat surprised by Dylan’s unexpected compliment.
‘Well, uh, thanks, Dylan, that’s really nice of you but –’
‘Not you, imbecile! Behind you!’ Dylan sneered, pointing.
Charlie turned to find a pair of penguins a few metres away. His first thought was they were indeed very cute. But then he remembered what the penguins at the zoo had been like. There was something odd about the way these birds were waddling towards them. There was a determination in that waddle, a cold, blood-thirsty look in their eyes.
These penguins were looking for revenge.
And hell hath no fury like a penguin scorned.
‘Dylan!’ Charlie shouted. ‘Run!’
‘Run?’ replied Dylan incredulously. ‘From these adorable penguins?’
‘They are not adorable! They’re vicious! Just trust me and run!’
The boys both began running and, with a blood-chilling squawk, the penguins gave chase, waddling after them with unnatural speed.
Charlie and Dylan raced into the school kitchen and slammed the door behind them. They bolted to the end of the long stainless-steel counter and hid under it, panting heavily.
After a moment, they lifted their heads and looked back at the door. A beak suddenly appeared at a window, followed by an emotionless, malevolent eye, scanning the kitchen for the boys.
The boys ducked back into their hiding-place.
‘We’re safe in here, aren’t we?’ Dylan asked, terrified.
‘Yes,’ replied Charlie. ‘Unless they’ve figured out how to open doors.’
Suddenly the door handle rattled.
And slowly the door creaked open.
‘Clever girl …’ Charlie whispered to himself, with a grimace of admiration.
And then came the sound of scaly feet slowly slapping against the floor.
The penguins were in the kitchen.
The slapping came closer.
Slap.
And closer.
Slap.
Charlie pointed, indicating to Dylan that they should split up. Dylan nodded and they both skittered across the floor, trying to keep their heads down.
Charlie clambered into a small cupboard full of pots and pans, and slid the door closed, leaving it open a crack so he could just see out.
He couldn’t tell where Dylan had hidden.
The sound of his own breathing was deafening inside the cupboard.
Slap.
They were coming towards him.
Slap.
Suddenly, the open beak of one of the penguins appeared in the crack of the open door, snapping viciously. Charlie flinched, terrified, pressing himself further back into the cupboard.
They had him trapped.
He was done for –
‘Ooh look! Penguins!’ Charlie heard a girl’s voice cry from the far end of the kitchen.
‘I love penguins!’ replied another.
Charlie heard the girls approaching. And then he saw them – it was Daisy and Lola. They were trying to pet the penguins!
‘Noooo!’ Charlie cried, jumping out of the cupboard. ‘Run!’
Daisy and Lola nearly collapsed in fright.
‘Charlie? What on earth are you doing hiding in the cupboard?’ Dai
sy asked.
‘The … p-p-penguins,’ he replied.
‘What do you mean?’ said Lola, in disbelief. ‘You were hiding from the penguins?’
Charlie was starting to feel more than a little embarrassed.
‘They’re … dangerous,’ he replied uncertainly.
‘What are you talking about?’ said Daisy, patting the head of one of the birds. ‘Penguins aren’t dangerous, they’re adorable.’
And then Daisy and Lola grabbed a penguin each by the flipper, and walked them out of the kitchen.
‘Such a strange boy,’ said Lola as they went.
Daisy nodded. ‘I really don’t think Wogan should hang around with him any more.’
For a moment, Charlie couldn’t quite remember why he’d been so terrified of the small black-and-white birds. Then, just as it was going out through the door, one of the penguins glanced back over its shoulder with a look of such deep hatred and fury it gave Charlie the chills.
And then Lola, Daisy and the two penguins were gone, and Charlie was alone with Dylan.
‘You can come out now, it’s safe,’ Charlie said.
Dylan climbed out of the huge bin he had been hiding in. He was covered in potato peelings and half-eaten broccoli.
‘If you tell anybody I was hiding in there because of penguins –’ Dylan began.
‘I won’t,’ Charlie said.
‘I mean, why were we even running away from them in the first place?’ asked Dylan. ‘Couldn’t you have just changed into an animal and scared them away? It would have made for a more exciting ending to this whole …’ Dylan waved his hand in the air. ‘Thing.’
Charlie didn’t have an answer for that. He had just thought of a different ending.
‘Dylan?’ he asked.
‘What,’ asked Dylan grumpily, wiping bits of food off himself.
‘Will you join our gang?’
‘What?’ Dylan replied, a look of utter disbelief on his mucky face.
‘I’ve been thinking. Will you join our gang?’ he repeated.
Charlie had indeed been thinking.
He’d been thinking about how Dylan had come to the school dance and stood in the corner alone, without a friend in the world. Charlie couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen Dylan play with anybody. Dylan was always on his own. And thinking about that made Charlie’s heart ache.
