Chapter Thirty-Three
"Look, I'm not over the fight we had the other day, yet, but I haven't got anyone else to talk this over with, so... Can I come in?"
Mr. and Mrs. Lawson, standing together and framed by their open front door, blinked at their daughter, who was standing uncomfortably before them on their front step, the pedestrians passing by on the sidewalk behind her going entirely unnoticed by the family of three. The noonday sun, seeming altogether too cheery for this conversation, beat down on her, but they knew she was fidgeting and sweating for another reason. It had been an awkward three days since the fight. They had never been in a fight with their daughter that had dragged out like that before; not since she moved out, anyway. Neither of them had been in much of a mood to talk, so their home had been very quiet. But now, to have Nadia back on their doorstep, obviously upset and needing to talk, but not ready to apologize? Something had happened. Hopefully not something too serious. Looking at one another for a moment, they stepped aside and let her in.
Nodding, Nadia came inside and, taking her shoes off at the door, made her way into the living room, opting to sit on the carpet and face both of them than be flanked as she had been the last time. Letting them settle onto the couch, she took a deep breath to steady herself before beginning.
"Orion and I had a fight."
Seeing the looks on her parents' faces, she held up a hand to cut them off. "No, not a physical one, don't get all worked up. I got the answers I wanted from him and they shocked me. We spent most of the last few days barely speaking."
Her parents looked at each other again; yeah, they knew what that was like.
"I just got more and more frustrated, you know? I remembered how Thomas wasn't around anymore, because of him. I kept thinking about the fight we'd had, because of him. And then, to have him virtually ignoring me?"
They nodded, realizing that, at the moment, they were more her sounding board than an actual part of the conversation.
"I blew up at him this morning. I was rude and more than a little mean. I kept insulting him, mocking him... I even called him a monster!" She winced at the memory. "Twice. And he tried to keep his cool, like always; I thought it was because he never showed his emotions, which was driving me crazy, but I was wrong. I didn't even try to look at it from his perspective, you know?"
Mr. Lawson looked at his wife; he could definitely remember some of their nastier fights, and how they were almost always caused by one, or both, of them not listening to the other. He could tell she was thinking the same thing. "Nadia... Sweet-Pea, sometimes we make these mistakes. It's nothing to get so worked up about. You'll apologize and things will go back to normal, you'll see."
She shook her head. "No, Daddy, they won't. The man is... well, different than us. He's done and experienced so many things, how could I judge him just by one part of that, without really trying to understand what it could mean? But that's what I did. And he finally got angry. He left. He's... gone."
Mr. Lawson flinched; it was, after all, what he and his wife had hoped for, but not this way, not so that Nadia blamed herself for it. Mrs. Lawson stepped in. "Honey, I'm sure he'll be back. You said he was your friend, didn't you? Friends don't just walk out on each other."
Nadia shook her head again. "We were sort of friends, but... it's more complicated than that. You know how I felt about Thomas, right? Well, I was sort of feeling that way about him, or starting to. But I was so mad at him, it was like I hated him at the same time. And that just made the whole thing hurt worse."
Her parents looked at each other and chuckled quietly, giving their spouse's hand a squeeze. "Sweet-Pea, the hate you're talking about is the sort that comes about when you're hurting and angry because of something that's happened between you and someone that you care about. In this case, he was purposefully ignoring you and you reacted badly. But it sounds like he was reacting in exactly the same way, no?"
Their daughter blinked at them. "What?"
Her mother smiled knowingly. "Well, if that icy exterior of his finally cracked, it means he was particularly upset. And those we hold closest are always the ones who can hurt us the easiest."
She shifted a little, but thought it over. "He did mention something about that... I thought maybe he was just being dramatic, since we were fighting."
Her father chuckled. "Sweet-Pea, trust a married couple to know; when someone gets that mad, it's usually because they think they're losing something important to them. It tends to bring out the worst in people."
Nadia nodded slowly. "That makes sense."
Her parents smiled; it was good to have her back. They were surprised, however, when she suddenly jumped up. "Oh, I'm an idiot! I should have seen it before!"
While Mr. Lawson blinked quizzically at his daughter, Mrs. Lawson asked the obvious question. "Seen what?"
Beginning to pace, a sure sign she was doing some heavy-duty thinking, it took Nadia a moment to respond. "About Orion and Thomas."
Her mother sighed patiently. "What about them, Dear? You're talking in half-sentences."
"Oh," she replied. "Sorry. Uh, well, you know that Orion and Thomas are the same person already. He told me that he kept his identities separate from himself and that's true, but what if there's more to it than that? I mean, the identities he takes into himself through those eyes of his already exist and have personalities and histories and all of that, but what about the ones like Thomas, the ones that he creates? They have to come from somewhere, he has to create them, imagine them! And everyone's imagination is inspired and driven by the things they've seen and experienced. Trying to imagine something without investing any of yourself in it would be like trying to represent something on canvas without any paint. It just wouldn't work."
Her parents just sat there and blinked at her; her father, mustering himself, managed some manner of response. "What?"
Well beyond the need for anyone else to understand her train of thought at this point, Nadia barrelled onward. "Which means that Thomas came from Orion; maybe they don't share memories, or thoughts, or experiences, but some part of their foundation is the same. Thomas and I just went well together; Orion must have felt that, somewhere inside and that's why he was willing to trust me enough not to 'remove' me straight off. He took a chance on me."
Falling silent, Nadia felt her thought process completing itself. But what about Black? He's a sarcastic jerk and mean-spirited besides, but that's not like Orion at all... What did Orion say about him? That he could take over more easily if Orion was upset at the time? All right, so he has some kind of connection to Orion's anger. Well, what gets him mad? I guess all of those memories he has would be a good place to start. I mean, he lost Artemis and realized he had to consume people's essences to survive all in the same space of time; that had to be rough.
She snapped her fingers. Oh, of course! Orion never dealt with those events, never faced them, so he never came to terms with them. The resentment and the bitterness that comes from all of that had to go somewhere. And it did. Which means that, in a way, the thing that Orion is running from is Black. From becoming him; callous, cruel and selfish. She felt an involuntary shudder pass through her. Well... I suppose it's true, then. Where there's light, there's shadow.
Glancing at one another during their daughter's sudden pause, Mr. and Mrs. Lawson cleared their throats to get her attention. Her mother stood, placing her hands on her daughter's shoulders, now that she had stopped pacing and turned to face them. "Sweet-Pea, I didn't understand most of that, but isn't it a bit presumptuous to say that Thomas was some kind of... Dear, what would the word be?"
"Incarnation, I think, is what you're going for," he supplied.
"Thank you. Isn't it a bit presumptuous to say that Thomas is an incarnation of Orion's better traits? It's a bit... sappy, if nothing else."
Nadia shook her head, her revelations about Black only convincing her more that she was right about Thomas. "No, Mom, I know I'm on the right track here. Maybe it is s
appy to word it like that, but I'm confident in the basic idea."
Her mother sighed, but smiled. "All right, all right, I won't rain on your parade. Go ahead and be romantic about it."
Nadia grinned. "Thanks, Mom. Do you think you could give him another chance? I know your last meeting wasn't the best, but he really is a good sort of a guy." An image of Black leaped, unbidden, into her mind's eye. "He just forgets it, sometimes."
Her father stood as well, joining them in the middle of the floor. "Sweet-Pea, I know you were pretty fond of Thomas, but that isn't who you're dealing with. You can't force Orion to be someone he isn't. Changing people is a difficult business, even with a willing participant."
She shook her head. "No, Daddy. I don't have to change him, I just need to help him break a bad habit or two. And I think I know how, or at least what the problem is."
He smiled thinly. "That he has multiple personalities vying for the top spot?"
She gave him an exasperated look. "No. That he doesn't want to be himself, so he doesn't try to keep his other identities under control. He's been running from his memories for so long, I'm not sure he even remembers how to face them. But I'm a Lawson; we're a stubborn bunch. If anyone can help him, it would be me."
Her mother laughed quietly. "Well, you're certainly right about the stubborn part. All right, Dear; we'll give him another chance, but hadn't you better find him before you get that far ahead of yourself?"
Nadia blinked. "Oh, right. He mentioned the Icarus building, said he was doing research about the umbrella corporation that owns it... Daddy, I need to use your computer. Please?"
He sighed, but nodded. "All right, Sweet-Pea, go ahead."
She was halfway down the hall before she remembered to throw a quick "Thank you!" over her shoulder. Looking at one another, her parents smiled, though there was uncertainty behind it. Of all the people in the world for their daughter to get stuck on, it just had to be someone like Orion. She was stubborn, all right, but that didn't mean they were okay with it. Still, it was good to have her back in the house and they didn't want to risk another fight. Not yet, anyway. They would have to be careful about this. Looking at one another yet again, they smiled quietly and said the one thing that had been on their minds for the last three days.
"Being a parent is hard."
In Icarus' Shadow Page 49
