by Holly Renee
“Well, you made quite the stir today.”
“Whatever do you mean?” I kicked off my shoes and undid my belt.
“Cami’s pissed.” He raised his eyebrows like I should have been scared, but I didn’t care. Cami had more shit to worry about than me. She wasn’t going to lose her queen bee status suddenly because I was interested in another girl.
She had been at the top since we were in middle school, and nobody fell from the top that easily. Not without reason.
And Josie mattered more than Cami’s reputation.
Frankie mattered more.
I couldn’t lie and say I wasn’t enjoying what was happening between Josie and me. I hadn’t expected her to be so fiery and so brazen. She didn’t give a shit that I was a Clermont, even though she liked to remind me of that fact often.
It was refreshing and arousing.
When I touched Josie, she was only being touched by me. Not my last name or my family’s money. And, God, when I touched her. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced before.
She was so reactive to my touch. Her body so responsive.
If I didn’t know any better, I would say that she had barely ever been touched before. But Josie didn’t hold the same hesitancy as a girl who had never been touched. She was too bold for that. Too eager.
She was a girl who knew what she wanted, even if she didn’t want to.
She wanted me regardless, and I sure as fuck wanted her.
Getting back at her brother only sweetened the deal.
I knew that he had heard about us too. I saw it on his face the moment he walked in through the locker room door. He pushed by his friends, the fucking fake-ass pussies that stuck by his side when everything went down.
He stepped up to me, a good four or five inches shorter than I was, and I made sure to look down at him as he spoke.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Beck?”
Oh, he was mad? Good. I wanted him to be fucking raging by the time I got done destroying him and his fucked-up family.
“Getting ready for practice.” I threw my pants into my locker and grabbed my practice jersey. “What are you doing?”
“Don’t act cute. You know what the fuck I’m talking about.”
How he thought he had the right to speak to me that way, let alone speak to me at all, was something I would never understand. But here we are. Him spraying spit with every word that came out of his mouth, and me not giving one fuck about what he was saying. He may have gotten a pass when it came to our fathers, but he didn’t get one from me. I didn’t give a shit what he said. His words were pointless. He was dead to me in every sense. And he would have been if I hadn’t been pulled off of him when I fucked him up. But smashing his face like I did, didn’t even touch the surface. It wouldn’t even take the edge off the rage I felt toward him and his disgusting father.
“You mean your sister? Hmm, what’s her name? Jodie? Jane? Oh, wait. Sweet, sweet Josie. She tastes just as sweet as her name,” I replied casually, but I saw his anger building. His nostrils flared and his hands shook at his sides.
“Leave her alone, Beck. I don’t want her around trash like you.”
“Trash like me?” I laughed, but there was no humor, and I didn’t miss the way Olly stood up or how Carson made his way toward us from the locker room door.
“Your sister seems to like my trash.” I leaned forward for only him to hear. “She was screaming my name over and over again yesterday.” I stared down at him and dared him to say a fucking word. “She was begging me for it.”
He held my eyes, staring up at me with disgust pulsating his features. I grabbed his t-shirt and slammed my chest against his.
“Begging. For. It,” I hissed. “And there’s not a damn thing you can do about it. Unless you want your precious sister to know all about the fucked-up filth her name holds. What’s it going to be?”
“Fuck you.” He shoved away from my chest, and I let him go.
My blood was boiling inside my veins and my temper was good for no one. In the end, I would fuck over the Voses, and I would hit them exactly where it hurt.
Because there was nothing Joseph Vos loved more than his own name and legacy. He admired power and money, and his name was the greatest power he had. And his name was something Lucas almost ruined.
He would have ruined it too if I hadn’t let my own rage get the best of me. When I found out what Lucas had done, I couldn’t be stopped.
No one could pull me from him as I slammed my fist into his flesh like a madman.
I couldn’t even remember anyone else being there until four police officers pulled me off Lucas after they had witnessed what I had done.
And Joseph Vos took advantage of that fact. His son had committed the crime, but I was the one who got arrested.
A son for a son. It was the deal they had made.
Apparently, it was the deal they used to protect us both.
A deal I refused to live by.
I was going to handle it on my own.
My father would be furious, but that was a risk I had to take.
He wanted some quick revenge with Josie and then I would forget it all and move on and things would be peachy again between our families. But I wasn’t here to play tit for tat.
He had warned me again to stay away from her after our golf expedition yesterday. His exact words were, “She’s a nice girl.”
No part of me hesitated because she was a nice girl.
If anything, I didn’t want to hurt her because she was the exact opposite of what they expected her to be. She was the exact opposite of any of them.
But she was still a Vos, her father’s blood ran through her veins, and that was something I couldn’t forget. Unfortunately, Josie Vos would be the most beautiful collateral damage Clermont Bay had ever seen.
I jerked my jersey over my head and pulled on my shorts. Olly was still watching Lucas where he stood on the opposite side of the locker room as I sat down and started pulling on my cleats.
Today was our first practice of the year. We wouldn’t have a game for several more weeks, but we all took this seriously. Even though I just fucking wanted to leave. I couldn’t imagine how I was going to deal with seeing Lucas’s face every day. It was bad enough that I still had to go to school with him. Being on a team with him was something else entirely.
He was our pitcher, and a poor one at that.
I grabbed my bag and slammed my locker shut. Carson and Olly were on my tail as we headed out to the field. I didn’t know if they felt like they always had to be on high alert when I was around Lucas, but it probably wasn’t a bad idea.
Because no one else would be able to stop me if something happened between us again. I wasn’t even sure if they could. We stepped onto the grass and Carson looked behind us.
“I can’t believe that motherfucker had enough nerve to even speak to you.” Carson threw his hat on backward before grabbing his glove.
“He’s lucky we’re at school.” I shook out my hands to try to calm the rage that was still flowing inside of me before putting my glove on.
“He’s lucky we haven’t killed him.” Olly tossed his bag on the ground with more force than necessary. “I can’t wait until we graduate, and I never have to look at him again.”
“But I will.” I chuckled without humor and grabbed a ball. “You all know Vos is going to be up his daddy’s ass for as long as he can manage.”
“Fuck him.” Carson caught the ball and threw it back. “And fuck his daddy issues.”
“Speaking of daddy issues.” Olly finally grabbed his glove as Coach came on the field. “What happened with Josie?”
“Nothing.” I shrugged, but they both knew I was full of shit. That was the one thing about us. We had never been able to lie to one another. No matter how hard we tried.
“You’re so full of shit. She walked up to that locker this morning all goo-goo eyed, and you looked like you crushed her when you kissed Cami.”
I didn’t want to think about why my chest felt tight at his words. “I didn’t kiss Cami. Cami kissed me.”
“Either way.” Olly stretched his arms over his head and nodded to Coach as he passed. “The girl looked heartbroken. You already fuck her?”
“No.” I held the ball against my hip and looked at him. “You all would know if I fucked her.”
“You had to do something.” He shrugged. “That girl looked dickmatized.”
“Whatever.” I chuckled and threw the ball back to Carson.
“So, you’re not denying it.” Carson picked up right where Olly left off. The two of them weren’t going to drop this until I gave them something. I knew it, but I still didn’t want to tell them. For some reason, I wanted to keep everything about her to myself. “She’s definitely dickmatized.”
“My dick has not been in her.” I held my arms out. “Are you happy?”
“He said dick.” Olly was talking straight to Carson now. “So, he’s had other things in her.”
I rolled my eyes and was thankful when Coach called us all to the dirt.
They would know when I had been inside Josie Vos, truly inside her. But for now, I was giving her what she needed. I was taking from her what I desired.
I would be selfish with her until I earned her trust, then I would crush everything that ever existed between us. She would hate me, and I would live with that fact.
I could live with her hate far better than I could live with Frankie’s sadness.
But I knew how fucked up that was. I knew what I was doing wasn’t right. Lucas had done far worse than use Frankie, but the similarities in what I was doing to Josie made my chest feel like it was on fire.
Nothing about what I was doing was rational. I hadn’t been able to think clearly since I had found out what he did, and I didn’t have space for rational thinking right now.
If I did, if I let myself think about the choices I was making and repercussions I would have to face, I would cave.
If I thought too much about Josie, I would abandon my entire plan.
But I was already too far gone to change my mind.
I would deal with the consequences of every fucked-up decision I made.
Chapter Fifteen
Josie
I had been avoiding Beck since yesterday.
He had text me at the end of the day to see how the rest of my day went, but I didn’t respond. When he text me two more times later in the evening, I had turned my phone off.
I couldn’t focus with him. With his presence or his texts or the memories I kept playing over and over in my head.
“So you’re still mad at me?” Lucas jogged up beside me as the two of us headed into school. I overslept after tossing and turning most of the night, and I wasn’t in the mood to be late or to deal with Lucas.
“Well, you were a complete asshole.” I looked over at him. “Why are we having this conversation right now?”
“Because you’ve been ignoring me at home.”
He had a point. I had been. I had been ignoring everyone and everything.
I had no idea what to think or feel. I felt like I was constantly at war in my own head. My father and Lucas and even Lucas’s mother were now my family, whether I liked it or not. They were all I had, regardless of how much I hated it.
And Beck hated my family.
He hated them, and a part of me believed that he truly hated me as well. It didn’t matter that I felt more alive when I was with him than I had since my mother passed. He had been cruel and vindictive, and he had a girlfriend, and I had let myself feel more secure when I was with him than with anyone else.
But Beck saw me.
He saw me when everyone else was seeing what they wanted, and I had convinced myself that meant something it didn’t.
“I’m sorry. Okay?” Lucas straightened his jacket, and he looked so perfect in his uniform. He was bred for this lifestyle.
“It’s fine.” I shook my head, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of unease as I looked at him. I knew that he didn’t like Beck, but when I heard him talking about me to my father, I had lost trust in him.
A trust that was fragile to begin with.
We walked through the front doors, and I felt like more people were looking at me now than they had yesterday. But yesterday curiosity filled their eyes and the questions on their lips, today it felt like nothing but judgment.
I had only been here one day, and already, they thought they knew who I was.
I pushed through them quickly with Lucas at my side, and he stopped by my locker as I quickly traded out books.
“I’ve just had a lot on my mind.” His hands fidgeted with his pockets. “Dad puts a lot of pressure on me.”
I hated that he said that. It felt like a dig that started at the base of my spine and slowly worked its way up. I knew that he hadn’t meant anything by it, but he was right. My father did have expectations of him, and suddenly, he thought he could have expectations for me too.
But it was different.
Whatever Lucas and my dad shared, it was something I would never have with him.
It was something that I would never allow.
Because when I looked at him, all I could see was how much my mother had loved him. Even to the end, even through all his faults, I think a part of her still loved the idea of him until the day she died.
“I know.” I nodded and closed my locker. I didn’t want to fight with Lucas. I didn’t need anything else to complicate my life or my head.
“Fuck,” Lucas swore under his breath, and I turned just in time to see Beck walking toward us.
He had to see Lucas standing right next to me, but he wasn’t looking at him. He was staring daggers at me as he pushed through the sea of students.
“I’m going to get to class.” I lifted my backpack over my shoulder with shaking hands, but I was too late. Beck was already in front of us, and there wasn’t a chance I was going to be able to escape without his notice.
I ignored him as he moved in front of me, but Lucas didn’t. His body was stiff and he was looking at Beck with as much animosity as Beck was looking at me.
“Why didn’t you answer me last night?” Beck wasn’t quiet, and I saw several people turn their heads to see what he was saying.
“You called me?” I cocked my head slightly and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.
“Don’t act dumb.” His pupils swelled as he looked down at me.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and flipped it over in my hand. “Oh.” I looked up at him with fake shock on my face. “I must have turned it off.”
He bit out a harsh laugh, but I didn’t care if he was angry.
“Come on, Josie. I’ll walk you to class.”
Beck’s gaze snapped to Lucas when he spoke, but I was already moving. I pushed past Beck, my shoulder grazing against his chest, and I followed Lucas toward my class.
Beck’s hand wrapped around my bicep before I could get too far, and he looked torn as his gaze bounced from me to Lucas and back.
“Turn on your phone,” he commanded me, and I jerked my arm from his touch.
“You don’t get to tell me what to do.”
I didn’t give him another moment to respond. I pushed past him and walked to my class without a backward glance.
He had some nerve.
I was so angry with him. So fed up. My heart raced as I said goodbye to Lucas and took my seat next to Cami. I could barely even look at her as my hands shook.
She could deal with Beck and his whiplash from now on. I wanted nothing to do with him.
Even if that felt like a lie.
I was determined to believe it. I was determined to keep myself as far from him as possible.
I knew that he wouldn’t allow it though. He hadn’t allowed it since the moment I met him.
“Hey. You okay?” I looked over at Cami, and there was so much concern in her eyes that all I could feel was guilt.
Guilt ove
r what I had done with Beck, and guilt over the way he had treated her.
“Yeah.” I nodded. “I just have a headache.” It wasn’t a complete lie. My head was pounding.
“Okay.” She nodded once and glanced up at the teacher. “You’re coming to my house tomorrow before the party. You need to relax.”
Her party. Crap. I had completely forgotten about that. I couldn’t even believe that she still wanted me to come after the way she was looking at Beck when he had walked off with me yesterday.
“I don’t know,” I whispered and rubbed my forehead. “I’m not sure the party is such a good idea.”
“Come on.” She held up her hands as if she was begging. “I promise we’ll have a good time.”
I should have told her no, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to get to know her more. I wanted to know what her relationship was like with Beck, or their lack of a relationship if he was to be believed.
But he wasn’t.
I couldn’t believe anything he said.
“I’ll think about it.”
She smiled and went back to paying attention to the teacher, but I couldn’t focus on anything.
I pulled my phone out and turned it on for the first time since yesterday afternoon. Message after message popped up on my screen. I ignored the ones from Beck and quickly clicked on Allie’s name.
I miss you. She followed it with a crying emoji, and I felt the same way.
School had only been back for two days, but already I felt like it had been forever since I had seen her.
Same. Will you go to a party with me Friday night?
Her response was instant. Duh.
I smiled and finally clicked over to Beck’s messages.
Are you ignoring me?
Josie.
I can’t stop thinking about you.
That last message was the sole reason I should have never looked. One little text message, and my chest tightened. Beck had plenty of things to think about other than me, and I needed to remember that.
It didn’t matter what he said.
All that mattered was what he did.
And I couldn’t trust him.
