Natalie was still looking, though. At Evie’s legs. At Evie’s bare arms and shoulders, and her hands resting on her thighs.
“You’re beautiful,” Natalie said suddenly. She sounded strange, thoughtful, perhaps a little sad.
“I’m not,” Evie said. “I’m okay.”
“You’re beautiful.”
“No,” Evie said. She was younger than Natalie was used to, that was all, but she wasn’t sure how to say that without being rude. She shook her head instead.
“Take off the towel,” Natalie said, after a moment. “And then keep the money.”
Evie was startled. “No,” she said. “Not for three hundred dollars. That’s way too much.”
Natalie looked at her.
“Three hundred dollars to see my tits?” Evie said. “Um, no, they aren’t worth that.”
“Not if you don’t want to,” Natalie said. “It was just a thought.”
“But still way too much money.”
“I don’t really care about that. About the money.”
Evie thought. “Well I do,” she said. “That’s too much.”
Natalie still seemed to be thinking.
“If I’m going to be paid,” Evie said. “You’re going to get your money’s worth. You won’t just get to stare.”
Natalie started to smile.
“Don’t say anything,” Evie said. “You heard me.”
Natalie nodded.
“So leave it alone,” Evie said.
“Of course,” Natalie said.
There was a short silence.
“Besides,” Evie said, still thinking. “It seems kind of mean. To flash you and then just leave.”
“Not if you’re coming back.”
“Maybe,” Evie said. “But still no.”
Another silence.
“I should go,” Evie said.
“You don’t have to.”
“Nah,” Evie said. She stood up. “This wasn’t a bad thing, and I’m not upset, but I should go.”
“Of course,” Natalie said.
Evie went back into the bathroom, and pushed the door closed to get dressed. As she did, she glanced back at Natalie and saw Natalie’s expression. Natalie seemed sad again. Evie wondered if Natalie was changing her mind, and if she should go back into the bedroom and just tell Natalie to fuck her. She didn’t. It didn’t feel right. Because of staying safe and because they’d decided to wait, but also because Evie’s mood had changed. She didn’t want sex as strongly any more. She didn’t want Natalie as much, not right now, and she didn’t want to be paid either. Right now, it felt best to stop, and so Evie did that. She got dressed, and tied up her hair, and hung the damp towel over the shower door.
She went back into the bedroom, and Natalie was gone. The money was still in a little pile on the bed.
Evie looked at it for a moment, then left it where it was, and went to look for Natalie.
Natalie was in the kitchen, standing beside the stove where they’d been earlier. She looked up as Evie came in.
“So listen,” Evie said. “I haven’t changed my mind about this. And I won’t change it either, okay? I’ll do this another time, if you still want to. I promise.”
Natalie looked at her.
“And if you don’t,” Evie said. “Then that’s fine too. I don’t mind that either. Whatever you like, okay?”
“I want to.”
“Oh,” Evie said. “Well, good.”
Evie felt pleased. Strangely pleased, as if she was getting sex for fun, not just being offered work in the future.
“Okay,” Evie said. “Well. I just wanted you to know.”
“Thank you.”
“Where’s your phone?”
Natalie looked at her bag.
“Could I have it please?” Evie said.
Natalie took it out, and handed it to Evie, and Evie phoned herself, and saved the number, and then gave the phone back.
“Call me,” she said.
Natalie nodded.
“You actually will?” Evie said.
“Of course.”
“Do.”
They looked at each other for a moment.
Evie decided she ought to offer, one last time. Just to be considerate. “So look,” she said. “Are you sure about this. About the stopping? I mean, I don’t want to leave you hanging, if you see what I mean.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re really sure? You’re not just being polite?”
“I’m sure.”
Evie nodded. “Okay,” she said. “But really do call me. I mean, if you want to another time.”
“I will,” Natalie said, and then that seemed to be that. Evie had said everything she thought she needed to.
“You don’t have to go,” Natalie said suddenly.
“Nah, I should.”
Evie thought Natalie looked a little relieved.
“I can take you home if you like,” Natalie said. “I think it’s still raining.”
“You’d better not. Not when you’ve been drinking.”
“Of course,” Natalie said, as if she’d forgotten, but didn’t really seem to care.
Evie phoned for a taxi, and then stood there waiting. Natalie seemed to be thinking, and Evie didn’t have much to say, so both were fairly quiet. It seemed a friendly silence, though, not an awkward one. Not as awkward as Evie would have expected.
After a few minutes, Evie said, “I should go downstairs.”
“Should I wait with you?”
“Nah. You’ll just get rained on.”
Natalie nodded.
“Okay,” Evie said. “Well, I should go.”
“All right.”
Evie opened the door, then pushed it closed again. “So look, I know I kind of got scared tonight…”
“We both did.”
“But me especially. I will next time, just so you know.”
“It’s fine.”
“I want to try this again, okay?”
“I know. You said.”
“I’m saying again. So we’re really clear. I want to again. I really do, okay?”
“Okay.”
Evie stood there for a moment. “You do too, don’t you?” she said.
“Yes, of course. I told you I did.”
“I just wanted to check,” Evie said. “Again.”
Natalie nodded.
Evie waited a moment longer, unsure how she should leave. She wanted to be dramatic, and encouraging too, so it was clear she was interested. She didn’t really know how to do that. She hesitated, wondering, then decided the taxi would probably be waiting, and she was just standing there stupidly, and she really ought to go. It felt a bit impersonal, just leaving like this. Impersonal and aloof. Then she thought for a moment, and decided impersonal and aloof might be right. Impersonal and aloof was exactly how someone who got paid for sex ought to leave a customer’s house.
Evie decided she actually quite liked that idea. She was just going to go, without a fuss, as casual as could be.
“Well bye,” she said, and pushed the door open, and stepped out into the hall.
“Bye,” Natalie said, and watched her go, because apparently Natalie was being impersonal and aloof too.
*
Evie felt strangely alone. She felt like she was doing something no-one else would understand. Selling herself was a strangely private thing, even though it must happen a thousand times a day. People made their arrangements in secret, she supposed. They sold themselves quietly, and went on with their lives, and nobody but the people involved ever found out.
Now Evie was doing that too.
The more she thought about it, though, the more it seemed like what she’d talked about with Natalie wasn’t really prostitution. It wasn’t like a full-time job, and that she’d suddenly start sleeping with dozens of strangers. At the worst, it was a kind of extra income, like casual waitressing. At best it was a kinky sex game. She liked Natalie, and that made it different. Natalie was sweet
and successful and interesting in her own way, and that helped Evie not feel too awful. She liked Natalie, and she wasn’t really doing anything she might not have done anyway. She might have slept with Natalie, even if she wasn’t paid. She might have done so already, if the evening had turned out differently. She’d had sex before for all sorts of reasons that weren’t love and lifelong relationships. For fun, or friendship, or out of guilt. To get to sleep, or stop someone talking, or so they’d do something with her later on. In a weird, weird way, she thought, sex with Natalie was the same as all of those. The money was the least important part of it all. A short-cut, not a necessity.
And it wasn’t like she’d actually taken the money, anyway.
She tried to put herself off it, just to see if she could. She tried to be disgusted at herself, or at Natalie, or make herself feel unclean. She thought about having sex with Natalie in as bad a way as possible. About having her mouth on a stranger’s pussy, just for money. About a stranger’s wetness all over her face because she was being paid. She thought, and tried as hard as she could, but it didn’t really work. She liked Natalie. She liked to think about kissing Natalie, and about giving Natalie head. She wasn’t being put off by what she was thinking. She was enjoying thinking it instead.
She decided she needed to talk to someone. She needed to clear her head.
She texted Lizzy, her closest friend in Sydney, and asked what Lizzy was doing. Lizzy was out, at a bar with a group of people Evie half-knew, so Evie went to meet her.
The bar was loud and fun and probably what Evie needed, but she didn’t seem to be in the right mood. All the happy people were just making her gloomy, and she didn’t quite know why. She found Lizzy, and sat down beside her, and watched Lizzy drink.
She didn’t want any more herself. She needed just to think.
She needed to talk, really. She needed to say something, to say what had just happened, just to hear it said out loud.
She leaned over and said, into Lizzy’s ear, “So, a weird thing happened tonight.”
“Oh yeah?” Lizzy said.
“Yep.”
Lizzy waited for a moment. “So are you going to tell me, or…?”
Evie nodded.
Lizzy looked at her. “Are you going to tell me now?”
“Yep.”
“So…?”
“This woman offered me three hundred dollars to fuck her.”
Lizzy looked surprised. Then she started laughing.
“Stop it,” Evie said.
Lizzy did, after a while. “And did you?” she said.
“Why?”
Lizzy looked at Evie again, and seemed a little surprised. “You did?”
“Is that really bad?”
“Shit, Evangeline. That’s kind of…”
“I didn’t,” Evie said quickly. “But I thought about it. And I told her I would some other time if she wanted to.”
Lizzy didn’t seem to know what to say.
“It’s bad, isn’t it?” Evie said.
“I’m not saying a thing.”
“But you think it’s terrible?”
Lizzy didn’t answer.
“Please don’t?” Evie said. “Think bad.”
“I don’t,” Lizzy said. “I promise I don’t. I’m just… surprised.”
“Thank you,” Evie said grateful.
“Is it someone I know?” Lizzy said.
Evie shook her head.
“Is it someone famous?”
“What?” Evie said. “No.”
Lizzy started to grin. “Would you fuck me for three hundred dollars?”
“You don’t have three hundred dollars.”
“But if I did, would you?”
“Nope.”
Lizzy looked almost hurt. “That’s kind of rude. Why not?”
“I know you,” Evie said. “It’s different.”
Lizzy reached over, reached past Evie, and grabbed Evie’s bag. She turned herself around, keeping the bag away from Evie, and started poking though it. Evie just watched. She didn’t try stop Lizzy. After a while Evie said, “That doesn’t prove anything.”
“Yeah it does,” Lizzy said.
“I told you, I didn’t.”
“And I’m just checking.”
“Find anything?” Evie said.
“Nope,” Lizzy said, and gave the bag back.
“I’m kind of offended,” Evie said.
“No you aren’t,” Lizzy said, and sipped her beer. After a moment she said, “Fuck.”
“Yeah.”
“I mean, just, fuck.”
Evie nodded, and reached over, and took the beer out of Lizzy’s hand. Lizzy grinned, and let go, and Evie sipped too.
“So you’re going to fuck her?” Lizzy said. “That’s kind of big.”
“I don’t know.”
“Liar.”
Evie shrugged.
“You are, aren’t you?” Lizzy said.
“I’m thinking about it.”
“You told her you would.”
“Yeah I did,” Evie said. “So I suppose that means I am.”
“Be careful.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“I mean, be all kinds of be careful. I don’t even know what you need to be careful about.”
“Me either.”
“So make sure you are.”
“I will. I promise.”
Lizzy hugged Evie, and Evie hugged back. After a moment, into Lizzy’s shoulder, Evie said, “I think I’ll go.”
“You sure? You sound like maybe you should stay?”
“Nah,” Evie said. “It’s been a weird day. And it’s late. I’ll go.”
“I can’t tempt you with three hundred dollars?”
“Don’t be mean.”
Lizzy hugged Evie again. “Take care,” she said.
“I will.”
“It’s a lot of money,” Lizzy said.
“Stop talking about it now.”
Lizzy shrugged.
“For ever,” Evie said. “Not just until tomorrow. Or next week. Stop until I say something again. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Thank you.”
Evie hugged Lizzy again, and then left, and felt better for having talked to someone.
4: Natalie
Natalie hesitated about phoning Evie. She didn’t for two days. She waited to call, terribly unsure of herself, not knowing what to expect when she did.
She had an awful feeling Evie would say she was sorry and it had all been a mistake. That was assuming Evie would even answer Natalie’s call. Natalie could only imagine what Evie might be feeling. Evie might be so embarrassed she couldn’t bear to speak to Natalie again. She might feel angry, or ashamed, or even violated. She would probably say she’d been confused, or tired, or high, and that whatever her excuse, she hadn’t thought through what she was doing, that once she’d had a chance to consider, she was disgusted with herself and never wanted to speak to Natalie again.
Just like any sensible person would do.
Natalie was so sure Evie would feel that way that she almost didn’t bother calling. She hesitated, and wondered, and tried to tell herself to be brave. She made far more difficult phone calls every day, and Evie was just a girl she’d met who she liked. It wasn’t the end of the world if Evie said no. She phoned in the end, but only because she liked Evie, and was making herself take the chance. She called, but without much hope, expecting Evie to ask to be left alone, or just to hang up.
She called, and then listened as the phone rung, and almost hung up herself as she waited.
She decided she would if it went to voicemail. There was no message she could think of to leave that wouldn’t be embarrassing or borderline criminal or both. Another ring, and she decided Evie wasn’t there. Evie wasn’t there, or she was ignoring Natalie.
Either way Natalie should just give up.
Natalie moved the phone away from her ear, and was about to put it down, when she heard Evie say, “Hi.�
�
She put it back quickly. “It’s Natalie,” she said.
“Hey, I wondered where you’d got to. Hold on.”
There was a lot of noise wherever Evie was, what sounded like voices in the background. Natalie heard Evie say bye to someone, and then what was probably a door being opened and closed. Suddenly it was quieter.
“Okay,” Evie said. “Sorry about that. I can hear now.”
“It’s Natalie,” Natalie said. “From the other night.”
“Yep,” Evie said. “I remember.”
“I suppose you would.”
“I suppose,” Evie said, and sounded like she was laughing. “Of course I do, dickhead.”
“Yes,” Natalie said, suddenly flustered. She stopped, unsure. She had no idea what to say.
“I’m glad you called,” Evie said. “I was just thinking about you.”
Natalie was surprised, and pleased. Then, almost immediately, she was sceptical. Of course Evie would say that, Natalie thought, then wondered why she had to be so suspicious. And why it even made sense Evie would pretend.
“I wondered if I’d hear from you,” Evie said.
Natalie didn’t know what to say.
“Are you still there?” Evie said. Her voice faded slightly, as if she was looking at her phone as she asked.
“I’m here.”
“You’re quiet.”
“I am. I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.” A slight pause. “Are you nervous or something.”
“A little.”
“Oh,” Evie said. “Okay. Well, I’ll talk instead, I guess. Until you get your shit together.”
“Thank you,” Natalie said, a little weakly. It sounded like Evie was laughing again. Or at the least smiling.
“So,” Evie said. “I’d like to see you again. If you’d like to see me.”
Natalie was startled again. Evie’s willingness surprised her. “Of course I would,” Natalie managed.
“Good,” Evie said. “Tonight?”
“If you can.”
“I have a lecture that ends at six,” Evie said. “Is after that okay?”
“Whenever suits you.”
“That suits me,” Evie said. “But, um, could you could pick me up? I don’t have a car and it’ll be dark by then.”
“Of course. Where?”
Evie started explaining. It took a long time, and was mostly directions through the university campus, and how to find her, and landmarks Natalie should see.
Evie's Job Page 9
