“You didn’t think so?”
“I just… No. We said…”
“Oh right. I kind of assumed we were both lying.”
“I wasn’t.”
“I was,” Evie said, quite calmly. “And anyway, I was thinking, it’s all an awful lot of pressure, all that with the having dinner and talking and the sex too, so maybe it’d be more fun if it wasn’t quite so organized.”
“Not so organized…” Natalie said.
“Yep.”
“You mean wait to have sex until after tomorrow night? Because that’s fine, if you’d like to. I mean, I’d already thought we were.”
“Um,” Evie said. “No, not exactly.”
“Honestly,” Natalie said. “We can wait, if you want to. If you think that’s better.”
“Yeah,” Evie said. “Or we could not. I’m downstairs. Outside your building.”
“You’re downstairs now?”
“Um, yep.”
“You’re here?”
“I’m here. And if you let me in I’ll fuck you. If you’d like to. Just so there’s no pressure tomorrow.”
Natalie sat there for a moment, too startled to know what to say. It made no sense at all, except that it did, and it was also something she desperately wanted.
“Um, hi?” Evie said. “Are you still there?”
“I’m on my way down.”
“I would be.”
“I’m going to the door. I’ll be one minute.”
“Okay,” Evie said, and hung up.
Natalie found shoes, and didn’t worry about a jacket, and almost forgot her keys. She pressed the lift button about twenty times, trying to hurry it up. She fidgeted while she waited, and then fidgeted in the lift, impatient and excited and breathless with anticipation. She wasn’t sure what was happening, and she didn’t especially care. She didn’t quite believe it was until she saw Evie waiting outside.
Evie was standing outside the building, beside the glass front doors, her back towards the lobby. She was wearing jeans again, and the same coat, but a different scarf this time.
Natalie stopped, just outside the lift, because she didn’t think Evie seen her. She looked, with her hand on the lift door, holding it open. She made it a point to look, and see Evie carefully, just in case this all went wrong and it was the last moment she had like this. Feeling happy. Feeling anticipatory. Thinking this all might go well.
Then she went over and opened the outside door, and Evie stepped inside, smiling.
Evie kissed Natalie, and said, “That was more than a minute. You’re not trying.”
“I’m sorry,” Natalie said.
“And I saw you staring,” Evie said. “Just then. That’s really not hurrying.”
Natalie blushed, flustered, and Evie laughed, and then just kissed her again.
7: Evie
Evie took off her coat and scarf as she walked through Natalie’s front door. She dropped both on the floor, and kept walking. It was a different scarf to the one she’d worn the last time she saw Natalie. She only had one coat and one good pair of jeans so the scarf was the thing she could change. She’d thought of it at home, and made sure it was different, but she wasn’t actually sure whether Natalie had noticed. Not that it really mattered.
There had been music on when they walked in. Natalie’s fuck-music, it sounded like, the old sad jazz. Evie wondered whether Natalie had already been listening to it, or if she’d put it on right before she came downstairs. Evie suspected she might have. It seemed very Natalie to keep Evie waiting in the cold while she got the music sorted out. She’d probably been fiddling with the lights, as well, to make them all romantically dim.
Evie thought that was adorable.
Evie was carrying her cigarettes. She’d had one downstairs while she waited for Natalie, and was still holding the packet because sometimes she felt better just for having a packet in her hand. She put it away in her bag, and then dropped her bag on the floor beside her coat, and then walked over to Natalie, and kissed her.
Natalie seemed surprised, but kissed back.
Natalie kissed well. She kissed intensely, like she enjoyed kissing, and wasn’t in a rush to see what happened next. She kissed with just her mouth, Evie realized. Lots of people did stuff with their hands, stroking and caressing while they kissed, but Natalie kept her hands on Evie’s arms and only kissed with her mouth. Evie liked it. Being stroked at the same time was actually a little distracting. Kissing Natalie like this, everything she was feeling she felt with just her lips, which seemed to make it all more intimate.
She kissed, for a moment, and then remembered her cigarettes. “Does it bother you kissing me after I smoke?” she said.
“No. You taste like Lapsang Souchong.”
Evie stopped kissing and leaned back. “What’s that?”
“Tea. Smoky tea.”
“Oh,” Evie said, not really listening, and kissed Natalie again.
Evie had a buttoned shirt. She hadn’t actually planned it that way, but buttons down the front meant it was easy to take off while kissing, so she did. She started undoing it, and Natalie didn’t seem to notice. Evie unbuttoned her shirt all the way down her front, and pulled it open, then slid it off her arms, and it was only as Evie moved her arms around that Natalie seemed to realize.
“Oh,” Natalie said, and looked quite surprised.
“Yep,” Evie said, and started undoing her jeans. She’d always wanted to walk into someone’s house, dropping clothes in a line all the way to the bed. She never had before, but she wanted to. She grinned, and kept kissing, and stood on the back of one shoe so she could step out of it. She managed to, then did the other, and was suddenly very glad she’d worn ballet flats.
She pushed Natalie backwards a little, hoping to move her towards the bedroom, hoping to get a little space to undress so she didn’t hit Natalie with an elbow somehow. She undid her jeans, and pushed them down enough to be loose on her hips. She lifted one foot behind herself, reached backwards, and tugged at the cuff of that leg until it moved, then did the same to the other. Then, feeling a little awkward, she pushed the jeans down and stood on the ends of the cloth of the legs to kick them free of her feet.
Natalie was staring. She was staring at Evie, quite entranced, and Evie was terribly glad she was.
“You’re staring,” Evie said anyway.
“I know.”
“Do you like or something?” Evie said.
“Oh, I do.”
“I can stand here a bit longer,” Evie said. “If you like?”
“All right,” Natalie said, so, a little surprised at herself, Evie did.
Evie stood there, in her underwear, letting Natalie stare. Wishing she’d actually gone and bought an actual set that properly matched, because she had a feeling that Natalie’s did right now, and that all of Natalie’s did. Wishing, but not terribly strongly, since Natalie wasn’t really looking at her undies. She was looking at Evie terribly intensely, in a way that was unsettling, but flattering too.
Flattering enough Evie forgot to be nervous and took off her bra. Natalie looked pleased, and Evie was glad. She had been a little nervous about getting undressed, since there’d been such a build-up, and she didn’t want Natalie to be disappointed. She’d been worried that they might work better as flirting than fucking, since it had taken them so long to get this far, but Natalie stared, and Evie was pleased that it all seemed to be working.
It was working well, so Evie pushed her underwear down too, and then stood on them to get them off.
Natalie watched, and bit her lip, and seemed suddenly speechless.
Evie was standing naked in the middle of Natalie’s apartment, being stared at by Natalie and anyone else who’d managed to see in the big windows, and she was standing there quite happily. Surprisingly happily since it wasn’t really the sort of thing she usually did.
Evie stood there for a moment with her arms at her sides, and didn’t know quite what to do next. She suddenly rem
embered Natalie’s flat tummy, and sucked hers in a little.
Natalie was staring, which Evie always found odd when the other person had all the same parts as her. Natalie was staring, but Evie didn’t mind. She didn’t mind at all if Natalie wanted to look. If anything she felt relieved. She’d felt slightly nervous earlier, almost afraid, worrying what Natalie would think. She knew she probably didn’t need to. She was fairly sure that Natalie wanted her, and also fairly sure that being younger meant undressing was going to be more unsettling for Natalie than for her. All the same, she’d been worrying, until she saw Natalie’s face, and then she realized that she needn’t have worried at all. Natalie looked like she felt the same as Evie, wanting and worried too. Worried, like Evie, that this wouldn’t end how they both wanted it to, and probably worried she wouldn’t be enough for Evie.
“You’re perfect,” Natalie said, sounding a little breathless. “You’re beautiful.”
And suddenly Evie felt better. She smiled. She knew she was smiling a stupid smile, but she smiled it anyway.
“I’m not,” Evie said. “You keep saying that, but I’m not.”
“You are. You just are.”
“Nope,” Evie said. “But I’m really glad you’re silly enough to think so.”
Natalie smiled, and it was such as nice, heartfelt smile that Evie wanted her desperately, but she made herself stay still. She stood there, and let Natalie look. Let Natalie look at her legs and chest, at her tummy and hips, at her eyes and smile, too.
Natalie looked at all of Evie. She seemed quite thoroughly into Evie.
Evie grinned, and stood there, wondering what happened next.
*
Evie was swaying slightly, as she listened to Natalie’s music, almost dancing in the most undancey way possible. She realized Natalie was watching, and smiling, and started to sway a little more. Being interesting, while being naked, since Natalie was just standing there doing nothing.
“You’re staring a lot,” Evie said.
“Sorry,” Natalie said. “I am.”
“Staring rather than kissing.”
Quite cleverly, Evie thought, and Natalie seemed to understand. She stepped forward and kissed Evie again.
“Better,” Evie said, into Natalie’s mouth, but she suddenly felt like teasing. She felt flirty, and excited, and wanted to take their time, without being completely sure why. She kissed for a moment, then said, “Aren’t you going to ask if I want a drink?”
“Would you like a drink?”
“Yep,” Evie said.
Natalie kept kissing, and didn’t actually move.
“Or I could go get it,” Evie said, and Natalie laughed.
Natalie went over to the fridge, and opened it, grinning, and took out a bottle of wine. She made a fuss of unpeeling foil and pulling out the cork and popping it in a froth of wine. The froth dripped a little, and splashed on the floor, and Natalie licked what spilled off her fingers. She got two glasses, and brought everything back to Evie, and said, “Wine,” like she was quite pleased with herself.
She held out a glass, but Evie reached past it and took the bottle out of her hand.
“French,” Evie said, looking at the label. “Apparently.”
“It is.”
“So actual champagne.”
Natalie nodded.
Evie turned the bottle around, and found a price sticker on the back. “Shit,” she said. “Seriously?”
Suddenly, Natalie seemed almost embarrassed.
“That’s a lot,” Evie said, thinking about money, and how much Natalie had offered to pay her.
“It’s worth it.”
“I’m sure,” Evie said. “It just costs more than I do.”
Evie said, and then wondered if she should have. Natalie was looking at her, and seemed unsettled, perhaps wondering if Evie was about to be angry.
“I already had it around,” Natalie said, a little defensively.
“Of course you did,” Evie said.
“Are you upset?”
Evie shook her head.
“It’s good,” Natalie said.
“I’m sure.”
Evie was still holding the bottle, so she poured wine into their glasses. She watched it bubble, and settle, and concentrated on pouring, because she suddenly didn’t know what to say. She watch the wine fizz away, and then topped up their glasses, pouring until both were full.
Natalie smiled and sipped, so Evie did too, feeling strangely nervous again. She felt nervous because of the wine, and how much it cost, and because she had nothing particular to say about it except that it wasn’t unpleasantly sharp. She felt nervous because she was naked, and Natalie might be thinking something awful about her body, and because she was still worrying their sex might not be good.
“What’s wrong?” Natalie said, looking at her face. “Don’t you like it?”
“I do.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yep,” Evie nodded. “But kiss me, okay.”
Natalie did, kissing slowly, starting to become more touchy. She put down her glass, and put her arms around Evie, and slid her hands up and down Evie’s back. Evie closed her eyes, and stood there holding the wine glass and the bottle, tasting Natalie’s mouth.
“I need a shower,” Evie said.
Natalie breathed in against her neck. “You really don’t.”
“I must stink of smoke.”
“I like it.”
“I’m all sweaty too.”
“You’re fine.”
“I’m really not.”
They kissed some more, and Evie forgot about showers. She was moving too now, pressing against Natalie, touching with her body rather than her hands. She could feel Natalie’s clothes, feel fabric on her skin. Natalie was wearing suit trousers and a shirt, and Evie could feel the difference between the two kinds of cloth. The shirt was softer, and warmer as well. It was thinner, so passing more of the heat of Natalie’s body. The trousers were slightly scratchy, and tickled a little whenever they brushed against Evie’s skin. She was feeling a suit, Evie suddenly realized. Natalie still had her work clothes on. She must have only just got home, and hadn’t yet changed, which meant it was quite lucky Natalie had been there at all.
Evie kissed and felt lucky. She felt terribly glad. She felt aroused and desperate, too. She felt aroused enough that she wasn’t quite sure how long she should keep rubbing herself on dry-clean-only clothes.
She needed to hurry things up.
She had been stroking Natalie’s neck while they kissed. She slid her hand down, and tugged Natalie’s shirt out of her trousers, and started to push her hand inside.
She wanted to touch, like she wanted Natalie’s touch, but Natalie didn’t seem to like it. Natalie stopped kissing, quite suddenly, and moved backwards enough that Evie’s hand slipped away from her.
“What’s up?” Evie said, worried, not sure what she’d done wrong.
“Nothing,” Natalie said.
“And yet…”
“Just let me for now,” Natalie said, and started kissing again.
“I don’t…” Evie said, and then gave up, distracted, and concentrated on kissing.
They were both standing up, pressing against each other, so it took Evie a while to realize they were moving. Natalie seemed to be pushing her backwards as they kissed, towards the couches in the corner of the apartment.
“Where are we going?” Evie said.
Natalie looked over at the couches.
“Or how about the bedroom?” Evie said.
“If you like.”
“It might be better,” Evie said. “Assuming you have curtains.”
“I do,” Natalie said, and then stood where she was, almost as if she was waiting.
“I don’t care,” Evie said. “Anywhere.”
Natalie pulled her towards the couches.
“How about you undress too?” Evie said, and reached for Natalie’s shirt, but Natalie caught her hands.
“Let me
do you first?” Natalie said. “Please?”
“Why?” Evie said.
“Can we just try this way?”
Evie hesitated, and wondered if she should argue. It seemed like it was some kind of insecurity, that Natalie wanted sex to have started before she got undressed. If it was, Evie thought, then perhaps she ought to make a fuss, to make it clear she was attracted to Natalie, so Natalie didn’t think anything else. She wanted to argue, but wasn’t sure how, so in the end she stayed quiet.
“I still need a shower,” she said instead.
“You still really don’t.”
“Don’t be stilly, I do.”
“I want to taste you,” Natalie said. “How you are. Exactly as you are now, right now.”
Evie looked at her for a moment, and decided Natalie meant it, and for some reason that was unspeakably sexy.
“Oh,” Evie said, a little surprised. “Well okay, then.”
She let Natalie pull her towards the couch.
*
Evie flopped onto the couch, and Natalie fell with her, and they lay tangled together kissing slowly. Evie felt strangely bare, with the windows right beside her. Bare, and terribly brave, even though Natalie was on top of her, mostly keeping her hidden.
Evie kissed, and pressed herself up against Natalie, and slid her hands over Natalie’s clothed body. It felt good to be naked while Natalie wasn’t. It felt strangely complicated and sensual. Natalie’s shirt buttons were pressing against Evie’s chest, digging in slightly, and the seams of Natalie’s trousers were thick ridges against Evie’s skin. Evie pulled Natalie downwards, feeling Natalie all warm and firm, touching muscle and hardness though Natalie’s clothes. She tasted Natalie’s mouth, and pulled Natalie’s hips close to hers, and kissed her as completely as she could.
She was still a little worried about Natalie’s mood, and whether Natalie was feeling unsure of herself. She wanted to reassure Natalie, but didn’t want to ask, in case asking just made things worse. She stroked instead, and kissed quite desperately, and tried to tell Natalie she was desired and wanted without saying so in actual words.
She kissed, and wanted, and felt Natalie’s body, and Natalie stroked hers in turn. Evie was bare, quite wonderfully so, and able to be touched all over. Natalie stroked Evie’s skin like it was something precious, and kissed her, tasting her mouth. She stroked Evie’s breasts, and all down Evie’s sides, and then shifted, and slipped her leg in between Evie’s.
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